Down the Shore (6 page)

I sat perched on a small mound of sand, sipping my coffee and just resting awhile. I heard the dune grass whistling in the gentle ocean breeze, while some seagulls slept on the beach with their heads tucked neatly on their backs. A few people rode bikes, others strolled hand in hand and kids ran around playing with their dogs. As I sat there, I glanced around, taking everything in. I looked down to the water's edge and I saw Colin standing facing the ocean. He had a cigarette in one hand and a cup in the other. The sight of him took me by complete surprise. I recognized his silhouette almost instantly. He was far enough away that he couldn't have seen me.

I sat there and watched him for several minutes. I couldn't help but think that he was just as jaw-dropping in the morning as he was in the night, his hair messy and disheveled, flopping all over his face. I thought about approaching him, talking to him, but I didn't have a clue what to say. And then I remembered my dream.

I let my thoughts of the night before and Nick come flooding back into my memory. I decided that turning around and heading for home would be for the best.

I got back shortly after nine; Makenna and Megan were already awake.

"Where the hell have you been?” Makenna demanded. She came toward me and I saw an angry look on her face. “You could have left a note...I had no idea where you were."

"I'm sorry, I...” and before I could finish, she walked away from me.

I looked at Megan. “What's that all about?” I asked, not comprehending what just happened.

"I think she just got worried, with the whole Nick thing...” she paused. “Then you were gone this morning."

"I'll go talk to her."

I thought she knew me better than that, like I would go off for the night with some random stranger—even if it happened to be the cute stranger from upstairs.

She was still in the bathroom blow-drying her hair. I interrupted her. She flipped her head back upright as she saw me approach.

I shrugged, “Sorry. You're right, I should have left a note,” I apologized.

She looked at me. “No, I'm sorry. I overreacted. You're a big girl and you can do what you want.” She flicked the dryer back on and yelled, “Just leave a note next time,'kay?"

I shook my head and started to walk back to my room to get ready when I heard her yell out.

"Hey,” she said, turning the blow dryer off. “So...you and Nick really seemed to hit it off last night."

I stopped, resting my hands on the frame of the door. “Yeah, I really like him. But..."

"But what?"

"I don't know. I just,” I shivered. “I just saw Colin at the beach and he just makes me feel something. I can't really figure it out."

Makenna shook her head and waved the dryer at me, “Careful, Abs. He is probably the finest thing God ever made, but I'm not sure about him. He seems a little...a little...I don't even know the word."

"Well, I guess I'll have to figure that word out for you. Trust me."

She laughed and flicked the switch back on, “Be careful, Abby."

A smile crept across my face as I rushed into my room to get ready for work.

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Entering the restaurant for our second round of training, I recognized several of the faces from the day before, faces of new friends I would have for the whole summer. There was one particular face I wanted to find.

"Where could he be?” I mumbled out loud. I scanned the entire restaurant over and over, not being able to find him.

"Who?” Makenna asked.

"Oh, nobody, it's nothing,” I stammered.

She rolled her eyes, but kept quiet.

I couldn't get the image of Colin from earlier out of my memory. It felt almost like a need, rather than a desire to see him. I had been there the whole morning with not one sighting, nothing, when out of nowhere he appeared.

He came toward me, grinning. “S'cuse me, love."

His shoulder grazed mine as he walked past. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I felt a wave of dizziness run through me as he walked away. He looked like he had earlier on the beach. His messy hair still crowned a perfect face. I sighed quietly under my breath.

His face intoxicated me. He smelled like a cross between some kind of cologne and cigarette smoke. I put my hand over my mouth to try not to inhale the odor.

I went back to work, telling myself again that he would be no good for me. We had zero in common, I was sure of it. He was gorgeous, off the charts amazing. Surely he wouldn't be interested in a girl like me. However, the question of ‘what if’ kept playing over and over in my head. He could put actors like Brad Pitt to shame, but something in my head told me to be careful. I had met Nick last night and that was enough for me. I'm a one-man kind of woman, anyway. At least I think I am.

