Discipline (25 page)

He’s not here. I haven’t been seeing him.
Now leave me alone.

Once I sent it, I turned my phone off.
Resisting my urge to throw it, I returned it to the Jeep before
silently going into the house and climbing back into bed with
Aaron.

~

It was our last night.

Adriana and Linh danced around the fire pit
as the guys attempted to throw each other into the sparkling pool,
which was lit by a row of lights on each side. The sky was dark and
dotted with stars and every few minutes, I gazed at them. Not
necessarily because I wanted to, but because the generous amount of
alcohol in my last drink had my head swaying, my neck rolling. Linh
had mixed countless cups of punch for me and I’d downed them all,
even as Aaron — who was fairly intoxicated himself, considering
it’d been Mike’s mission all day to “get him hammered” — began
putting his hand on my lower back every few minutes, murmuring the
same question in my ear: “Are you okay?”

I wasn’t. Not since Ben’s text messages, but
I did a good job pretending I was. Though as I teetered from the
terrace and into the kitchen to locate a new bottle of vodka, I
felt a finger poking my back.

“Hey, psycho. I’m cutting you off.”

I turned around to see Em, whose almond eyes
narrowed at me.

“I know the difference between you drinking
because you’re happy and you drinking because you’re in a dark
place. Now hands off the Grey Goose.” She held the base of the
bottle in my hand and pried my fingers from the neck. “If you don’t
recall, I was the person you talked to when you first started
hating Ben. Right before he stopped letting you out the house,
essentially.”

I stared at her, wiping my mouth with the
back of my hand.

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Nina,” Em said
gently. “I’ll just listen. I won’t threaten to kill him for you or
make any kind of scene.”

I swallowed, leaning back against the marble
counter. “I screwed Aaron.”

“As in… literally? Or… figuratively,
too?”

“He’s dead meat because of me,” I mumbled,
my words sounding childish. “I don’t even know what I was doing
with him, anyway. I was only torturing myself by being here with
him.”

“Why?”

“Because this can’t last for long. I know I
have to stop seeing him once we get home. But I want him more with
every second that passes and with every one of those passing
seconds, I think about how I’m closer to the end of summer and
closer to having to leave him. Because I can’t live a secret life
anymore. Not after Ben.” My head was heavy as I shook it. “I can’t.
I don’t want to feel like something is controlling me. Or us. I
need to be out in the open. I want to be like Mike and Linh. But if
we ever let people find out about us, I know Woodhill will turn on
him and accuse him of lie after lie ‘cause they’ve done it to other
people before. And if for some reason they don’t, my mom personally
will because he doesn’t have money for her to leech off of. He’s
just a teacher. He’s not Ben.” I covered my face, groaning. “And
Ben
. He texted me before we left. Didn’t say anything then,
just texted me every last bit of Aaron’s information — his address,
social security number, school schedule. And he texted me this
morning. About Aaron again. I don’t know what to expect from him
anymore. He still thinks we’re together or something. He still
thinks he owns me, and that only he can touch me.” I shook my head,
raking my fingers against my scalp, through my hair. “There’s
just…” I heaved a long, deep sigh, letting my heavy eyelids close.
“There are way more bad things that’ll happen because Aaron and I
are together. Way more bad things than good.”

Em was silent for a while as she took in my
whole rant. I knew that I wouldn’t want to hear whatever logical
thing she was about to say, but I stood there, waiting for her to
speak.

“You should talk to him about this.”

“Em, no. He’s out there with Mike and the
guys, he’s having fun for the first time in too long. He’s probably
hammered by now, honestly, and I’m not his girlfriend. I’m not
going to bog him down with some discussion that’s going to end up
going nowhere. I know we want each other but we both want things
that conflict with being together, so I’m just going to have to
accept this sooner rather than later. We aren’t meant to be.”

“Then everything you feel right now is a
lie, is what you’re saying. Everything he feels, too. All
lies?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “No, but
sometimes things aren’t as logical as you are, Em. I’m sure there
have been people in the past who couldn’t be together despite
wanting each other desperately.”

Em threw her hands in the air. “Honestly,
Nina,
what
is the big deal if people in your town find out
you two are together? You’re well over eighteen at this point and
there’s nothing illegal about your relationship.”

