Determinism (Cara & Abel's Story) (26 page)

“It’s hard to tell. A lot of times similar patients will seem to be responding, but it’s just their reflexes. Abel, if her response was truly to her hearing Amber and her mom talk about you, then I think you’re going to be the one to pull her out of this. She’s stable and everything looks good, so I’ll leave you to it and be back in a few hours.”

“How’s the baby?” I ask.

“The baby’s fine. Stop worrying,” he says and pats my shoulder as he walks off. I go back over to Cara, and notice that her lips look dry. I grab her chapstick and put a thin layer on her plump, pink lips. Then of course I lean down and kiss them. Man, what I wouldn’t give to have her kiss me back. I sit in my usual chair with Marla and Amber across from me.

I do what I’ve done so many times — I just talk to her. I talk about everything, from the news, to baby names, and even reminisce about the past and what the future might hold for us. As I speak, the hours pass like minutes and the sun is setting. Marla begins to yawn and Amber recommends they leave for the night. I hug them both and promise to call if there are any changes.

Once they leave and we’re left alone, this is truly my favorite time. I dim the lights and pull the covers back at her feet. The nurses gave me permission to rub them. I turn off the blood pressure leg machine that inflates to help with circulation, remove my shoes, and get into bed with her.

I sit cross-legged resting her feet in my lap and rub her feet with some cherry almond lotion. We both love the scent; it’s always been one of my favorites, more so now than ever. Watching intently while I massage, I’m looking for any signs of movement.

“Baby, I almost forgot to mention that I bought you something today. But I’m not going to tell you what it is until you’re awake. For now, I’ll hold onto it for you.”

It’s ironic that I’m rubbing her feet as I’m talking about the pebble. My eyelids start to get heavy and I know I need to rest as well. I put one last coat of lotion on her and then grab a clean pair of socks out of the closet. Once the socks are on, I place her legs back in the machine and turn it on. I cover her loosely like she likes and lay the bed all the way back.

I grab my blanket and pillow from the closet and get as comfortable as I can in my chair. While I lay there, I watch her small, even breaths. I can hear her laugh, and feel her arms around my neck.

Lord, please give me that again.

“Goodnight, kitten. I love you.”

I rest my hand in hers and close my eyes. Exhaustion sets in quickly and I drift off to a peaceful sleep.

“Baby,” she whispers and moves her hand beneath mine. I curse inside for having another one of these dreams, but it’s the closest I’ve been to being with her, so I let myself indulge yet again.

“Abel,” she says a little more loudly and then begins to cough. My head jerks up and I’m shocked. She’s awake and really coughing. I run to the sink and fill her up a cup of water. I don’t hand it to her though, as I’m unsure of her strength. I place my hand behind her head and give her a small sip. She swallows and looks up at me. “Thank you,” she whispers in a small, raspy voice.

“Of course. I’m going to call a nurse.”

She shakes her head, “No nurses, not yet. I need you.”

I kiss her lips, “You have me.”

“No, I don’t. You left me,” she says as tears fill her eyes.

“Oh, kitten,” I say and climb into bed next to her, wrapping her delicate body against mine. I’m at a loss for words. I … I don’t even know where to begin.

“What happened?” she asks.

“You were in an accident, a few weeks ago. I got called on the scene, as well as Troy and Matt. Your car flipped quite a few times and they struggled to get you out. Since then you’ve been in a coma.”

She places her hand over her mouth to stifle a cry, “Oh no, the baby.”

Reassuringly, I rub her stomach. “The baby is fine. You’re about eight weeks along.”

“Really?”

“Yes, baby, really. Cara, I want you to know how sorry I am for walking out on you. If I could go back and do things over, I
never
would’ve left you. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, but I need you to know why. Over a decade ago, I had a girlfriend and she got pregnant. It was a tubal pregnancy and both she and the baby passed. That’s why I’ve never wanted kids and I panicked when you told me about the baby. I was scared of losing you too. But I’ve realized that you’re not her, plus our little one is strong.”

“Jesus, Abel. I’m so sorry. I wish you would have told me this before.”

“It’s okay, baby. The important part is that you’re okay. Do you remember anything from the accident or when you were out?”

She closes her eyes and is deep in thought. “I was driving home from your place. I just went to feed Puss and someone hit me. I think my car flipped, but that’s all. Everything from that point on is like a dream”

“Do you remember me telling you that I love you?”

She looks at me with wide eyes and blinks a few times, “Yeah, I do. You said it in my car, but I thought I was dreaming.”

“That was not a dream. I love you, Cara, more than anything in this world.”

Tears fall from her eyes as she speaks, “Oh Abel, I love you too.”

I never thought it would be so easy for us to say the words to one another, but it is. Leaning down I press my lips to hers, allowing the tears to escape my eyes as well. After weeks of praying for this, it’s come true. Finally she is kissing me back. Our tears blend together and meld as if they are one. From this moment on, we are one …

“Sir,” an unfamiliar voice calls out. My eyes fly open and standing next to me is a nurse. “You really shouldn’t be in bed with the patient.”

“She’s awake,” I say.

The expression on the nurse’s face changes and she moves to the other side of the bed. “Cara, can you hear me?” she asks.

But Cara doesn’t respond. I lean down and kiss behind her ear, then say, “Kitten, you need to wake up.”

She moans and blinks a few times. “See? She’s awake,” I say and slide out of bed.

“Cara. I’m Alice. How are you feeling?”

“I guess okay, considering,” she says in a hoarse voice.

“Good. Let me page Dr. Lee. He needs to examine you.”