The day went along smoothly; the training ended. I had no more glimpses of him other than my first sighting. I had discovered that Joey assigned him to work the outside bar. He and his friends trained out there all day. It was probably better this way...no distractions, because seeing him clearly left me wanting more.

Makenna and I grabbed our bags to head home. The clock over the bar read just past two. I had a date to meet Nick on the beach in one hour. I spied Colin standing with his body resting against the wood rail when I walked out onto the boardwalk. He stood among his friends smoking and laughing as they watched different girls go by. I stopped in my tracks and grabbed Makenna's arm to prevent her from walking any farther.

"God, he's gorgeous, isn't he?” I pointed to him with only my eyes.

"Yeah, if you like the rugged, smoking, tattoos-on-the-body kind of guy.” Makenna laughed, as she grabbed my hand to leave.

"Let's go, you have a date...remember?” she reminded me.

No, I didn't forget, but I fixed my gaze on Colin for one more brief moment.

"There's something about him, I can't put my finger on it.” Exasperated, she yanked me away and we were gone. As we walked the two blocks chatting, different thoughts kept running through my mind. I pictured his muscular physique. The tattoos on his arms, his black hair, his dreamy smile, his beautiful eyes, even the hair on his chin caused goosebumps to run down my arms.

"Are you listening to me at all?” she asked, pissed off at me.

"Sorry."

"He's no good for you! For Christ's sake, he lives in Ireland! You'll never see him again.” She paused. “Besides, every girl at work wants to get a piece of him. Even
I
know you couldn't handle him. I'm not sure if even I could. Got it?"

I looked at her and tilted my sunglasses away from my eyes. “Got it."

I bit my lip. “But...” I closed my eyes for a brief second. “There's something about him, I just can't explain it.” She shook her head, making me feel ashamed and like my mother was here with me.

"You have a date with Nick. That's more likely to work out then you and this, this Irish guy. What's gotten into you? You've never been into guys, and now two?” I caught the surprised look on her face.

I looked at her, knowing she was right as always and turned to walk away. Guys like Colin were way out of my league.

"Just keep it real, Abs,” she yelled out to me.

I didn't turn around. I just kept walking with my head down. I knew deep down what she meant. I had been with one boy in my entire life and not physically. Who the hell did I think I was, thinking of juggling two? I knew I'd be in over my head if I tried, but I didn't care. This is what I wanted the summer to be about, having fun and kissing boys.

I ran to my room, changed into my cutest bathing suit, washed my face and brushed my teeth. I had a light shade of pink that colored my cheeks, so I only rubbed a little lotion on my face. I smiled at myself in the mirror, anticipating my first date. I didn't waste any time as I made my way to the beach, knowing he would be waiting for me. As I scrambled up and over the dunes, I saw him tossing a football with Anthony. Something inside me felt relief that we wouldn't be alone, and that he had brought a friend.

"Hey, Nick. Hi, Anthony!” I waved as I approached them.

Anthony looked behind me for something and then it registered. He assumed I would have brought Makenna.

"All alone?” Anthony frowned.

"Yeah, sorry, I didn't realize you would be here.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Next time,” I assured him as I smiled. He tossed the football to me. As I reached up to catch it, Nick was already by my side, stealing the ball before it reached my grip.

"Hey, you.” He softly kissed my cheek.

I grinned. “Where you guys sitting?” I looked around for some place to put my towel and bag. He took my hand and led me to a spot tucked way in the back. Spread on the sand, I saw a big blanket, a blue beach bag and a boom box with an old Bruce Springsteen song playing.

He plopped down onto the blanket and gestured for me to come lie beside him. I eagerly joined him, thinking that perhaps I had found my first real boyfriend. He would be my summer. We laid there side by side, touching each other's hands periodically, laughing at each other's jokes. Occasionally he kissed me or stroked my hair as I nervously fiddled with my towel or sunglasses.

Anthony must have realized he looked like the third wheel because he soon disappeared. Nick and I talked about our lives at home, the colleges we were attending, likes and dislikes—it was a perfect first date.