I cocked my hip and held my hand up to count
the reasons. “They’ll investigate whether he was with me before I
graduated, and if he’d ever been with other students. I know the
protocol, it’s happened before. He’ll be put on suspension in the
meantime, possibly. His reputation will be shot,
def
initely.
He won’t be granted tenure. They’d probably fire him right after
that and if they didn’t, the parents would rally around the school
board until he did. I know my town.” In my drunken state, my mind
imagined Bree Hannigan blackmailing Aaron in exchange for an
affair. It made me slightly laugh to myself though it really wasn’t
that far-fetched of a thought. But the sardonic smile quickly slid
from my lips as I remembered my last reason. “And honestly, Em, I’m
scared of Ben. Still. I’m afraid he’ll just… find Aaron and he and
Dane will just — ”

“
Nina
. You cannot live the rest of
your life afraid of Ben. You’re the one who says you don’t want to
be controlled anymore but look at what you’re letting him — ”

Em’s sentence cut off as she suddenly looked
to the side, into the hallway outside the kitchen. My gaze followed
hers and fluttered when Aaron walked into my eye line. Finishing
the last of his drink, he turned his glazed eyes from her to
me.

“How long were you standing there?” I
blurted, more accusatory than I’d meant to sound.

“Long enough.” He set his drink down on the
counter before cocking his head with almost a sense of amusement.
“What is it that you think Ben will do to me?”

Em muttered something about leaving us alone
before shuffling out of the kitchen. I could see her through my
peripheral vision but my eyes were on Aaron’s cold ones.
“Honestly?” I shrugged one shoulder, defeated. “I think if he
doesn’t find some way to make you lose your job, he’s going to come
and beat the shit out of you.”

“We all saw how well that worked last
time.”

“He’ll figure something out. He’s not going
to come alone.”

Aaron closed the gap between us, stepping
closer and closer until the tips of our toes touched. Leaning his
hands against the counter on either side of me, he framed my body
with his arms. “You’re already giving this to him then, huh? He’s
already won.”

I turned my head away from him. I could
smell, practically taste the alcohol on his breath and Em had been
right, I needed to be cut off. “I’m just telling the truth, Aaron.
He’s fucking crazy.”

“He has all my information?”

Guilt heaved in my chest. I could hardly
look at him as I answered. “Yes.”

“What does he want from me?”

“I don’t know.” A frown creased between my
brows and I closed my eyes as Aaron held my chin, trying to face me
to him. “I’m sorry.”

I felt his face following mine as I tried to
face away, his breath continuing to tickle my lips no matter where
I turned. “Don’t be sorry for him. Look at me.” My eyes still shut,
I felt his hand rake through my hair and take a handful, firm but
somehow gentle as he held my face still. “Look at me.”

I opened my eyes, my mouth immediately
parting at the sight of his blazing blue irises so close to mine,
our lips as close as they could be without touching.

“I’ll take care of Ben.”

“What? No you won’t, Aaron. Anything you do,
he’ll use against you. Lay a finger on him again and he’ll have you
thrown in jail this time. And whatever happens, he’ll make sure
Woodhill hears about it. So I’m sorry, but I’m not going to stand
here and be the reason your dream job gets taken away from you. You
deserve your passion. You don’t deserve me screwing everything up
for you.”

Aaron peeled my hands from his chest as they
tried to push off of him to get away, perhaps take a swig from that
Grey Goose bottle and go to bed for the night. “So we’ll just stop
seeing each other now?” he asked, his voice low, husky as he held
me still with one hand around both of mine. “Make it easier on
Ben?”

“It’s not about making it easier on
Ben
, it’s about making it easier on
you
!”

Aaron’s jaw flexed. “I don’t need you to
make it easy on me.”

“
Aaron
. Are you willing to give up
your job? And not just quietly either — you’d be giving up your job
and every last shred of your reputation. Whether it’s because they
find out about me or because Ben pulls some sort of stunt, you’re
going to be humiliated, Aaron. They won’t let you go quietly.
Everything you worked for to make your father so proud will be
destroyed completely.” My chest heaved as I glared at him. “Am I
worth that to you? Because I want to be selfish, Aaron, trust me, I
do. I want to be near you but I care about you too much at this
point to let my past haunt you and be the reason that you lose
everything.”

