Disasterology 101 (23 page)

“Because, if there’s a chance you’ll end up resenting what no doubt will be a sub-ideal sexual relationship with me, then you
do
have to walk away,” Cedric continued, as if he didn’t hear his answer. “Before I start thinking we have a chance.”

Taken aback by Cedric’s abrupt words, Kevin lowered his leg, leaned forward and rested his arms on his thighs.
Honesty and communication
, he reminded himself.
It goes both ways
.

“I’m not going to lie to you and say it isn’t frustrating to find out the man I want won’t be ready to drop his pants and fuck me every time I want him to, or that adding erectile dysfunction to the OCD isn’t damn overwhelming,” he said. “But I want to be with you in the worst way, and you’re so much more than a dick and the possibility of anal sex to me.” He let out a harsh breath, and ran his fingers through his hair. “I could’ve gotten laid with five different guys already if that’s all I wanted, you know?”

“I’d rather not know,” Cedric growled. “I’m entirely too conscious of how appealing you are to other men as it is.”

Kevin chuckled at the jealousy he could hear in that statement. Knowing Cedric felt a bit possessive made him feel amazing.

“What’s so bloody amusing?” Cedric huffed.

“How do you know other men find me appealing?” Kevin teased.

“Zachary Adler, from class,” Cedric deadpanned. “He’s always checking out your arse.”

Kevin’s laugh died on its way up his throat. “Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Christ.” Kevin got up from the bed and paced in front of Cedric. “I need to work on my gaydar.”

“No, you don’t.” Cedric folded his arms over his chest. “I’m gay and I want you. That’s all you need to know.”

Kevin smiled again, then walked up to Cedric and pecked him on the lips. “I want you too, hot stuff.”

Cedric snorted. “That’s so… eighties of you.”

“Get used to it,” Kevin joked on his way to the bathroom. “I’m an old guy.”

“What are you doing?”

Prompted by the alarm he heard in Cedric’s voice, Kevin dropped the backpack he’d just picked up from the floor and rushed out of the bathroom. “I’m getting dressed.”

Cedric paled, and took a few steps back toward the bedroom door.

“Right.”

Shit.

“I figured we could have something to eat, and maybe catch a TV show?” Kevin gulped. “We still have two hours together before I’ve got to head home.” Kevin made sure his tone inferred it was he who needed their time together to be limited. Cedric was already dealing with too much. He didn’t need to feel bad for putting restrictions on every little thing. “I’d like to hang out with you.”

“You want to watch telly,” Cedric repeated.

“And eat,” Kevin added. “I’m kinda hungry. I’d suggest pizza and a couple of beers, but I know you only eat food from certain places.”

He stayed put while Cedric perused him up and down, and didn’t say anything when their gazes locked.

“What about the sex?” Cedric finally asked.

Kevin walked up to Cedric and touched his flaccid cock with the back of his hand. “You’re not hard anymore,” he said softly. “And neither am I.”

“I’m so sor—”

“Shhhh... There’s nothing to apologize for. We needed to get things out in the open, and I’m happy we did. Now we can relax and find ways to help you overcome this.” He circled Cedric’s waist with his arms, and rested his head on his shoulder. Kevin liked that the guy was taller, and he loved how he hugged him back immediately. When Cedric sagged against him and sniffled, Kevin pretended not to notice. “This isn’t a race,” Kevin told him. “We don’t have to do it immediately.”

“I want you, Kevin. Don’t think I don’t. My mind is all over you.”

Kevin smiled. For some reason he liked the sound of that. “We can try again tomorrow if you feel up to it.”

“I’d like that very much,” Cedric murmured in his ear, and damn if Kevin didn’t feel as if his fate had just been sealed.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Kevin and Cedric’s plans to get together for the fifth time that week got cancelled after Jenny called Kevin at work on Friday afternoon to inform him they had to switch their weekends with the kids.

She didn’t ask Kevin if he had other plans, or even considered he might be busy. She just got on the phone, mentioned her boyfriend Will had surprised her with a weekend trip to the mountains to celebrate her birthday, and
told
Kevin he had to take the kids, so that she could have some “me time”.

He almost told her that he couldn’t do it.

Not only did he want to be with Cedric, but he’d scheduled two small repair jobs on Saturday. Ava’s birthday was fast approaching, and he only had so much free time to earn extra money.

Besides, there were other little things he needed to take care of. Working two jobs and attending school translated to a huge pile of dirty laundry, and an empty fridge every Friday. Although he loved being with his kids, he’d much rather not have them in tow when he took his weekly trip to the supermarket.

Truth be told, Kevin resented the last-minute imposition, but he bit his tongue and allowed his ex-wife to totally reorganize his weekend. Jenny was still under the impression he didn’t have a life outside his family. He couldn’t blame her for assuming he’d be available, but made a mental note to tell her they’d need to stick to their set schedule as much as possible going forward.

He had friends—namely Vaughn—and several acquaintances he’d met in chat rooms that he intended to keep in touch and hang out with. Plus, he was seeing someone, and the last thing Kevin wanted to do was cancel on him. Then again, his children were as big a part of his life as obsessive-compulsions were part of Cedric’s. If they were going to keep seeing each other, they had to learn how to deal with unexpected situations.

