Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (27 page)

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M
y feet are on fire by the time I reach the house, even though I lost my heels about half a mile into the six mile trek home. As I climb the stairs, I take one last glance over my shoulder to make sure Jax is nowhere in sight and breathe a sigh of relief when I see no sign of him. Pulling my key out of my purse, I slide it into the lock, turning it swiftly before pushing my way inside the darkened house.

Instinctively, I reach over to turn on the lamp, but quickly think twice. If Jax does come by the house, I don’t want any indication that I am here. I need to be alone tonight.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to get home.” I jump at the sound of Deuce’s voice, my heart pounding in my chest. The room is suddenly flooded with bright light as he reaches over and turns on the tableside lamp. 

“What are you doing here?” It’s a stupid question considering this is his house, but it’s all I can come up with.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he says, raising his brow at me. “Wanna tell me what the fuck happened?”

“I freaked out,” I admit.

“Sit,” he orders, nodding towards the couch.

Letting out an exhaustive breath, I walk over and take a seat. Although I’ll never admit it, I’m glad Deuce is here. He’s easy to talk to, at least for me. “I had to get out of there.”

“Because of Trix?”

“How did you...?”

“Jax went looking for you and ran into her. Knew she must’ve said somethin’ so he called me. And in case you were wondering, Beast had your back all the way home. Not sure he’s too happy about walking almost six miles, but he knew if you heard his pipes, you’d bail into the woods.” He gives me a displeased looks before continuing. “What’d she say that made you bolt?”

“Nothing I haven’t been thinking myself,” I say, biting my bottom lip in an attempt to control my emotions.

“You have to stop this Alana,” Deuce says, rising from his chair and coming to sit beside me. “This fear you have of abandonment has to come to an end.”

“I’ve tried,” I say, my voice wavering. “But every time I feel like I’m finally starting to move on, it all comes crashing down on me.”

“Because you keep trying to bury it. Everything that happened in your past was real. You can’t erase it even though you want to, but you can overcome it.” He pulls me close to him, draping his arm across my shoulder as he sits back, trying to comfort me.

“How am I supposed to overcome something like this? I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without being reminded of what I’ve done and who I am.”

“What you are Alana is a sweet, beautiful young woman with a fulfilling life ahead of you. What you’ve done is survive. You were dealt one hell of a shitty hand in life, but it’s time to stop living in the past. It’s time for you to start living.”

Lifting my head, I look over at Deuce with tear filled eyes. “She said he would break my heart. That in the end I would be alone,” I whisper.

“That’ll never happen,” I turn at the sound of Jax’s voice. The worry that etches his face disappears when his eyes meet mine. “Now I just have to convince you of that.”

Just seeing Jax takes my breath away. I could keep trying to convince myself that I don’t love him, but that would be a lie. My heart knows the truth and my mind can no longer fight it.

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Deuce says, rising from his seat beside me. He nods in Jax’s direction before looking down at me once again. “You deserve happiness, Alana. And it’s standing right in front of you.” He reaches down and gives my hand a gentle squeeze before heading towards the front door.

“Thanks again,” Jax says to him as he passes by.

“Where Alana is concerned, you never have to thank me. She’s a special woman and I would do anything to make sure she’s safe. That’s what family does,” he says before exiting the house, leaving Jax and I alone.

I stare up at the man I fell in love with years ago and still love to this day. If there is one person capable of bringing me happiness, it is him. All I have to do is let him into the place he captured so long ago.

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I
should feel nothing but anger and a few short moments ago, that is exactly what I was experiencing. Now that I am face to face with Alana, all I feel is relief knowing she is safe.

Staring at her tear stained face affects me in a way I never knew possible, and I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for Alana. Love is too weak of a word to describe it.

“You just left,” I whisper, hurt that she would walk out without saying a word.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters, lowering her gaze from mine.

“Did you believe what Trix said to you?” I ask, unsure if I will like her answer. Trix admitted what she had told Alana, boldly stating that she had “gotten rid of the problem,” unaware of the bond Alana and I share. Her selfish attempt did nothing but anger me, something I will deal with in the near future, but for now I want to lay Alana’s fears to rest.

“Yes and no,” she admits, the look in her eyes filled with regret at her own words. “I know Trix was trying to get to me, and I let her.”

“Why? I told you I wasn’t going anywhere, and I meant it.” She stares up at me, inwardly fighting her own demons and what her heart is telling her.

“Because I’m afraid,” Alana confesses. “I’m scared not only of losing you, but losing myself in the process. I’m terrified of what I’m feeling because love means loss,” she says, tears running down her cheeks.

“Alana,” I whisper, taking a step closer to her. Reaching out, I touch the side of her face. “Don’t you think I have the same fears? Losing you would mean losing my best friend, my soul mate, my heart... my
everything
. Where love is concerned, you have to decide you want it more than you are afraid of it. You will lose me one day, just as I will lose you, but that will be after an eternity together because I plan on spending the rest of my life with you, making up for lost time and showing you what life is supposed to be like. You are my love and my destiny. We were meant to be together, Alana. There were a few detours along the way, but we never got lost. I belong to you just as you belong to me, and I won’t let anyone or anything come between us ever.”

The tears that trail her cheeks are no longer ones of pain but of happiness. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” she whispers.

