Down the Shore (14 page)

The boardwalk teemed with people, busy as ever; the summer in full swing. Colin lounged in his usual place, our bench, and not alone. He turned his head to face me, and I couldn't shake off the look he gave me. He kept his gaze steady, and I didn't turn away from him. I saw the gloom in his eyes, and wondered if he saw mine. He looked confused, uncomfortable, then he turned back toward Maddy. Great!

The night progressed much the same as any other, except busier. The days overlapped for me, the summer strummed along. Larger groups and families came in, with lots of little rug rats running around, spilling their drinks and food all over the floor. We hadn't really experienced the kids coming in and trashing the place before, and it sure was an eye-opener. As fast as I could serve someone, I was usually on my knees picking up strands of pasta from the floor.

Later in the evening, when I looked out the glass window, I saw Nick standing out on the boardwalk. I still had some time left to put in, but he was here, and he was obviously here to see me. Part of me wanted so badly to talk to him; the other wanted to never acknowledge his existence. I chose the second option for the time being. I continued with my shift and figured I would let whatever comes, come later.

An hour went by when I noticed him still sitting at the outside bar, with Colin keeping a close eye on him. He never came inside. He let me finish my shift, waiting patiently outside for me. I couldn't help but wonder if he recognized Colin. Nerves rattled through me. They were both there, waiting for me to come out. I was extremely uncomfortable with the situation. I thought briefly about escaping through the kitchen doors, but I didn't. I forced myself to put on a brave face, and walked out onto the deck. Colin acted busy, casually cleaning glasses, but I knew he was listening intently.

"Can I talk to you, Abby?” Nick pleaded, sliding off the stool.

I looked over my shoulder at Colin for a brief second, trying not to turn my attention away from Nick for but a moment.

"Not tonight, Nick, okay? I'm not in the mood.” I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

"What's the hell's wrong with you?” He held onto me, squeezing my arm.

"You're hurting me. Let go. Now,” I insisted.

"You heard her mate, let her go.” Colin's hand was wrapped around Nick's upper arm. Nick released his grip on me.

"Stay out of this, man.” Nick looked at Colin with such intensity, such hatred.

"Don't think I can do that."

"Do you want to take this somewhere else?” Nick asked, not backing down.

I grabbed Colin's hand briefly and forced him to let go of Nick.

I had to stop what was about to happen. I turned back to Nick.

"This is ridiculous, Nick. Let's go, now.” I pulled him away and we started to make our way down the boardwalk.

Colin yelled out, “Don't feel like you have to protect me, love. I can handle him. I'm a lot tougher than ya give me credit for."

I looked at him, pleading with my eyes to back off. I should have known he wouldn't listen.

"Wait, Abigail,” Colin begged.

I turned to look at him.

"Can I please talk to ya for a minute?” He asked.

"Be right back. Wait right here, Nick, please,” I pleaded.

Surprisingly, he listened.

I hurried back to Colin. “What?” I snapped without meaning to. I just wanted to get away from everything and prevent a fight that clearly was about to happen.

"I don't like this guy, don't go. I'll take you home myself."

"I'll be all right...see you tomorrow?” I put my head down, ashamed of how I felt and walked away toward Nick.

The walk was painful. We didn't speak for several minutes, and the only noise was just the sound of the waves crashing into the shoreline. He turned to me abruptly.

"Abby, are you gonna fill me in on why you're mad at me?"

"I think you know."

"I wasn't with anyone else. It was this girl—she wouldn't leave me alone. It was innocent, I swear.” He grabbed my hand, his eyes stared at the ground and he couldn't even look me in the eye. I knew deep down he was lying, but I didn't feel like dealing with this tonight.

"Okay, sure, if that's your story, fine. I'm going home to bed. I'm beat.” I pulled my hand from his and walked the rest of the way alone, leaving him on the street.

"I'm sorry, Abby,” he yelled out to me.

I didn't care tonight. I was exhausted. I could only think of one thing—sleep. It was all I could do to wash my face and brush my teeth. I walked out of the bathroom to find Makenna and Anthony snuggling on the couch.

"Mac, I'm going to bed. Lock the door, would you?” I didn't want any late night visitors tonight.

