Double Cross (33 page)

'Yeah, it is,' I agreed.

'You only got details of the one shipment in the file you
retrieved from McAuley's memory key?'

'That's right,' I said. 'And I gave you all the information
I had. Maybe the police bugged McAuley's house.'

'Maybe they did,' said Owen.

Silence.

'May I ask you something?' I began.

'Go ahead.'

'How did your family find out I delivered that package
to Louise Resnick?' I asked.

Owen allowed himself a tiny smile. 'Whatever
McAuley knows, sooner rather than later it finds its way
to us as well.'

'Oh, I see.' That confirmed it. Someone in McAuley's
employ was working for the Dowds. That question was
answered. Wasn't there anyone in this whole crummy
little world who could be trusted?

'So is that how you knew where and when to send your
men on the day of the Wasteland shooting?' I asked. 'One of
McAuley's men told you beforehand what he was planning?'

'It might've been,' said Owen. 'Tobey, I don't like a lot
of questions.'

I had to bite back my response to that one.

'Fair enough. What are we talking about?'

Owen looked puzzled.

'We're not with the others. You obviously kept me
here to talk about something,' I said. 'Rebecca or your
mum might want to know what.'

Owen studied me carefully before he said, 'Tell them I
warned you that if you're lying and you really are working
for McAuley, I will kill you myself.'

Silence.

Owen suddenly smiled and my blood ran like icy slush.
He said, 'Now let's go eat.'

Dinner with the Dowds was excruciating. Owen
completely ignored me. Rebecca was very quiet, only
speaking when spoken to. Gideon spent the entire time
either on his mobile or directing snide remarks my way.
Only Vanessa Dowd seemed to be completely at ease and
enjoying herself. The food reflected the ambience around
the table. Shark's-fin soup was the starter, followed by the
rarest steak I'd ever had. The thing was so rare I'm
surprised it didn't moo on my plate. No one bothered to
ask me how I wanted it cooked – I was definitely a welldone
kind of guy. But I wasn't about to complain.

Rebecca's mother watched with amused interest as I
chewed my first bloody mouthful. 'Tobey, I'm afraid it's
one of the things I insist upon,' she said. 'Steak should be
eaten very rare, otherwise it's ruined.'

'Rebecca, you like your meat rare too, don't you?'
Gideon said pointedly, looking from Rebecca to me and
back again.

Tosser.

'I'm a vegetarian, Gideon – as you very well know,'
Rebecca replied.

I chewed on another mouthful. The steak was served
with matchstick-thin chips and assorted vegetables. I
cleared my plate. The dessert was lemon tart served with
lime sorbet. It was foul, bitter and nasty. But I ate all of
that too.

After dinner, Rebecca barely said five sentences to me.
I gave it half an hour, but when she still wouldn't talk to
me I decided I'd truly outstayed my welcome. I was quite
prepared to phone for a taxi, but Rebecca insisted on
driving me home. All the way home, she'd only speak to
me when spoken to, so we quickly lapsed into an uncomfortable
silence. Doubt had raised its ugly head and
Rebecca was backing away from me.

As we pulled up outside my house, I tried one last time
to get her to talk to me properly.

'Rebecca, would you like to come in and meet my
mum and sister?' I asked.

She looked surprised, then pleased, but the light in her
eyes soon faded. 'No, I . . . No, thanks. Better not.'

I sighed. 'Look, Rebecca, I never lied to you.'

'You never told me the truth either,' she replied. 'And
you promised me, Tobey. Look, I have to go home.
Mum's orders.'

'Can we meet up tomorrow? We need to talk.'

Rebecca started to shake her head.

'Please. I need to talk to you.'

'All right then,' she said reluctantly. 'When and where?'

'How about tomorrow outside Los Amigos at seven?'

'I'm not sure I want a meal.'

With me.

'Well, we can meet there and find a coffee shop nearby.'

'OK. I'll see you at seven.' At least it wasn't a straight-out
no. Rebecca drove off the moment I was clear of her car.

I was getting the chilly treatment and, to be honest, I
didn't blame her. I should've told her up front about
McAuley. I'd thought about it, I really had, but had
decided it would look too much like I was just trying to
manipulate her. Big mistake.

