Desire Disguised (18 page)

Soren’s eyelids snapped open so quickly she thought she heard them. “You haven’t told him anything, have you?”

“Only what I had to. I had to convince him not to scan our dna-prints and load them into the accident report. We owe him for that favor.”

“The galaxy at large owes you favor. When I think of all you have been deprived of, I…” Soren licked his lips, and she lifted the cup of room temperature water to his mouth, and he pulled in a few swallows.

Cara wanted to shake her head in denial. Their companions had always had a curious way of referring to her and Mat; they emphasized separateness and discretion, which was a logical approach considering how they had to live. But the shades of entitlement had always confused her. Their father would have been considered a war criminal if there had been a war. Instead, he’d waged a covert destruction of anyone who’d opposed the La Torre line. That seemed a badge of shame to Cara, not a reason to expect automatic respect.

Cara explained their living arrangement to the man, leaving out her daring decision to seek employment in the kitchens. She knew Soren would be aghast at the notion of her acting as a pot washer.

“Funds. Have you needed to access our remote account or did you recover our money from the ship?”

“I’ve been using the marks from the ship.” Not too many of them either. She had been inordinately pleased to find pay deposited in her local account every day she’d worked. Providing for herself and Mat filled her with a novel sense of pride. School was free, their costs at the barracks had been subsidized in some way, and local foodstuffs, while not varied, were a very low cost. All in all, she’d been managing quite well.

“This Zashi character, what does he know?”

“Our names. I had to tell him some vague things so he didn’t report us. He knows people are searching for us, that we’re in danger, but that’s all.”
He’s seen me naked. Touched me. Had sex with me. He knows how to make me feel safe. He eats the food I prepare, and he likes to talk with Mat
. Cara couldn’t tell Soren these more important facts about Ben. All of them would rattle the old man and make it likely he’d push his recovery just to get them off Gamaliel more quickly. Cara didn’t want to leave yet.

“Too much, Cara. But I suppose it couldn’t be helped.” Soren stretched out an arm and sighed as if it hurt. “Keep your distance from him. No sense titillating his interest in us and having him start making inquiries, whether official or casual.”

Cara ducked her head and hoped she wasn’t blushing. The last thing Ben seemed to have was a
casual
interest in her. A medtech bustled in, and Soren adopted his usual distant and slightly superior demeanor, or at least as well as he could manage from a prone position. He pursed his dry lips and lowered his eyelids slightly to imitate a look down his nose. The young man didn’t seem to notice.

“Time for rest now, Citizen Soren. I’m sure your friend will be by to see you tomorrow.”

Cara made her exit and breathed out a sigh of relief when the door closed behind her. Just a few days free of the companion’s supervision had given her a new perspective on life, and the minutes she’d just spent with him revealed how controlling and repressive he was and had been all their lives in fact. His actions had kept them safe, but now that she’d ventured out and met other people and nothing untoward had happened, Cara wondered if all the constant isolation and suspicion had been necessary. Sure there were bad people in the world, but also many, many good.

She surveyed the hallway and located Ben a few meters away. He had apparently been talking to a subordinate but now watched her with narrowed eyes. His mouth was a firm line, and she had a sudden memory of how his lips, tongue, and teeth had felt on her breast. A flicker of nervous heat tickled her belly and coiled between her legs.

He nodded to the woman in a safety uniform by his side, and she shot a glance at Cara before walking away. The officer was buxom with curling red hair, and Cara felt a definite twinge of jealousy, an emotion she’d had very little experience with. Had Ben been involved with the red-haired woman? Surely not. There were rules about fraternization; even in Cara’s limited exposure to the mores of normal society, she knew about those. But the overexcited cells in her body kept chanting
mine, mine, mine,
and she couldn’t help but listen.

Ben walked toward her, standing a few centimeters closer than he usually did. Cara wanted to press against him and close her eyes, but too many people were around. She needed to behave with more discretion than that.

“Let me find someone to see you.”

Cara shrank at the suggestion. It would be embarrassing and intrusive. As she shook her head to put him off and stall for time, he leaned closer and held her gaze.

“You promised, and you’re already here.”

