Divided (40 page)

Calis’s face was still red, and he turned redder at the
statement.  “I… wanted to know.  Well, I was… I was wanting to see where you
were going.  I saw you leaving your house.  I didn’t want to bother you with
how much time I was spending…”  Then, with a thrust of his hands, Calis’s teeth
snapped together.  “What in the Light?  Why am I explaining this to you?  Why
were you hurting yourself!  It’s a bloody good thing I followed you!”

The response had been so unexpected that Taeru hadn’t
realized that Calis had turned it into an assault on him.  “I didn’t realize I
was…”

Calis moved the damp cloth over Taeru’s arm gingerly. 
Looking around, Taeru realized that they were mostly alone.  “What were you
thinking about?”  Taeru was not about to disclose that bit of information. 
Calis was apparently not accusing him of being mad just yet, but if Taeru
revealed the truth behind the matter, then he certainly would.  “Your wrist is
bruised,” Calis said, and his voice sounded more like a concerned mother than
any Tsrali Taeru had ever heard.

“Stop staring at it,” Taeru hissed.  He yanked his hand back
and caught the kerchief just before it fell into the dirt.  His face flushed
instantly, and he held it back out to the prince.  “Ah, apologies—here, take
it.”

“Yes,” Calis said irreverently, “I was concerned about the
cloth.”

The two of them half-stared, half-glared at one another for
a long moment.  Taeru wasn’t sure what to do.  He felt like a complete fool for
what had happened, and he wasn’t sure how to explain Calis following him.  Nor
did he know how to explain the embarrassed manner in which Calis had tried to
answer why he was. 

In a moment, Calis’s hand was on Taeru’s cheek.  Taeru’s
heart proceeded to spasm, twist, and then leap acrobatically into his throat. 
“I apologize,” he said, working to keep the tremor out of his voice, “I must
have looked a little strange.  I’ve had a fever recently,” he said, there that
didn’t sound too mad, “I’m apparently not handling it very well.”

The blond’s eyes were not convinced, and they spent far more
time staring at Taeru than they should have.  What was Taeru supposed to say? 
He had to say something, because this moment was getting more and more
stifling.  “I-I… I wasn’t… it’s a small fever.  I don’t think it’s a very big
deal.  I tend to handle nonsense like this rather poorly.  It’s nothing.  I can
handle myself.  I’m just sorry that you had to see it, and waste your
kerchief—you didn’t have to do that.  You were probably following me because I
looked strange when I left my house.  Please, if you say anything to the effect
that I’m crazy, I know Lavus will have me killed.  I really don’t want to have
to face him, and then Juliet would look—”  All at once the prince’s lips were
pressed against Taeru’s, and they felt bracingly cool.

This kiss felt different from the one beneath the moon. 
That one had been possessive, full of desire, and this one was—while still
tinged with passion, there was softness to it.  The kiss was much softer,
gentle, as though the lips on his own were there to reassure him.  When Calis
pulled back, his face remained dangerously close to Taeru’s.  “You are so
self-deprecating, Kilik.  As a matter of fact, I have seen you stumbling
deliriously from a fever that lasted suns through the district one moment, and
the next making quick work of nobles who claim to be well-trained.  I’d say you
deal with ‘nonsense like this’ rather well.  And I didn’t follow you because
you looked odd, I followed you because watching you enthralls me.”

Taeru’s face, if it had not been red before, was certainly
red now.  He felt as though his entire face had burst into flames.  He
stammered out a few broken syllables and lowered his head.  “People will see,”
Taeru breathed warily. 

“I don’t care,” Calis said cheerfully.  Pulling back, he
allowed Taeru’s erratic heartbeat to try and regain some of its former steadiness. 
“My father got angry with me this sun,” Calis informed Taeru sincerely,
“because he said I looked too happy.”

This horrified and confused Taeru to no end.  Why was Calis
gracing him with this information?  And more importantly, why would Lavus feel
the need to chastise his son for looking too happy?  Could people even be too
happy?  “Too happy?  I have heard that your father is a harsh man, but surely
you jest.”