I know what she is saying, but I need to hear the words. “Tell me,” I whisper, taking a step closer so that I am almost flush against her. “Say the words.”

“I...” she pauses, looking up at me. “I love you, Jax. I’ve loved you since I was six years old.” She closes her eyes immediately, fearful that when she opens them again, I will have vanished. “But I can’t be what you need.”

“All I ever need is you,” I whisper. Without hesitation, my mouth lowers to hers, my lips ghosting over her own. Her words are ones I have waited a lifetime for and hearing them for the first time consumes me.

Alana gently parts her lips, a guttural moan escaping her throat as my tongue invades her mouth. My breath leaves me in a rush as she deepens the kiss, my body tightening in response as she sucks my lower lip into her mouth. Our tongues work in unison, mirroring each other in perfect harmony, silently revealing the passion she has been harboring for the longest time.

Lifting her in my arms, she wraps her legs around my waist, her mound pressing against my already rigid cock. The nearness of her, what I have been dreaming of for so very long is now within reach, but I know I have to take it slow, not only for Alana but for myself. I want this night to never end, to savor every touch, every taste.

Gently pulling back, she looks at me with a feverish desire. “I want you, Jax. I need you,” she whispers, the sweetness of her breath overpowering me. Her eyes meet mine, a sacred tranquility descending upon us at the realization of what is about to occur. From this moment on, we are one.

“You have no idea how long I have waited to make love to you,” I groan, my lips grazing the soft skin of her neck. I feel her stiffen as she pulls back from me. Shaking her head, she looks into my eyes, the fear I thought she had overcome resurfacing. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“I...,” she pauses, swallowing hard. “I don’t know how.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, gently lowering her to the floor.

She blushes, turning away from me. “I’ve never... I’ve only...” her voice trails off as she tries to find the words, but there is no need.

“Neither have I,” I tell her honestly. I’ve had sex more times than I can count but there has never been any meaning behind it. It was mechanical, a means of release, but nothing more. With Alana it will be different. “We can learn together,” I say, pulling her to me.

Her eyes meet mine, softening as she realizes this will be the beginning of a lifetime of firsts. “I love you,” she murmurs, my heart swelling as the words escape her lips again. 

Lifting her in my arms, my lips collide with hers as I make my way to her room, stopping only when we reach her bed. Gently, I lay her on the mattress, pausing before I make my own descent to admire her beauty.

“I want to see all of you,” I whisper, my cock becoming even more engorged as she rises on the bed, climbing onto her knees before stepping onto the carpeted floor beside me. Without hesitation she grips my shirt with her fist, turning me slightly, then guiding me back until the backs of my knees are resting against the mattress. With her flattened palm, she pushes me back onto the bed.

Lifting myself onto my elbows, I watch with hooded eyes as she slowly reaches down to the hem of the clingy red dress. With great deliberation, she peels it off, first revealing her lacy red G-string. My cock throbs at the sight, becoming impatient as she takes her time lifting the scarlet fabric until her full breasts are free from their confines. Tossing the dress aside, she stands before me, clad in only a tiny lace G-string.

“My turn,” she says, reaching out for the hem of my shirt, prompting me to stand, literally ripping it off in the process, before tossing it to the floor. Alana’s tiny fingers reach out to the button on my jeans, releasing it with ease. She takes a step back, her eyes affixed to mine as I release the zipper, lowering them to the floor. Stepping out of my jeans, I kick them aside, standing before her in only my boxer briefs. “More,” she whispers, her eyes locking on my bulge as I lower my briefs, releasing my cock from its confines.

Taking a step forward, her lips seek out my own, her tongue passing my lips with ease. A subtle groan escapes my throat as I feel her fingertips grazing my length, causing my cock to twitch with anticipation. I have never wanted someone as much as I want Alana, nor have I ever needed anyone in this way. Sex has always been just sex, nothing more. My desire for Alana far surpasses simple lust and I know that once I am inside her, there will be no going back. She is my addiction, and with one simple taste, I will lose all control.

I trail my fingers down her soft skin, halting when I reach the apex of her thighs only to have her pull away abruptly. Her lust filled eyes meet mine for only a second before she slowly lowers herself to her knees. I open my mouth to speak, to tell her I don’t expect her to go down on me, but instead of words, a guttural moan escapes the back of my throat as she slowly licks a trail from the base of my cock to the crown. “God Alana, that feels so damn good,” I groan, my fingers entangling in her mane.

As her tongue lavishes the tip of my dick, I can’t help but grasp the back of her head, urging her to take my length into her mouth. Slowly, effortlessly, she descends on my hardness taking me deep into her mouth until I feel the head at the back of her throat. She moans before slowly withdrawing until only the tip remains in her mouth, then plunging down again, this time taking me deeper into her throat. Feverishly, she works my cock, sucking hard as her hand and tongue work their magic, bringing me close to the edge.

“Lana baby, I’m gonna come,” I warn her, causing her to work me harder until I can hold back no longer. Thrusting forward, she takes every single inch deep into her throat, holding me there as I come harder than I ever have before.

She slowly pulls back, holding my still hardened cock in her hand. Looking up at me she smiles, her eyes silently pleading with me to return the favor. In one swift move, I lift her to her feet. Gripping the sides of her lace thong, I snap the tiny strings, ripping it away from her body. “You are so fuckin’ beautiful,” I say, taking a step back to admire her perfection.