I finally pushed away successfully, managing
to pace a few yards away before I found him in front of me
again.

“Please, just let me leave,” I pleaded, my
hands on his chest as I pushed him. He stayed put, his hands at his
sides, keeping me in place with his sheer presence alone. “Please,
Aaron. If I leave now, everything can still be okay.”

“Baby, just sit down for a second.”

“
No
. Unless you’re telling me I’m
worth all that misery, then let me go.”

He blocked me from the doorway, his broad
frame closing me in. “Damn it, Nina, it doesn’t have to be the way
you’re describing it.”

“Of
course
it does.” My voice fell to
a whisper mid-sentence as his forehead touched mine. I stepped back
but he countered my movements. “Aaron, someone’s going to find out
about us eventually. Somehow it’s going to get out. And when it
does, either Ben or Woodhill will be after you, so
please
…”

“Nina.”

“Don’t,” I moaned as his mouth touched mine,
still holding that sweet, dizzying effect on me despite the
frustration of the moment. “I just want to let you go,” I exhaled
miserably, though the last words of my sentence were muffled by his
lips.

His hands held my face to his, his thumbs
wiping at the tears streaming down my cheeks. I gasped for breath,
opening my mouth for his tongue, only faintly hearing the commotion
in the distance. I couldn’t process it. There was too much going
on. My head was faint, my heart pounding as Aaron backed me into
the wall with his intensifying kiss. I couldn’t pull away from him,
not even as I heard Adriana’s sharp warning down the hall.

“Hon, just wait a second! Come back
here!”

My eyes blinked open, my foggy mind
registering the sound of multiple footsteps, rapid as they headed
our way.

Suddenly, a voice not belonging to Adriana
rang out in my ear.

“Mr.
Cole
?”

Pulling away from him, my lips swollen, I
turned to look at the doorway. Aaron turned with me, both of us
freezing as we simply staring.

There stood Kelsey, her red-rimmed eyes wide
as she gaped at us.

CHAPTER
17

The apartment was quiet enough to make my
ears hurt. Sitting in the living room, I waited for Kelsey to wake
up and come out of her room. The restaurant was still closed and I
was off all day. She had to come out at some point, and we had to
break our silence at some point.

After discovering us in the kitchen last
night, she had stood and stared for a few more seconds, her mouth
opening and closing but no words coming out. I heard the angry sob
escape her throat before she burst into tears, disappearing back
down the hallway. Though his hands had tightened around me, I tore
away from Aaron, the look I shot him something of fear and regret.
I’d told him so. Just a second ago, I had told him that soon her
later, we’d be found out.

And by a sobbing Kelsey, of all people.

Ignoring the stares of my coworkers, their
friends, my bare feet had run after her, following her out of the
house and onto the driveway, where she stopped, realizing she had
nowhere to go.

“
Kelsey
.”

She brought her hands down from her head in
fists when she spun to look at me, an unfamiliar rage in her
tear-filled eyes.

“Mr.
Cole
?
That’s
who you were
seeing, Nina?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Kelsey, I
didn’t want — ”

“What the
fuck
! How did this happen?
How do these things keeping happening for you? I don’t fucking get
it! I don’t — ” Her sentence cut off once she looked over my
shoulder. “God, they’re all staring at me out the windows!” she
shrieked accusingly.

“I’m sorry!” I tried to wave them away but
they stayed, mostly people from the other restaurants. When she ran
out into the street, I followed. “Kelsey! Why are you here? What
happened?”

“What the fuck do you
think
happened?
Surprise, he wasn’t into me, he was
drunk
-
chatting
me, whatever that means, and I didn’t want to fucking stay in the
same house as that asshole! And especially not Paige — she’s a
bitch
!” The sound of Kelsey’s flip-flops slapping against
the bottom of her feet echoed in the quiet of the night, reminding
me that I was going barefoot, which probably explained the small
but cutting pain in my foot. A pebble in my inner heel. “I don’t
fucking know why I thought it was a good idea to come here! I
should’ve remembered that you don’t give a fuck about other people
when you’re with these friends!”