Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (25 page)

“One and the same,” he laughs. “And you’ve met some of the other brothers too. Metal, Bull and Shame... or as you know them, Neil, Mark, and Kenny.”

“You’re fuckin’ with me, right?” I ask, not believing I have been duped. “They are part of the club?”

“Every last one of them, and several you haven’t met. That all changes tonight if you’re game.”

Any trepidation I was feeling completely dissipates. I slowly nod my head in agreement, actually looking forward to meeting all of them.

“Good,” he says, extending his hand out to me. “Let’s get going.”

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B
eing formally introduced to The Forgotten Souls was nothing like I expected. Any preconceived ideas I had completely vanished when we stepped foot inside the compound.

Inside the clubhouse, there were a good fifty to sixty people, bullshitting and having a good time. My assumptions of an MC being filled with nothing but violence couldn’t have been more wrong. When Jax refers to them as his brothers, I can fully understand why. They aren’t just friends. Each of them share a special bond, one I don’t quite understand, but it still warms my heart. Finding the club has given Jax the family he always wanted but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous. He wasn’t the only one who desired a family, but I am happy he found his.

“So whatcha think?” Deuce asks, coming to sit beside me at the round table seated close to the bar. “Not so bad once you see past the gruff exterior, huh?”

“I’ll admit when I’m wrong,” I say, smiling over at him. “And I was wrong.”

“I know how Beast comes across, but he’s a good guy. You two have a lot in common.”

“And how’s that?” I ask, curious as to how Beast and I are anything but complete opposites. Granted I am a little standoffish, but all in all, I would say I am rather friendly.

“You both put up a front to disguise the real you,” Deuce says, raising a brow as if he is challenging me.

“Is it that apparent?”

“Darlin’, I knew from the moment you and I met that you weren’t the person you pretended to be. I saw the pain in your eyes when you went up on that stage and knew it wasn’t by choice. What Paul did to you, the way he manipulated and exploited you, is unforgiveable.”

I nod my head in agreement, but I know the truth. Although Paul did coerce me into doing everything I have done, I had the choice to walk away and chose not to. “I’m as much to blame as he is.” Perhaps more so.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he says, shaking his head at me. “When are you gonna realize that he was in the wrong, not you?”

“When I don’t feel any more guilt,” I mutter, looking away. I am ashamed of my past, every single bit of it and nothing will change that.

“You have nothing to feel guilty about, Alana. If anything, you should be proud of being a fighter. With everything you went through, your childhood, Phil Martin and then with Paul, you should be proud you survived. You aren’t a cold, heartless person, which by all rights you should be. And not only am I lucky enough to call you my friend, you’re like a sister to me.” Deuce’s words catch me off guard, stirring emotions long forgotten. “You’re part of my family now, like it or not.”

My heart swells with pride at his words. “Thank you,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say.

Deuce reaches over, grasping my hand reassuringly, before looking past me and smiling. “I think someone is getting a little jealous,” he says, nodding.

Looking over my shoulder, I see Jax grinning at us as he approaches the table, two beers in hand. “I hope you’re done flirting with my girl,” he smirks, coming to a stop beside me.

“For now,” Deuce chuckles, rising from his seat. As he stands, he looks down at me, a heartwarming smile on his face. Leaning over, he presses a kiss to my cheek. “Don’t forget what I said,” he says before walking off.

I do not question his statement because it is perfectly clear, and it feels so damn good. It’s been so long since I’ve had a family and to be welcomed like this means more than anyone could ever know, except one person – Jax.

“You look awfully happy,” Jax says as he takes the seat beside me.

“I am,” I explain, looking over at him. “Deuce just told me I’m a part of his family.”

“And I know what that means to you,” he smiles. “But I’m not sure you know what that means
for
you.” I stare at him, completely dumbfounded, not understanding him. “Deuce’s family,
my
family, is this club. You being family means you are under The Forgotten Souls protection.”

“Why do I need protection?” I ask in a panicked tone. It’s been months since I’ve received a letter from Paul, so I know he’s finally gotten the hint. Hawk was sentenced a few weeks ago and he’s looking at forty years on the sex trafficking charges alone. With the drug charges added in, he will live out the remainder of his years in prison, and for that I am thankful.

“I’m not saying you do, but it is one of the benefits to being a member of the family.”

I nod my head in understanding even though I do not fully comprehend what he is telling me. “Was it that easy for you, becoming a member?” I ask, more than a little curious as to how Jax found The Forgotten Souls.

“My fate was sealed when I first met Deuce,” he whispers, staring straight ahead.

“So Deuce was a member of The Forgotten Souls when you met him?”

“So to speak. Deuce’s father was the founder and former President.”

Looking around the room, I can blatantly see the loyalty that resides within these four walls and can only imagine what it would feel like to know I had this kind of backing. It is in then that I realize Deuce has given me that gift as well. “I can see why you wanted to be a part of this,” I tell him.

“It wasn’t really a choice. The Forgotten Souls isn’t just an MC. Everyone here has earned their place, long before they stepped inside these four walls. That includes you. Being part of the family means you are part of the club.”

“I’m not a biker,” I say, my brow creasing. “And I’m definitely not a man.”

