Destined to Change (6 page)

After the shopping was done - in complete silence - we headed out to the parking lot. Jaxon noticed the little, dingy dive bar across the street.

“Wanna grab a beer before we head back?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We have a ways to drive, and I don’t want to ride with someone who’s been drinking.”

Jaxon gave me a little grin, put his hand out to me wiggling his pinky. “I’ll only have one beer, pinky-swear.”

I laughed at him and we headed across the street. Dave’s Place was a hole-in-the-wall dive bar. It was very small with an old oak bar along the right side of the wall, a stage in the back for the band or anyone feeling brave enough to sing karaoke, and about ten small tables. The walls were plastered with neon signs from just about every alcohol brand, and an old jukebox sat back in the corner. I had been there before with Emma and Eric, but I never really noticed how small it was.

When we walked inside there was an older “cowboy” sitting at the bar, sipping on a beer, and a couple dancing on the makeshift dance floor in the back of the room by the stage. The jukebox was blasting an old Hank Williams song and I had never felt so out of place. I was standing here with a pierced, tattooed man. All eyes - granted there weren’t many - but still, shifted to us when we walked in.

Jaxon led us to a table along the wall. The waitress was an older woman who looked like she was barely surviving a hard life. She had really frizzy hair that was dyed a really unnatural shade of red. Her face was covered in deep wrinkles and she was definitely a smoker. Her long fingernails were stained yellow from the nicotine. I actually felt bad for her in the few moments that I knew her, well I did until she started ogling Jaxon. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. I swear she looked at him like he was a lollipop she really needed to lick. I had to agree with her, he was lickable.

Jaxon ordered us both a beer, and then he asked a follow-up to his earlier question. “So, what happened to the twins’ dad?”

I was really hoping he would just let it drop, but I knew he wouldn’t, so I told him the whole story. I didn’t mince any words. I gave it to him straight.

“Basically, Declan was the love of my life.  We were born for each other.  The term ‘destiny’ was used a lot when our parents were talking about us.  When I was sixteen and Declan was seventeen, we were in an accident.  Declan didn’t make it.  Shortly after the accident, I found out I was pregnant with the twins.  They really saved me.  I don’t know how I would’ve survived losing him, if it hadn’t been for them.”  I really hoped that I hadn’t sounded too pitiful, when I was explaining what had happened.  I didn’t need the PPL (Poor Pitiful Loralei) from Jaxon. I had coined that term ten years ago when everybody gave me
the
look.

Jaxon reached over and placed his hand on my arm.  His eyes were so caring.  I was surprised that I felt so comfortable talking to him about this.  I was never comfortable talking about Declan, but Jaxon made me feel like it was okay, like I needed to talk about it.  He never looked at me with sadness.  I wasn’t sure what kinda look he was giving me, but it didn’t feel like he felt sorry for me.

“Seems like Declan was a really great guy.  I’m sorry that the twins won’t get to know him.”
Wow,
he really surprised me. Those words and his gorgeous brown eyes were melting my heart.

The waitress brought us our beers. Her hand lingered a little longer on Jaxon’s bottle than mine. Her eyes were just looking him up and down, and back again. I couldn’t believe she was blatantly flirting with him right in front of me. Sometimes I just couldn’t understand what the hell was wrong with people. It’s not like we were a couple or anything. But she didn’t know that.

We sipped our beers and talked a little. Jaxon told me he was from Richmond, California. “I needed to get away from the big city for a while. There was some shit going on, that well, it was just better for me to get away.”

“Are you running from the law, mister?” I joked.

He shot me that sexy smirk, raised an eyebrow, and shrugged his shoulders.

He could’ve been for all I knew. I didn't know anything about this guy. Since he was Jake’s nephew, and I trusted Jake with my life, I could only assume that he wouldn’t let me spend time with Jaxon if he was a bad guy.

“What do you do? You know, for a living.”

His eyes lit up as he explained, “I work on cars.  Old cars are my specialty.  I’ve always been kind of fascinated with them.  My mom says when I was little, I took everything in the house apart, just so I could see how it worked and then put it back together.  I kinda feel that way about cars.  I like to take a look under the hood and see what I can do to make her purr.”

