Distorted Hope (26 page)

“I’m going to go get Nathan,” he said.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to see him. I wanted to die. I never knew how agonizing emotional pain could be. Yes, I had a taste of it with Jason, but this was worse. So much worse.

The door opened again a few minutes later and I heard Nathan’s heavy footsteps hurry around the bed. He knelt in front of me and took my hand in his. “Kyra? Kyra, love. Talk to me. What happened?”

I didn’t look at him; I just stared out the window.

Nathan smoothed my hair back from my face and stroked my wet cheek. “Kyra, please. I don’t know what happened last night. I don’t remember any of it past my first couple of drinks. Tell me what happened.”

I still didn’t respond. I expected him to get angry, but he just stayed there, stroking my cheek and begging me to talk to him.

Finally, I just closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to hear him. I just wanted him to go away.

“Call Luís,” Nathan said, not leaving like I wanted him to. “Tell him to get up here now.”

I felt Nathan’s arms around me and he picked me up and carried me out of the room. I didn’t open my eyes. I didn’t support myself. I just lay limp in his arms.

Nathan walked for a few minutes and then we went back inside a room. I guessed it was his room by the scent; it always smelled spicy in there. He placed me carefully in bed and covered me up, then lay behind me and held me so tightly I could hardly breathe.

I wanted to squirm away from him—I didn’t want his arms around me—but I couldn’t make my body move. I couldn’t do anything but lay there and let him hold me. And I hated it. Then sweet numbness settled over me.

Dr. Perez came a while later and Nathan finally released me.

“Is she sleeping?” Dr. Perez asked.

“I think so. She hasn’t opened her eyes.”

I felt myself rolled to my back and Dr. Perez began examining me.

“Is the baby okay?” Nathan asked with an anxious voice. “Oh, God. What if something happened to the baby last night and that’s why she’s unresponsive?”

My dress was lifted and I felt the cold goo that allowed the doctor to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I felt my own anxiety grow as I waited for the precious sound.
Had Pavel hurt the baby when he raped me?

If I could have, I would have sighed in relief when I heard the rhythmic beat of the baby’s heart. It was steady and strong as always.

“Thank God,” Nathan murmured. I felt the bed dip and then his hand on mine. “What’s that?”

What’s what?

I felt my legs spread apart and Dr. Perez, I assume, touched my pussy with gloved fingers. “It looks… like bite marks.”

Nathan cursed.

My legs were spread more. I was used to Dr. Perez seeing me naked and it didn’t really bother me all that much. Would he be able to tell Pavel had sex with me? Will Nathan be furious with me?

“There is definitely some trauma here, Nathan.” I felt his finger inside me. “And semen.”

Nathan cursed again. “Can you tell whose it is?”

Dr. Perez made a noise, almost a chuckle. “Not by looking at it, no. I can take a sample and send it to a lab, but it will take a few days.” My dress was pulled down and I was covered back up with the blankets.

“How much will it cost to get it done right away? Can you fly into the city and do it?”

“Yes, I can. But do you want me leaving her?”

Nathan sighed. “No. I want you here in case something is wrong. Fuck.”

“You don’t remember what happened?”

“No!” Nathan exclaimed. “I remember having some drinks and then everything went kind of fuzzy.” He was quiet for a moment. “I remember… Oh, fuck.” The bed moved again and Nathan’s warmth disappeared. “Fuck. Oh, fuck. She’ll never forgive me.”

“What happened?”

I heard a creak from across the room. “I made her give me a blowjob downstairs and… fuck.” It sounded as if he were sitting in the chair near the window. “I think Yuri was touching her. For some reason, it turned me on to watch it. He made her come. Then, I forced her onto the table and ate her out. In front of everyone. She was crying, but it turned me on. I was so fucking aroused by her struggles. Then…” I heard a weird sound and when Nathan began speaking again, his voice sounded broken. “Yuri held her down and ate her. And Pavel made her suck him. She was screaming until Pavel cut the screams off. Fuck! Oh, God, what did I do? I don’t remember anything after that except waking up on the couch with a splitting headache. I figured Kyra had just gone to bed, but then Mark came down and told me he’d found her tied up in her old room… fuck.” There was a pause. “Why the hell would I be turned on by her hurting, Luís? I love her. I love her so much.”

Dr. Perez didn’t say anything for a moment, but I heard him rustling around in his bag. I heard that sound a lot.

“What are you doing?” Nathan asked.

“I’m going to take a blood sample. It sounds like you were drugged.”

“Drugged? Why the hell would I be drugged? Ouch!”

“You refused Yuri access to Kyra, right?” Pause. “He doesn’t take being refused anything lightly, does he?”

“No, he doesn’t. I’m going to fucking slit his throat.”

“I will do this lab personally, as I do with all your labs, but that means I won’t be able to do it until she’s awake.”

Was Nathan drugged? Had Yuri really wanted me so badly he would drug Nathan to have me? That didn’t make any sense, but Nathan sounded so sincere. And why would he lie about it to Dr. Perez? I assumed he thought I couldn’t hear him, so there would be no reason to put on a show for me. Was it possible?

