Desire Disguised (21 page)

Her hand slid up his torso to curl toward his shoulder. She was quiet for a beat too long, and when she replied her voice was so soft he could barely hear it. “He’d pinch my arm and twist it when I made too much noise, or moved when I wasn’t supposed to. I remember one time he pushed me down and stood on my hair. Maybe other things.”

Ben swallowed past the lump of bile in his throat, and his hands clenched with the urge to pummel a man incinerated to microns over a decade before. Ben ordered himself never to tug on her hair or grab her arm no matter how well-intended or gentle he would be. “I’m so sorry, Cara.”

“At least he never had the chance to touch Mat. I tell myself that all the time, whenever I get anxious. It helps.”

“Do you remember anything about the assassination?”

Again her head shook against his shoulder. “I don’t think I ever got on the ship. I remember moving to a different house, one with smaller rooms, and then waking up one night when Soren and the others came to get me. That’s when I met Mat. I’d never seen him before. But my minder cried when they took me, and I remember crying. Mat probably cried too, but I don’t remember. Just that he was a helpless baby, and I wanted to take care of him. He was mine when nothing else was.”

Her voice was quiet and lost-sounding, and Ben’s heart ached for her, ached for all the people injured and destroyed because of the heinous actions of a powerful few. He couldn’t do anything to ease the pain of the past.

He shifted to his side while still holding her hand as he moved in the dark, first bumping his lips into her soft cheek and then finding her mouth in the dark for a deep kiss. Her mouth slid and sucked at his, her teeth catching and releasing his lower lip a few dizzying times. Of its own volition, his penis thrummed with blood and hardened. Cara hummed under her breath and pressed her hips against his, the soft flesh between her legs a warm enticement. Somehow those simple touches wiped away the lingering shadow of Ignar.

Drawing back, Ben gulped in air and berated his libido. “We need to sleep.”

“I know.” She settled back against his side and moved her hips a few times. Maybe she was aroused and trying to ease some pressure just as he was. Ben lifted his arm and pulled her closer, and she again circled her arm around his chest. Her leg rubbed against his, and she shrugged her shoulders.

“Something wrong?”

With a frustrated grunt, Cara flipped back the covers and sat up, her silhouette barely visible from the narrow beam of light intruding beneath the bottom of the door from the hallway. He could barely make out her hands moving and heard the brush of fabric moving. Within a few seconds, she was back at his side, naked and warm flesh molding to his.

“Better?”

“Yes.”

Cara awoke with a foggy grasp on reality. Her body felt strange; she was naked in bed. Warm weight moved against her; Ben. Her legs sprawled open, exposing her warm, wet center; he touched her. Quivers of pleasure quaked along her limbs, and she tried to wake up more to appreciate what was happening. They’d made love last night. He’d stayed with her. She’d told him about her father. Realization of that made her eyes flutter open, and she tensed as she clutched at his strong shoulders. His mouth closed over her breast, and he rubbed his tongue against her nipple as he sucked while his fingers stroked and circled between her legs. It seemed knowing who her father was in no way made her unattractive to him. Her breath jumped in and out, and she arched against the bed, legs tangled in a rope of sheets and blanket. For once, she didn’t care about her heritage either.

“I want you, Cara,” he growled against her ribs, and she made a rough noise of agreement. She wanted him too, in an impossible to resist way. How she’d gotten to this point with this quiet, watchful man amazed her, almost as much as how quickly she heated at his touch.

She had no idea how much time they had, so she decided to operate under the assumption Mat would soon be awake, and Ben would need to leave before then. Reaching down between their bodies she circled her hand around his thick erection and squeezed, eliciting another growl from Ben as he shifted his body over hers. She spread her legs, and he hitched his hips closer.

“Already?”

“Yes. No time to waste.” Cara knew she sounded flustered and desperate, but she was both of those things. She felt Ben nod against her cheek, and she opened her eyes as he eased into her. The pressure stung her still-tender flesh, but her desire to connect with him overrode any caution. Raw need gleamed in his dark eyes as Ben stared at her and slid tight. Cara huffed out some quick breaths and groaned as he moved. With every thrust she grew more aroused, aware of his strong arms around her, his hips pressed to hers, and most of all how deeply he filled her. A sudden sharp contraction burst through her, and she cried out in surprise. Ben increased his tempo and closed his eyes as his head tilted back. More—

“Cara! Are you sick?”