I don’t know if he meant to make it sound that way, but I was definitely blushing.  He gave me a little grin and took a swig of his beer.

When we finished our beers, the waitress came over, and Jaxon ordered a couple more. I shot him a pissy look.

“I know, pinky- swear and all, but I’m really having a good time getting to know you. And it’ll take more than a couple of beers to get me drunk,” He said with that damn, sexy smirk of his.

I nodded as the waitress skulked away to get our order. When she got away from our table Jaxon leaned over, “Wanna dance?”

I tried to slink down in my chair. I don’t dance, unless you count when I have the radio blaring and dance around my house, and I don’t think you count that. “I don’t really know how to dance.”

“Just follow me, honey, and you’ll be a pro in no time.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the makeshift dance floor, pressing me against his strong muscular chest. I couldn’t tell if the room was spinning, or if it was just my head. Just being that close to him was making me crazy. And then I did the one thing I shouldn’t have done - I looked up. Big, gorgeous brown eyes were staring down at me. I gulped and my heart literally skipped a beat.

We danced through several slow country songs, never taking our eyes off of each other. I had never felt that connected to any other man besides Declan.
Declan.
He was never far from my thoughts, but I had to admit, I hadn’t been thinking about him much while Jaxon and I danced.

When he started to lean down toward me, it just seemed natural. He brushed his lips along my neck right below my ear. I shuddered from my head to my toes and everywhere in between. He looked down at me through those long brown eyelashes and gently pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and sweet.

But when he tried to slide his tongue into my mouth, I pulled away and found myself screaming, “What the hell?”  I ran to the bathroom and as soon as I slammed the door behind me, he was knocking on it.

“I’m so sorry, Loralei. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He was quiet for a moment. “Oh, shit I did, I needed to kiss you. I still do. But if you don’t want to, I won’t push you, I promise. Please just open the door and let me in.”

I leaned against the bathroom door. “I can’t believe you did that. I didn’t ask you to kiss me. I didn’t want you to kiss me. Why would you do that?”

Utter silence. Jaxon didn’t say a word. I slowly opened the door and he was gone. I couldn't believe he just left me there. I ran to the table and noticed my purse was gone.

I headed outside and found Jaxon sitting in the truck, holding his head in his hands. If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought he was crying. But he was definitely not the kind of guy you would find crying with his head in his hands, right? I opened the door, and he never moved. I climbed into the truck and shut the door.

Finally, he looked over at me. “Loralei, I’m so sorry I did that. Something is wrong with me, I fuck up everything.  I was having such a great time with you, and I just couldn’t help myself. I wanted to kiss you so bad. I’ve been dreaming about what you would taste like since the first time I saw you on the farm. But you’re scared. I get that. I won’t let it happen again. You can trust me.”

I kept my eyes glued to the floorboard, unable to look at him. “It’s okay, let’s just forget this ever happened, alright?”

When I finally looked at him, he nodded, and we drove all the way home in silence; not even any classic rock on the radio this time.

Jaxon

I was right, I was in trouble with this damn woman.  When she explained what had happened to the twin’s dad, my heart hurt for her.  I could tell by the look in her eyes that her heart broke that night.   I just wanted to hold her.  I wanted to take all of her pain away.  I hadn’t known this woman long enough to feel this way about her.  I have too much baggage.  I can’t add that shit to her life.  It’s bad enough that I have to deal with it, she shouldn’t have to deal with it too.

When the waitress brought our beers, she was staring me down.  Did she not fucking see that I was with someone?  It wasn’t like Loralei and I were together, together, but still.  This skank needed to back the hell off. 

I explained to Loralei, “I needed to get away from the big city for a while. There was some shit going on, that, well, it was just better for me to get away.”

She asked, “Are you running from the law, mister?”

I wasn’t running from the law, but I had had some run-ins with the law.  So I just shrugged my shoulders and smirked at her.

