Diva Diaries (18 page)
Authors: Janine A. Morris
32
Loose Lips
J
ordan had just walked in the office, but before she could even sit down, her cell phone rang. Hands full with her briefcase, purse, and a cup of coffee, she decided to let it go to voice mail and tend to it after she set down her belongings. She put everything down, hung up her coat, and fixed her “hat hair” with her fingers. As soon as she settled at her desk and signed on to her computer, she looked in her phone and saw it was Omar who had called her and that he had left a message. Omar usually didn't leave messages, so out of curiosity she dialed her voice mail first before calling him back. The first few calls were clients and colleagues who called the previous night; she listened as she jotted down some of their information. Then the last call was from 9:10 A.M. and it was Omar's message.
ordan had just walked in the office, but before she could even sit down, her cell phone rang. Hands full with her briefcase, purse, and a cup of coffee, she decided to let it go to voice mail and tend to it after she set down her belongings. She put everything down, hung up her coat, and fixed her “hat hair” with her fingers. As soon as she settled at her desk and signed on to her computer, she looked in her phone and saw it was Omar who had called her and that he had left a message. Omar usually didn't leave messages, so out of curiosity she dialed her voice mail first before calling him back. The first few calls were clients and colleagues who called the previous night; she listened as she jotted down some of their information. Then the last call was from 9:10 A.M. and it was Omar's message.
“
As I was on my to work this morning I remembered a conversation that I had with Jayon at Dakota's house. I guess I was too out of it to register it all then, but I would love for you to explain it to me. Give me a call when you get this.
”
As I was on my to work this morning I remembered a conversation that I had with Jayon at Dakota's house. I guess I was too out of it to register it all then, but I would love for you to explain it to me. Give me a call when you get this.
”
She could tell by the tone in his voice that he was perturbed. He remained calm on his message, but she knew that was the prelude to what he really wanted to say. That was the preparation message.
Jordan's mouth dropped. She had never found the right time to explain to Omar what had happened between her and Jayon; she knew that he would flip, knowing that she still had to work with him every day.
Damn, what did Jayon say
? she thought to herself. She sat there panickingâshe knew that nothing had happened between her and Jayon, but she also knew Omar was going to be more upset that she never told him and was going to feel like she had been hiding something. She didn't want to call Omar back unprepared. By leaving her a message he had given her a fair opportunity to come correct in her response. She couldn't call back without knowing what she was and wasn't going to say about the matter. As her brain ran through everything, she realized it was about 9:30 and Jayon may be in alreadyâshe could just ask him. She jumped up and went straight into Jayon's office. She passed by Jackie, barely registering that she had just walked in a half-hour late. She reached Jayon's office and he was also just getting in.
Damn, what did Jayon say
? she thought to herself. She sat there panickingâshe knew that nothing had happened between her and Jayon, but she also knew Omar was going to be more upset that she never told him and was going to feel like she had been hiding something. She didn't want to call Omar back unprepared. By leaving her a message he had given her a fair opportunity to come correct in her response. She couldn't call back without knowing what she was and wasn't going to say about the matter. As her brain ran through everything, she realized it was about 9:30 and Jayon may be in alreadyâshe could just ask him. She jumped up and went straight into Jayon's office. She passed by Jackie, barely registering that she had just walked in a half-hour late. She reached Jayon's office and he was also just getting in.
“Morning, J,” he said as soon as he saw her walk in.
“Morning, Jayonâsorry to bust in here first thing in the morning but ... what did you say to my husband the other night at the party?”
Jayon's expression changed completely. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Don't tell me you were too drunk to remember, Jayon.”
“Remember what?”
“Omar left me a message this morning asking me to explain a conversation that you had with him, and he didn't sound very happy about whatever it was.”
After a few moments of thinking, he replied, “Oh, yeah.”
“Oh yeah
what
, Jayon?”
what
, Jayon?”
“I just apologized for my actions.”
“What actions, Jayon?” Jordan said in a panicked tone. “What did you say, exactly?”
“I said âsorry about that situation with me and J. I was going through a lot and didn't mean to disrespect you or her.'”
Jordan just wanted to reach down, grab her shoe, and throw it right at his head. Trying to remain calm, she asked, “And what did he say, Jayon?”
Jayon knew Jordan was annoyed, because she kept saying his name in all of her questions. She always did that when she was trying not to get upset with him; it was like she was reminding herself who he was and not to go crazy on him like he was a witness on the stand or something.