Mat’s voice echoed past her bedroom door, and she groggily turned her head. Ben stopped moving and rested his warm forehead against her shoulder as he breathed hard.

“No, Mat. I’m okay. Just a bad dream. I’ll be out in a little while.”

They waited for a few moments for any other interruption, but her excuse must have satisfied her brother. His footsteps shuffled away, and she soon heard his display begin to broadcast the morning news. She should be embarrassed, she should draw away and leave the bed and see to her brother, but Cara did none of those things. Instead, she wrapped her legs around Ben’s hips. He caught her gaze and narrowed his eyes.

“We should stop.”

“No. Finish what you started.”

“You have to be quiet.”

“Then don’t be so good at this,” Cara whispered and gasped as he drew her tight and rolled to his side. Now they were close together, his chest crushed to hers, their legs entwined as he eased deeper and deeper inside. She pressed a palm against her mouth and quivered from her toes to her fingertips as he surveyed her. She wouldn’t have been able to wriggle away even if she’d wanted to.

“Remember, quiet.”

All she could do was nod and feel.

* * * *

“Come on, Mat.” Cara urged her brother to hurry up as they headed down the corridor in medical. She’d gotten an interesting update just after she’d met Mat at school, and instead of heading back to their rooms for an afternoon snack, they were on their way to see Soren. A trickle of unease made its way through her belly; it had been over a week since their companion had awoken, and he’d grown stronger every day, more demanding and intrusive with every visit. Cara sometimes wondered if her new intimacies with Ben showed on her face with the way the old man studied her every time she visited.

They stood at the doorway to his room and peered in to find their companion sitting up, his scrawny legs dangling over the side of the bed, and irritation creasing his features. Penni Dismit, the medtech Cara had met the night they crashed, glanced back and forth between several blinking monitors and her patient as if she wasn’t sure which one required her attention more.

“There you are.” Soren looked them over and both she and Mat unconsciously straightened their posture. “Very good. You may explain the situation to them.”

Cara glanced at Penni who raised her eyebrows before she spoke. “He’s doing very well. The therapeutic work he’s done today showed no strain on any of the repaired cells and structures.”

“Which means I’ll be able to leave within the week, isn’t that correct?” Soren interrupted the medtech’s update with a raised eyebrow. “Cara, I’ll need you to investigate the next available flights and possible destinations and report them to me. They won’t allow me access to outside feeds in here. I’ll let you know my decision tomorrow.”

Cara’s stomach plummeted and a chill crept across her skin. “
Your
decision?”

Soren nodded once. “On which flight we are taking and where we are going. Our original plans are no longer feasible.” He was pale and thin, all the bones in his face and hands standing out in contrast to his powdery-looking skin. She didn’t think he appeared capable of walking across the room, let alone enduring several jumps.

“Are you sure? With more time to recuperate, it would be easier.”

“No, we’ve been here too long.”

“But I like it here,” Mat piped up, staring up at Cara with wide eyes. She gulped back her instant urge to agree with him. Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t get the image of Ben’s face out of her mind.

“We have another big project at school, and that entertainment ship is coming soon and it’s supposed to be phenom.”

Soren flinched as Penni pressed a sensor to his back. “That will stop.”

“I’m going to school. I’m doing well. And Cara’s work—”

“It’s good for him. He should continue.” Cara cut off her brother before he could reveal her culinary internship. Soren would grumpily agree to broaden Mat’s exposure to intellectual pursuits, but in no way would he condone her work in a kitchen. The older man took a breath and twisted his head to glare at the medtech.

“Are you finished?”

She nodded once and collected her things, sparing a sympathetic glance at the Belascos as she exited the room. Once the door closed, Soren sighed and moved to recline on the bed as Cara rushed to his side to help him lie down, her mind still flinching away from the painful fact they’d be leaving so soon. She’d be leaving Ben. With a shake of her head, she pushed the terrible thought down until she could suffer in private.

