Deviations: Submission (11 page)

Deviations: Submission

by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen

knew that, that I was already thinking long-term, wanting it

... God, Phan. What do I do?"

"You talk to him about what he wants. You make fucking sure your needs are met. And you take the chance. Last night was as good as the rumors?"

"Probably better. I was so proud of him, Phan. He's so willing to learn, he's so giving ... it's like he's been starving and just found food. And I feel like I have a farm to give him."

"Then stop being scared of something that might happen in the future and live for today."

The words seemed too familiar, too pat to be something natural to Phan, and Tobias had to search for the memory.

Him, out in the stable with Phan on his knees, weeping, asking to be released. The two of them talking long into the night, and beyond it, finally accepting that the slavery had to end, that it wasn't the correct boundary Phan needed pushed.

That the need for pain drove him, was a part of him he needed to nurture and that Tobias couldn't take that journey with him. That sometimes love wasn't enough.

"Phan?"

"Here."

"If you're going to quote me, at least pick something a little more original," he said with aslight smile.

"Yes, Tobias. You okay?"

"I will be. I'll talk to you next week."

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Deviations: Submission

by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen

Chapter 9

Tobias had a hell of a time finding parking.

It was bad enough that the streets in Chinatown were narrow, but added to that was the hassle of the tail end of rush hour. The streets were packed with cars and people, he continually hit red lights, and by the time he finally shut off his engine he was fit to be tied. To add insult to injury, the lot attendant wanted twenty dollars to leave his car there for three hours, in cash, which was a bit of a sticking point. It took Tobias five minutes to find the emergency money in the glove compartment, buried under maps and theater programs.

So he was running a few minutes late and was mentally cursing his watch as he made his way to dinner.

The restaurant Noah had chosen was busy, but when Tobias gave his name he was smiled at and greeted in an unhurried manner and then ushered politely to the rear of the dining room. There, he was led past several high-sided booths, all decorated in brightly colored Asian fabrics. His guide stopped by one of the booths and made a gesture for Tobias to enter.

The booths were more like tiny private rooms, and inside each was a low table, surrounded by cushions instead of chairs. Noah greeted him with a smile and little bow. "They expect you to take off your shoes," Noah told him. "You won't be allowed any tea until you're barefoot." He grinned and picked up his own cup.

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Deviations: Submission

by Jodi Payne, Chris Owen

Raising an eyebrow, Tobias merely held Noah's eyes as he lifted one foot and then other, removing his shoes and socks.

"I suggest that you make the most of this evening," he said dryly. "It might be your last chance for repercussion-free fun." He had to try not to smile, his anxiety fading.

"Then I had better make sure that you kneel and bow when they bring you your tea, too," Noah teased, and then more seriously he added, "The food here is excellent, you'll like it. And it's very private."

"It is indeed." Tobias glanced around the tiny room as he sat down, thankful he was flexible enough to sit at the low table without trouble. He listened carefully but couldn't make out words from anyone nearby; the voices of the other diners were quite muted, in fact. "I admit that this wasn't what I had pictured when you asked to meet on ... what did you say?

Your turf?"

"I did say that. What did you picture? I'm curious."

"Something with chairs." Tobias smiled and then thought about it. "Well, I guess I had actually expected Italian over Chinese, and lively, homey. Somewhere in a family neighborhood or right downtown. A place with full-bodied wine, waitresses with lovely, rich accents, and the scent of fresh bread and garlic. I may have been hungry when I called you."

Noah laughed. "Well, since I don't drink, I never think of wine, and as I spend half my life kneeling, I suppose chairs aren't much of a consideration either." He was smiling and in a great mood, and he seemed very relaxed as he handed over a menu. "Seriously. This is not your corner Chinese take-out."

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Deviations: Submission

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Tobias glanced at the menu and smiled back. It was ornate and lengthy, the descriptions detailed. He didn't see anything spelled Moo Goo Guy Pan or anything like it. Delighted, he said, "So I see. I'll admit I've probably had one or two of these dishes-possibly even several-but I'd never know it.

