Authors: Malorie Blackman
I closed my eyes briefly. The faster I ran towards Callie,
the further away I got. Maybe I should just stop running.
'Miss Hadley, why are you doing this?'
'Because actions speak louder than words. When my
daughter needed your help, when she needed you to tell
the police what really happened, you turned your back on
her. You let those responsible for harming her get away
with it.'
Tell her,Tobey.Tell Sephy the truth
. . .
'You walked away, Tobey. So keep walking. That's
about all you're good for. Meggie and I have come to take
Callie home. From this moment on, you leave her alone.'
And with one last look of pure disdain, Sephy headed
back to her daughter.
Even though the sky was cloudy and rain threatened, I
made my way back to the Wasteland. I had nowhere else
to go. I glanced up at the darkening grey clouds. They
filled the sky to overflowing. I sat on a park bench and
watched the world pass me by. I was so close to getting
everything I'd tried to achieve, and I'd never felt so far
away from everything I believed in. It wasn't supposed to
work that way.
I sat still for I don't know how long. Only the first fat
splash of rain on my forehead roused me. I glanced at my
watch. It was time to meet Rebecca. It was also time to
draw a line under our relationship, such as it was. Maybe
we could still at least be friends, though no doubt her
brothers and her mum would do their best to make sure
that didn't happen. But even if we couldn't stay friends,
was it too much to hope we could part that way?
On my way to Los Amigos, the phone McAuley
had given me started to vibrate in my pocket. Godsake!
Much as I wanted to throw the mobile into the nearest
bin, I couldn't. Instead, against my better judgment, I
answered it.
'Hello, Mr McAuley.'
'Tobey, I'm deeply disappointed in you.'
Hello to you too. Had he finally figured out that I'd had
a hand in the disappearance of his shipments?
'I don't know what you mean, sir,' I said cautiously.
'Tobey, don't make things worse by treating me like a
fool. You were supposed to get me some information,'
said McAuley. 'Where is it?'
It took me a second to catch up. He was talking about the
bent cop on the Dowds' payroll. I was still safe. For now.
'I haven't been able to find out. I don't work at TFTM
any more. Gideon got rid of me.'
'I'm not interested in your excuses. I'm very disappointed,
Tobey. Now if you want to get back into my
good books, you'll bring Rebecca Dowd to my warehouse
on the industrial estate at ten o'clock tonight
without fail. I can use her to get my shipments back from
her family. Is that clear?'
Silence.
'Did you hear me, Tobey?'
'I'm sorry, Mr McAuley, but I can't do that,' I replied.
'Tobey, when you're in a hole you don't keep digging,'
McAuley said silkily. 'You'll do as I say or you'll force me
to show you what I do to those who let me down.'
'I'm sorry, Mr McAuley, but Rebecca has nothing to
do with this and I think you should leave it that way.
So I'm not doing it.' I disconnected the call before
McAuley could make his threats more specific. I must be
mad. This had to be the very definition of painting
yourself into a corner. I dropped McAuley's phone on the
pavement and ground it under my heel, enjoying the
satisfying crunch it made as the plastic shattered. No more
phone calls. No more orders. He was finished and I
wanted nothing more to do with him or any of them.
I knew what I had to do now. And I had to act fast.
Time had just about run out.
At the coffee shop, Rebecca and I sat at a table by a window.
Outside the rain was beginning to pelt down. Usually I
loved the rain. It calmed me down. But not today. My brain
felt hot-wired. My filter coffee sat untouched. Rebecca
sipped at her skinny latte. She wore denim jeans, a red blouse
and a denim jacket – and she looked the business. Her braids
were tied back in a ponytail, but she seemed unaware or
unconcerned about how pretty she looked. Conversation
between us flowed like boulders travelling uphill. Neither of
us had quite plucked up the courage to say why we were
here. Rebecca took another sip of her coffee, then placed
the tall glass down on the stained wooden table.
'Tobey, d'you like me? And please be honest,' she asked.
'I like you very much,' I replied at once.
'D'you love me?'
I thought of Callie. 'No,' I said.
'D'you think you could ever love me?'
