Ditching The Dream (Dream Series) (43 page)

But there were many things that I’d not yet been introduced to. There was one an unopened package that said nipple clamps. There was a long bar with wide leather cuffs on each end. There was a small device that looked like a bizarre pastry wheel, with its small wooden handle holding a small metal wheel with little spikes fanning out. I saw shiny wooden paddles, some simple planes, some with holes in them. There were several riding crops in varying lengths and thicknesses and differing leather tips. Next to those were two whips that hung coiled and seemingly ready to strike.

“Which do you think would do the trick?” he asked.

Why is he asking me?

My eyes flitted between the paddles and the crops. I didn’t think I was ready for a whip.

“Yes, the paddles are nice. The solid ones deliver a firm swat. Those with the holes are more… aerodynamic. They deliver a harsher sting. Either is suitable.”

I looked them over more carefully. There was one toward the top that drew my attention most. It was an oval, in beautiful cherry wood. It was a solid paddle, no holes. It had a gorgeous shellac on it which reflected my gaze.

But the crops also drew my attention. There was a short one with a leather tip that was frayed. The handle was black braided leather. The shaft a gleaming ebony. Next to it lay a longer one. This one had a silver handle with a matte white shaft. The tip, however, was fan-shaped, a cut of white leather.

Jack’s hand reached in and collected the two items that I considered.

“The solid paddle will warm you nicely. The black crop will deliver enough of a sting. This is your first time, no need to go overboard,” he explained gently and quietly. “Go stand at the side of the sofa and wait for me,” he ordered.

How I managed to walk the ten feet to the sofa was beyond me. My legs were shaking. My skin was already tingling in anticipation. I needed this. That must have been the only way I was able to do as Jack said.

I stood, waiting. I felt him standing behind me. He wasn’t close enough to touch me, and I couldn’t feel his heat. But I could hear him breathing. His breath was measured.

“Why are you asking for this?” he asked.

“Because I’ve been unfaithful,” I whispered.

“How many times?”

That took a moment. I had to count. And did I count each time I came? Or each time I’d been with either Jack or Kevin? I opted for ‘each time.’ Okay. It all started in Jack’s hallway. We didn’t have sex, but it was the start of cheating for sure. Then with Kevin after tequila and dancing. Then with Jack after our first dinner date. Then with Kevin after Times Square and the chocolate cake. Then when Jack told me he was a Dom and proved it. On the roof with Kevin. And the night before I broke up with Kevin. Jack at the Met and after the Opera. Heaven help me, I was like a freakin’ ping pong ball!

Oh, I can’t forget today.

“Nine. But give me ten…please,” I replied, my heart pounding in my ears. I figured ten because some of those times were so intense.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded, “I’m sure.”

“I will deliver the paddle for five. Then I will follow with the crop for another five. The paddle will warm up the skin so you don’t sustain injury from the crop alone. Do not tense or you will be injured. Relax and accept the punishment. Understood?”

Relax.
I took a breath. I nodded.

“Understood?” he repeated harshly.

Suddenly realizing my error, I blurted, “Yes, sir. I understand.”

“Would you like to count out loud or in your head?”

“I have a choice?” I asked. All the times I’d read about this stuff in the mommy porn books from book club, the sub had to count out loud.

“They are you transgressions. This is a punishment you are requesting. Were they for your disobedience or disrespect to me, you would be counting aloud.”

Oh.
“I will count in my head, thank you.”

“Whenever you are ready, bend over the side of the sofa.”

I was surprised that I wouldn’t be resting on his lap. I guess that was also because this was
my
punishment to take, not his to give. I took a few deep breaths, then leaned over the side of the sofa, my behind ready and waiting.

I waited in silence. The silence was terrifying. I listened for warning that he was going to swing the paddle. None came.

WHACK!
My right butt cheek burned with the sting from the paddle. Definitely a punishing spanking. I waited for the soothing touch of his hand.

I deserved this. I had made these choices.
Rub.

WHACK!
My left butt cheek received the paddle.
Rub
.

A tear sprung to my eye.

Two more swats from the paddle, all having landed in a different area. My rear was on fire. I had so many tears welled in my eyes, I couldn’t see a thing. One final blow and I let out the air in my lungs.

I knew that the next five were going to be the crop. I wanted to tense, but I recalled his warning. I closed my eyes pushing the tears onto my cheeks. The tears were as hot as my ass.

I took a breath and let it out.

POP!

Shit!
I didn’t expect the sting to be so sharp, but I had asked for it. And to be honest, it felt good to be punished. I knew Greg would never do this for me. He’d sooner keep his mouth shut and look the other way. No acknowledgement would be like it never happened.

POP!
The tears started flowing freely now. Strangely enough, I did start to feel better. I knew that full restitution would come when I dealt with Greg tonight. But the swats were doing a fine job unlocking all the emotion.

Just three more,
I told myself.

POP!
The tears were flowing.

POP!

POP!

Before I could process anything, Jack had pulled me down, a sobbing mess, and had me cradled in his lap.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” he kept muttering, his lips at my temple.

“I asked f-f-for it,” I stammered. “I d-d-did th-this to m-m-myself.”

