Desire (28 page)

“I really don’t mind,” I say, wrapping my fingers around him.

“I see you looking at my scar all the time,” he whispers, growing softer in my hand. “Are you ever going to ask?”

“Of course not.”

“Why?”

“Because… well I only notice it at the worst possible moments to ask, but I still probably wouldn’t. I don’t want to make you talk about that stuff.”

“And?”

Now I am going to choke up a little, my eyes watering. “Maybe I don’t want to know. I really hate the idea that I hurt you, too.”

“Well you didn’t. I already had it,” he murmurs. I feel so shitty being relieved. “I don’t think it ever healed right, it… still hurts when I have sex.”

“Every time?”

“Not if you’re wet enough.” He pull himself close to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. “I used to think it was just damaged, but it’s super sensitive. I’ve heard scars like that heal into erogenous zones.”

“They do?”

“Yeah. And when you kiss me there, it feels incredible.” He presses his forehead against mine, pecking the tip of my nose. “I fucking love those cuddly blowjobs you’ve been giving me, for lack of a better term,” he chuckles. “I didn’t know that existed.”

“I didn’t either.
It just happened.”

“I used to hate it so much that it felt good
, I had to block it out. Until it was you.” I haven’t melted like this in quite some time, my eyelids fluttering when he kisses my wrist and gives me a timid smile. “So don’t be afraid of it, okay?” I nod. “Do you want to know what happened?”

Yes.
“Only if you want to tell me.”

He blows out, shaking his head. “Well,
he
didn’t do it. I don’t know why it’s important to me that you know that, but it is. Is that what you thought?”

“I guess.”

“Well it wasn’t him, but it was still his fault. He…” Isaac’s hands get a little shaky, so I lean forward to hold them in mine. “He gave me to this guy, but he wasn’t supposed to do that. My father was so furious, that fucker… paid for it.” The light in his eyes get dimmer. “He had me for almost two days. I was so fucking terrified, I thought he was going to kill me. It hurt so much. That particular scar is a burn. I passed out.”

That blank mask cracks and a tear rolls down his cheek as his lips tremble. I have
no idea what to say and even though it might be a bad idea, I wind my arms around his neck and pull myself into his lap so my lips can dance around his face slowly. Exhaling shakily, he leans into me, resting his hands on my hips.

“But I don’t think about that shit anymore when I feel it
now. I just see you, Maya. I feel you, and not sexually, that’s not what I mean, though sometimes my mind will start to wander there,” he laughs. “But now it’s just you. I thought you deserved to know what you chased away.”

“I love you, Isaac.”

“I love you, too. I need to see you more and I can’t,” he groans, kissing my fingertips. “It kills me. Sometimes I think I’m just going to run through that door and grab you, take you away, and never come back so I can keep you all to myself. Then I’ll never go through that horrible experience of leaving you again. But when I finally get back here, I fucking hurt you instead.”

“Baby, it’s okay.
I won’t let that happen again. I’ll stop you, I promise.”

“I want to go back
to that screwed up apartment. I want to be with you all the time, I think about it every fucking second while we’re apart. I miss you
so
fucking much.”

“Me too.” Our smiles collide, his lips parting mine as his hand tickles my hair.

“I’m so tired of abandoning you at three in the morning so the fucking servants she has spying see me come home at the right time.” I glance at the clock, my heart sinking when I realize that he has to leave in a few hours. “I’m staying. I can’t make myself leave tonight, please don’t make me.”

“B
ut—”

“
I’ll just tell her I fucked up and got drunk and couldn’t drive home. She knows I can’t handle alcohol on this shit.”

“Isaac, it’s not worth the risk.

“Yes it is. I need to take care of you.” His eyes glaze over a bit as I watch him slip into the aftercare trance, kissing every single inch of my skin as he inspects his favorite handholds for scratches and bruising. When he’s satisfied, he pulls my shirt over my head. I hate to admit it, but the best part of the mean sex is the pampering afterwards and I’m really going to miss it. I get carried around the house because I’m not allowed to walk or get up to grab something. He keeps me in his lap for hours, cuddling and rubbing my shoulders, sliding his fingers into my panties to make me squeal. It’s more than a little condescending, but it’s also the only way to make him feel better. And he is just so fucking adorable when he’s like this, I love it.

