Desires (43 page)

“I can’t wear this. The suit is okay, but I need a fresh
blouse, and I don’t have time to go home and get one.”

“I’ll sort it,” Dan said, kissing the top of her head.

“How?” Stacie asked, turning round, but Dan was already
disappearing out of the door. She put on her skirt and shoes and had another
croissant while she waited. He was only a couple of minutes, coming back with a
purple satin blouse in his hand.

“Angel keeps spare clothes in the staff room, in case anyone’s
stuff gets dirty for whatever reason. I just grabbed one. Will it do?”

“It’s brilliant, thanks.” Stacie put the blouse on,
tucking it into her skirt, then put the jacket on over the top.

She grabbed her bags and they both headed down to the
reception.

“Morning Stacie, Dan,” Bailey said.

“Do you have a piece of paper and a pen?” Stacie asked
Bailey.

“Of course,” Bailey said, passing her a sheet of Desires
letter paper and a ball-point pen. She raised her eyebrows in enquiry, but
Stacie just took the items over to the sitting area and began to write.

“
Whatcha
doing?” Dan said,
coming to sit next to her.

“Just a letter to Larry, telling him I accept his
apology. Time I let him off the hook.”

Stacie signed off and handed Bailey the letter. Hopefully
it had taught him a very valuable lesson.

Dan walked her to the door.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye. Again,” she said,
wondering what he would say. Last time they said goodbye he had called after
her, begged her to stay,
paid
the
club so she could stay. What would he do this time?

“I guess so,” he said, rocking back and forth on his
heels, his hands in his pockets. She looked at his face. It gave nothing away.

“Well, goodbye then,” she said.

“Goodbye, Stacie,” he said.

Okay. Was that it?
No kiss? No hug? No nothing?
Stacie’s stomach
twisted and she tried not to show how bitterly disappointed she was. What could
she say to that? He said goodbye without so much as a twitch of emotion. She
might as well have been a stranger. She whirled and stomped down the steps, almost
running to her car. The tears built in her eyes, and she felt sick. She slung her
bag into the car and dared a glance back. Dan stood on the porch, watching her.

Now.
Now should be the time where he realised his feelings for her and came
rushing over to tell her how much he loved her. She waited, watching him for a
second, but nothing. He just stood there staring at her. As she watched, he
raised his hand in a little wave and gave her a small smile. She lifted her
hand in return, and forced the corners of her mouth up, knowing now that this
was the last time she would ever see him.

She got into her car, hating herself, feeling her guts
were being ripped out her body. She hit the steering wheel with both hands,
berating herself. She started the car and
maneuvered
out of the car park. Sternly resisting the temptation to look back, Stacie left
Desires.

Chapter Sixteen

It was Friday. It had been five days since Stacie left
Desires. She’d gone to work every one of those interminable days, plodding through
her tasks, trying to smile as much as possible. But she would find herself
sitting at her desk, staring into space, imagining Dan’s face all the time. Why
had she never told him how she felt, or ask him how he felt?
Why
? At least then, even if it had been
a negative, she would have known, instead of being in this no man’s land of
misery and doubt.

Everyone was buzzing at work. It was the Christmas party
tonight.
Stacie’d
got a ticket, but she’d decided she
didn’t want to go. There was nothing worse than seeing other people having fun
when you were totally miserable.

“Don’t forget that meeting,” Jayne, one of her
colleagues called out brightly, tripping past Stacie’s desk with an armful of
files.
Bugger
! The boss had called
another meeting to discuss the abortive meeting from last Friday. Stacie dragged
herself off her chair and sat there for a good hour, not listening to a damn
word that was said. She just couldn’t shake Dan off, she spent hours picturing
his smile, his eyes, his touch—it was making her crazy.

She did consider picking up the phone and rebooking him
a few times. But she knew her bank balance couldn’t stand it, especially with
Christmas around the corner. That money was better spent on presents. She
couldn’t be so selfish as to spend it on her own pleasure. But then, she
reconsidered, who put themselves out for her? Her family certainly never made
any special effort. Dan did. Not only was he great fun and amazing in bed, he
made her feel special, something she couldn’t remember anyone having done, ever.
Everything just felt right when she was with him, and wrong when she wasn’t.

Another thought suddenly struck her. What if he was with
another woman? He had cancelled a client to be with her, but she hadn’t fully
realised what that meant. But now she wasn't there any more, he would be with
other women, having sex with other women, kissing other women. Unbidden,
visions of him laughing and joking with half a dozen beautiful women filled her
mind, him kissing them, touching them, fucking them, and enjoying it.

Oh God! When would this sick feeling go away? Stacie
wrapped her arms round her stomach and squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted him
to only have eyes for her, to hold just her, and make love over and over again
to her and no one else.

“Are you okay?” Jayne said, parking her bottom on the
corner of Stacie’s desk. “You look quite green.”

“I…I don’t feel well. I feel sick,” Stacie said, not
having to put on a weak voice. Was this what was meant by lovesick?

“You should go home. You’ve been sitting there like a
wet weekend all day anyway. I haven’t seen you do any work. Get yourself to the
doctor. I’ll sort it out with the boss.”

“Thanks.” Stacie smiled gratefully, grabbing her bag and
coat. She was sick, but no doctor could help her. There was only one cure for
what Stacie had. She got in the car, her heart pounding. Destination, Desires.

She walked up to the large porch, decorated festively
with Christmas lights. She keyed in her identification number and the door
released. She entered the building and was confronted by a huge Christmas tree,
decorated with handcuffs, plastic willies, whips, boobs, bums, anything erotic.
A few weeks ago she would have been shocked. Now she just laughed, shaking her
head at the silliness.

