Deviations: Submission (30 page)

Deviations: Submission

by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen

was a really nice lamb stew, which I'm freezing and bringing with me for dinner Friday night."

"Oh, stew," Tobias said happily. He was fairly sure he was the very picture of a spoiled and pampered man, but he didn't much care; he was getting stew. "So you know about me and pasta-and stew, apparently. What else did she tell you? She lies, you know. Sneaky lady."

"I don't think she'd lie to me, sir," Noah laughed. "And unless you make it a direct order, anything else she told me I'm keeping to myself. Leave me a few surprises; it'll be better for you in the long run, I promise."

"Surprise is a wonderful weapon, I agree," Tobias said with a grin. "And in order to surprise you, I'll be needing more background. Now, I'm no police officer, so I'm afraid investigation is out ... which leaves me merely asking more questions."

"Ask me anything," Noah replied easily, he seemed to be in a good mood. "Just remember," he admonished playfully,

"you promised me a shot when you're done, sir."

"I did-but I also reserved my right." Tobias laughed softly, enjoying the teasing. "Tell me a little about your family; where are you from? Siblings? Pets? Take your pick, I've got a few hours to listen." He grinned again and started picking his way through the dark condo toward the kitchen.

"I'm from big sky country, cowboy and horse country, in Montana. We didn't own a farm, actually my father was a sheriff, but my grandparents did, and I spent all kinds of time over there. I have two sisters, Katherine is older, and Emily is younger ... hm. Dad had a heart attack and passed away 271

Deviations: Submission

by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen

before I came out. Mom knows, though, and she's still living out there with Katherine and her husband, Curt. Emily moved to Los Angeles-she's a little hipper and we're starting to talk more. It's nice. Good so far?" Noah asked. Tobias could hear horns honking in the background.

"Katherine, Emily, Mom, cowboys. Got it." Tobias filled his kettle in the dark, not willing to face the harsh lighting of the kitchen after the dim of the living room. "So you traded horses for cars, country living for ... what? How come you're not up for sheriff out there?"

"I'll give you one guess."

Tobias nodded to himself as he tried to sort peppermint tea from chamomile in the dark; luckily he didn't even have to open the boxes before scent told him which one was the peppermint. "The preference for dick over breasts?" he said, thinking himself somewhat crude. He shrugged mentally; he'd said far worse to Noah.

"Got it in one," Noah said. "It's really not that big a deal, I wanted to be in the city anyway. There was no one like me where I grew up, it was tough on my mom, and I really wanted to make a difference with my work. Aside from escorting pregnant women to the hospital and mediating land and livestock disputes, there's not much to being a sheriff where I'm from. So I left home out of high school, worked to put myself through Community College, and then a year at the academy."

"And the academy was good?" Tobias wandered back out to the living room while he waited for his water to boil. "Being away from home was a good move?"

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"Yeah. The academy was good. I met some great people, trained my ass off. Getting away from home was a good move for me."

Tobias nodded. "Yeah, me, too," he said softly. "So. Any pets? Now, I mean. Cats, fish? A turtle? You seem like a turtle kind of guy." He bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Fuck off, sir," Noah laughed. "No pets. Unless I can count you."

"Oh, what a tragedy! You've forgotten your place already.

Such a shame, you were coming along so well at walking to heel. I think I'll have to train you in the house as well now."

"I look forward to it, sir," Noah breathed into the phone.

"I know you do, pet." Tobias grinned and returned to the kitchen as the kettle began to whistle. "Favorite hobbies?"

"Hm. Well, working out, basketball," Noah paused. "My journal."

"That's working well, then? I'm glad." Tobias poured water into his mug and wondered if he should ask more.

"The journal? Yeah, I guess so, it's helpful. Um," Noah stopped mid-thought. "It's not like, I mean if you feel like you should read it..."

"I don't," Tobias said. "It's yours, it's your journey. I'm curious, of course, but I'm not going to make you let me read it, Noah. Ideally, if it brings up something you think we should discuss I'd hope you'd come to me and tell me you wanted to talk."

