Diary of a Nerd King #2: The Complete 2nd Season - Episodes 1 to 8

Diary of a Nerd King

“Karate, Bears, and Looking Like a Girl”

Season 2 – Episode 201

Written and Illustrated by

Matt Ballard

With Special Guest Artist Illustrations by

Kayla Byers

© Copyright Matt Ballard 2011

All rights reserved.

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Monday

I went to Boogie's karate class this evening to check it out.

Boogie's been really liking it, and he never stops talking about it, so I figured I should go see what all the fuss is about.

It was pretty cool actually.  Everyone wears these neat costumes which Boogie says are called a Gi. 

Boogie actually got  pretty annoyed with me for calling them costumes.  After the third time I did it, I thought he was gonna karate chop me, so I stopped.

Anyways, everyone was wearing these Gi's, and some were white, some were black, and I even saw a few red ones.  Boogie says it's not the color of the Gi that's important, but the color of the belt.

Black belts are the most deadly, and the people wearing those have pretty wicked awesome karate skills according to Boogie.  I've actually heard about black belts on tv and in movies, so I knew Boogie wasn't just pulling my leg. 

What I didn't know is that some of the other colors are almost as deadly.  Brown is the next deadliest after black.  Purple is before brown.  Green is before purple.  Yellow is before green.  Orange is before yellow, and red is before orange.(1)

Kinda confusing I know, but if you're ever about to get attacked by a bunch of karate dudes, you might wanna remember the order of the colors because it'll help you know who to run faster from. 

Personally, if I'm getting attacked by a bunch of karate dudes, I plan on letting Boogie handle it now that he's a karate dude himself.  Of course, Boogie is just a red belt right now, so I'll probably let him handle it and run as fast as I can while he's handling it. 

See, you don't really have to know how to do karate, or any martial arts for that matter.  You just have to be able to run faster than the person behind you.  It's the same when you're being chased by a bear.

(This wicked awesome drawing was sent to me by Kayla Byers.  She’s 11 years old, and as you can see, she’s already a wicked awesome artist, and probably going to be famous someday).

(Kayla also sent me this wicked awesome drawing of Boogie doing karate.  I think I might have it framed and give it to Boogie for his birthday or Christmas or something.  He’s gonna LOVE it!  Thanks Kayla!)

But back to Boogie's karate class...

They did a whole bunch of exercises and drills to start off with.  It looked pretty tiring, but nobody was complaining.  They're probably scared to because the instructor has a black belt.

After the exercises and drills, everybody paired off and started fighting.  Boogie says it's called sparring, which is a fancy way to say play fighting.  They aren't really trying to hurt each other.  They're just practicing. 

Boogie says sometimes somebody gets hurt when they're sparring, but it's just an accident. 

I asked Boogie if he's ever been hurt sparring, and he got kinda' red in the face before admitting that he had. 

Apparently Boogie was sparring with his partner this one time, and he was doing wicked awesome (at least according to Boogie).  He kept scoring points, and his partner was getting mad because she was losing. 

Notice I said “she”.  Boogie didn't want to tell me that part at first, but it slipped out when I asked him something else about what happened.

So his partner was losing and Boogie was winning.  Reading between the lines here, it sounds like Boogie was getting kinda cocky about it.  Anyways, apparently he let his guard down a bit because he was doing so good, and that's when she kicked him right between the legs.

Now, I don't have to tell you what that feels like (well, I guess if you're a girl you probably don't know.  Trust me... it hurts)! 

Boogie hit the floor, curled up in ball, moaning.  Boogie didn't say so, but I bet there were tears coming down his cheeks too.  I've been kicked there by my sister, and believe me, the tears are gonna come no matter how hard you try for them not to. 

It's kinda like an automatic reaction.  I almost wonder if it's one of those cruel jokes that God built into life.  You know, as if it's not bad enough to get kicked between the legs, on top of that you have to cry in front of everybody too. 

Dad calls stuff like this “adding insult to injury”.  I'm not really sure what that means, but if it means crying even when you try not to after getting kicked between the legs, then it really sucks.