“Neither was Rachel, Deuce’s mother, but she earned her right to be here just as you have,” he says, his eyes meeting mine. “When Ace started The Forgotten Souls, it was because he was lacking something in his life. The same thing every single brother inside this club was missing.”

“What are you saying?” I ask, finding myself more than a little curious.

"You don't become one of The Forgotten Souls by chance. Every single person you see wearing a patch was destined to belong here. We have all been forgotten in some way, shape or form. Most have a past similar to ours. Ace was the product of an affair, one that his father didn’t discover until his wife was on her deathbed. Every bit of anger and resentment he felt for his wife’s infidelity was unleashed on Ace. He beat him to within an inch of his life and then mutilated him before leaving him for dead in the field behind their home. It was his neighbor, a biker named Halo, who saved his life and took him in. Ace stayed with him until the state stepped in, but he never forgot the short time he lived among the Satan’s Rebels. He saw the brotherhood, the trust and loyalty that came with it, and vowed that one day he would have the same thing. Rachel, Deuce’s mother, was forced into prostitution at the age of sixteen by her then boyfriend. He convinced her he loved her and she ran away with him. For three years, she was forced to sell her body to avoid the beatings that would occur if she refused. Renee, her daughter, was a conceived with one of her client’s and when her boyfriend discovered she was pregnant, he brutally beat her and left her for dead outside a club. That’s where Ace found her. He took her in, cared for her and fell in love with her. He raised Renee as if she were his own. And then there’s Deuce. He doesn’t talk much about his past, but I know whatever happened to him was bad.”

Although all their stories are tragic, ultimately they found the happiness in life they deserved.  I am saddened knowing that their family was ripped apart because of one man.

“Spyder, his mother was a prostitute. She started pimping him out at the age of five and it wasn't until Ace found him at the age of thirteen that he was set free. Beast lost his parents when he was two and was sent to live with his uncle. He was locked in a room in a basement for the next ten years, living in his own filth. Ace was doing some electrical work in the house and found him. Beast was twelve years old and weighed a little over sixty pounds."

I can feel tears well in my eyes as he continues to describe the living hell each of these men endured. Suddenly, my past seems insignificant compared to the stories I am hearing.

"Abuse, neglect, pain and loss - all of these things go hand in hand outside these walls, but on the inside, there is only peace. Every single person in this room, aside from a few, has lived a life that no one could possibly imagine. We’ve experienced pain and torture that regular people read about in books and see on TV, never imagining it happens in real life. We are all forgotten souls, neglected by our peers, abused by the ones who should have protected us, and abandoned by society, and here, we have found everything we always wanted and needed." Jax's eyes never leave mine as he speaks, his words filled with so much emotion, not for his own painful past, but for that of his brothers.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, not really knowing what I can say to offer him some comfort.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Lana. Every single thing that happened in our past was out of our control. We can’t go back and change a thing, but our future we can dominate. That is what this is and who we are. The Forgotten Souls will be everything you always wanted - friend, family and protector, never to abandon you in your time of need.” He turns towards me, leaning forward until I can feel his breath on my lips. “I know I let you down in the past, but I will never fail you again. I love you, Lana. I’ve said it before but I want you to truly hear me this time. I. Love. You. I always have and always will, until the end of time.”

My heart lurches in my chest. There was a time when I doubted Jax’s love for me, but I had been a fool. He has never stopped and I truly believe him when he says he will love me forever, just as I will him, but I can’t say the words. “I can’t do this,” I whisper, turning my face away in an attempt to hide the pain I know my eyes will give away. Gripping my chin, Jax forces me to face him.

“I have waited for years to hear those words from you and I will wait the rest of my life if that is how long it takes for you to admit what I already know. You love me Alana, and locking it up inside doesn’t change anything. I know you’re scared but I promise that you will never lose me.” I want to believe him, but fear still grips me.

“I’m not ready,” I whisper, praying that he understands.

“I know, but one day soon you will be. Until then, I’ll take what I can get,” he says, smiling at me, putting my mind at ease, even if only for a moment.

I don’t doubt that one day I will utter those three words to him, but I know the moment I do, everything will change. At that moment my life will come crumbling down and I’m not prepared to deal with the aftermath.

“W
hat are you doing out here?” I call out as soon as I round the house, relieved to find Alana sitting under the giant oak in the backyard. After knocking on the front door for several minutes and receiving no response, I had been tempting to break down the door. Not only would Alana have been pissed, but Deuce would have killed me.

“Just enjoying the weather,” she says as she pushes herself to her feet. She looks beautiful, dressed in a simple gray tank and matching shorts, but then again she always looks gorgeous. “It’s so peaceful out here.”

Stalking towards her, I cannot hide the smile that erupts on my face. It is always present whenever she is near, something everyone around me has learned to accept. “How long have you been out here?” I ask, coming to a stop in front of her.

“Just a few hours,” she replies, a perplexed look on her face. “Why?”

“You’re a little pink,” I say, brushing my finger along the silken skin of her shoulder, eliciting a moan to escape her lips. She looks up at me with wondrous eyes, nothing but pure happiness emanating from them, something I have dreamt of seeing for so long. “Since you’re off tonight, I thought you and I could hit the town. Grab dinner and a movie, or maybe hit a club?”