But what would he do if he found out about Pavel? Would he blame me? Would he be angry for upsetting his clients? Should I have let Pavel do what he wanted to without struggling? Would it have helped the deal?

The door opened and closed. “How is she?” It was Mark.

“I believe she was raped,” Dr. Perez said in his quiet voice.

“What the fuck, Nathan?” Mark exclaimed. “How the hell did she get raped here?”

“I… I don’t know.” Nathan repeated what he’d told Dr. Perez and Mark didn’t say anything right away.

“You should have kept her up here.”

“I know,” Nathan said in a low voice. “But I didn’t want her thinking I was ashamed of her.”

“You should have—”

“I know, Mark!” Nathan yelled. “I know. I fucked up, okay? And she’s paying the price. I know.”

“Who raped her?” Mark asked after a pause.

“I don’t know. It had to have been Yuri or Pavel. I’m going to kill whoever did it.”

“Nathan, I know what you’re thinking, but you need to think first. If you kill them, you will have the entire Russian mob after you.”

“They raped the woman I love!”

“What will she do if they kill you? You know they will. And then they’ll likely come after her and do worse than… worse things.”

“So I just let them get away with it?”

“Hit ‘em where it hurts. Give ‘em a surcharge. You know how money-tight they are.”

The room was quiet again. “She will not be seen by any of my other clients. When we have guest, she will be in here under armed guard with orders to shoot to kill.”

“I think that’s reasonable.”

“I just hate the idea of her cooped up all day.”

“Better than this happening again.”

“I know.”

I heard footsteps and then the bed moved. I felt Nathan’s lips against my forehead. “Please wake up, Kitten,” he pleaded. “I need you. So badly.”

Did I trust him? Did I believe him? Could I even move if I wanted to?

I tried to open my eyes. The room was bright and I could only open them a little. I squinted.

“Kyra?” Nathan exclaimed, pulling me to him.

The numbness melted away and I started sobbing again. Nathan held me tightly against his chest as I sobbed.

“I’m so sorry, Kyra. I’m so sorry.” He repeated it over and over again and I knew he was sincere.

When I was finally able to calm down, I lay quietly in Nathan’s arms as Dr. Perez examined me, now that I was awake.

“Who raped you,
querida
?” Dr. Perez asked gently.

“Pavel,” I said quietly, and I felt Nathan stiffen behind me. “He found me in my room. I was hiding in the closet.”

“Why did you go up there, Kitten?” Nathan asked, turning me to face him. “If you’d stayed downstairs…” He trailed off.

“You let them…” Tears started rolling down my cheeks again. “You hurt me. You let them touch me.” I knew what I’d heard them say about him being drugged, but I needed to say it anyway. “Pavel… he almost choked me. I screamed and you wouldn’t stop them. No one stopped them.”

“How did he find you?” Mark asked, coming to stand by the bed.

I told them about running upstairs and hiding in the closet and what Pavel had done to me. I looked up into Nathan’s face with tears in my eyes. “I fought as hard as I could, Nathan. I promise. But he was so much stronger than me. I tried to keep him away from me.”

He gave me such a sorrowful look. “It’s not your fault, Kyra. He raped you. It’s not your fault.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“Why would I be angry with you? If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

Dr. Perez told me his thought about Nathan being drugged. I nodded, accepting what I had already understood to be the truth.

“Kyra, from now on, I want you up here whenever we have guests, okay?” Nathan said with urgency in his voice. “If they don’t see you, they can’t hurt you.”

“Okay.” That was fine with me. I didn’t want to see them, either. I didn’t like how Nathan acted around them. Even before he was drugged. I didn’t like that side of Nathan.

“I should have done that with you in the first place,” he whispered, stroking my cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“I know why you did what you did. And now I know it’s safer to be up here, too. I might have resented it if… if it hadn’t happened.”

I spent the next week in our bedroom, until the Russians left. For the most part, I was okay with it. Mark was with me most of the time. This time, he was guarding me to keep me safe, not to keep me from escaping.

Nathan came in drunk most nights, but he fell right to sleep and apologized in the morning. “They have no concept of moderation,” he commented.

On their last night at the hacienda, the girls gave a performance in the hall next to the house. I hadn’t been in there before, nor had I seen the girls perform. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t watch. Mark asked if he could bring me to stand in the back and watch the performance. Nathan agreed after saying he wanted two other men guarding me while I was there.

Guarded and safe, I got to watch the performance from the back. It was very… sexy. The girls almost aroused me. And after it was over, they went to the men and it seemed to turn into an orgy. But Nathan didn’t participate. Mark took me back to the bedroom and Nathan came in a few minutes later and made sweet love to me. It was our first time together since I had recovered from Pavel’s attack.

“I love you, Nathan,” I said as I drifted off to sleep.

“I love you, Kitten,” he murmured, pulling me close.

“I don’t know if I want to raise Hope here.”

I tipped my head to look up at Nathan, surprised at his comment—surprised, but not upset. I certainly had my own misgivings about raising our daughter in a place where men made illegal weapons.
How do you explain to a three-year-old what daddy does when his profession is arms dealer?
I’d been hoping he would bring up the subject sometime before the baby was born, but I hadn’t asked because I didn’t want to press him.