“If I hadn’t pushed you, you wouldn’t have gone against your initial intentions. I’m just as much to blame.” I looked up at him to see tears falling from his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

We sat there for several minutes, just cuddling. Then, without a word, and solemn, reverent ceremony, he massaged a lotion into my skin where he’d paddled and then taken the crop to me. I dressed, then quietly left.

I
couldn’t move. I couldn’t leave. What had just happened here was so foreign. Yet, I’d done this many times before. I’d even punished Beth before, but this was different. She’d asked for it. Like when I asked
her
for my punishments. Did
she
feel like this when we were done? Probably not. We didn’t have that sort of relationship. Not the kind of connection Beth and I had.

I felt horrible. I had been a big part of Beth’s pain. Her hurt. Her shame. Her guilt.

I started to cry. Who was I? I was second guessing all of my choices.

I took a cleansing breath, stood and dressed. I needed my own whipping. I hadn’t been
there
in about a month. I wasn’t feeling I needed it — until now.

I picked up my cell phone and sent a text:

4:52p.m.

B. I need a session.

I will c u at the room in

15m. J.

G
etting ready for dinner with Greg was nerve wrecking. After arriving at my apartment I downed a Cosmo, but the drink did little to calm me. The punishment had helped some. A lot really. I opened up and tapped into my deeper feelings, but my mind was what needed the spanking.

I let the vodka do its job while I showered and thought about everything, the hot water further inflaming my punished behind. What was I doing? Hours before I was supposed to meet with Greg, I ran to Jack. Why? Why did I ask him to
make love
to me? Was it love? I don’t think it was. Falling in love takes more than a couple of weeks. Right? I certainly cared for Jack. He’d taught me so much about who I am. About how much I could handle. And after all, that’s what this little adventure was all about.

But my self-confidence hadn’t come solely from Jack. Kevin was a big part of that. He made me feel smart, young, and funny. He was a great friend. Greg and I never had any connections like I had either Jack or Kevin.

It made me think of my friends who post their Facebook status’ of
‘Eighteen years ago today I married my best friend. Happy anniversary, honey.’
I always thought they were full of shit. But, if Greg and I had the connection that Jack and I, or Kevin and I had formed, I might have been the one posting those sappy statuses.

Climbing out of the shower, I went and made a second Cosmo. Was my adventure here a sexual growth? Certainly. Had I achieved my initial goal? Independence? Hard to say.

I got dressed in a light blue silk tank top, and a simple pair of grey trousers that went to the floor and covered my ankle tattoo that was starting to fade. I went super light on make-up, foregoing mascara and eyeliner. I had a premonition that I would be crying by the night’s end and I didn’t care to do the raccoon look. I styled my hair quickly in the sleek tailored fashion.

My reverie was interrupted by my ringing phone. I read the screen and answered it. “Hey, Jess, I’m glad you –”

“Jim just told me that Greg jumped on a flight to New York last night. I just wanted to warn you.”

“Too late. He found me,” I sighed as I sat down at the breakfast bar, starting to embrace the effects of the martinis. “He showed up at the bar last night.”

“Sorry, I crashed early last night and Jim was out of the house early. I just found out, otherwise I would have warned you earlier.”

“It’s okay. We need to talk. It’s probably better if we talk face-to-face. It’s too easy to hang up. He’s picking me up in forty minutes for dinner.”

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know, Jess. I really don’t know. I’ve really stepped in it. I don’t know if I can go back.”

“Are you asking for a divorce?” Leave it to Jess to cut to the chase.

“I think I should, Jess. I’ve basically cheated on Greg –”

“But he told you that you could,” she interrupted.

“That doesn’t excuse all I’ve done. I’ve been with two guys. Not just once either. They weren’t one-night stands. I think I might be…” I couldn’t tell her I thought I had fallen in love with Jack. “But it’s not just that. I don’t know if I’m really independent. I’ve only been here for three weeks.”

I looked around my cozy apartment. It was clean and nice. I was maintaining a job, but I’d only been on the job for two weeks. I had friends, Shelby and Tom, and even though we’d only known each other for the two weeks, I knew that they would call me in a pinch, and I could call them. They weren’t as close as Jess and I, but no one would ever replace that relationship.

I drained the last of my second martini. I contemplated a third, but thought better of it. Instead I let it all out. I told Jess about the last few days, breaking up with Kevin and my tattoo. The opera and after. I opted to not tell her about asking Jack to punish me. That was mine alone.

“What do I do, Jess?”

“Honey, I wish I knew. I know Greg is a mess without you, and I’m sorry if that doesn’t help. I do think this separation has been a wakeup call for him.” Her voice was full of sadness. “And I need you home for me, too. I’ve got some things going on and I really need my bestie,”

I sat up. I kicked myself for being so into my own problems I’d missed picking up on her cues. “Oh, shit! Right. What’s going on, Jess?” I asked, on high alert. Jess was one of the strongest people I knew and she needed someone?

“Well, I was doing my monthly breast check in the shower, and something is there. It’s definitely something. It’s been there every day for two weeks.” My eyes nearly fell out of my head.

“What?” I screeched. “Have you been to your gyno?”

“I’m scared to. I had the baseline mammogram at forty, just like she recommended. What if is something, Bets?”

“Jess, if it is something, we’ll get it taken care of. But you have to know. Wondering and hoping won’t do a bit of good! What does Jim say?”