Don’t Forget to Remember Me (12 page)

“She wants to know about your relationship
with her. She senses that you’re not just friends, kiddo.”

“I told her we were close friends. Close,
Ellie. As in best friends.”

“I know all that, but she keeps coming back
to it. Jen is having a hard time not telling her about you.
Everything about Aaron is connected to you.”

“Not everything. Jen and Aaron were together
before I met Julia.”

“I know that, but you get what I mean. How
does she act around you when you’re alone?”

“Sometimes relaxed, sometimes nervous,
always curious. I know she feels there’s something more between us.
I’m not great at acting indifferent where she’s concerned, and it’s
a tangible force that pulls us together.”

“Are you sure that pretending is the right
thing to do? Maybe you should just tell her, help her deal with the
pain of losing the baby and then get on with things. It could hurt
her if you pull away.”

I took a deep breath. It was nothing that I
hadn’t considered. “She’ll remember when she’s ready. It’s not
about me, it’s about her. She just needs time without pressure. I’m
not pulling away necessarily. I’m just not forcing anything.”

“Hey! What are you guys whispering about in
there?” Jen called.

“Nothing! We’re just cleaning up!” Ellie
answered and we walked back to the living room.

Julia had her legs curled under her on the
couch, looking sleepy with her head leaning on her right arm. Aaron
had Jenna back on his lap in the chair and Ellie went to join
Harris in front of the fireplace. There was plenty of room on the
couch next to Julia, but I chose, instead, to sit on the floor in
front of her and lean my back against the couch.

“So? Let’s play a game or something,” Aaron
ventured. “Quarters, Pictionary or Trivial Pursuit?”

“No quarters for Julia, Aaron. Sorry.”

“Yeah and she’d kick our ass on Pictionary,”
Harris laughed at the obvious.

I felt Julia lean toward me slightly. Her
warm breath rushed over the skin at the back of my neck, causing
goose bumps to rush over the rest of my body.

“Truth or dare?” she asked softly.

I turned to look at her, searching for some
sort of recognition before I spoke. That was our love game and we
hardly ever played the vanilla version with the others. It was so
intimate, so personal.
Just ours
. Even if I wanted to try,
it wasn’t a good idea, and I seriously didn’t want to crack that
open in front of the others. “I don’t think so. Not tonight,” I
shook my head as I answered quietly.

The others watched our interaction in
silence, even though they couldn’t hear what we were saying. She
leaned back and sighed. “Why not?” she insisted.

“Julia, I know what you’re trying to do.
Quit it.”

It was like everyone else disappeared from
the room as her eyes burned into mine. “What am I trying to
do?”

“Get me…all of us, to tell you things that
you want to find out about your past. Things you can’t remember.”
And I can’t play that game with you without getting aroused.
She looked down but didn’t speak, so I continued. “If you could
remember, then you’d know that I only take truth about ten percent
of the time anyway, so it isn’t likely that you’ll find out
anything.”

“You’re not the only one here, Ryan. Some of
the others will take truth as their option.”

“No,” I said firmly. “End of
discussion.”

“You know, you’re not my father,” she said
sharply.

“No, thank God. But, I’m looking out for
what’s best for you. Please trust me, Julia.” I reached out and
wrapped my hand around hers. “Just give yourself time, babe.”

“Babe?” she questioned as her right eyebrow
shot up. She called me on the endearment and I couldn’t take it
back. I dropped my forehead to rest on the top of her hand that I
held in mine and let out my breath before returning my gaze slowly
to hers.

“Aaron called you babe at the hospital and
you thought nothing of it. Why is it different with me?” My voice
low and taking on a deeper tone against my will.

She bit her lip and swallowed. “It just
is
.”

I ripped my eyes away from her face.

“So…it looks like its Trivial Pursuit! Get
the damn thing set up, Aaron. Ellie, is there anymore wine?”

“Julia?” Ryan called from
the other room. My heart thumped at the sound of his voice calling
my name. The past week had been scary, wondrous, unfamiliar,
yet…
familiar
. It
was weird. I was with three people I barely knew, but I felt so
comfortable, at home, taken care of, and loved. Ryan insisted I
take his room and I felt incredibly guilty, though it was eerily
comforting to have his scent around me at night. When Dr. Brighton
said I could lose the sling and start moving around a little more,
I’d insist on taking the couch.

Sighing deeply, I glanced around the room
for the 20th time in a week, trying to learn whatever I could from
what I found there. Material things didn’t seem to matter to Ryan.
His wardrobe consisted of jeans and t-shirts, scrubs and sneakers.
He had a few nice dress shirts and three pair of dress pants
hanging in the closet. Two pair of dress shoes rested on the floor.
Ryan’s keyboard was expensive, but I sensed it was more about
function than status. That, and the guitar resting against the wall
in the corner, suggested to me that he was a serious musician. I
longed to hear him play, to watch his long fingers stroke the keys.
Something told me he was brilliant.

Other than his desk, the medical reference
books and laptop, there wasn’t much else. It was conspicuously
lacking photos or other art adorning the walls. I could only guess
that he was so focused on school that he didn’t have time to care
one way or the other about aesthetics. From what I’d seen, he spent
most of his time studying. So dedicated. So real.

There was an intensity
that went beyond friendship and I was strangely amazed and excited
by it. He was so beautiful, he stole my breath away and his gentle
teasing made him more and more endearing as the days passed. We
bantered with an easy camaraderie but with a sizzling undercurrent
that never went away. I felt like I’d known him forever, but was
always so excited to see him. I looked forward to every moment that
we spent together and missed him when he wasn’t home. Our talks had
come to be the best part of my days, but I found myself wanting
more…just
wanting
. It left me
uneasy; feeling slightly vulnerable and
on edge. I thought
about him constantly and
yearned to know the truth about our past. I was sitting on his bed,
lost in my thoughts, when he knocked on the doorframe and poked his
head around the edge.