“He just said that it was OK, no problem ... what, did you not tell him about it?”
“No, Jayon, I didn't! But thanks for telling him for me. Now he is going to think it was even more than it was because I never told him.”
“Well, why didn't ...”
“Don't even ask me why I didn't tell him, Jayon. The question is, why did you? Or for that matter, why did you ever have to take it there in the first place?” She stormed out of the office, leaving the door open behind her. Jackie and the file clerk had happened to be standing close by the door, and it was obvious they had both caught the early-morning closing arguments.
“Good morning,” they both said as she walked by them.
She muttered “Good morning” back to them and continued down the hall.
Dammit
, she thought to herself.
Great way to add more drama to the situation
. She knew they would be gossiping about it with everyone all day.
Dammit
, she thought to herself.
Great way to add more drama to the situation
. She knew they would be gossiping about it with everyone all day.
Once she got to her office, she noticed Jayon was not following her. She bravely picked up her phone and dialed Omar's number. She thought perhaps she should wait, but she didn't want him wondering what she was doing at work that she couldn't call him back. While it was dialing, she intercomed to Jackie to hold all her calls until she got off the phone. After a few rings and sweat beads on her forehead, his voice mail picked up.
“Baby, it's me. I just got your message. I think I know what you're speaking of, and if I'm right, I can explain. Please give me a call back when you get this so we can talk. 'Bye.”
33
It Hits the Fan
“
H
e is just your friend, right? All that bullshit you be kicking and the nigga tried to push up on you and you still trying to front like shit was all good ...” Omar yelled.
H
e is just your friend, right? All that bullshit you be kicking and the nigga tried to push up on you and you still trying to front like shit was all good ...” Omar yelled.
They were sitting in her bedroom, arguing for the past fifteen minutes about what had happened months ago when Jayon made that move on Jordan in the office. She had planned to tell him, she swore she had. The right time just never came around, and now he thought the worst.
“Omar, he was drunk, and he apologized several times. He didn't mean anything by it and I knew that. I was going to tell you, but I wanted to tell you at a time when me and you weren't arguing over him or my job, or when me and you were stable enough to handle another issue,” she explained.
“What issue? You claim it was nothing.”
“It was, but I knew like now you would make a bigger deal out of it than it was.”
“Oh, I'm making a big deal out of this? This dude that you claim has just been your friend for all of these years, and that you work with and spend more time with in a week than you do with me and your son, tries to fuck you and you say that I'm making a big deal out of it?” he said in a sarcastic tone.
By this time, tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't take it anymore. Omar yelling, her confusion and guilt. She had lost control and she knew that if she was in Omar's shoes she would feel the same way.
“He didn't try to fuck me,” she said through her tears.
“So, what you think that was, he just wanted to try and see if you would do something with him, but he wouldn't have if you let him? Please, Jordan, you sound retarded.”
“No, I'm just saying it didn't go that far. It was just a conversationâhe was drunk. The very next day when he was sober he apologized,” she said.
“Yeah, because you didn't give him none,” he replied.
“Well, where is my credit then? I didn't do itâdoes that mean anything?”
“First of all, this isn't about youâthis is about him and his pretending to be just your friend and he knows that he is just waiting in the wings ...” he said. She opened her mouth to reply, and he shouted over her, “And as for you, NO, it doesn't mean anything ... you might as well have fucked him. You been with him day and night since like the shit was all right what he did, and you kept it from me and let me smile in his face like everything was sweet ... and you claim to be all honest ... yeah, OK, honest about everything except the stuff about your good ol' best friend,” he said.
Still crying, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was just as guilty as if she had given in to Jayon, is what Omar was saying.
“I was going to tell you, I swearâit was just never a good time,” she said.
“I bet, never a good time to say, âhey, babe, Jay asked me to have sex with him, but I said sorry. Now, see you later tonight around elevenâI'll be with him all night,'” he said mockingly.
“So what was I supposed to do, make him close his business over a mistake?” she asked.
“So you chose to risk losing your marriage over his mistake?”
“Why would I lose my marriage? Nothing happened ...”
“Jordan, that nigga shouldn't even still be an issue. Ever since you guys' little month together when we broke up that time, I told you I wasn't feeling him and you being friends, but you refused. Then you go and share an office with him, and I just sat here to see how far you would let things go,” he said.
