Diary of a Nerd King #2: The Complete 2nd Season - Episodes 1 to 8 (5 page)

Girls, not so much.  When girls get upset, it's like a crazy SUPER drama that's about to reach out and shake up the lives of everybody near them. 

When girls get upset, they seem to want to stay upset for a while.  It's like they're thinking that since something got them upset, they might as well make the most of it, get as upset as they possibly can, get everyone else they possibly can upset too, and then see how long they can all stay upset for. 

That last part is the really impressive thing.  It's like somebody, somewhere is keeping a record of which girl gets upset when and for how long, and then the next time a girl gets upset, it's her personal goal to beat the best time. 

It's like a weird girl sport that every girl on the planet plays.  Think about it. 

My Mom plays it with my Dad all the time.  I bet yours does too. 

And my sister Tabi and all her friends. 

And Jordan and all her friends. 

I wonder if they somehow always know what the best recorded time always is, like they can communicate telepathically with the record keeper somehow? 

Maybe it's like some type of weird mental power that only girls have. 

All I know is that there must be something like that going on because they all seem to know the time they have to beat the next time they get mad.

Anyways, Jordan was obviously upset this morning, and I found myself wondering when it started because I was kinda curious to see if I could start tracking the timing on this girl upset game thing.

Maybe that was my mistake... thinking about how this whole thing worked, the logistics of it as my Dad would say, because all of a sudden it seemed like Jordan was mad at ME!

I tried to back it up, tried to figure out where things had gone wrong, but it wasn't working!  If anything, I seemed to be making things worse, and I wasn't even sure why!

Everything I said seemed to get Jordan more upset!  It was like some alien was controlling her mind or something so she was taking everything I said the wrong way!!!

Then I tried to give her a hug, and she said something up me not understanding anything before she stormed off crying, leaving me standing there with one of those “What just happened and how did I get involved in it???” looks on my face.

Boogie had seen the whole thing and was standing there with a look of fascination on his face. 

Since he doesn't have a girl friend, he's not as experienced in dealing with women as I am, so I think he was pretty blown away with how fast it went from bad to worse. 

Not that I wasn't.  I may have more experience with women than him, but I still didn't have a clue what just happened between me and Jordan. 

All I knew was I didn't like the feeling, and I wanted it to stop right now.  That's probably part of this whole angry girl game they play. 

They know how bad it makes you feel, so they know you'll do almost anything to get it to stop.  Pretty smart if you think about it.  It's like a devious female conspiracy to secretly control the world.

I spent the whole next period, and then the next, trying to think of ways to make Jordan happy again.  My dad calls it trying to get out of the dog house.  I'm not really sure what that means, but it sounds kinda cool.

My biggest problem was that I still couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong to get her mad at me.  It wasn't until half-way through my third class that it finally dawned on me.

I probably didn't do anything wrong! 

This was probably all part of how the world-wide-upset-girls-conspiracy worked!

They got you so focused on trying to figure out what you did wrong, that you felt SO bad you'd do anything for them to get out of trouble, when REALLY, you didn't do anything wrong in the first place!

Wow!  Girls are a LOT more complicated than I EVER thought! 

You know, if I could invent a special tool to fix things when girls get mad at you, I’d probably make four hundred billion dollars!  Everybody’s Dad I know would buy one!!!

But, even though I'd just made a major break-through, I still wasn't any further ahead in figuring out how to fix things.  I mean, it wasn't like I could just walk up to Jordan and tell her I knew all about the world-wide-upset-girls-conspiracy so she should stop being mad at me right now.

I may not know much about women, BUT I sure know that wasn't going to work!

I decided to write Jordan a poem.  Girls are always falling for mushy stuff like that, so I figured it had at least a 50/50 chance of working.

It took me the rest of third class and all of fourth, but I was pretty pleased with what I finally came up with.

(I started by addressing it to her with some hearts and a smiley face.  I don’t want her getting the wrong idea and getting even madder before she even reads it!)

Pretty wicked awesome eh!  I especially like the last line, the part about her hair.  Girls are always obsessed with their hair, so I think working it into the poem is a stroke of genius!