"I would always discuss my concerns with you, sir," Noah assured him. "So what's the next question? Or is it my turn?"

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Tobias picked up his mug and fished the tea bag out of it.

"Oh, I suppose I can let you have a go; you've been patient."

He smiled and walked out into the living room, heading once more to the window. Behind him, the stereo finished with Sarah Vaughn and quiet filled the space.

"All right then, sir. I want to know ... hm ... tell me how you got into the scene."

Tobias grinned and sipped his tea. Of course. Noah wasn't one to shy away from Tobias' past, even if he'd have Tobias leave parts of it far, far behind. "I was sixteen the first time I had sex," Tobias said. "I was seventeen the first time my lover asked me to spank him. It grew from there, and when I was twenty I was taken to the club for the first time. At twenty-one I started my training officially-we had to wait until I was of legal age to drink and thus safely within the bounds of allowance, by any means."

"The rumor is you trained with Bradford..."

"It depends on definitions," Tobias said. "He didn't train me-he's only a few years older than me. But he was part of my training, yes. We were ... contemporaries. Are still, I suppose."

"So did you sub for him?"

"Occasionally. And he subbed for me. Part of training was making sure we knew the tools intimately. Knew the feel of it in our hands and on our backs. When I flog you I know exactly what it feels like, Noah."

"Of course," Noah said. "Okay, so, didn't you tell me that you grew up on that farm?"

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Tobias blinked at the change of topic. "Uh, yes. The farm was my grandfather's and then my father's."

"Right. So when did you leave home?"

Tobias looked out the window and down at the street below his apartment. "I was eighteen-the summer before I went to college."

"Were you out?"

"Ah." Tobias sighed and walked to the coffee table. "No.

Well, not really. I think my parents knew. I'm positive Mrs.

Miller knew the whole time."

"I can't imagine you'd get anything past her," Noah said with a laugh. "So you took off for college and vet school and never went back? When did you tell them?"

Tobias set his mug down carefully on the table. "I didn't.

They died when I was nineteen."

Tobias heard Noah's sigh on the other end of the line. "Ah, hell, I'm sorry. But nineteen? What happened?"

"Car accident on the way home from a horse show." Tobias sat in his chair again. "I was at college. I took a semester to make sure the farm was going to be fine with me not there, and to learn about money. My father had made a great deal of money investing, and I had to establish a relationship with the brokers and the accountant; oddly enough, one doesn't attain this level of wealth as a vet." He smiled and went on. "I convinced Mrs. Miller to stay, and then I went back to school."

He shrugged. "So now I have the farm. I started the renovations on the old stables when I was ... twenty-six or so."

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"Oh, God, that's awful." Noah sounded genuinely sympathetic. "I guess that was half a lifetime ago for you, but still, I'm sorry."

"Thank you." Tobias wasn't sure what else to say; he did appreciate the sentiment, but Noah was right ... the loss was a long time ago. "In any event, I never came out to them, and I highly doubt they had the slightest inkling that I like to use leather whips to hit men."

Noah chuckled. "No, I suppose not." Tobias heard the creak of a couch or chair mixing with the sounds of the city at night; Noah must be near an open window. With another sweeping subject change, Noah surprised him. "So, sir ... why did you call, really?"

"Really?" Tobias smiled broadly. "Because I could."

"Just because you could? No bad day you want to hash out, not lonely or horny or bored? Just because you knew I'd sit here and shoot the breeze with you?"

"Exactly. I called you because you're mine, sweetheart, and because I can. If I want to talk to you, I can just call. And there you are, and now I know all sorts of lovely things about you. I did try not to make it a horrible experience for you," he teased.

"Oh, now, it wasn't horrible it all. Actually I've enjoyed it.

If you'd given me some warning I might have had better questions for you."

"Ah, but we've already decided that surprise is a wonderful weapon." Tobias smiled and leaned back in his chair. "What time do you go to sleep at night?"