“We haven't been anything more than friends since me and you got back together. You sat and watched, you say, but then you saw that nothing happened ... it's been strictly business and nothing more,” she replied.
“Until one day, he comes in the office drunk and tries to push up on you?” he said.
“Drunk ... drunk, Omar. Don't act like you have never been drunk and misbehaved since we have been married.”
“Whatever, Jordanâkeep defending him. You can't even help yourself. You're so busy trying to keep him up on a pedestal, you don't even hear the stupid shit you say,” he said.
“Omar, I understand your point. I just want you to understand you're imagining the worst.”
“No, you think the worst would be that you did fuckâthat's not the worst, because at least you could see then that you are just as wrong and that that nigga is no better than the rest of them ... He wants the same thing they all want. The worst is having you stand here thinking he is some kind of angel, and you look me in my face knowing that you think he is better than me,” he said.
“Omar, I don't think that. You are my husband. He is just my friend. He can never take your place in my life or in my heart,” she said, sincerely meaning every word.
“Prove it, thenâit's either him or me,” Omar said.
She was speechless at his sudden ultimatum.
He continued, “I'm done with this shit. You have a choiceâif you don't let that dude go, I'm done.”
“Are you saying you are going to leave me if I don't end my friendship with Jay?” she asked.
“That's exactly what I'm saying.”
“I can't kick him out of the buildingâhe is on the lease,” she said.
“Well, then you leave, I don't care what you have to do, but you have a choice,” he said as a matter of fact.
“So, close up my office and start all over because you can't have a little more faith in me?” she asked.
“I have faith in you, but I don't have faith in him.”
“Well, Omar, that's a lot to ask. You can't expect me to choose between you and my career that I have worked for so hard. That's selfish,” Jordan said desperately.
“Is it really? Was it selfish when you agreed to work on the same floor as him? Was it selfish when you started to work day and night and were never home, so he got to see you more than I did? Was it selfish when half of your colleagues thought he was your husband because you attended all of those parties with him? And
I'm
selfish?” Omar said.
I'm
selfish?” Omar said.
“He comes because he is doing business like I am, and you were welcome to come as well. And I can't help having to work late hoursâyou think I don't want to be home?” Jordan asked.
“Why would I come? I don't want to be his backup. You go with him usually, and you can't help working late hours. There is just no rush to get out of there, because you're there with your homeboy.”
“If that's what you think, then fine. I can't change your opinionâthink what you want. I'm tired of arguing. I don't know what I can do to make you see the truth.”
“I don't know what to do to make
you
see the truth, but I know I refuse to let this nigga have my wife while I sit home with our son,” he said as he walked out of the room.
you
see the truth, but I know I refuse to let this nigga have my wife while I sit home with our son,” he said as he walked out of the room.
It's funny how men and women can perceive the same thing totally differently. Here Omar had made up his mind that Jayon was after his wife and that she was being totally selfish by having another man around. On the other hand, she saw Jayon as a remedy for her and Omar's unhappiness. If it wasn't for Jayon keeping her sane half the time, her and Omar's marriage would be terrible. Not to mention that Jayon was enjoying his single lifeâhe wasn't plotting on how to get Omar's wife. There was no way Omar would ever believe that, though. He thought everything Jordan said, was because she was defending Jay's throne, when in reality she was defending theirs.
34
Jekyll and Hyde
“
Q
uinton, get in here and finish this math problem,” Chrasey yelled toward the living room.
Q
uinton, get in here and finish this math problem,” Chrasey yelled toward the living room.
She was in the dining room helping the kids with their homework, and somehow Quinton got slick and walked away while she was focusing on a problem with Kelsey.
“One,” Chrasey yelled. When she started counting, they knew that she wasn't playing. He came running back to his seat.
“Now, finish these math problems.” She didn't have time to sit there all night with these two. Homework was always the worst timeâthey always wanted to start playing or talking with each other. Getting them to concentrate was the hardest part. She tried separating them, but it made it harder for her to help both of them with their work.
“Is it four, Mommy?” Quinton asked after he did some scribbling on the paper.
She looked over at what he had done. “Yes, baby. You see, it's not hard. You just have to try.”
A few moments later, the door opened and closed. She could hear Keith coming in the house. He came in to the dining room, and of course the kids took advantage of the opportunity to break their concentration. At first she wanted to tell them to sit back down and do their work, but she didn't want to prevent Keith from getting a loving greeting after his long drive home to Queens.
“Hey, Daddy” they both yelled.