The time zipped by and five o'clock came too soon. The beach cleared out for the evening and the lifeguards moved their stands back off the wet sand.

"Want to stay a little longer, take a swim?” his face lighted up at the thought.

I brushed the sand off my legs and smiled. “Love to,” I said, and sprinted down to the water.

He was quick to catch up. He picked me up from behind and carried me into the ocean. We played in the water, splashing and kissing each other. He held me on his back, playfully dunking me under. I couldn't help but think I had found a great guy and how easy it had been.

Just then a strong wave came down on us both, washing us back to the beach. I could see in his eyes that he was quite content getting out of the water. He walked slowly back to the blanket, gesturing for me to follow. I squeezed out the excess water from my hair and ran to catch up with him.

I wanted to be with him, I wanted to kiss him and feel his arms around me. My thoughts of being alone with him were making me nervous. Would he understand and not see me as an inexperienced little girl? Could I even tell him that I was a virgin? We laid back down on the blanket, forgetting everything. It wasn't like the night before; this time it was more passionate, more like I thought it would be. His kiss, his hands, his body—everything moved so fast. My heart pounded inside my chest, nerves running all through my body. I felt his sandy hands running down my back, getting lower, almost reaching underneath my suit. As I tried to pull away, he pulled me in closer. I wanted to keep going, but something inside told me not to, quickly remembering where we were.

I stammered, “Please, Nick, not too fast, okay? Besides we're on the beach and there are still a few people around.” I pointed to the ones left sunbathing.

He sighed and looked at me, pulling away.

"We should get going.” He turned over, switched the radio off, and fell back into the sand. I heard the disappointment in his breathing. I didn't know what to think, but I was glad he stopped when I asked him. I sat still for a moment trying to think of something to say, but I jumped up and packed the beach bag to head home instead. It was hard not to notice that, as we walked off the beach, he kept several steps ahead of me. All my feelings started to overwhelm me. I knew he'd be like every other boy; he'd want me to go all the way. But, seeing him ahead of me, I knew he would have to wait. And I wasn't sure if he was the waiting kind of guy.

"Everything okay?” I asked as we walked back to the house.

"Everything's great, Abby, it's not a problem,” he snapped. He dropped me off at my door, kissed my cheek and started to walk away, then turned back around. “I'll see ya’ later. I've got plans with the guys tonight."

"No problem, I have plans, too."

I didn't. I opened the door, walked inside, turned the music on and flopped onto the couch. I held my forehead, wondering why I felt like I did. I couldn't help but think about his reaction at the beach. What had I done? What was wrong with me? Then I realized there was nothing wrong with me. I wasn't ready to be with him or anyone, for that matter. I expected the frantic teenage kissing, but his hands were dangerously low for me. He was moving way too fast, not to mention we were on the beach in broad daylight.

The clock on the television read seven. Still alone, I made my way into the kitchen barefooted. I pulled out the frying pan and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich, then went back and flicked the television on. I'd had enough for the day. Exhausted and upset, I played over Nick's ridiculous reaction in my head. I couldn't believe he would expect me to do anything so soon, and on the beach with people around. What was he thinking?

Maybe I overreacted?

Maybe I hadn't?

Maybe he wasn't such a great guy?

I didn't want to go off to college being the inexperienced freshman, but I didn't want to be forced into something I didn't want. I realized that I had fallen asleep on the couch, when I woke to loud voices and footsteps going upstairs. I heard Nick and his friends talking, but what I didn't expect was to hear the chatter of females coming from the deck. I got up, walked to the patio door and opened it every so softly so no one could hear me. I listened. I didn't recognize their voices. I had hoped that it was just Makenna and Megan, but it wasn't.

I couldn't help but let my mind wander...was this it?

Was my perfect summer relationship over already?

Is there another girl up there with Nick, doing things I wouldn't do today?

I knew he probably didn't expect me to have sex with him on the beach, but he definitely wanted more than I gave him. A chill ran down my spine. I just stood there frozen in place. In that moment, I knew I had made the right decision. I lingered there listening for any words that would comfort me, but they never came.