I can’t even begin to process what he just said. There’s no way I’ll be able to keep myself from sobbing over that one once he’s gone. But he’s here now in my room, in my arms. I want
to go back too. So fucking much.

28

Maya

I’m lying on his chest as we cuddle on the couch, my belly full as my eyes grow heavy. Isaac is basically back to normal
and we’re both ready to go to sleep. Oh. It’s almost four in morning, I guess we already were. I wake up suddenly when I hear a gentle knock on the door and giggling in the hallway. Isaac sits up quickly, nearly knocking me off balance as he scrambles to check his phone. Letting out a relieved breath, he pecks my lips quickly and hides in the bedroom, but he doesn’t close the door all the way. What the hell? It doesn’t sound like it, but what if it’s Luke?

I push away my suspicion and open the door. Two wide eyed young students stare back at me, each with one of Piper’s arms around their neck.

“Maayyaaaa!” Piper squeals.

“Hi, uh,
Piper lives here, right?”

“Yeah,” I answer, a little bewildered. “What happened
? I thought she was on a date.”

“Um, well, that must not have gone very well because she showed up at a frat party and almost fucked somebody she work
s with. Anna, you know, her friend the RA?” I nod. “Well, she convinced her that it wasn’t a good idea and asked us to take her home.”

“
Annnnnnaaaa,” Piper slurs. “Is a really good friend. She makes a
lot
of sense, even when you’re wasted.”

“
Thanks for bringing her home safely,” I tell the girls.

When they try to transfer her to me, she giggles and hugs them both because they are ‘sooo cuuuute’, nearly knocking the tiniest
one over in the process. I assure them I have plenty of experience getting her to bed by myself and they chatter about boys as they disappear down the hallway. Two sets of bright green eyes peer at me from the darkness of my room as Isaac watches with AJ at his ankles. I wave him off. The last thing we need is for her get angry drunk, at least she’s in a pretty good mood.

“Chuck
’s in one of my International Relations classes, did I tell you that?”

“N
o.”

“
I have to see him every Tuesday and Thursday. For two hours. Eeeevvvvery single fucking Tuesday and Thursday.” So much for the good mood. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.

“S
hit, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Y
ou have enough bullshit to deal with.”

“
Piper…”

“He
smiled at me today. Just threw me a smile and actually seemed a little surprised when I didn’t smile back.”

“H
elp me get your shoes off. They are caked with mud and I don’t want it tracking through the house.” Where the hell was she tonight?

“J
ust smiled like nothing fucking happened, because I guess it didn’t, right?”

“N
o.”

“
There’s no record of it. No consequences. So it never happened.”

“Y
es it did.”

“T
hey didn’t want to ruin his life. Why should one youthful indiscretion ruin this poooor boy’s liiife,” she says in a dramatic old man voice, quoting her father. “He was just confused.”

“C
’mon Pipes, walk. One foot in front of the other.”

“
I think you’re right. I think he is sorry for what he did.”

I’m st
ill not convinced that he did anything, but I know from experience that it’s best to just go with her on this. “Not as sorry as he should be.”

“W
hy can’t he just be a monster? Why does he have to look so fucking normal?”

“B
ecause normal people do shitty things.”

“D
oes he hurt you?”

“Who, Isaac?” I ask, flopping her on the bed. She nods, yawning. “No. W
e’ve been over this.”

“B
ut he used to hurt other women, right?”

“I
t’s really complicated.”

“
Do you think he still does? Is that what he’s doing when he isn’t here?”

“N
o.”

“H
ow can you be sure?”

“B
ecause I trust him.”

“H
ow?” she shouts.

“P
iper you’re drunk. Do you need some water?”

“
It’s an excuse, Maya!”
Please don’t get belligerent.
“For them to brutalize you. So they can get their ego fix, so they can do all that stupid shit they think sex is. Where the fuck does that leave us?”
Not this speech again.
”I just want to go home with somebody and have a good time. Not to get pushed around, not for some little dicked piece of shit to blow his load in my face so he can forget how fucking worthless he is for five seconds.”