Not liking that he was right on both counts, Cara gave him a slight nod, and he immediately punched a key on his datpad. Within moments a doctor she vaguely recognized appeared and greeted them both, claiming she remembered Cara from the accident. Taking a deep breath, Cara stepped inside the exam room after the doctor. She knew Ben would wait in the hallway until she exited. The idea pleased her.

“Hello, Citizen Belasco. I heard your fellow passenger was lucid, so I’m sure you were pleased to see him.” The doctor indicated Cara should take a seat on the exam table as she sat in a chair nearby and opened up a wall display for access to her scant medical records. The bed scanner hummed to life. Cara repressed a wave of anxiety and some vital sign must have indicated increased stress, because the doctor glanced at her.

“Please don’t worry. Chief Zashi informed me of your wishes to stay undocumented. I won’t be taking any samples for the census.” Gauging she had reassured Cara enough, the doctor continued. “Now, what may I help you with tonight?”

“I, uh, had sexual intercourse for the first time and need an exam.” That was the best, most direct way to answer the question and hopefully elicit the bare minimum interaction.

“Was it consensual?”

“Consen—Yes, of course.”

“I have to ask, especially with the chief’s presence.” The doctor closed her mouth with a snap, and Cara thought she saw a flush creep up the other woman’s cheeks. Well, she was sure she blushed red as well, so they could both ignore the other’s discomfort. “That’s very good, I mean, I’m sure you’re fine, and I’ll just run a few checks to make certain. Are you experiencing any discomfort now?”

Cara shook her head. She was slightly sore but it was hardly noticeable. It was more an awareness of that part of her body she’d never had before. The doctor concentrated on her display and pressed a few glowing sections to gain more information.

“Everything appears to be perfectly normal, and you aren’t ovulating so there’s no need for any decisions on that front tonight. Did you wish to become pregnant?”

Cara’s mind was a blank. A baby? What she and Ben had done could result in one, but she hadn’t thought about that before acting on her impulsive lust. But a baby, one of her own. She’d never considered it might ever be a possibility, and the thought of a small person with chocolate-brown eyes growing up by her side, as Mat had, was irresistible.

“Not right now.”

“Then we’d best decide on how you’d like to manage your reproductive future. For your age, I’d recommend an embed. It goes right under the surface of your skin and simply prevents implantation. It lasts for four years, and if you decide to have a child, you can remove it with this device,” she held up a tiny tweezer-like object, “or come in and one of us will take care of it. Within about twenty-nine hours, you’ll be ready. Let me forward you some basic fertility information.” Wordlessly, Cara extended her datpad to the doctor’s waiting hand and watched as the other woman rapidly squeezed files onto the device. “And there’s some good advice on sexual fulfillment. Benefits of masturbation, lubricants, things like that. The key is good communication with your partners.”

“Partner,” Cara corrected in a whisper. She didn’t want to think about anyone but Ben and the idea of another man touching her was cringe-inducing.

The doctor tightened her lips and nodded once before glancing away and concentrating on the synched displays. “A strong bond with your partner can be a great contributor to your satisfaction. The first time is usually awkward for both parties, but it gets better. Much better.”

Some of the uncertainty that had plagued her dissipated, and Cara relaxed. The other woman wasn’t judging her or explaining what she might have done wrong. She was encouraging and soothing, in a way acting as a substitute for the non-existent feminine influences in Cara’s life. The doctor retrieved the implant from a wall cabinet, and with a minimum of fuss it was soon resting under the skin over Cara’s left hip.

“Physically you’re in great shape. You’ve gained weight, your stress levels are much better, and your cell regenerative properties are back within normal ranges. I’d advise you to wait to have intercourse again until the soreness has disappeared, which, judging by the levels of contusion, will be within a day or so. Then you won’t have to contend with any pain at all and can enjoy yourself. If you experience any sort of fever or rashes, come in and we’ll clear up the infection.”

The flush had returned to the doctor’s cheeks. “Unless you have any questions, I’d say the medical side of our meeting is concluded.”