Before the nurse leaves, she checks Cara’s vitals, writing everything down on her chart. I can’t keep my eyes off of her as she lies so quietly in bed. Her nipples are hard, making my mouth water. Fuck, I shouldn’t be looking at her like this. Not now, she’s too fragile, but I can’t stop staring at them straining against the thin fabric of the hospital gown. I force myself to move my eyes from her breasts to her eyes. A grin is spread wide across her face, making me realize, she caught me and I’m the happiest man alive for it. She gets me and that’s one of the things I love about her.

Patience is not something that comes easily to me, but I waited for Cara months ago and it was the best decision of my life. As much as my body is screaming for her now, needing to claim her and make love to her slowly, I’ll wait however long is needed until she is healthy and strong enough to partake in our sweetest indulgence. I mouth the words I love you to her, and she returns them.

Dr. Lee conducts a thorough examination on Cara and all is well. The nurse removes all of her tubes and sends us on a walk. The short distance makes her tired and I know there is a long road ahead. Dr. Lee says she should be able to go home in a few days and I’ve never been happier.

Amber and Marla stop by briefly and then leave to get Cara’s place ready for her homecoming. As much as I want to take her home to my loft, that will have to wait. For now she can stay in Alexa’s old room if she needs to avoid the stairs.

Lex and Vince are with her now while I am at my place grabbing my stuff and visiting with little Puss. I haven’t seen this little girl in so long, and I’ve missed her. “You know we are going to have to move and get a bigger place,” I say. She meows and I laugh at myself for talking to a cat.

Neither my place nor Cara’s is big enough for a baby. I wonder what her thoughts are going to be. We’ll have to discuss it at a later time. All I know is that I’ll be happy wherever the two of them are.

Leaving my place, I drive back to the hospital and enter the familiar halls I’ve unfortunately grown to know. Walking back into the room, Cara is fast asleep and Alexa’s reading a magazine. I smile and before I sit I have to kiss Cara and as our lips touch, she smiles and looks at me. “Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay.”

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

She nods her head, “Good, I think.”

“You better be feeling good, you’ve slept the entire time I’ve been here,” Alexa says.

We all laugh and Cara shrugs her shoulders. “Well, I do need to run, you two. I have to get back to the office and help Vince. He has a big case that he’s prepping for. It goes to trial tomorrow, so I’m sure he’s a wreck.”

“Thanks for staying,” I say to her.

“It was no problem. I enjoyed some time with Cara, and I guess she didn’t sleep the entire time I was here.”

She hugs us both and walks out of the room. Tilting my head to the side I look at Cara and soak in her beauty. “What did you do while you were out?”

“I ran home and checked on Puss. She thinks we should move.”

She laughs out loud and I love to hear it. “Really? What else did Puss say?”

“That’s it. But she said it needs to happen before the baby is born.”

“Abel, are you serious right now?”

“I’m dead serious, baby. Think about it. Neither of our places is big enough for a baby and unless you are leaving me, I’m in this for the long haul.”

“Is that why you gave me this bracelet?” she asks, lifting her wrist and showing me her infinity bracelet.

“I didn’t even get to give it to you. Take it off and let me do this right,” I say.

She removes it and hands me the heavy gold symbol of our love. Grabbing her hand, I sit in bed next to her and swallow hard. “Cara, I’m giving you this bracelet as a symbol of my love. I bought it for you on the day I planned to tell you that I love you. I can’t take back the past, or what has happened, but I can change the future. I want you to know from the bottom of my heart how much I love you. Thinking about our future and knowing we have a full life ahead of us makes me the most content I’ve ever been. For the first time in years, I’m satisfied. I’m no longer the shell of a man I once was. I see value within myself and that is all because of you.”

“Oh, baby,” she says crying and leans up wrapping her arms around my neck. Holding her body, I breathe her in and thank God for this miracle. Once we separate, she watches me as I go to clasp the gold symbol back around her tiny wrist, but not before I ask, “Did you see the engraving?”

Looking at me confused, I point to the inside of the bracelet where I had the special message placed. She squints and reads the tiny writing out loud, “To my kitten, I love you more than life.” She shakes her head back and forth in disbelief. “I can’t believe you did that, it’s perfect. Thank you so much, Abel.”

Leaning down, I kiss her and lose myself in her soft lips. She tastes like paradise and I’ve never known a feeling like the one I have now. In her hold, being complete and content, I know I’m the luckiest man alive.

Cara came home this morning and is in really good spirits. She just woke from a nap and is nestled on the couch with me, cuddled in my lap. She’s talking with her mom and Amber. I’m trying my best to listen in, but my mind keeps drifting. My phone vibrates on the coffee table and I reach for it. It’s Vincent.
Can you sneak away today?

Why would I do that? I just got them back.

Come on. I need your help with something for Cara. She has her mom and sister there to keep her company.

Do I really need to come with you?

Yes, you do and if you don’t, I’ll send Lex over there and make her kick your ass out for the day. Come on, it’s for Cara.

Fine.

Cool, I’ll pick you up in thirty.

I wait for a break in conversation before I tell her. Taking my hand I run my fingers over the tender skin of her arm. Goosebumps form on the surface, and she looks at me.

“Sorry.”

She shakes her head, “It’s okay.”

I lean down once Marla and Amber are off in their own conversation. “Vince just texted me. He needs me to help him today.”

She smiles and says, “Okay, baby.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, you haven’t left my side in weeks. Go spend some time with your brother. It’ll be good for you.”

I kiss her perfect lips. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I slide out from underneath her. “Ladies, I’m going to run and help my brother for a bit. I’ll be back soon.”

Marla stands and hugs me, “Take your time.”

“Thanks,” I respond and high five Amber. She’s so goofy. She has such a free spirit like Cara.

I look in the mirror and decide against changing. Whatever he has planned, he can take me in my basketball shorts and a t-shirt. I grab a hat, put on a pair of tennis shoes, then I hear him honk out front.
Damn, that was fast.