Dissident (21 page)

Jack led her into the bedroom and yanked his suit jacket off her shoulders.  “You talk too much sometimes.” He crushed his lips to hers.

“You like it,” she gasped, once he moved his mouth to her neck.

“I do.” He bit her earlobe. “Especially when you call out my name while I’m getting you off.”

Caroline moaned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, wanting nothing in between them. Jack was kissing her lips, her jawline, her neck, then working his way back up again. He pulled back for a moment, tracing her lips with his fingers.

“Sometimes I just want to look at you,” he said. “Do you have any idea how grateful I am that you’re here with me right now?”

Caroline didn’t think anyone had ever looked at her that way before, not even Nicky. She felt a surge of guilt and tried to clear her mind. She really had to stop making those comparisons.

Jack’s eyes were trained on her, gazing at her with nothing but pure, unadulterated love. He was practically worshiping her from afar, except he was right in front of her. And she didn’t know what she’d done to deserve it.

She stroked his cheek. “Oh, Jack. I didn’t think I’d feel this way about anyone ever again.”

He leaned into her hand and kissed her palm. “I mean it, sweetheart. If you’re not there yet, you don’t have to say anything.”

“Saying it makes it real.” Caroline was suddenly feeling very panicky after being ready to rip his clothes off only a moment before. “I can’t fall in love with you. I can’t.”

“You have nothing to be afraid of with me.”

Her throat constricted and to her horror, she began crying. “I can’t go through that again. I can’t need you. I can’t start thinking like I can’t live without you then start taking it for granted. I can’t feel that way about someone and then lose them. I couldn’t take it. Especially with you.”

He wrapped her in his arms. “Baby, don’t cry.”

She buried her face in his shoulder. “I don’t want to be lonely anymore. I don’t want to be miserable. I want to feel good again. But I don’t know what I’d do if this fell apart.”

“It won’t, Caroline. I promise it won’t. Trust me. Please.” Jack lifted her chin up. “Look at me, sweetheart.”

Caroline caressed his lips with her fingers and closed her eyes. She knew what she felt, had known it for weeks. But she couldn’t admit it, maybe out of guilt, or fear, or denial. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore, or to him. It didn’t matter how terrifying the confession would be. She wanted to be happy. And he made her feel as if she was the most important thing in the world, the only person who mattered. It petrified her to tell him how she felt but she had to. He’d figure it out soon enough if he hadn’t already.

“I love you, Jack,” she whispered.

“Open your eyes.”

Caroline blinked.

“Say it again.” Jack’s voice was ragged, pleading. “Please.”

“I love you.”

He wiped his eyes. “Again.”

She laughed through her tears. “I love you.”

He lifted her up and whirled her around in a circle as she giggled.

“Again,” he said breathlessly.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

He beamed. “That’s all I need to know.”

*              *              *              *              *

Jack was tracing a lazy trail down Caroline’s back. She was on her side, her back to him, recovering from their latest escapade.

“You called me Monty before.” He kissed her shoulder. “Did you notice that?”

She hadn’t meant to do it. It slipped out when he was peeling off her dress. “Is that okay?” she murmured.

He laughed. “It is. I like when you say that. When we’re alone or in bed, that is. Might sound goofy under any other circumstance.”

Caroline rolled over to face him. “I can live with that compromise.”

“So can I.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything you want.”

“How long have you wanted to tell me you love me?”

Jack let his fingers drift over her shoulders. “For a long, long time. Long enough that I knew that if I said it too soon it would scare you away.”

“That’s a legitimate concern,” Caroline said. “I get a little shy sometimes.”

“I noticed.”

“So what changed your mind?”

“You did.”

“How?”

He pulled her into his arms. “You talk in your sleep a lot.”

“I didn’t,” she said. “Did I?”

“You did. That first night in Jerusalem after we went out to dinner.”

“We did more than go out to dinner.”

“Okay, after we had sex three times and collapsed in exhaustion.”

“Points for accuracy. Is that why you didn’t freak out when I got upset earlier?”

“Partly. That did concern me a little. I don’t like seeing you cry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I hope I was able to comfort you.”

Caroline smiled at him. “You did.”

“It was hard leaving you that night,” Jack said. “After you said it I held on to you, trying not to go back to sleep, hoping you’d say it again. Only maybe you’d be awake the next time so I could say it back.”

Caroline caressed his cheek. He really was quite a sweet man. “I wish you would have stayed.”

“Me too. But we’re home now. No more sneaking around.”

“I agree. We can be mature adults but we don’t need to hide our feelings anymore.”

“You do a lousy job of hiding your feelings when we’re alone. Can you contain them in public?”

She smiled wryly. “I’ll try to control myself.”

“Try not to fall asleep in front of other people,” he teased. “You never know what the hell you’re going to say.”

“You just said you liked what I had to say in my sleep.”

“I do. It gave me the confidence to know what you were trying to say tonight.”

“It takes a lot of courage to say it first,” Caroline said. “I never have.”

“Technically you did say it first this time around.”

She ruffled his hair. “And I’ll say it again. I love you, John Montgomery McIntyre.”

“I’ve waited my entire life for a woman like you to tell me that.”

She blinked rapidly. “You’re getting awfully good at this.”

“I’m trying.”

“Is there anything else that I’ve said that I should know about?”

He kissed her. “No. Those memories belong only to me.”

“That hardly seems fair. I
am
the one who said those things.”