All kinds of lines about not being able to tell the future
and the like skipped into my head. But I couldn't lie to
her. It wouldn't be fair.
'I don't think so,' I said. I took a deep breath and mustered
up a straight answer rather than a prevarication. 'No.'
'I didn't think so,' Rebecca said. 'I'm your rebound girl.'
'My what?'
'You split up from your last girlfriend and I came along
at the right time to stop you being lonely,' she explained.
'That's not true,' I protested. 'I mean, there was more
to it than that.'
'Let's be honest, Tobey. You like me, but it'll never be
more than that – and we both know it. I think it takes a
lot for you to love someone, but once you do, that's it for
you,' said Rebecca. 'Your ex-girlfriend doesn't know how
lucky she was.'
'Rebecca, I didn't set out to use you,' I said at last. 'I
want you to believe that.'
'Oh, I do,' she said. 'In fact, I want to thank you for
helping me to realize that I'm more than just my mother's
daughter.'
'You don't give yourself enough credit,' I told her. 'You
can do anything, be anyone. The only person stopping
you is you.'
'You really believe that? It's that simple?'
'Yeah,' I replied at once. 'When you get right down to
it, it is that simple. And you're in a better position than
most people. You don't have class or status or money
holding you back. You just need to get out of your own
way. Godsake! That sounds like something my sister
would say!'
Rebecca laughed. I'd told her about Jessica's meditation
and inner-peace phase. I just hadn't mentioned how much
I missed it compared to Jess's latest kick.
'I love the way you have such faith in me,' said Rebecca.
'What's not to believe in?' I smiled.
'To be honest, I've already made enquiries about
teacher training courses at university,' she said, almost
shyly. 'I haven't told my family yet, though.'
'That's fantastic,' I said. 'You'll be a great teacher. You
have a lot of patience.'
'Except with certain girls called Misty,' Rebecca laughed.
'You're not alone in that one,' I told her.
We both finished our coffees.
'I don't work for McAuley, Rebecca. I want you to
know that. I detest the man.'
'I know. And I'm sorry about your sister.'
I licked my lips as I tried to frame what needed to be
said next.
'I've heard that McAuley blames your family for the loss
of some shipments he recently arranged. You need to be
on your guard, Rebecca. McAuley's a filthy piece of work
who'd roll a tank over his own mother if she got in his
way. And his back is against the wall, which makes him
even more dangerous.'
'Don't worry,' Rebecca said with a confident smile.
'Mum and I are off on holiday tomorrow so McAuley
won't be able to get anywhere near me.'
I sighed, relieved. That was OK then. To my surprise,
Rebecca leaned across the table and kissed me. It was short
but sweet.
'So you and me, we're still friends?' I asked.
I guess I wanted to have it all, but I really did like her.
Rebecca placed her hand over mine on the table. 'Of
course we are. Nothing's going to change that.'
'I'm glad.' I smiled. 'Fancy another coffee?'
She considered. 'Oh, go on then. But I can't stay long.'
'Fair enough,' I said, standing up. 'Want a cake to go
with it?'
'Tobey, you're a bad influence,' she admonished with a
smile.
I grinned at her. 'I know!'
Over the next thirty minutes, I told her about Jess and
finding her on the floor in the bathroom at home. Rebecca
told me about the long-running feud between her two
brothers. Apparently they'd been at each other's throats
since they were kids. Reading between the lines, it
sounded like their antagonism towards each other had been
fuelled and fanned by their mother, but I wasn't about to
spoil the affability growing between us by saying so.
Rebecca glanced down at her watch. 'Tobey, I have to
go now,' she said reluctantly. 'Mum's expecting me back
home. I have to finish my packing.'
Which was a real shame because both of us were
enjoying our time together.
I said, 'Make sure you send me a postcard, OK?'
'Every other day,' said Rebecca.
'One will do,' I replied. It was only when I caught the
smile on her face that I realized she was teasing me.
I paid for our coffees. We walked to the exit and hugged.
'Want me to walk you to your car?' I asked.
'No, don't bother. I'm only a couple of minutes up the
road. I managed to find a parking bay. It must be my lucky
day,' Rebecca smiled. 'Tobey, can we meet up for another
coffee when I get back?'