Calis chuckled softly, which meant that he was not at all
joking.  Taeru tried to imagine for a moment what it must be like to live with
a man like that.  A man who reprimanded his own son for his happiness.  “I’ve
upset you, Kilik.  That was not my intention,” Calis said apologetically. 
“What I meant to say was that the reason for that happiness is you.  I’ve never
felt so… exhilarated before.  It agitates my father, but I’m rather fond of
it.  And as much as I do enjoy agitating my father, that is not the reason I am
fond of it.”

Taeru was sure that the voice that had been in his mind had
thrown him into some false reality.  Any moment he would wake up being punched
in the face by some deformed and brutish noble.  This made no sense.  “I make
you feel… exhilarated?” Taeru managed weakly.

Oddly enough, Calis laughed a little and nodded his head. 
“You’re making me crazy.  If I’m not thinking about kissing you, then I’m
worried something has happened to you.”

Taeru squirmed a little.  Perhaps the prince was just far
too vocal and impetuous.  There was no way that he meant all of the things he
said.  Though, the fact that Taeru felt strangely similar forced hope into his
mind.  “I… know the feeling.  A little, I think.”

“Do you?”  Calis asked.

The innocent, confused look on the blond’s face made Taeru
want to hit him.  As if he didn’t think that he made every commoner who saw him
swoon and fall over like newly endowed, adolescent women, and every
noblewoman’s mouth water at the thought of all the wealth and power. 
“Obviously.  You pretend not to know that you are the most sought-after man in
all of Telandus?”

With an annoyed sigh, Calis shook his head.  “So, you are
interested in my position, then?”

“Yes,” Taeru said dryly.  “That’s precisely what I meant.”

A wicked grin made its way onto the prince’s face, and he
took another step towards Taeru.  Were they going to kiss again?  This really
was getting out of hand.  Taeru’s mind was so scrambled that all he wanted to
do was go back to Juliet’s house and go to bed.  “So be with me, then, if you
wish it.”

“It is hardly that simple.”  Could it be, though?  Could
Taeru actually let himself give in to that ‘enjoy-it-while-it-lasts’ attitude
Alyx had pushed on him?  He knew that he felt far too strongly for Calis to
ever believe that, but perhaps if he let himself have a little bit of this—this
temporary moment—then he could let go.  But it never worked like that.  Even
someone as inexperienced with romance as he knew that.  He wanted this,
though—he wanted to fall into Calis then.  After all, Calis had been there, and
Calis had forced that voice out of his mind when nothing else could.  Taeru
wanted the protection more than he had ever wanted anything.

The problem was, he didn’t know if it was worth it.  “Why
isn’t it?” Calis asked simply.  The blue-green eyes were flickering in a way
that said he knew precisely why it wasn’t so simple.  He was going to make
Taeru elaborate, though.

Taking a deep breath, Taeru settled on the quickest
explanation.  “We are incompatible.”  Direct, concise and very to the point—the
two of them were not destined to be together.  There was a proper way to go
about this courting nonsense, and Taeru was certain that they were doing it
entirely wrong.

Not that the two of them could have been doing it right. 
After all, as far as their situation went, Calis had done a rather lovely job
of carrying out his suitor role.  Was that what he was trying to be, Taeru
wondered?  He was certainly acting like it if it wasn’t.  “Incompatible—that is
an odd way of phrasing it,” Calis said.

“You can change the phrasing if you like, the meaning will
remain the same.”  Then, after a moment of clarity, Taeru crossed his arms.  He
ignored the sting from the skin that he’d rubbed raw with the stone.  “You mean
to tell me that your father hasn’t arranged for you to be wed yet?” 

Taeru could hardly believe that.  Calis was the crown
prince, and he was certainly of age.  When Calis didn’t immediately answer,
Taeru persisted.  “How old are you?  You must be well beyond the expected age
for one of your position to wed.”

This gave Calis pause, and despite that Taeru had expected
this, the pause hurt more than he’d anticipated.  “That isn’t fair,” Calis
hissed, as though Taeru had just offended him.  “Of course I am supposed to
marry a designated woman.  Father can’t keep loyalty except through commitments
such as marriage.”

