Diva Diaries (16 page)
Authors: Janine A. Morris
27
Small World
T
revor and Chrasey had just finished their second game and it was tiedâhe won the first one and she won the second one. Of course, they couldn't leave without someone having bragging rights, so they decided to get a third game and play one more time. He gave her the money and she went up to the counter to tell the man they wanted a new game on their lane.
revor and Chrasey had just finished their second game and it was tiedâhe won the first one and she won the second one. Of course, they couldn't leave without someone having bragging rights, so they decided to get a third game and play one more time. He gave her the money and she went up to the counter to tell the man they wanted a new game on their lane.
While she was standing there waiting for the clerk to wait on her among all the people returning and getting their bowling shoes, she looked off and watched Trevor. He was just so cute, and so sweet, and so much fun. Whenever they hung out, it was like a day off from her stressful life. She was able to forget about her dysfunctional marriage, and be happy for the time being. Her kids were the only thing that brought her joy, and unless she was able to get out with her girls they were all she had. So when she was able to spend time with Trevor, it was like she was able to get her mind off everything wrong in her life.
Chrasey was feeling a lot better about herself this past monthâshe had lost sixteen pounds and was feeling more confident. Trevor would tell her she didn't need to lose weight and that she looked good at her original size, but he was also very supportive of her goal to lose twenty more pounds. He had become her motivation for looking better; she knew he was out there seeing all these young, sexy ladies and she wanted to be a little more competition for them. She used to wonder what Trevor saw in her, being that she was older than him and he could get younger, skinnier girls, but he always said he never met anyone like her. He said the younger girls were immature and had their priorities all screwed up, and he didn't like skinny girls, so Chrasey was perfect for him. He also knew that since she was married, what they shared was just for the moments in time that they shared it; it could never be much more than that. They were both content with that.
The man finally came over and took her money and set their game up. It was only 9:00, and she was sure Keith wasn't home yet. It was a Friday nightâhe usually didn't get home until about 1:00 in the morning. She went to walk back toward their lane. Trevor was patiently sitting down, observing other bowlers' games. She approached him while he was still focused on the game next to their lane.
“You ready for your butt beating?” she said.
He looked her way as he snapped out of his trance, and started to laugh. “Yeah, I am ready. I just hope you are,” he replied.
Just as he started to enter the information on the screen for their new game, she heard someone say “Chrasey?”
She and Trevor both turned and looked in the direction of the voice.
Oh, man, it was Denise, Keith's niece. Why, of all people, did it have to be her? She thought she was trying to act normal, but she knew it was clear all over her face that she wasn't happy to see her.
As she approached their lane, she asked, “What are you doing here?” without any hesitation.
Everybody who knew Chrasey knew she didn't go out much, barely at all. Whenever she went out, it was usually with the kids, maybe Keith, and from time to time Jordan and Dakota. So, if people saw her out under different circumstances, they usually would react that way, but she was asking even more so because she was curious as to who this man was here with her.
“I'm bowlingâwhat are you doing here?” Chrasey couldn't think quickly enough. She guessed her answer made her look even more suspicious, but it was all she could spit out. She was completely caught off guard, and she had no experience at getting caught and lying.
She figured she was afraid to ask too many more questions, because she could tell by the look on her face she was in an awkward position.
“I'm hanging out with my friendsâwe just finished our game and we are about to go get something to eat.”
“That's good. Well, you be careful and I will see you this weekend, probably,” she said, trying to wrap up the small talk as quickly as possible. Besides, it was obvious that since Chrasey wasn't introducing Trevor, who was sitting right beside her, that there was probably a reason for that. A reason she or Chrasey didn't want to acknowledge.
“OK, I will catch you later,” she said as she gave Chrasey a kiss and ran off.
Chrasey was thankful she didn't do what she could have done, which was either flat-out ask her who he was or mention her uncle just to see her reaction. She almost silently gave her a pass. She was a twenty-year-old college student; Chrasey was hoping she was too distracted to care or would get wasted tonight and forget what she saw.
When she finally walked away, she looked at Trevor, who looked back at her and she said, “I'm sorry for that.”
“For what?” he said, acting as if he had no idea what she was referring to.
“It was rude not to introduce you or acknowledge that you were with me.”
“Don't worryâit comes with the territory.”
“What does that meanâare you a professional at being the other man?” she asked.
“No, but I do know that when you're married, it's really hard to go around introducing me to people as a friend that you're out on a date with. That's not always accepted in marriages.”
“Yeah, and that was his niece, so that really was uncomfortable.”
“What if she tells him?” he asked, seeming really concerned.
“She probably won't, and if she does I will tell him what he has told me when I have heard of him out with females. . . it was some of my co-workers hanging out.”
Trevor had already finished putting in their information and was picking his ball for the game when he looked back at her and said, “You get a kick out of this, don't you? Is all of this just to show your husband you can do it, too?”
She was shocked that he asked such a question; she and Trevor tried not to discuss what they did outside of each other too often. Especially not the moral issue behind what they were doing.
“No,” she said clearly, unhappy with his question.
“So, then what is it?”
“This was about me being in the company of someone I enjoy and who enjoys me. The fact that Keith has been a terrible husband is not justification or cause for revenge. It just means to me that what I do is acceptable because it's nothing he hasn't done to me.”
“You're not even sure if he is cheating on youâyou're just assuming from his actions, and you know what they say about assumptions,” he said.
That fast, Chrasey's whole happy night had just turned left. First Denise popping up, and then Trevor wanting to become righteous on her as if he wasn't a participant in her wrongdoings. He wasn't talking all this shit the night he asked her to come to his house so he could make her feel better.