I entered my house and went straight up to my room.
Sitting on my bed, I thought through everything that had
happened since Callie was injured. Before then, my life
had seemed so neatly stitched together. It scared me just
how easily everything fell to pieces.

There was a knock at my door. Before I could answer,
Jessica walked into my room. Her typically unruly, spiked
hair lay un-gelled and tamed in a pixie cut framing her
face. And for once she wasn't wearing make-up. She
smiled at me, albeit hesitantly. I was instantly on my guard.

'Have you come to get me into more trouble with
Mum?' I asked with belligerence.

'Don't be like that . . .'

Was she serious?

'Jessica, what d'you want?'

'I want us back to the way we used to be,' she said.

'Then tell Mum the truth,' I replied.

Jessica looked me in the eye. 'I did. At least, part of it.'

'Jess, I'm not the one in this family who's into drugs,' I
pointed out.

'No, you're just into money,' she said. 'And it's all right
for you, 'cause you're smart. You have a real chance to
make some and get out of this place. What're the rest of
us supposed to do, Tobey?'

'I don't know. But you'll never find the answer in
waxed paper wrappers.'

'I'm not looking for the answer.'

'Then what are you looking for?'

'A way to not mind so much about the question.'

'Jessica, that stuff will stop you minding about anything,
except more junk,' I said.

'I know.'

'Then please stop taking it.'

'It's that easy, is it?'

'No. But Mum and I are here to help you.'

'I'll think about it.'

So much for that then. 'D'you want me to tell Mum
for you?'

Jessica's eyes narrowed. 'Is that a threat?'

'No,' I said, exasperated. 'I'm trying to help. Can't you
see that?'

'No, I can't,' said Jessica. 'You only want to help me
your way, not my way.'

What was she on about? I really wasn't in the mood for
a big argument so I let it slide.

I sighed. 'Are you still using?'

At first I thought she wasn't going to answer. 'Tobey,'
she said at last, 'I'm not one of your maths problems. OK?'

'Meaning?'

'Meaning not every problem has a solution.'

'I know that.'

'No, you don't. That's the trouble. In your world A
plus B equals C. It works for maths so you expect it to
work for people too.'

'That's not true.'

'Isn't it?' asked Jessica. 'You assume you've got me all
figured out. I bet you even think you know why I started
on smack in the first place.'

'I thought maybe it had something to do with your
course at college,' I admitted.

'You think I'm going to fail?'

I shrugged. It seemed logical.

'Tobey, I did my exam and submitted enough coursework
to scrape a pass. My marks won't be setting any
college records, but I did pass,' Jessica told me. 'So what
does that do to your theory now?'

'All right then. Tell me why you started taking that
stuff,' I challenged.

Sadly, she shook her head. 'Tobey, I did just tell you.'

'I don't understand.'

'I know,' said Jessica. 'And you never will until you
experience the one thing that drunks and druggies and all
the miserable, lonely, unhappy people in this world share.'

'And what's that?' I asked.

'Work it out.'

And she was gone.

How can I have slept for so long? It feels like I just nodded
off, like I've been out of it for a day, maybe two max. I
stopped. The world didn't. Time moved on without me.
So did Tobey.

Who is Rebecca?

Just a girl? His girl friend? Or his girlfriend? I thought . . .
Tobey and me . . . I thought . . . But I was wrong. He has
someone else now. Rebecca. And what do I have? Uncle
Jude and this hospital bed. I'm trying so hard to be glad for
Tobey. I'm trying so desperately hard not to mind – or
care. But though I've never met Rebecca, I hate her. I
hate her for taking Tobey away from me, for being there
when he needed someone.

I've woken up to find all the bad things in my life have
been waiting patiently for me and all the good things have
gone. Uncle Jude is out there, biding his time. I'm
surprised he didn't visit me when I was unconscious and
finish the job. Or maybe he wants me wide awake to fully
appreciate when he takes his revenge. I still have to live
with the fact that an innocent man is dead because of me.
That hasn't gone away either. That fact has eaten an even
bigger hole inside of me, because I'm still here, I've
survived. And Robert Powers didn't. Is this karma? In the
world of 'what goes around, comes around', maybe I'm
getting what I deserve. I just wish someone would tell me
when it'll stop hurting so much.