What would you recommend for someone who likes spicy over sweet and sour and seafood over pork?"

"Hmm ... they have this Szechwan shrimp thing over glass noodles. Don't ask me to pronounce it, but it's delicious,"

Noah suggested with a confident smile. "Shall we share?

Would you like an appetizer?"

Flirting. Tobias was almost surprised he recognized it, it had been so long since someone who actually knew what he was had flirted at him.

"Wonton soup would be nice," he said, not precisely sure how to react. His natural inclination was to flirt back, but considering why they were there he wasn't sure if it was entirely appropriate. He was also a little surprised, given that he couldn't bring to mind a single sub who'd ever flirted with him, outside of Phan-and that had taken about three months.

"We could share," he finally said, his stomach giving a little lurch. "As long as I get what's owed me."

Noah held his eyes for a moment and then nodded. "I always pay my debts."

"That's good. Do you make them wisely?" Tobias asked, keeping his voice low and smooth.

"Oh," Noah sighed. "Well, all right, if you want to get right to it-no, I haven't always. But I do learn from my mistakes."

He leaned back and picked up his tea again.

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"That's usually more important, I've found." Tobias smiled and picked up his own tea cup, frowning when he realized it was empty. "So, shall we share? I promise not to make you feed me."

Noah chuckled again. "Two wonton soups, and spicy Szechwan shrimp." He reached behind him and tugged on an ornate bell-pull that hung against the back wall and an adorable little waitress appeared instantly. She came in with a tray and knelt next to Tobias to pour him his tea, then bowed to him, took their order, and disappeared.

Noah looked at him again. "I'm not interested in a slave position. I won't sign on for a year right off, but I'll agree to six months contracted submission. At the end of six months we can sign a continuance as is for another six, renegotiate for another term, or split up."

Tobias nodded, not surprised at the sudden turn of the conversation. "Agreed. I require you wear a pager at all times-I know that as a police officer you have a duty to the people of this city, and during your shift that takes precedence for your time. Every Sunday I will ask for your weekly schedule-work, any obligations you've made to family, friends ... whatever. I want to know where you are as well as I can. Your weekends are mine." The basics-how long Noah would be his, and the pager-were the easiest to get through; they were the deal breakers, so to speak. If either of them had major issues with such fundamentals, there was little point in continuing.

"Agreed." Noah hadn't hesitated, and Tobias let himself relax a bit more so that he was finally able to take in a few 98

Deviations: Submission

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more details. As he watched, Noah shifted and crossed his legs, leaning back on one arm. He looked good, casual khakis, white shirt, blue vest. "I have a pager at home, I'll write the number down for you."

Tobias shook his head, dismissing the notion. "No, I'll provide one." He leaned forward a little, intent. "It won't be easy, Noah. You'll hate me at times. I demand obedience, respect and thoughtfulness. I'll want you to think about me, about what would make me happy. I'll put you through your paces and expect you to work harder on yourself than you ever have before."

Noah searched Tobias' eyes for a moment. "Nothing in life that's worth doing is easy. And I have good reason to trust you."

It made him smile. "You want to. You may have even started to, and I truly want you to. In return for your submission I will promise never to lie to you, trick you, or damage you. I will be responsible for you when we are together or when I send you somewhere on my behalf. I will protect you, guide you, and teach you. Is that acceptable?"

"Accepted and appreciated." Noah nodded.

Tobias took a breath. His promises, sincerely made, were easy for him. He'd do no less for anyone under his control.

But there were things he needed as well. "I'll still require safe words. I'd also like an itemized list of implements you like and ones you hate, with reasons for the ones you dislike." He shrugged one shoulder. "I may decide to use them anyway.

The same with scenes or situations you fear or loathe-you don't have to give me details, but I want to know what your 99

Deviations: Submission

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reasoning is before I'll agree not to try something. If you give me everything I need, you won't have to worry about my choices."