With a sigh, Taeru stepped away from Calis.  He was not
going to do this.  This would not end any way but with a massive heartache, and
probably an execution.  “I understand your desire to disobey your father.  I
know what it is like to feel trapped in that sort of position.  But, I have put
those that I care about in enough danger as it is.  You don’t have to be
precisely what he asks of you.  I can already tell you aren’t, but you c-”

Moving forward, Calis wrapped his hands around Taeru’s wrists
and brought their bodies up against one another.  Taeru struggled against the
hold for a moment before Calis began to speak.  “You think this is about being
my own man?  You think this is out of some adolescent desire to disobey my
father?”  The heat in his eyes was paralytic.  His voice was quivering with
some emotion that Taeru couldn’t fathom.  “I went to Dokak.  I lied to people,
I tricked those men into an alliance for my father.  I didn’t like it—but I did
it because he was my father.  I did it because I respected him.  I still
respect him.  As much as I hated the idea of being trapped in a meaningless
marriage, with no feelings or emotions, I was perfectly alright with the
idea—until I met you.  Since the first time I saw you, all I’ve seen when I
close my eyes is the graceful way you move—and since the first time I spoke to
you, all I’ve heard is your voice.  You think I’m being dramatic?  How do you
think I feel?  My mind is being entirely consumed by someone that I’ve barely
even met!  All the while my father tries to push me into a marriage with a
woman that I sometimes cannot remember the name of!”

If Taeru’s eyes were as wide as he felt they were, he was
confident that they must have been taking up half of his expression.  Calis had
clearly been taught in the way of words, and the idea of tricking the Dokak
leaders into an alliance—even with Lavus—seemed entirely plausible.  But, there
was so much emotion in those blue-green eyes that Taeru paused.  Was this an
act?  Did Calis actually mean this?  “Even if I were to believe you, how do you
think this will end?  Your father is not a reasonable person.  If he finds out
you are seeing someone as unfit for you as me, he would…”

Suddenly, Calis jerked away from Taeru and stared at him—as
if the smaller male had just punched him across the jaw.  He looked positively
stricken.  “This is sick,” Calis said warily.  “Why would I have all these
feelings, when I’ve never felt anything akin to them—if all I am going to do by
expressing them is hurt you?”

Taeru couldn’t have agreed with that statement more than if
he’d spoken the words himself.  “I don’t know.”  Perhaps they could end this,
though.  This conversation had gone on long enough, and with every passing
moment, Taeru could feel some inexplicable force pulling him towards Calis.

“But, no,” Calis breathed.  “You need me just as much as I
need you.  My feelings may be ignored, but watching you—seeing you fall apart
like that.  You need me—you need someone, and I am going to be that person.  I
will fight my father if I must, but I will not abandon you when there is some
part of me that knows I should be with you, protect you.”

Dismay muddled across Taeru’s face at the words.  Taeru
needing Calis?  That was quite a declaration, and it spoke leagues for how
little Calis thought Taeru was able to accomplish.  “I happen to be quite
strong, your highness,” he growled.  “You needn’t see me as some sort of child
who needs tending.”

This made Calis grin, and he shook his head.  “That is the
point, my friend.  You are strong—incredibly so.  But, you are also
fragile—like a warrior who has been fighting a battle for far too long.”

That analogy wasn’t quite as insulting as the words before
it had been, and Taeru let out a breath.  The words were frightfully near to
the truth, and he knew it.  He had always known that he was not nearly as
strong as he pretended to be, and now this prince—whom he’d only met very
recently, seemed to be calling him on the one thing no one ever had.  Taeru was
certain, in that moment, that if he let himself be protected—let himself be
with Calis—that he would fall in love with the prince.  But, perhaps that was
the heartache it would take to rid him of this perpetual weakness that seemed
to have finally caught up with him.  “Kilik…” Calis whispered, with a
gentleness Taeru was quite sure that he’d never heard.

“You ought to kiss me, I think—before I realize how foolish
this is.”

And Calis did.

“It is far easier to deceive an innocent man than to
trick a guilty one, Aleia knew this better than any.”