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"I'm a night owl. I'm one of those fortunate people that doesn't need eight hours every night. If I'm out playing basketball, or if I had a tough counseling night, then I'm usually up until midnight, or even later, unwinding. If I'm home right after work I try to be in bed by ten. Which means that you're keeping me up past my bedtime," Noah teased.

"What about you, sir? Early to bed, early to rise?"

"Not really. It depends on where I have to be in the morning, but I'm usually in bed at eleven or shortly after. I try to keep it to the same time each night." Tobias stretched out his legs in front of him, warm and comfortable after his tea. "Are you ready for bed now? You said you were writing in your journal-is that part of your evening ritual, or is it more a matter of when you want to write, you write?"

Noah sighed. "Tuesday night is my debriefing from the weekend. I've been giving myself a day to digest and then I sit down with my journal and I go over what was good, what I need to remember, and uh ... well, where I went wrong. I was on the where I went wrong part when you called."

Tobias ran the weekend through his mind and winced. "Do you want to talk about it, sweetheart?" he asked gently.

"I don't know. Do I? Is there something else that needs to be said?" Tobias heard the window close on Noah's end and heard Noah rummaging around for something. "I do know that I want to apologize. I was going to wait for the weekend, but now is as good a time as any, so, yeah. I've apparently got a jealous streak that I wasn't completely aware of. I'm not sure what else I want to say about that, yet. But Phan was right, you're not just any Dom, sir. You're an artist. You 277

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need to be appreciated and respected, and I need to be deserving. I'm sorry."

"I'm not exactly sure what you're apologizing for," Tobias said slowly. "You show me appreciation and respect when you submit; that I signed the same contract you did shows I think you're deserving. You let that respect slip on Saturday-is that what you're apologizing for, or somehow being undeserving of me? Because that's..." Tobias paused as he tried to find precisely the right word. "...a crock."

The other end of the line was quiet for a long moment.

Longer than Tobias necessarily felt comfortable with, but finally Noah answered him. "I've accepted my punishment for what happened on Saturday, sir, and I know you've forgiven me. It's not about that," Noah said softly. "So it must be that I'm insecure about..." He seemed to be thinking out loud and so Tobias let him finish. Noah cleared his throat. "I know I'm making every effort," he said after a moment. "You inspire me to do that. But it's difficult, finding out there's so much I didn't know about myself, places I haven't been, being pushed-it shakes me a little. I used to be very confident, but now I worry sometimes that I'm not living up to..." He sighed.

"I know this sounds really immature. I know I sound like a child."

"You don't sound like a child," Tobias said softly. He leaned forward, concentrating. He wished he could see Noah's face, could hold him in his arms. "You sound like you're making breakthroughs. You're finding things out about yourself that you didn't know, and from those things we can learn where your limits are, you see? This is good, and I'd like to explore 278

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it a bit more next weekend. As for the other thing-why do you feel like you have to live up to Phantom? We broke up, I set him free, and we are not together anymore. So unless that's your goal, I suggest you try to let go of that as well."

"It's not that I feel like I have to live up to him," Noah protested, but then he changed his tune slightly. "Maybe that is part of it. That's not terribly rational, is it? You're right."

"It's..." Tobias sighed. "It's something I hope we can get past. But I do understand, Noah. Phan has a certain ...

presence."

"Tell me about it." Noah snorted. "I want to get past it. We will. Do you think he's over you, too?"

"Phan?" Tobias almost laughed. "God, yes. We have a fair amount of affection for one another, but that's all."

Noah sighed. "I'll get used to it, sir."

"I hope you can be comfortable with it, ultimately." Tobias leaned back once more and added, "Maybe talking to Phan would help."

"Getting to know him?" Noah sounded agreeable. "Like ...

maybe I should ask him to dinner or something? If I tried to be friendly I might digest it better?" Noah sounded more intrigued than upset by the thought, which was interesting.

"It's an idea," Tobias said, trying to sound neutral. "Think about it. If you'd like to set something up, just let me know.