Cara shook her head and retrieved her datpad from the doctor, automatically checking for any messages from Mat. None awaited her, which meant he was deeply involved in whatever boys get up to when they are on their own in a tree house. The possibilities would have made her blood run cold if she hadn’t been incredibly distracted by her new experience and Soren’s revitalization.

“Citizen Belasco, if I may be more, ah, personal.” The doctor cleared her throat and closed down the displays in the room. “I’d just like to give you a little advice. We’re a small settlement and know each other rather well here. Chief Zashi is a very worthwhile individual. He’s trustworthy and far kinder than people might guess. You’ve made a good choice.”

The other woman’s clear gaze and apparent desire to encourage her made Cara come close to tears. Cara swallowed hard and nodded once. The doctor asked if there was anything else, and when Cara said no, she stood up, shook her hand and exited, claiming she had a lot of patient records to review before she could leave that night.

Cara sat for a moment and breathed in and out as she considered all the momentous events which had occurred over the last few hours. Despite all the drama, she didn’t feel especially tired or even as anxious as she would have expected. Sliding off the bed, Cara went to the door and found Ben leaning against the opposite wall checking his datpad. He looked up with a slight frown and closed his device.

“Everything all right?”

“Just fine.” Cara clenched her fingers into her palms rather than touch him as she longed to. Not here in a public hallway. What did he want to do? Would he come home with her now and follow her into her rooms so they could talk and kiss some more?

“I’d like to escort you home,” Ben’s offer made Cara smile, “but there’s been an incident, and I need to go in to the station. One of my patrols might have captured a thief, and I need to supervise evidence collection and interrogation.”

Her stomach dropped with disappointment. Perhaps he wasn’t interested in another encounter with her. The doctor had just told her it was awkward for both parties, and perhaps he was reluctant to try again. He’d had time to think it over, after all. She just stared at him, hurt coiling in her chest.

“Come with me.” Ben gestured down the hallway, and she walked with him. They reached a door to the outside and exited to a small patio hemmed in by walls and a stack of resin containers. Clearly a little used exit. Night had fallen, and all that illuminated the area was a small light over the door. Cara turned to face him, and he caught her up in his arms, his hands pressing her to him. His mouth closed over hers, and she opened for him without a thought, warmth flooding through her as he kissed her. Drawing back, he talked as he ran his hands over her back and buttocks.

“Are you really all right? How long do we need to wait?”

“We can again when I’m not sore—”

“You’re still sore? Damn it, I hurt you. I’m so sorry Cara, I didn’t mean to—”

“Ben, stop,” Cara whispered against his mouth and pressed her hands against his cheeks until he quieted and met her gaze. “It’s normal. I wanted you. I want you.”

The worried lines between his eyebrows smoothed, and he nodded once. “I have to go soon. One of my officers is waiting at the main entrance to escort you back.”

“There’s no need, I know the way.”

“It would make me feel better if you agreed.” He smiled when she nodded and kissed her again. “I wish I could take you home. I want to talk with you.”

“Call me or message me.” Cara waited to hear his reaction to her offer. He was a busy person with many responsibilities. She’d be lucky to see him a handful of times before she had to leave. Just thinking of that inevitable future made her cold. “Whenever you can.”

“Later tonight?”

Cara nodded, excited he wanted to make contact so soon and relieved she’d have something to look forward to as a solitary evening stretched ahead. He leaned her way, and this time their kiss was sweet and tender, gentle enough to make her knees wobble and her brain spin. Perhaps she should have asked the doctor if those sensations were normal.

Rory Emmert was dead. Ben stood in the small morgue at the clinic and stared at her sheet-covered body. Her partner had finally accomplished what he’d been trying to do for months, and he’d destroyed the woman he’d claimed to love too much. Ben was never sure how someone’s mind became twisted enough to equate assault with love.

She’d been beaten and had died of a brain bleed, while Tym drank himself into a tearful stupor next to her dying body. If he’d called for help after he’d hit her, she’d be alive and recovering in one of the nearby rooms for the living instead of lying cold in this clean but grim morgue. In either case, Tym would have ended up where he was, which was in lockup over at the safety station. It was where he’d stay until convicted of murder and shipped to a penal colony where he’d join the conscience-less, those with no impulse control, and myriad other predators on society.