All I want is for Tobey to hold me tight and tell me that
everything will be all right between us. Who am I trying
to fool? All I want is Tobey.

But he's moved on.

And I'm stuck here.

And I've never felt so alone.

The following morning, me, Mum and Jess all sat down to
have breakfast together again. Mum sipped at her orange
juice. Jessica picked at her cereal. I stirred my coffee round
and round. For once I didn't have much of an appetite.
Every time I looked up, Jessica was looking at me. Should
I say something to Mum? Should I try? I still hadn't worked
out what my sister had been trying to tell me the night
before. And I was desperate not to make things any worse.

'Mum, I lied to you about Tobey,' Jessica said
unexpectedly.

Mum frowned at her. 'Pardon?'

'Tobey hasn't been dealing drugs. I only told you that
because he threatened to tell you . . . to tell you that I'd
been s-smoking . . . smack.'

'Jessica, please tell me you're joking,' Mum said,
appalled.

Jessica bowed her head, unable to say a word.

'You've been taking drugs?' Mum whispered. 'Oh,
Jessica.'

A tear followed in quick succession by a host of others
fell from Jessica's eyes onto the table.

I looked from Mum to my sister, holding my breath.

'Oh, Jessica . . .' Mum got up and hugged Jess to her.
Jess fell into her embrace and started to sob her heart out.

'Tobey, could you leave us alone for a while?' Mum
asked.

I headed for the door, wondering what had happened
to make Jess change her mind about telling Mum. Maybe
she'd meant it about getting things back to the way they
used to be. God knows that was all I wanted as well. But
somehow it felt like those days were over, never to return.

Jessica and Mum were in the living room with the door
shut for over an hour, almost two. I went up to my room
and wrote an email to Callie. An email I knew I'd never
send, but I had more than a few things to get off my chest.
And it helped – a little. A very little.

I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time for another
letter. I didn't have time to go to the library again so my
own computer would just have to do. And this was just
the sort of carelessness that could get me caught, but I had
to do it now before I changed my mind.

Wearing a pair of my mum's rubber gloves this time to
ensure I ended up with a sheet of fingerprint-free paper, I
drafted my third and final letter. My brain must've been
temporarily scrambled by a cosmic ray to believe I could
use McAuley's last shipment for my own ends. Either that
or scrambled by greed. But not any more.

I wanted no part of it.

My letter to the police was short and to the point,
telling them everything I knew about McAuley's last
drop-off. The man would be out of business, but it still
didn't feel like enough. I was beginning to realize that
nothing ever would. I placed the letter in a printed envelope
addressed to DI Boothe. Time to get out of the
house. Besides, I couldn't stand the silence any longer.
Grabbing my jacket off the banister, I thought about just
heading out the door without saying a word. But I
couldn't do that to my mum. That was my dad's trick.

'Mum, I'm going to see Callie at the hospital,' I called
through the still closed living-room door.

After a few seconds the door opened. Mum stood
there, her eyes slightly red. She'd obviously been crying.
And from where I stood in the hall, I couldn't see my
sister.

'Are you OK, Mum?' I asked.

Mum nodded.

'If you want me to stay, I will.'

'No, that's OK. Say hello to Callie for me.'

'Is Jess OK?' I lowered my voice to ask.

'No. But she will be,' Mum said with determination.
She looked up at me and stroked my cheek. 'I love you,
Tobey. You know that, don't you?'

Whenever Mum told me she loved me, my response
was invariably, 'I know.' As it was today. But today my
usual response didn't feel like nearly enough.

'Mum, I . . . I . . . I have to go.'

She smiled at my discomfort, stroking my cheek again.
'Give Callie my love.'

'I will.' I practically sprinted out of the door.

I'd wanted to say it, I really had. But I'd never said those
words to anyone in my life and I couldn't just start now.
But Mum knew. She had to know. And now that she
knew the truth about Jessica, everything would be OK. It
had to be.

Now it was time to put things right between Callie and
me.