“Then it wouldn’t surprise you if I told you, right?  So I don’t need to.”

“You and your circular logic.”

Jack kissed one of her exposed breasts then teased her nipple with his tongue. Caroline let out a small sigh.

“You like that, huh?”

“I like everything you do to me, Jack.”

He grinned. “I noticed. You’re very expressive.”

He had vacillated on the last word. “Was that really how you meant to describe it?”

“Sometimes you’re a bit of a screamer,” Jack said. “You’re lucky this is a gigantic house with thick walls and no neighbors for acres. Otherwise law enforcement might show up.”

“Does that bother you?”

“I love it.” He pulled himself on top of her.

Caroline could feel his arousal building again and squirmed. How did that happen so quickly? He was closer to fifty than forty. How did he have the stamina?

Jack noticed her reaction and bit her neck. “I love the way you respond to what I do to you. But sometimes I wish you’d stop trying to distract me while I’m getting you off,” he murmured.

She started tickling him. “I like making you lose your focus.”

Jack grabbed her arms and forced them over her head. “I don’t,” he said fiercely. “I would prefer it if you let me do whatever I want to you.”

Caroline could see the heat in his eyes and heard his breath quicken. Jack bent down to kiss her again, hard.

“Want to play a little game?” he asked.

This man was going to make her crazy.

“Is it a sexy game?” she asked. “Because if it’s Trivial Pursuit I’ll have to pass. Plus, I’ll beat you anyway.” Jack lowered one of his hands to caress her clit, the other still wrapped tightly around her wrists. “Unless you keep doing that. Then I might get distracted and lose.” He slid a finger inside of her. “And I hate losing,” she gasped.

“I’m going to have to think of creative ways to keep you quiet,” he said. “Although I really do enjoy doing this.” Jack slipped another finger inside her as she moved against his hand. He removed his fingers and reached into the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a long silky scarf and a blindfold.

“I think maybe you need to learn to keep your hands to yourself,” he said.

Her stomach tightened in anticipation. “I’m all for education.”

Jack started tying her wrists to the iron rods of the bed frame.

“Wait.” Caroline’s voice startled him and he stopped what he was doing instantly. “Is this the part where you tell me you’re actually a billionaire working through his mommy issues?”

Jack leaned back so he was looking at her. “You read that book?”

Caroline frowned. “Yes. I did not care for it.”

“Did you read the entire trilogy?”

“Will you think less of me if I say yes?”

“No.”

“Then, of course I did. I’m all about trends.”

“So how were they?”

“My psyche may never recover.”

“You must have gotten something out of them,” he said. “If you read all of them.”

“I couldn’t stop after the first one. I have to finish what I start.”

“Why didn’t you like them?”

“There were some really freaky control issues from the man who was supposed to be such a catch. I couldn’t connect with the protagonist. I don’t know, it just wasn’t my thing.”

“Maybe you would have liked it better if the author had a degree from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop?” Jack asked.

Oh, he was ripping on romance novels. Or creative writing programs. One of the two. Maybe both. Nope, she couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Don’t judge my reading preferences. My Kindle is full of highly enjoyable, unequivocally filthy smut. And don’t hate on the Hawkeyes either,” Caroline said. “That’s the best graduate program in the United States.”

“I know,” Jack replied. “That’s why I said it.”

She smiled. “Your knowledge of
U.S. News and World Report’s Best Colleges
is kind of a turn on.”

He resumed tying her wrists. “Wanna hear about the highest ranked business schools in the country?”

“I love it when you talk academic standings to me, Jack.”

“Wait until I rattle off a list of the nation’s premiere regional colleges,” he said. “You won’t be able to resist me.”

“Don’t forget liberal arts schools.”

“I’m sure a Democrat loves hearing about those.” He kissed her forehead, tightening the scarf. “What about the best public universities?”

“Oh, baby. Don’t stop. If you start talking about history departments I’m yours forever.”

Jack finished binding her wrists. “You make me laugh, sweetheart. I like that you don’t take any of this too seriously.”

Caroline tested the restraints. They were very, very snug. Not too taut, but they didn’t exactly have a lot of give.

“I might take it more seriously if you do something like pass out or hit your head and leave me here tied to the bed all night.” She started to fidget as he teased her with his fingers. “Then I’ll get pissed and take back every nice thing I’ve ever said about you.”

He gazed down at her adoringly. “You have my heart, Caroline.”

She was going to have to get used to that look. He made her feel as if he was either going to have his way with her or hold her close to him and keep her safe forever, both of which were fine with her. Jack’s bedroom eyes made her body turn to goo.

“Do you really have an issue with men who prefer to be in control?” he asked, trailing his finger from her ear to her collarbone.

“I – maybe I should rethink that statement,” she gasped.

“Good.” He grinned at her. “Because I have plans for you tonight.”

Caroline had a feeling that sleep wasn’t on his list. She squirmed as his hands drifted lower and lower. “I guess any control issues you have are okay within the confines of the bedroom. But I don’t want you telling me what kind of toothpaste to use or what I’m allowed to wear or anything like that. I need my autonomy.”

He drew random circles on her thighs. “Your toothpaste preferences are none of my business.”

“And if I want to shop at Old Navy, I’m damn well going to shop at Old Navy. So stop trying to talk me out of it.”

Jack laughed. He’d given her a hard time about her shopping habits when he helped her pack her suitcase for the weekend, and the razzing continued during the entire drive up to Philadelphia. “You’re awfully cheeky considering your current situation.”