-A Hero’s Peace v.ii

Aela had used fifty different sorts of charms, but she had
finally landed this menial job in the tavern.  The pay was mediocre at best,
but now she had a steady income, and she no longer had to fear that Leif and
she might starve.  The couple that owned the tavern were kind folks, if a
little rough around the edges.  The woman, whom Aela had originally mistaken
for a man, was rather large—with a mole on her forehead that could really
distract from conversation.

While Leif had been busy arranging ways for them to get into
the Shining District, Aela had been trying to find a steady place for them in Dark
District.  The combination had worked well, as they had found out very soon
after entering Telandus that Aela was not very good at lying.  Leif was in awe
that she’d managed to get this far without being discovered.  But they were in
Telandus now, and that meant that their mission would succeed. 

“Where are you going?”  Leif, who she had been sure was
sound asleep on the straw bed in the corner, jerked up when she opened the
door.  He had hearing that could not have been human, Aela was certain. 

“I am going to work at the tavern,” she answered swiftly,
using her best impersonation of a male voice.  Leif still found the time to
make fun of it. 

The two of them had been living in a small room at one of
the inns for nearly a cycle now.  The flow of life had not been easy to adjust
to, but being slow was not an option that they were given.  Leif had spent
nearly all of his time out of the room, prowling around the walls of Dark
District to find a way to get over them—one way or another—without being
detected by the guards that lined it. 

The room was small, though it fit both of them comfortably. 
There was only one bed, so Leif had been sleeping in one of the bedrolls they
had brought with them—except during his naps, which Aela had insisted he take.

The room was on the second floor of the inn.  The floor was
made of simple wood and the walls were wooden, but sturdy.  There was a simple
desk in the room, drawers for keeping what little they had pressed up against
the far wall, and a bed at the back.  They had been lucky enough to get a
mirror, or Aela thought that was lucky, which sat just above the chest of
drawers.  Lastly, there was a colorful rug in the center of the floor and a few
chairs for sitting.  A quaint, simple little room—but Aela had begun to like
it. 

Leif fell back onto the straw bed with a grunt.  “What are
you going to be doing at the tavern?” he asked.  She had told him before, but
he scarcely listened to her when he was thinking—and she had known he was
thinking. 

“I can’t be a barmaid, since I’m not a maid,” she said
crossly, “but I’m going to be cleaning the dishes and the messes that the
customers make.  It doesn’t seem hard from what I’ve seen, and it’s a way to
meet people—which you said I should do—and make a little bit of extra coin.”

The explanation felt strong, and Leif just stared at her as
if she’d told him the most complex bout of nothing that he’d ever heard.  He
probably hadn’t cared what she would be doing—he was only asking to be
courteous.  “You ought to be careful—going out so late.  People get braver
during the moon.  Would you like me to come with you, I could keep watch and
make sure everything goes alright for the first few moons?”

So she had been entirely off-base with what he was
thinking.  She blinked at him a few times, and then shook her head.  Leif’s
presence would probably distract her just enough to make mistakes.  Though, his
desire to protect her was more than a little flattering.  She grinned.  “Oh,
are you worried, Le—Feil?”  She had really not grown used to calling him by the
fake name.

With a frown, he glared away from her and towards one of the
wooden walls.  “I was simply offering to do you a favor, but if you are going
to mock me—then forget it.”  She didn’t bother saying that she wasn’t mocking
him.  “You don’t want me to come?” he finally ventured.

She burst into a fit of giggles, and he rolled over in the
bed as if she was no longer in the room.  “I will be fine,” she told him,
hoping to ease his mind.  “You need as much rest as you can get,” she said,
“you’re getting those rings under your eyes.”

“That is not due to physical stress,” he informed her, “it’s
mental.  And my brain works just as hard when I sleep as it does when I’m
awake.”  He turned over so that his dark eyes found her another time. 

She tilted her head.  She’d been having plenty of erratic
dreams of her own, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was catching.  “I’ve
been dreaming as well, lately,” she said, “and none of them are pleasant.”