After a moment Noah nodded. "All right, I can do that," he conceded. "You ready for my issues?"

Tobias grinned, relieved. "I guess I better be."

Noah chuckled and watched as the food arrived, waiting to continue until they were alone again. "I want to do this, I know I need it. I'm offering it freely and without reservation, Tobias." He sighed and stirred his soup and then turned soulful brown eyes on Tobias. "But I need you to understand that I am honestly terrified of losing my identity to this."

Nodding, Tobias picked up his spoon. "I can't tell you it's never happened before. Part of what I do is make sure that doesn't happen, that you get grounded within yourself, not in me, not in subspace. Do you spend your time in the evenings doing anything in particular?"

"Depends on the night. I play basketball on Wednesdays with a boys club at the Y downtown, and I volunteer as a counselor for teenagers Thursdays ... otherwise I'm watching a game with guys from work or hanging out at home."

Tobias thought about that as he sipped his soup. The broth was a little more sour than he usually liked, but the wontons were heaven. "You keep Wednesday and Thursday, no question-especially Thursday. It's routine, it's balance, and it's outside of your head. Aside from that, it's important work." He smiled at Noah, pleased with his interests. It boded well for the man and his personality. "I may call you on the other evenings. But understand that part of what you and I 100

Deviations: Submission

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do will be so that you can have a set place and time to give yourself over, utterly and completely. Safely. I'll bring you back. It's my job to keep you whole."

Noah took another taste of his soup and then sat back again. "I only have a couple of things I need to be in the agreement. I love my job. I'm good at it, and I feel like I'm out there every day making a difference, you know? So I appreciate that you understand I need that to be my space.

Also, because I'm a cop and all kinds of people know me on the street, if we're together in a contracted capacity outside of the club I need you to make sure I'm wearing an eye mask at the very least." Noah swallowed, looking Tobias in the eye.

"And the second thing-and please don't be insulted because I do believe you know better-I need you to agree to be sober if I'm bound and can't get free on my own. Stone cold sober.

And if you're not, I must retain the right to proceed as I see fit without risk of punishment, including the right to break the contract instantly if I wish. It's not a reflection on you, Tobias, it's just ... a protection I have to have. I need it in writing."

Tobias didn't even blink. It was utterly vital that Noah believe-and trust-him on this matter. "I never participate in any scene when I've had anything to drink, Noah. If I ever do, you may do exactly as you wish. I will not leave you alone when you are bound. The two together is ... well." He shook his head, unable to imagine the fear that Noah must have felt. "I won't abuse you."

He pretended not to notice Noah's eyes well up for a moment, or the way he covered it by sipping his tea and looking down at his food. When Noah looked up again, there 101

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wasn't any evidence of it at all, but he also made no further comment on the subject.

Tobias sat a little straighter and gestured with his hand toward Noah. "As for the other-I doubt we'll be out anywhere for some time, but certainly. Discretion is always a good idea.

I'm assuming that you're open to playing outside of the club, however-I much prefer my own tools, my own spaces."

"I'm open to whatever you need," Noah answered. "At home, at the club, or out."

"Are you sure?" Tobias said softly. "If I were to tell you that every Friday I will send a car for you and you will leave the city, would you do that? If I asked you to kiss my feet and lick my cock, like Phan did, would you do that? If I needed it, like breath?"

"If you needed it like breath?" Noah looked into his eyes again. "Of course. That is my responsibility to you as your sub-to see your needs are met, to put your needs before mine. I'll admit I'm not thrilled about the idea of licking your boots, but if you asked it of me? If I knew you needed it? Yes.

Yes, I would." He looked down again and speared a piece of shrimp with his fork. "And as for my weekends, we agreed that they're yours. I'll go wherever you say."

Tobias grinned. "Lucky for you, I don't need that sort of service, and my farm is only an hour or so out of town." He finally let himself enjoy the spicy hot shrimp. "However, I'm more than sure I'll eventually ask you to do something ...