Cedric’s reaction when he called to explain the change in plans gained the Brit boy major points with Kevin. He’d understood and said all the right things—“don’t worry about it; it’s not your fault, and the kids come first”—but made a big deal out of Will’s lack of consideration. According to Cedric, “not including his girlfriend’s children in his plans is unacceptable. He should’ve known they’d want to be with her on her birthday.” He was so genuinely affronted by a stranger’s actions that Kevin couldn’t help but think there was a personal issue behind his statement.

He didn’t ask Cedric about it, though. For one, he didn’t want to get into it over the phone, as he had a feeling it was a delicate subject. Then there was the fact he’d been at work when they had their brief conversation. He’d only had enough time to ask Cedric if he could call him Saturday night before he had to go back to laying a building foundation.

Kevin put a pan of mac and cheese in the oven, and stopped to check on the kids before heading upstairs to his aunt’s laundry room. Thankfully, they were winding down. Instead of running from one wall to the other—Ava—inside his little apartment, leaving pictures of enchanted-looking reading books—Brianna—on every surface, and whining non-stop—TK—about how boring Kevin’s neighborhood was, they were watching TV in the living room. If he was lucky they’d be sleeping by ten o’clock, and he’d get a chance to call Cedric.

He emptied the dryer absently. A myriad of thoughts constantly crossed his mind, and it was at quiet times like this when he was incapable of ignoring them. For a long time his life had been one worry after another. Work, fatherhood, family, coming out of the closet, losing people he’d known his entire life, money... It all came together to give Kevin a throbbing headache, and sometimes he feared he wouldn’t be able to deal with all of it.

And as of the past three weeks, he also had Cedric.

Gorgeous, smart, sexy, extremely complicated, Cedric.

As if Kevin hadn’t had enough on his plate already.

After careful consideration the previous night—while he was alone in his bed instead of attempting to have awesome sex with the guy—Kevin decided that not being able to get together was beneficial for both of them. Cedric would get a respite from icky bodily fluids, and whatever performance pressure he might be feeling, and Kevin would have the time to put what had transpired so far between them into perspective.

Was he making too much out of his first relationship with a man, or was the chemistry between them really that powerful? Should he put the brakes on what was starting to feel like a whirlwind romance, or trust his instincts? He’d been friends with his ex-wife for a long time before they started going out together, but maybe that wasn’t supposed to be the way with Cedric.

Kevin didn’t need them to go on countless dates to get to know Cedric better. There was no questioning the intensity of his attraction for the younger man. He felt weak in the knees when they were together, and couldn’t stop thinking about him when they weren’t. Kevin had no interest whatsoever in going out with other men, regardless of how much easier he knew it would be, and wasn’t freaked out by all the hoops he had to jump through in order to be with Cedric.

But Kevin couldn’t ignore his concern about the age gap between them, their extremely different backgrounds, and the physical aspect of their relationship. The latter was so complex, it had kept him up two nights in a row, even though he was bone-tired and could use all the sleep he could get.

Now that he’d finally experienced toe-curling, mind-blowing and heart-stopping touches and kisses, he wanted it all the time. He couldn’t wait to take Cedric inside his body, but the truth was, he wanted his turn at the guy’s sweet little ass. And seriously, how likely was that?

“So what’s it going to be?” he muttered to himself, once again mulling over his options. He owed it to Cedric to be completely sure. “Is getting laid more important than spending time with him?”

Kevin carried the laundry basket downstairs, checked on the mac and cheese, and headed to his bedroom to put his clothes away.

He reminded himself he didn’t have to make any decisions just yet. Besides, Cedric had a very specific schedule, and Kevin had no idea if there was a limit to their activities in general.

What to do then?

Should he try to keep Cedric, or walk away before his feelings got any deeper?

He thought about it while he fed the kids, then thought about it some more after he and Cedric finished their almost three-hour long phone conversation, and he was still thinking about it when he dropped off the kids at Jenny’s Sunday night and, showed up at the penthouse.

He and Cedric exchanged sweet kisses and pleasantries, and just like the other times he’d been there, Kevin went to “his” bedroom and got ready. He tried to keep his expectations to a minimum, and swore not to show his disappointment if Cedric kept his distance, but he was only human, and it paid to be prepared. Besides, he wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to control the maddening lust clawing at him.

So he shaved, douched, took a shower, made sure everything was in order in the bathroom, wrapped himself in a towel, and almost moaned out loud when he walked into the bedroom to find out if Cedric was waiting.

Déjà vu
.

Cedric stood by the door, wearing nothing but his gloves, a tank top, and a massive hard-on under his running shorts.

Kevin’s body reacted to Cedric’s presence immediately. Blood rushed to his cock so fast he felt dizzy. He was shaking, and his muscles were rigid.
What the fuck?

Strangely enough, he’d stopped feeling nervous about being with a man for the first time. Sex had turned into connecting with Cedric in yet another level, and considering their undeniable chemistry and the conversations they’d had, Kevin was confident they had that one in the bag.

But he had to remain focused. Cedric still had OCD, and issues with his cock.

He tried to remember his game plan. What was it again? Talk. Talk to him.

Get him hot.

But the Brit boy didn’t give him enough time to form a single coherent sexy thought.

“I want you.” Cedric’s eyes were huge when he spoke, and his voice so husky it gave Kevin goosebumps. “And tonight I’ll have you.”