“I know,” he said, “wouldn’t it be nice to dream of
something wonderful?  Instead of watching all of my friends die over and over?”

“It would be,” she answered.  Her dreams had not been that
bad—and most of the ones that didn’t contain her brother were not terrible at
all.  The nightmares that she did have were horrible, though.  She swallowed as
she observed Leif for a moment.  “Fantasize about beautiful women—that should
clear your mind.  Isn’t that what we males do?”

Leif chuckled softly, and his grin eased her mind a little. 
“I feel odd fantasizing about her when she’s dressed as a man.”

With a quick flush, Aela let out a warning snarl and found
her way out the door before he could embarrass her further.  He should know
better than to do things like that when he could have such an effect on
people—though the fact that he was having such an effect probably meant many
terrible things.

The sun had not quite set as she made her way to the
tavern.  The lanterns were all being lit for the moon crowd, she noticed.  She
quickly found the man who was running the tavern and made him aware of her
presence.  He assigned her to a few tasks of setting up a few of the tables
that had been unused during the sun and reorganizing some of the liquor on the
shelves under the counter. 

After that, he sent her to the back room to prepare some of
the dishes for the evening and make sure that the floors were clean.  He seemed
glad to have someone to do all these tasks for him, and despite the dullness of
them—they were passing the time.  Men and women began to shuffle into the bar
as the sun vanished from the sky.  Soon enough, the tavern was alight with
bards playing music, and men and women drinking their problems away. 

Aela wished she could inform them that these problems would
only return with the sun, but as that might be bad for business—she neglected
to interact with the patrons.  There were three barmaids—and they were all very
petite.  One was blond, and she appeared to be the feistiest of the group,
always snapping at the men who made passes at her.  The other two had black
hair, though one had long, and one had short.  They were both very efficient in
their movements and much flirtier than the blond. 

Aela hadn’t bothered to learn their names, and she still
hadn’t grown accustomed to interacting with people more than necessary.  Hiding
that she was a girl was no easy task, especially when she seemed so small for a
boy—and the fact that Leif made fun of her male voice at every turn.  She
cursed him mentally for the setback. 

“Aelic,” the owner called as the tavern seemed to reach its
peak capacity.

She hurried over to him, not taking long to shuffle through
the few patrons that had gotten between them.  “Yes, sir?” she asked.  The man
had been fairly amiable throughout the shifts of the moon, and he certainly
didn’t seem to have the power trip that Aela had feared any superior that she
obtained would have.

In fact, he seemed almost as though he didn’t want to be in charge. 
He wanted very much to be able to flirt with the barmaids like the patrons, but
he knew that wasn’t acceptable if he was going to keep the tavern running. 
Enough customers were having to be thrown out for getting too unruly without
the owner becoming one of them.  Aela was secretly very glad, too, that the husband
was in charge of the tavern.  The woman was rather frightening.  “We’re running
low on tankards.  I’ve got a whole ‘nother set and some plates out in the
storage outside—run and get them for me, please.”

With a nod, she turned on her heels and headed towards the
outdoor cellar.  She had already familiarized herself with the place, as the
owner had made sure that she spent a few suns there—learning the layout before
she was put on duty for a full moon.  The last thing the owner wanted—or
needed—on a busy moon was an incompetent barhand.

She made her way out to the cellar and used the key that she
had been given as part of her work arrangement to open it.  The doors fell open
easily, and she hurried down into the darkened cellar to grab the plates and
tankards the man had requested.  She grabbed the torch near the bottom of the
stairs that led into the cellar and used the fire at the top of the cellar to
ignite it.  Then, she headed back into the cellar and began towards the
shelves.  The place was made of stone, built into the ground and filled with
shelves of alcohol and extra supplies that the tavern might need.  There were
also a few crates towards the back that Aela suspected held coin in them. 

Aela was glad for her leather boots as she headed across the
damp ground to the shelf that held her targeted items.  She was sure she could
make out the sounds of rats somewhere off in the corner of the cellar.  She
quickly found the plates and tankards and after a little shifting, she managed
to bring them all up into her arms in a manageable fashion.