"Sure thing. Goodnight."

The sound of some weird chirping invaded my ears and pulled me slowly out of my dream. I reached over to the bed stand to find the source. It was my phone.

"Hello,” I said, my voice cracking as I answered.

"Are you okay?” There was silence. “Abigail, answer me."

"I'm fine, why are you calling me so early?” I was still half-asleep and still in my dream.

"Go back to sleep, I'll see ya later.” The phone went dead.

I wanted to be mad at Colin from waking me from my dream, but I quickly remembered I was alone and scared, so I felt grateful he had. I brushed off any weirdness I felt and closed my eyes for a few more hours. When I woke, I gently opened my blinds to let the sun pour into my room. It was a beautiful day to start off the Fourth of July weekend. I cracked my window open to let the fresh air come wafting in. I breathed in the salty air. The heat of the sun warmed my room, making it uncomfortable. At that moment, I wished we had rented a house with an air conditioner. It felt like it was ninety-five degrees just in my room alone.

I couldn't wait to get to the beach. I wanted to swim, feel the cold water on my toes, but I knew I didn't want to see Nick either. I wrote a quick note to Makenna to let her know I was going to the beach one block over, and that I would explain later.

I enjoyed a peaceful, lonely walk. People packed in like sardines. The umbrellas blew softly in the ocean breeze. The kids shoveled sand, making sand castles or burying their friends. It was perfect. I took a spot up front and placed my chair at the tip of the ocean so I could feel the water touching my toes as the tide came in. The water grew warmer and warmer with each passing day. The waves were gentle, and the kids covered every inch of space with their boogie boards. There was no undertow, no strong currents. The temperature of the ocean reached seventy degrees, and it felt awesome. I planted my chair in the sand, draped my towel over the back and strolled into the water.

The ocean was exhilarating, and it erased any bad memories of the night before. I found it peaceful, even among the screaming kids and boogie boards grazing my side as they flew by. I swam out as far as the lifeguards allowed, where my feet could still touch the ocean floor. I was exactly where I wanted to be, alone with myself and my thoughts. It was heaven. I looked forward to my family coming down soon; it was only a few weeks away.

Everything seemed to be happening so quickly down the shore, falling in and out of love so fast, work, adulthood. All these thoughts flooded my brain, and I realized I was an adult, maybe young and naive, but still an adult. It was my life to choose what I would do with it, and with whom I'd do it. I pulled myself out of the water to soak in some more sun, letting it dry my skin. I wanted to get a little more color before I went to work.

I knew Colin would be there, and I wasn't quite sure what to expect from the call earlier. Would he want to talk to me? Would he be with Maddy? Was he still my friend? Would he still want me if I asked? Was it even fair to ask? Did I need somebody? Where was the old Abby, single, happy go lucky Abby? I spied Makenna walking toward me, looking up and down the beach for me.

"Mac, over here,” I yelled out to her.

"Hey, what are you doing down here? Nick's looking for you,” she said, confused.

"He is, is he?” I asked, sarcastically.

"What's going on? Anthony and Nick are whispering like little girls with a secret,” she said.

"Nick and I are over,” I blurted out.

"What? Why?” she asked.

"He couldn't seem to wait for his prude girlfriend to give him what he wants, so he went and found someone who would. That's why!” I raised my voice, disgusted.

"Are you sure?” she gasped. “Did he tell you that?"

"Well, no, but he never answered my question, and he couldn't even look me in the eye as he lied, so that was an answer in itself.” I had convinced myself of my decision.

"I'm sorry. Are you sure?” she asked.

I shrugged. “No, and yes, but for now I am.” I shook my head in defeat. “I don't want to talk about it anymore, ‘kay? I just don't like who I am when I'm with him,” I explained.

She bent down, and grabbed my hand, reminding me I had a friend, a friend who was there for me.

"Do you feel like company?” she asked.

"Nah, don't worry about it. I'm fine,” I told her.

"Are you sure?” she asked again.

"Yes, I promise. I'll see you later.” I lay back into my chair, closing my eyes, settling back into my thoughts as she walked away.