I was so happy when she asked me about my work.  I had always loved to talk about my passion for cars. “I work on cars.  Old cars are my specialty.  I’ve always been kind of fascinated with them.  My mom said when I was little, I took everything in the house apart, just so I could see how it worked and then put it back together.  I kinda feel that way about cars.  I like to take a look under the hood and see what I can do to make her purr.”

I would love to make Loralei purr.  There was that blush again.  I was really starting to love that blush.  I took a swig of my beer and grinned at her.

We were having such a good time.  I didn’t want it to end, so when the skanky waitress came over I ordered us a couple more beers.  Boy that pissed Loralei off.  She shot me a look

“I know, pinky- swear and all, but I’m really having a good time getting to know you. And it’ll take more than a couple of beers to get me drunk.”

She finally agreed and I asked her, “Wanna dance?”

I could tell by the way she tried to slide down under the table and hide, that she didn’t want to dance.

She finally answered, “I don’t really know how to dance.”

This was gonna be fun.  “Just follow me, honey, and you’ll be a pro in no time.”

I grabbed her hand and led her out to the dance floor.  Damn, she felt so good in my arms.  Being this close to her was making me feel weird things.  I couldn’t understand what the hell was drawing me to this sweet, innocent woman.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. When she looked up at me – that was it.  I was lost to her. 

We danced through several songs and then, God, I had to kiss her, taste her.  I bent my head down and lightly brushed my lips down her neck right below her ear.  I could feel her shudder under my touch.  I had to take this slow.  I didn’t want to scare her.  I leaned in and very gently pressed my lips against hers.  She tasted so sweet.  I could have kissed her like this all night, but I was greedy, I wanted more.  When I tried to slide my tongue into her mouth, she jumped back, screaming, “What the hell?”

Before I knew what was happening she was running toward the bathroom, slamming the door, and then locking it.

I knocked on the door. “I’m so sorry, Loralei. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Damn it, I screwed this up.  I went too fast and scared the shit out of her.  “Oh, shit I did, I needed to kiss you. I still do. But if you don’t want to, I won’t push you, I promise. Please just open the door and let me in.”

I could hear her lean against the door, “I can’t believe you did that. I didn’t ask you to kiss me. I didn’t want you to kiss me. Why would you do that?”

God damn it!  Why did I do that?  I fuck up everything.  I was having such an amazing time, and then I had to screw it up and push her into something she didn’t want or need.  I had to get the hell out of there, and get away from her.  I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her more.  I threw some money down on the table to cover our tab, and noticed we left her purse unattended, so I grabbed it and headed to the truck.

I climbed in the truck and slammed the door behind.  I laid my head in my hands.  What the fuck was wrong with me?  I was so damn close to bawling like a baby.  Something about this woman was getting to me.  I couldn’t do this right now.  My life was fucked up and I couldn’t bring this sweet, innocent woman into my hell.  I had to stay the hell away from her.  That was the only way it could be.

She climbed in the truck.  It took me a few minutes before I could even look up at her.  “Loralei, I’m so sorry I did that. Something is wrong with me, I fuck up everything.  I was having such a great time with you, and I just couldn’t help myself. I wanted to kiss you so bad. I’ve been dreaming about what you would taste like since the first time I saw you on the farm. But you’re scared. I get that. I won’t let it happen again. You can trust me.”

She couldn’t look up at me either, she stared at the floorboard. “It’s okay, let’s just forget this ever happened, alright?”

Yes, that was for the best.  We just needed to forget that any of this had ever happened.  I nodded and we drove home in silence.  I didn’t even want to listen to the radio.

Loralei

When we got home, he dropped me off at my house before he took the supplies out to the barn office to be put away. I decided I really needed to talk to Emma about what happened at the bar. I could never understand how every time I really needed to talk to her, she didn’t answer her stupid phone. I screamed into her voicemail, “Ems, why the hell don’t you ever answer your phone when I need you?”

God, I needed to talk to someone about this. The only other person I could think of was, well, my mom, and since she’s the one who started all of this, I didn’t know if that was the best idea.