Chrasey just got up, picked up her pink-and-purple bowling ball, stepped up to the red line, and threw it at the little white-and-red pins, imagining that they were Keith, her extra weight, her boss who pissed her off, the skinny girl at Lane Bryant, and one was even Trevor. She threw that pin with all her might, and it was clearly heartfelt because she bowled a strike.
28
Decisions
“
I
am going through the most confusing time of my life. I wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I could remember, but then I also always wanted to be a mother and wife,” Jordan complained to Dakota.
I
am going through the most confusing time of my life. I wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I could remember, but then I also always wanted to be a mother and wife,” Jordan complained to Dakota.
“Girl, I love you, but I'm getting tired of you with this same issue, and you aren't doing anything about it,” Dakota said.
“Forget you,” Jordan said with a slight giggle, knowing she was right. “It's just that every day I live through it and I still don't know what to do,” she continued anyway.
“Aww, poor baby. Go ahead, what's wrong now?” Dakota asked.
“It's just that even the career path I chose is becoming questionable,” Jordan complained to Dakota.
“Why do you say that? Your career is fine,” Dakota replied.
“I worked in law and in entertainment, and I never explored any other options. Now, all of a sudden, I am finding myself unsure of my life choices. I just wonder if I should have chosen a career more conducive to home life. I feel like maybe I was being an overachiever, and was really hurting myself overall,” Jordan said, sounding completely depressed.
“Girl, there is no such thing as an overachiever. There is nothing wrong with shooting for the stars. You should be proud of yourself, not unhappy,” Dakota told her.
“I know, but it's just that at some point I feel like as a woman we have to choose career or family. You can't overachieve at both.”
“You can be successful at both, though, and I think you do a damn good job at both. I know for me, I don't know if I can handle my job, a man, and some snotty-nose kids. There is not enough time in a day,” Dakota said with a slight giggle.
“I never had the mentality of a woman being kept by my manâI liked the feeling of being independent. I liked knowing that I didn't need anybody to sustain my lifestyle, and no man could feel me needing him was the reason I stayed. So, it's like, even when I consider lowering my standards of success, my gut never lets me settle. Yet, here I am, now that I have obtained most of all that I desired, and I am realizing that I may not have had my priorities straight,” Jordan said.
“I think you're just PMSing, because there isn't anything wrong with you. I never wanted to need no man, either, but we all want one deep down inside. I think it's true you have to sacrifice certain things to save your marriage, but I don't think your career has to be one of them. You saw
Waiting to Exhale
âif your man walks out the door, you need to have taken care of you.”
Waiting to Exhale
âif your man walks out the door, you need to have taken care of you.”
“Yeah, but what if he walks out because you're taking better care of you than him and your family?”
Dakota laughed. “You asking me? I'm a single bitch. I don't know.” They both started laughing.
“I am really considering either giving up law or maybe becoming a teacher or something.”
“After all you went through with law school?”
“I know. Law always seemed to be the most rewarding career I thought I could have. I would be proud of myself, have a lucrative income, and I could work for myself, which were all of my requirements. But it has become so stressful trying to balance my business and personal life, I am starting to lose some of my passion,” Jordan said. After Dakota didn't reply right away, she continued, “Now my mornings are dreadful, and I hate getting up every day, dragging myself in to the office. My colleagues and staff are getting on my nervesâI am not being the fierce attorney I was known to be with some of my clients.”
“Jordan, go to bed. You need sleep 'cause you are bugging out.”
“I mean it. I know I am failing at motherhood and being a wife, and I hate to admit that to myself. I have no time to spend with Omar and Jason, and the little time I do have just isn't enough. Omar is doing all that he can as a husband, and Jason is the best son I could ask for. I just have to face the fact that sacrifice is needed to succeed at this point. My career isn't fulfilling anymore, especially when I come home to a house that's missing my nurturing.”
“I want to see you home every night cooking and cleaningâthat would be a sight. You have never been a domestic chick, so don't try now.”
“I know I'm not the housewife type, either. Shoot ... I'll be making microwave dinners every night,” Jordan said, laughing at herself.
“Jordan, you will be just fine. I am not always happy in my field. It's competitive and cutthroatâsometimes I have to deal with some real egos, but at the end of the day there aren't too many other things I'd rather do.”
“I've considered going back into some of my niches before lawâentertainment, freelance writing, or maybe something new. I want to be able to keep my freedom as well as my income, but being an attorney is hard to beat. I am willing to sacrifice the prestige and money, but only if it is something that fulfills me in a different way.”
“Girl, you're just burnt out, and you need a break.”
“It's not that easy to take a break when you're in the middle of major deals,” Jordan replied.
“What does Omar say?”
“I try to discuss it with Omar, but he has a tendency to make me feel even worse about these âsimple problems.' As usual, he thinks my dilemma is ridiculous and is no help at all. It just leads to arguments because I feel like he is not being sympathetic to my needs. I don't need the added stress. At times he can be so inconsiderate and insensitive. He makes me feel like my issues are trivial and I am just making a big deal out of them.”
“Well, they're not trivial, but you do need to count your blessings.”
“I know in the scheme of life they aren't serious issues, but in the scheme of my life, they matter.”
“Listen, drama queen, you getting all poetic on me and shit ... go to bed,” Dakota said, laughing.
“Good night ... love ya,” Jordan said, laughing as well.
“Love you, too, girl,” Dakota said, and she hung up.
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