The day passed quickly, and I had just enough time to go home and take a quick shower before heading off to work. I had made quite a bit of money so far and felt excited to be working this weekend. The restaurant was booked with reservations for the entire week. My college fund grew bigger and bigger by the day. I took care not to spend too much of my earnings on anything too stupid. I wanted my savings to last all semester, so I didn't have to get money from my parents.

I threw on my jeans and Clancy's tee, tossed my hair up and dabbed on some mascara and lip gloss before I turned and ran out the door. I was careful not to put on too much. With my tan coming along so well, I really only needed a little makeup.

My watch said four o'clock already, and I had to be at work by four-thirty. I didn't have enough time to think about the night ahead. I assumed Colin would be waiting to pounce, in order to see what had gone down between Nick and me the night before. I prepared to lie, because I didn't want Colin to know he was right about Nick. I was a fool and I didn't want to admit it, at least not yet.

I raced to the restaurant, excited about the night ahead. I had made several friends, and it was fun to go to work and hang out with them. When I looked up, I saw Colin watching me walk toward him. He was a full block ahead of Clancy's and stood staring at me with a cigarette hanging from his mouth, something I didn't like, but was getting used to seeing. He was alone, waiting for me. I actually felt his anxiety as I approached. He took a few steps to meet me.

"Hi, I'm sorry I didn't call you back.” I started to fumble my words.

He tossed his cigarette out. “It's okay. How are you?” He buried his hands in his pockets.

"I'm fine, really. Don't worry about me. I'm a big girl."

He laughed. “Really?” He looked me up and down. “Are you sure about that, lass?” He was obviously upset with me.

"Colin, I...I don't want to talk about this with you, not right now.” I played with my hair, not knowing what to do with my hands.

"You have two seconds to explain before I kick that guy's arse,” he demanded.

I couldn't help but laugh at the way he spoke.

"Stop, okay? It's fine. It's over anyway, no worries, right?"

I walked away from him with my eyes down and scratching my head in surprise that I told him. I swore I wouldn't, yet here I was just blurting it out.

"What do you mean? ‘It's over.’ You broke up with him, then?” he yelled out to me.

I turned to look at him. “No, he doesn't really know yet,” I shouted back to him, and I hurried away and into the restaurant.

I didn't want to deal with Colin. I just wanted to work, make some money and go out with my friends. The restaurant was so busy that both bars were jammed with people. The inside bar had been packed, making it hard for us to even get our drinks for the dining customers. Joey told us to use the outside bar for the drinks when needed. I hated the thought of running into Colin the entire evening. It was God's evil way of making me face the music. Every time I went out, he was there waiting to talk to me, asking me questions between customers. I knew his heart was in the right place, but I felt afraid to look at him, to feel the shame.

"For Christ's sake, would you look at me, Abby, please?” he tapped his fingers against the bar.

I raised my eyes to meet his.

"I need a virgin strawberry daiquiri, two cokes and a ginger ale."

"Is this what it's come to?” He touched my hand and tried to wrap his fingers in mine.

"Maybe.” I looked back down and dropped his hand. He walked away, made my drinks and placed them on my tray, turning hesitantly away from me. My heart ached every second that I was out there with him, not telling him. I wanted him to be with me, but how could I ask him now, take him away from his life, his new girlfriend. I had told him ‘no’ so many times I felt it wouldn't be fair.

"It's not happening, you and me...it's not going to happen,” I assured him.

"Why not, you just said you broke up—” I cut him off.

"Colin, please just stop, okay?” I begged, and went back to work.

He didn't talk to me the rest of the shift. He was all business. “What drinks do you need? What can I do for you, etc...?” I felt the tears building up inside. I held my emotions under control and finished the night. Generally, it was good. I made two hundred dollars after tipping out the bus boys and the night was still young. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to run into Nick, and I didn't wan to run into Colin, so I went out the kitchen door to get away from him. I had made plans with several girls from work to go out to a local place for some dancing. It was just what I needed.

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The music was at full blast as I danced with my friends from Clancy's. No expectations from me, just pure, uninhibited fun. Tonight was different; I just didn't care. I never fell into the peer pressure thing, but I just wanted to let go of everything. The summer had been too serious until now, and it was supposed to have been fun. I wasn't going to ruin the rest of my summer over boys. I wanted to enjoy myself.