“Hey,” he replied as he walked toward them. He patted Quinton on the head, gave Kelsey a kiss on the forehead, and then leaned over to Chrasey and gave her a kiss.
She almost didn't know what to think. Keith never greeted her anymoreâmaybe with words, but hugs and kisses? Not for quite some time.
As the kids finished their work, he sat down and began to talk to them. He seemed to be in such a good mood. He was telling them that after they finished their homework he wanted them to draw three cool places they wanted to go or things they wanted to do, because he had a surprise for them. His exact words were,
Me and Mommy have a surprise for you
.
Me and Mommy have a surprise for you
.
Where was this coming from? He had been home for over five minutes and he wasn't in the living room with his beerâsomething was wrong. While he finished answering all of their questions about the surprise, Chrasey decided to get up and make his plate. She poured him a glass of juice and walked into the dining room with it.
“Where do you want your plate? In here or in the living room?”
“I'll take it right here,” he said.
She walked around the table and put the plate down in front of him.
“Thank you, baby,” he said as she placed the glass down.
“You're welcome, “ she replied. She was completely confused. She tried to act normal but her mind was racing. Baby? Thank you? A kiss? Was it her birthday or an anniversary she forgot about? It felt like some sort of prank. She wanted to ask what was going on but she didn't want to start any problems, and the kids were there. Still, she wasn't sure what to do.
“So how are things at work?” he asked once she sat back in her chair.
“They are going well. I may be getting a new title and more money real soon,” she replied.
“Really? That is great. What's that about?”
“Well, they were going to hire someone else to work with me to handle this new program we started, but my manager asked me if I wanted a promotion instead and I would just pick up the extra work, and I said yes. I know it's just because it saves them money, but it also earns me more so, hey.”
“That is really good, baby. I'm proud of you.”
She couldn't believe that Keith was having this conversation with her. Not just because he was showing concern about her job, but he was being so sweet.
“What about you? How is work?” she asked.
“Work is fine. Just doing some major projects and there are a lot of changes going on. It's been a little stressful but nothing I can't handle.”
“That's good. At least you have new challenges that keep you from becoming bored at work.”
She was amazed that Keith was showing an interest in what she was up to. He continued asking her questions about what she was doing and what she wanted to do; she actually began to enjoy the conversation. He told her what was going on at his job, and what he wanted to do next in his career. He even asked her about Dakota and Jordan, and what they were up to. She was amazed, but after a while she wasn't thinking about it. She was enjoying the rare moment that they were sharing.
When they finished dinner, he went up to the bedroom to get comfortable. When she walked into the bedroom to get a scrunchy to pull her hair back with, Keith walked up close to her. She tensed up some, and she could tell that Keith noticed it.
He looked in her eyes, and said in a sexy tone, “You look very nice.”
“Thank you,” she replied. It was weird that she felt so strange standing so close to her own husband.
“After you put the kids to bed, can you meet me back here in the bedroom?”
She tried to laugh it off. “OKâI'll see you then.”
As she was putting the kids to bed, she heard Keith taking his shower and getting ready for bed, or for her to meet him in the bed. When she was finally done, she came into the bedroom and Keith was already in the bed. It appeared as if he came home with this on his mind. They hadn't done it in a while, and she wasn't looking forward to the awkward situation awaiting them. For her it was even more uncomfortable, because her last few sexual encounters were with Trevor and she wasn't emotionally prepared for the change. The sad part was she was sexually more comfortable with Trevor than she was with her own husband.
When she first felt his tongue in her mouth, she tried to just pretend that it was years ago when they were still a happy couple. It worked for a whileâshe just let herself go and tried to enjoy it for what it was. She tried to keep all the random thoughts from going through her head as he leaned over her, making love to her. She was feeling guilty that she no longer belonged to just him. She wondered if he noticed, she wondered if he cared to notice. Was he just horny, or was he trying to fix things between them?
She couldn't stop thinking. The more excited she saw him get, the more emotional she became. Before she knew it, tears began to roll down her face. Keith stopped for a quick moment, and asked was she all right. She told him she was just fine and to continue. He hesitated, but then he did go on until he was done. When he finished he held her in his arms and cuddled with her. It felt good to Chrasey for Keith to hold her. He probably thought she was crying because she was emotional about sleeping with him after so long. That did play a role, but even more so, it was guilt. Guilt from letting herself go so far with another man that her husband had become a stranger to her.
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