Distorted Hope (27 page)

I put my hand on top of his, which was resting on my protruding belly. It wasn’t huge yet, but there was no mistaking I was pregnant now. Whenever we sat together, Nathan’s hand was always on it, and I loved it.

We’d flown into Panama City yesterday so Dr. Perez could do an ultrasound. Nathan had been nervous about going into the city. As corrupt as Panama was, it was still rather ballsy for a known arms dealer to blatantly walk around in public.

Oh, the look on Nathan’s face when Dr. Perez had told us it was a girl. It was better than the boyish grin I got when I told him I loved him. I asked him about his thoughts on names and ‘Hope’ was the first thing to come out of his mouth. It was perfect. Now, we were about four months away from meeting Baby Hope for the first time. I couldn’t wait to see Nathan’s face when he held her for the first time. I knew I would remember it for the rest of my life.

As we flew home, I could tell something was bothering him, but when I asked him, he shook his head and wouldn’t answer me. We came out to sit in the garden after lunch and he didn’t speak at first. I waited patiently; I’d learned not to push him.

This is what was bothering him?
I was almost relieved.

“Is it possible to leave?”

Nathan shrugged. “I’m not
obligated
to sell weapons. There would be people who would be upset, but there are always new guys wanting to get into the business. I could find someone to refer them to.” He chuckled. “Do you really imagine someone telling me what to do?”

I giggled, remembering my first afternoon in his office and wondering why he did what he did. It seemed a lifetime ago. I suppose, in a way, it was a lifetime ago.

I’d been here for over five months now. It was easy to remember since I got pregnant on the first night I was here. I finally asked Nathan about why he’d gotten upset that first night. He had been furious with Mark for bringing an innocent girl who was so much like his dead wife.

“Where would we go if we left?” I knew we couldn’t go back to the US.

Nathan chuckled. “Well, I prefer a non-extradition country. I was looking into Croatia, actually.”

“Croatia?”

“Believe it or not, there aren’t that many non-extradition countries worth going to. I have no desire to go to Iran or Russia.”

“What about Switzerland?”

“They have extradition treaties.”

“Really?”

Nathan chuckled. “They may be willing to hide money, but not the criminals themselves.”

“Oh.”

“Croatia is just across the Adriatic Sea from Italy and has some lovely islands.”

That didn’t sound too bad.

“I need to finish up a few things before we can move, though.”

I sat up and turned to him. “You are really serious about leaving?”

Nathan gave me that soft smile I was getting used to. “Yes, Kitten. I want you to be safe. I don’t want dangerous men around you.” He grimaced. “I don’t want you to be ashamed of me.”

“I’m not ashamed of you.”

“But you don’t like how I act when I’m with them.”

“I know you have to do it.”

He sighed. “I was never ashamed of what I did until I met you. Now, I dread having guests because I’m afraid you will see how I am and want to leave me.”

“You wouldn’t let me go. You kidnapped me, remember?”

He chuckled. “If you really wanted to leave, I would let you go. It would kill me, but I would let you go.” I saw a flicker of fear in his eyes and I leaned forward and kissed him soundly.

“I love you, Nathan. I don’t want to leave you. Ever.”

He took my hand in his and kissed my palm, nibbling slightly on the sensitive skin under my forefinger while watching my eyes close slightly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Kitten.”

“Are you sure you want me to come back here when I’m drunk?” Nathan asked for the hundredth time.

“If you don’t, then I don’t get to see you. I don’t sleep well if you’re not in bed with me. Even drunk.”

Nathan kissed me. “And that’s why I can’t wait to marry you.”

The helicopter had gone to get Nathan’s Colombian guests and was expected in about ten minutes. Once we had guests on the property, I didn’t leave our bedroom and Mark, or one of the other guys, was with me at all times, until Nathan came to bed. We’d had two other sets of guests since the Russians had come and there hadn’t been any incidents. Nathan told them yes, he was engaged, but no, they could not meet his fiancée, nor see her. He wasn’t taking any chances. And I was okay with that. It was a long, lonely week, but I had no desire to be raped again and dealt with it as best I could. I spent a lot of time on the balcony that couldn’t be seen from anywhere but the very edge of the property.