Moving back up the stairs, she dropped the torch off where she’d
gotten it, making sure to put out the flame.  She closed the cellar doors and
vowed to return momentarily to lock it when her hands weren’t so full.  The
plates got a little heavier as she moved towards the door of the tavern, but
she used her back to push it open.  Letting out a breath she hadn’t known she
was holding, she felt relieved to be back in the comfort of a well-lit
environment.  No matter how brave she pretended to be—she would always have a
weak spot for dark cellars.

Glancing around for the owner, unsure of where he might want
her to place her newly acquired loot, she saw no trace of him.  Patrons were
swarmed all along the tables, and after a few moments of searching, Aela’s eyes
found one of the barmaids—the blond.  She’d know what was to be done with the
plates and tankards.  Then, though Aela’s eyes stopped on someone else—in fact,
her eyes were not the only thing that stopped.  Her heart, her brain, her body
all seemed to completely fail. 

The crowd seemed to vanish before her eyes as she stared at
the man sitting next to the blond barmaid, talking to her with a ghost of a
smile on his face.  He was wearing a white shirt, with black pants and work
boots.  His hair was black—and shorter than she remembered, but it was his
hair.  His skin was the same bronze that it had been, very similar to Aela’s
own, and perhaps a little darker.

And those eyes.  Those gorgeous, incredible blue eyes. 
Those eyes that Aela had spent her childhood wanting desperately, and her
adolescence missing so much more desperately.  Then, as if he’d heard her
thoughts, the blue eyes snapped across the room to catch her.  Shock and panic
and happiness all collided within her to make a rather crashing sound. 

No, wait, that was the sound of what had been in her arms
crashing to the floor.  Some of the people glanced at her—curious as to what
had happened.  The blue eyes were looking more than a little concerned as they
held Aela’s for a few more moments.  Then, Aela blinked and heard the angry
sound of her employer.  “What in the world?  What is this?  I give you this
job.  I finally give you this job, and on the very first moon you go and pull a
stunt like this!  I cannot have this happening.  There is too much going on in
this tavern already!”

She winced under the yelling.  But no, she couldn’t be
bothered with that.  Who cared about her job—who cared about the few extra
coins if she had really seen
him
?  Then, though, as her eyes searched
desperately for him again—she found the spot where he had just been entirely
empty.  Had she imagined it?

Surely that didn’t just happen.  Surely, I wasn’t so
stupid as to hallucinate and drop everything I was carrying!

She squeezed her eyes shut, listening to the steady yelling
of her new—and possibly former—employer.  Her eyes reopened, and she searched
desperately for the man who had made her drop her bounty.  Pain stabbed into
her chest when she saw nothing, and longing that she had suppressed for so long
bubbled into her mind and obscured every other thought.  She had imagined it. 

Her lips quivered with sadness.  She didn’t care what the
old man said to her, despite that she knew his words were insulting.  Nothing
could compare to having that happiness bestowed on her for that fraction of a
moment, and then having it snatched away—it was as if the very breath she
breathed had been stolen from her.  Tears began to burn in her eyes.  “—you
ought to just get out of here.  Stop standing there like a bloody fool, you
street rat!”

She thought that if she could turn and strike the man who
was insulting her—she might start to feel again.  But, this pain… she didn’t
know if she was going to get over it.  Why had her mind played such a dirty
trick?

“Why are you shouting, Nardin?”  The voice was light and
filled with a sort of gentle humor that meant he was only partially amused. 
The voice caused Aela’s heart to start beating again, and her blood felt heated
as she turned desperately to see if her mind had betrayed her in the worst way
or not.

No—it hadn’t.  He stood before her, then, only a few paces
away from her.  She could have reached out and touched the brother that she’d thought
she’d never see again.  It was him—it was undeniably Taeru Lassau.  His eyes
glowed with swirls of blue, and his skin complimented them.  Had he gotten
smaller?  Perhaps she just hadn’t realized how little he was, but he still had
plenty of height on her.  He was still standing in that graceful manner.  He
still had the very slight dimples on his cheeks as he smiled at the owner who’d
stopped yelling.  “Oh,” she choked.