'I'd like that. Very much,' I replied truthfully.
Outside the coffee shop, Rebecca dug into her bag and
pulled out an orange and yellow umbrella. The thing was
up and over her head in two seconds flat. My sister didn't
like her hair to get wet in the rain either. Another hug made
a tad awkward by the brolly, then a wave and we set off in
opposite directions. The rain was still pitching down, but
after the heat wave we'd had I was now kind of enjoying it.
I'd always liked the rain. I was actually smiling! My meeting
with Rebecca had gone better than I deserved. When she
got back from her holiday, I'd definitely take her out for a
meal or something, rather than a measly coffee.
A black van drove past. It was only after about five
more steps that I realized where I'd seen it before – outside
McAuley's house. Was McAuley following me? I turned.
The van was heading away from me. I was sure it was
McAuley's, but in that case, why hadn't he stopped? Even
with my hair plastered down and the rain falling like a
barrage of arrows, he must've seen me.
Rebecca.
No
. . .
I raced back to the coffee bar and saw Rebecca and her
brolly about twenty metres ahead of me, heading back to
her car.
'REBECCA,' I called out, trying to make my voice
heard over the teeming rain and the roaring traffic.
'REBECCA, WAIT . . .' I sprinted towards her.
Rebecca spun round to face me, just as McAuley
jumped out of the passenger side of his van.
'BECKS, LOOK OUT!' But I was still at least six
metres away. And McAuley was right behind her. A
slight movement of his arm was all it took. Rebecca didn't
even have a chance to look surprised before she fell to the
pavement. Her umbrella rolled away from her. She lay
motionless on the ground as McAuley stood there, his arms
at his side, a dripping knife held in his right hand. I skidded
to an abrupt halt less than two metres away from him and
stood stock still, unable to move. And even though the rain
kept slanting into my eyes, I'll swear until my dying day
that McAuley smiled at me. A brief, satisfied smile.
'You let me down, Tobey,' he said. 'My warehouse at
ten tonight, or I'll come to your house – and through your
family, if necessary – to get you.'
He climbed back into the van. It drove away at an
unhurried pace. Those closest to Rebecca's prone body
rushed to her aid, her discarded umbrella an indicator that
something was very wrong. And still I couldn't move.
Rebecca lay face down on the ground, her head to one
side. Raindrops fell into her open, sightless eyes, but she
didn't even flinch. She stared across the pavement and into
the gutter. The world went very still, very quiet. Just for
an instant, but it was enough. Cold sweat and warm rain
drenched my body. My stomach began to fold in on itself.
I tried to take a breath, but my body had forgotten how.
It was only when my burning lungs were howling out for
air that I managed a horrified gasp. Then all the sounds
around me were amplified to such a degree that the noise
was painful, deafening.
Through the drumming rain came cries for help, calls
for an ambulance and pleas for witnesses. The crowd was
getting bigger all the time. Most were still trying to figure
out what had happened. One Cross man turned Rebecca
over onto her back and tried to administer mouth to
mouth and CPR. His actions were frantic, one breath
away from pure panic. His face . . . the glasses he wore
. . . familiar . . . he'd been in the coffee bar with us.
Following us? I instinctively knew who he was. Rebecca's
bodyguard – assigned by Gideon to keep his distance but
protect. Too much distance.
He'd failed.
I'd failed.
My mistakes. Expensive mistakes. Costly. Priceless. I
couldn't afford the price, so Rebecca paid. She was
motionless. No blood . . . why was there no blood? The
rain snatched it up and escaped away in every direction
with it. I stared down at Rebecca and the world grew
colder and quieter. It was only when a distant siren split
the air that the blood started racing around my veins again.
My body shaking, I turned and walked away.
I was good at that.
I only made it halfway along the road before, without
warning, my stomach erupted. I was sick all over my shoes
and the pavement. I wanted to lie down and curl up in a
ball until the image of Rebecca's unseeing eyes left my
head. I wanted to lie down spread-eagled in the rain until
I was washed clean again. But there wasn't enough water
on the planet.
First Callie Rose. Now Rebecca.
Oh, God . . .
Rebecca.
No more. Please no more.