The day after the Colombians left, we were going to Panama City to get married. Finally. Getting everything we needed to get married had proven to be somewhat challenging—even with a corrupt judge willing to overlook certain things to keep Nathan’s identity hidden—but next Tuesday was the day we would finally be married. I couldn’t wait and I think Nathan was as excited as I was.

Also, after this deal was done, Jason would be able to go home. Nathan had talked to him extensively about the consequences of telling anyone where he’d been, including the fact I would get hurt if he told anyone. If nothing else, Jason would keep the secret for my sake. Julia was even considering going with him, though it meant leaving her brother forever. They wouldn’t be able to stay in contact once she left. As far as I knew, she hadn’t made a decision yet.

Nathan gathered me in his arms. “I love you.”

I leaned my head against his chest. “I love you, too.” He kissed me soundly, kissed my belly, and left the bedroom.

Mark came in a moment later, gun on his hip, and sat down in the chair by the bed.

“How ya doin’?” he asked.

I nodded. “Fine. Gonna miss him.”

Mark grinned. “I know.”

“You like my misery?”

He chuckled. “No, but I’m glad Nathan’s finally softening up.”

I sat on the bed and smoothed my skirt. “He told me he wasn’t sure if he wanted to raise Hope here.”

“Really?” I knew Mark cared deeply for his friend, which is one of the reasons he brought me here. He hinted several times that he wished Nathan would give all this up. But Mark would stay loyal to him until his dying day.

I nodded. “He said he’d been thinking about Croatia.”

Mark chuckled. “Well, there’s a place to retire.”

I giggled. “I know. But he said it seems nice. And it’s non-extradition.”

He nodded. “I suppose that’s the most important thing.”

I had a hard time sleeping that night. I tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. I felt achy, but I figured it was all just part of being pregnant. There’s always something new going on in a pregnant body.

When I woke the next morning, I still wasn’t feeling very good, but mostly I felt tired. Nathan was still asleep and so I cuddled in close to him. He mumbled something and pulled me close. Sometimes we’d have sex in the mornings, which I enjoyed. I just hoped he wouldn’t try anything this morning. I didn’t think I’d have the energy for it.

Fortunately, he just held me close and I fell back to sleep. When I woke up, he was already gone and Mark was there.

“What time is it?” I was normally up early every day.

“Ten. You doin’ okay?”

“Yeah. Tired, I guess. Babymaking is hard work.” I grinned.

“I thought making them was the fun part.”

I giggled. “For the guy.”

“You didn’t enjoy it?”

“Depends which time it was that we conceived. The first time was a little awkward.”

Mark shrugged. “I can’t say I’m sorry I forgot to tell him.”

“I’m not, either. Now.”

As the days passed, I didn’t get better. I didn’t feel any worse, I just didn’t get any better. I slept a lot, and I felt bad because Mark was stuck there with me and I was terrible company. But I just couldn’t stay awake. I was just so tired!

The fourth night—two nights before the guests would leave—I woke up in the middle of the night with a cramp in my stomach. Not really bad, but just enough to be annoying. Nathan was snoring soundly beside me and I didn’t want to wake or worry him, especially when we had guests. I knew he needed to be one-hundred percent focused, so I turned over and tried to go back to sleep. I succeeded. Mostly.

The next day, I had twinges every once in a while throughout the day. Again, not terrible, just annoying more than anything. I didn’t want to worry Nathan, so I didn’t say anything to him or Mark, because Mark would tell Nathan.

I realized the twinges had stopped after Nathan got up to finish up the visit with the guests. I lay in bed, wincing in anticipation of a twinge and it didn’t come. I sighed. Nothing to worry Nathan about. I’m glad I hadn’t told him.

That night Nathan and I made love for the first time in a week and it felt so good.
So
good.

“Tomorrow we are getting married,” he whispered as he rubbed my belly.

I woke with a smile on my face. Today was the day I was getting married. I practically hopped out of bed and Nathan chuckled behind me.

I turned and gazed for a moment at his delicious upper body and then stuck my tongue out at him. He grinned and raised his eyebrow at me. “Really? You want to start your wedding day out with a spanking?”