Soren batted her hands away as he muttered about appropriate behavior. “Have you noticed any unusual info-tracks?”

Cara shook her head. The companions had set up elaborate surveillance routines that would alert them to any suspicious search requests along public feeds and perhaps private ones as well. She’d never asked much about the system but had done the checks twice a day since he’d been incapacitated.

“Nothing, but we’re far out of the loop. It seems to take at least several days for any information to reach here.”

“I don’t trust it. Bring me a datpad the next time you’re here. They told me mine was ruined in the crash.” Soren closed his eyes and shifted his legs. “Tomorrow. Along with the information on the flight schedules. I’m thinking we might try for Freton this time. I’m aware of a possible safe house in one of the inland villages. In a few days I’ll be ready.”

Cara lowered her chin and stared at the speckled floor of the room. She didn’t want to go, and her urge to stay was putting up surprisingly strong resistance to her automatic response to obey him. She’d been following his orders for nearly her whole life, but all the things she’d done on Gamaliel were so much more compelling than a future of hiding and isolation. Her chest ached, and tears prickled in her eyes.

“I’m happy you’re feeling better, Soren. I’ll bring you your things tomorrow.”

Cara looked at her brother rather than Soren and saw his jaw was tense. He held his shoulders in a rigid square. “I think we should wait longer. What if you get sicker when we’re on a ship and have nowhere to go? At least here we have a place to live.”

Soren twisted his head and stared at Mat. “That’s not an option.” He used his stern voice, the one that had always made Cara and Mat quake in the past, but this time Mat stuck out his chin and stared right back.

“I vote we stay. In class we get to vote on things. Topi says consensus is important in society.”

Cara inhaled a breath and glanced at the old man on the bed, unsure of what he’d say to such defiance. The La Torres had never concerned themselves with consensus, so it was doubtful Soren placed much value in it. Mat had developed some backbone since he’d landed here, and she was proud of him.

“I don’t care what happens in your class. It’s not as if you belong there. This isn’t a topic for a vote. I am here to protect you, and to do that effectively we must be on the move.”

“I don’t want to be on the move!” Mat stood as he burst out his objection. Soren’s eyes widened, and Cara stood as well, placing her arm around her brother’s shoulders to keep him from rushing out of the room.

“Soren, we’ll let you rest. I’ll bring your things tomorrow morning.” Cara angled Mat toward to door, anxious to get her brother away before he could say more Soren might hold against him. The companion sighed and glared at them.

Once they were in the hallway and out of earshot of the older man’s room, Cara shook her head. Her life had fallen apart in a few minutes. Everything she’d looked forward to—going to the kitchens in the morning, listening to Mat talk about school, thinking about what she was going to make for dinner—all of it was rendered null and void by Soren’s declaration. Her time with Ben—Cara’s throat tightened when she thought about him. He’d already messaged her he was free and he’d be waiting for her signal like always. Should she tell him not to come over and spare herself the pain? How was she going to tell him they were leaving?

“I don’t want to go, Cara,” Mat muttered as he walked. “We’re starting a genome mapping project tomorrow.”

“I know, Mat, I don’t want to go either.” The thought of facing more strange places, cramped rooms, uncertainty, and missing Ben made her stumble on the smooth floor.

“Then why do we have to? There’s two of us and only one of him. You’re grown up. You can decide what we do.” Mat’s logic was sound, but the habit of staying quiet and not being noticed was hard to fight. She’d grown up trusting the companions to make the decisions and keep them safe. It was their reason for being. The sad thing was she now realized that life gave
her
very little reason for being other than to care for Mat. She’d had a taste of something more, and she’d starve without it now.

“I don’t know. Let me think about this a little while. Maybe I can convince Soren that we can stay awhile. It’s got to be as safe here as anywhere else he might come up with.”

Tremors of anxiety shivered through her belly. She’d let herself believe they’d have more time, and that was an error of large proportions. If she’d never let Mat go to school, if she’d never become intimate with Ben, none of this would be hurting so much.