“Hello, Stacie,” said Bailey, looking genuinely pleased
to see her.

“Hi,” she replied, bouncing up to the reception desk, a
big beaming smile splitting her face.

Shannon came out of the back office and approached the
desk. “Stacie, how lovely it is to see you. How can we help?”

“I am here to book Dan, please,” she said joyfully.

At that moment, Angel appeared from the back office. “He
doesn’t work here any longer,” Angel said, shooting Stacie a killing glare.
Stacie gulped. Her limbs suddenly felt heavy and acid swirled in her stomach.
He wasn’t here? Angel must be lying. Maybe she just didn’t want Stacie to see
him. Or did she sack him? Why would she sack him?

“What do you mean?”

“He quit the other night,” Angel replied, still
scowling, then pasted on a saccharine smile. “If you like, I could find someone
else appropriate for you?”

Stacie felt her whole body shattering. She was overcome
with anguish and her mind turned to mush. “No thanks, I…I think I’ll leave it
for now,” she muttered as her heart broke into small pieces. She had to force
her body not to collapse into a wailing heap on the floor. “I’ll give you a
call later to arrange something else,” Stacie managed to say, hoping Angel
didn’t pick up on her devastation.

“Okay, no problems,” Angel replied, turning her back on
Stacie and sweeping back into the office.

Stacie dragged her legs one after the other back to the
main entrance. That was it. Her life was over. Dan was gone, she had no way of
getting in touch with him, no reason to think he would want her to. He may as
well be dead. She walked to her car, furious with herself. Why hadn’t she said
something last weekend? Chrissie said she would regret it, but she’d never
thought it would end like this. He wasn’t supposed to leave. He was supposed to
be here for her whenever she wanted him.

Stacie sat in her car, tears pouring down her cheeks. She
hit the steering wheel with both hands, then dropped her head into her hands, her
heart aching with loss. She hadn’t felt this bad even when leaving Graham. Her
tears finally dried up and she sat there, she didn’t know how long for, her
body numb and empty.

A shiver shook her and she realised she was cold.
Dragging herself together, she said, “Well, come on then, Stacie. That’s that.
No point in just sitting here.”

She started the engine and drove out the car park. She
paused at the entrance to glance back at Desires. It had been an interesting
experience, but there were some happy memories. She could hardly believe her
time there was over. Her eyes filled again as she realised that now, memories
were all she had left of Dan.

She drove slowly, miserably, not heading anywhere in
particular. She tried to remember the details of Sunday night, the way he held
her, the way he made love to her, the way he begged her to stay. What had she
done?

Stacie decided going back to her miserable flat wasn’t
on the agenda.

She dragged out her phone and called up Chrissie’s
details. But a phone call wasn’t enough. She needed human comfort.

Need 2cu. Can I
come round?
she texted. The answer came quickly.

Course u can. I’m
in now.

Chrissie texted her address and Stacie tapped the
postcode into her sat nav. Maybe Chrissie could help sort her out. Stacie knew
what her words would be, endless lectures on how daft she’d been, but at least
could share this major catastrophe with her.

She knocked at Chrissie’s clean shiny UPVC door and
waited, inhaling a deep breath, gearing herself up for the
I told you so
lecture.

The door opened and Chrissie stood there with a huge
smile.

“Hey, Stacie, it’s fantastic to see you,” she said,
wrapping her arms around her.

“It’s great to see you, too,” Stacie replied, holding Chrissie
tightly, already feeling better.

“Come in, come in,” Chrissie said, shutting the door
behind Stacie and leading her into a gleaming black and silver kitchen. I’m so
pleased to see you. I was going to give you a call later once the kids were asleep.”

“Sorry…have I come at a bad time?” Stacie said, worried
she’d interrupted Chrissie’s routine.

“No, the kids are fine and settled,” Chrissie said with
a reassuring smile.

“I guess I’ve saved you a call, then.”

“You certainly have. Would you like a drink? Tea,
coffee?”

“Tea please,” Stacie said, settling her bottom on one of
the bar stools, relaxing in Chrissie’s comforting domesticity.

“What have you been up to?” Chrissie said as she put the
kettle on and prepared two mugs.

“Not a lot really, just work,” Stacie prevaricated,
wondering how to broach the subject. Chrissie brought the mugs over and put one
in front of Stacie. The redhead looked keenly at her. Stacie dropped her gaze
to the shiny worktop, unable to meet that all-seeing gaze.

“Something’s happened. What is it?” Chrissie said,
ducking her head to try to see Stacie’s expression.

Even as Stacie tried to form the words in her mind to
explain to Chrissie, the emotions ambushed her all over again and hot tears
dripped down onto the kitchen surface.

“Oh, sweetie, what is it? What’s happened?” Chrissie
came rushing round to enfold Stacie in a hug. She
shhh
ed
her and stroked her hair,
and rocked her back and forth as Stacie sobbed.

“He’s gone!” she finally managed to blurt out through
her sobs, her voice muffled in Chrissie’s shoulder.

“Who’s gone?”

“Dan! I went round to the club to book him again, and he
wasn't there and Angel was cross with me and she said he’s quit and I’m never
going to see him again and I’ve been so stupid!” The words poured out in a long
stream intermingled with sniffling sobs and huge gulps of air.

“Oh, Stacie,” Chrissie patted her and held her till
she’d cried herself out, then passed her a tissue. Stacie scrubbed at her eyes and
blew her nose. “Why has he quit?”

“I don’t know,” Stacie said in a sulky mumble.

“You did tell him how you felt, didn’t you? Is that why
he’s quit?” Stacie held her head down in shame, not looking at Chrissie.
“Please tell me you did?” The room was silent. “You didn’t, did you?”

“I thought I had more time,” she said, knowing it was an
excuse.