“Honey, are you okay? Ready to go?” His
voice held the concern that was mirrored on his face. Ryan came
into the room and hesitated in front of me. I glanced up, taking in
his casual dress of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt with a
monotone graphic design down the left side and sleeve. Totally hot;
a soft sheen of stubble on his face only made him sexier. How much
testosterone must he have to grow that beard in only a few hours?
The thought made my body quicken and I blushed.

“I’m fine.” I lifted an eyebrow at him in
question and smiled. “No hospital today?”

He shrugged and grinned at me. “Well, I can
work if I want, but I thought we’d hang out after your
appointments.” He bent down and slid an arm around me to lift me to
my feet.

“Ryan, I can stand up on my own.” He had the
grace to flush, letting me go and instantly I regretted my rash
words.

“Yes, but I know it still hurts getting up
and down.”

“Does it?” I asked. He just looked at me,
his eyes narrowing. He didn’t like it when I tried to hide my
discomfort, so I decided to change the subject. “Won’t you be bored
waiting around?”

“Nah.” He shook his head slightly. “I’m
taking my laptop. I have some research to do,” he dismissed my
objection easily. I should have known that he’d find some way to
work at least part of the day.

Ryan’s fingers spread out gently on my back
as he led me down the hall and into the living room. He grabbed my
long black wool coat and helped me put it on my right arm and
draped it over my left shoulder. “You’ll get rid of this damn sling
today, don’t worry.”

“It can’t be soon enough. I promised Aaron
blueberry muffins and he reminds me daily.” Ryan grinned as he put
on his own coat. I reached out to run my hand along the front of
the soft leather. The scent and supple softness under my fingers
darted through my head. His hand closed warmly over mine and my
eyes flew up to his.

“Julia? What is it?” he
asked; an unspoken knowledge in his eyes.
Are you
remembering?
I struggled for the elusive
flash of something that would connect me to our past, but it was
fleeting. It was gone before it could solidify in my mind.
Damn it!
I closed my eyes for a split
second.

I shook my head slightly. “Um, nothing, I
guess. What did you have in mind for later?”

“We’ll play it by ear, okay? Let’s see how
tired you get.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s fine.” He was so damn
overprotective but I really wanted to get out of the apartment for
awhile. “I think I’ll be okay. It will feel good to do
something.”

We were going to see Dr.
Brighton for a checkup and then I had another appointment with Dr.
Moore.
Dr. Moore
. I wasn’t sure
what to make of him. He asked questions designed to get me
thinking, but mostly all we’d discussed were things I
did
remember. I didn’t understand how that
was going to solve my current problem. We talked about my
childhood, my parents and my friends growing up. I didn’t get it,
but maybe there was a method to his madness. It was too early to
tell. To give him credit, he’d only asked me how everything made me
feel twice, a typical shrink thing to do…
how did it make
me feel that I forgot most of my college experience, my career and
my best friend
?
Okay,
seriously?

I huffed and Ryan caught it. He opened the
door for me and waited, his eyes skirting over my face. “What?”

“I’ll tell you on the way.”

Aaron was sprawled on the couch watching TV.
“Bye, Aaron,” I called over my shoulder.

“Have fun,” he threw back. “Hey, Ryan! Can
we hit the gym later? Do you have time?”

“Not sure. I’ll call you.”

Surely the two men spent a
lot of time working out. Aaron was bigger, but Ryan was leaner with
more clearly defined muscles in his arms, legs and ass. I let my
imagination run wild beneath his clothes. I could see the outline
of his pecs through the t-shirt he was wearing and his broad
shoulders and lean hips provided
plenty
of
food for thought. Obviously his abs would be clearly defined as
well. I swallowed and hoped he didn’t catch me staring. He didn’t
seem to notice, thankfully. Heat infused my cheeks and I pressed
the back of my hand to my face while Ryan closed the car door after
me, walking around the front of the car to slide into the driver’s
seat beside me.

He shoved the key into the ignition and
glanced toward me before putting the car into gear. “Well?” he
asked expectantly.

“What?” It was chilly outside and I
shivered. Ryan reached forward to turn on the heater. Always so in
tune with what I needed.

“What were you thinking about inside? You
said you’d tell me in the car.”

I smiled, taking in the seriousness of his
expression. He looked worried. “Oh, I was just thinking about my
last session with Dr. Moore.”

He pulled onto the
expressway, quickly accelerating and looking over his shoulder to
merge into traffic. “Yes,
and
?” He was impatient.

“Nothing, really. It just seems sort of
useless talking about things I remember. I thought the point was to
help me remember what I forgot, not take a trip down memory
lane.”

“Well…he probably wants to ease you into it.
Just give it a little time, okay?”

I sighed. “Ryan, there really isn’t anything
wrong with me. I mean, I’m not freaking out, I’m not crazy…do I
really need a shrink?”

His brows dropped over his eyes as he
considered my question. “Julia, I understand your frustration, but
I don’t think he’s trying to be patronizing. Tell him you want to
concentrate on the other stuff.”

“Why can’t you just
tell me
, Ryan? I feel…ugh!” I sighed and
threw myself against the seat.

“You need to remember on your own.”

“In the entryway when I touched your coat, I
had a flash. I remembered how it felt and smelled. I saw it in my
head for a second but then it vanished before I could get the whole
picture.”