“
Isaac isn’t like that. He doesn’t come in my face and he isn’t fucking worthless.”

S
he doesn’t hear me. “I just wanted to have a good time. Good boys get to have a good time. Why can’t good girls do the same thing?”

“We can, we do all the time.”

“They lied to us Maya!”

“S
tay laying on your side please. Who lied to us about what?”

“
Them. All of them! About college. In the braaaave new woooorld of gender equalityyyyy.” I try not to laugh, but she sounds like the Wizard of Oz. “It’s supposed to be all casual sex and parties and friends forever and parties and more no strings attached sex.”

“That was
not on the brochure. You’ve done a
lot
of partying, you’ve done all of that.”

“I know. And
everyone thinks I’m a whore.”

“N
o, they don’t.”

“Y
es, they fucking do! I’m tired of pretending I don’t care.”

“
Piper get some sleep.”

“
I don’t get to
have
a good time. I get to
be
a good time. Did I tell you my mother sent her publicist to talk to me about my lack of a political future because I’m a big ol’ slut in the age of the smart phone?”

“N
o.”

“Chuck
’s a fucking rapist and he gets a political future. Even though there were pictures. Does Luke have any pictures of you?”

“
Probably.” Dammit. Isaac is hearing every word of this.

“
I wonder what everybody would say about you, if they knew. But you’re so smart.” She jabs her finger into my side. “You keep it a secret. So you don’t get called a whore.”

“T
hanks?”

“I
f Luke does bust in here and rape you, it won’t count. You know that right?”

“Y
eah, I do.”

“B
ecause they’ll find out you’re a big ol’ slut too. That you’re just another crazy, kinky slut behind closed doors and he’ll have pictures to back it up.”

“P
iper, shut the fuck up.”

“B
ut now a new person with a penis owns the rights to smack you around, so maybe it will matter. How rich is his dad?”

Shut UP!
“For fuck’s sake, Pipes.”

“Does he hurt you as much as L
uke did?”

“H
e doesn’t hurt me at all.” I’m not explaining it, he has got to be torturing himself right now.

“Bullshit!” she
wails. “That is fucking bullshit. Tigers don’t change their spots.”

“
Tigers have stripes.”

“
But he’s an upgrade, right? At least he has a sweet side. And he can cook. And holy shit he’s a lot hotter,” she giggles, rolling on her back again. “Hey, you never told me who was bigger.”

“
Isaac is, I think, just barely. It’s hard to tell.”

“W
hy do you have to date assholes all the time?”

“H
e’s not an asshole and you’re
really
starting to piss me off.”

“S
orry. I’m drunk.”

“N
o shit.”

“
I’ll shut up.”
Thank you.
“Just shut the fuck up like I’m supposed to. Don’t make waves. Don’t rock the boat.” She laughs uncontrollably, pulling at my shirt. “Make waves that rock the boat. Just shut up, look pretty, work hard, and be a good time.”

“Piper,”
I sigh. “That’s not what I meant.”

“T
hat’s what you do and it’s working out pretty well.”

My temper flares. She can’t honestly think that. “
Actually, it’s not working out all that great.”

Piper
hiccups, blinking as her mood darkens. “Yeah, I guess it isn’t,” she whispers, her lips quivering as she tears up, gripping my hand and she curls around me. Leaning back into her stomach, I pull a dry leaf out her hair. “Are you sure I shouldn’t tell my father what’s going on?”

“Y
es. I think that will make it worse.”

“N
o, you don’t. You think it would get Isaac in trouble.”

“Okay, maybe
that too. But I don’t really want your parents to know that much about my sex life.”

“
I don’t either. But then again, I sort of do. It would knock you off the pedestal they put you on. But if you’re not on it, they might start pulling the many strings attached to all the stupid money they give me and make you move out. Then I’ll lose you too and you’re all I have left,” she croaks, throwing her arms around me into a big bear hug that pulls me down next to her.

I
gnoring the whiskey breath, I cuddle her back. “It’s going to be fine.”

“W
ill you take that self-defense class with me?”

“W
hat self-defense class?”

“D
idn’t I tell you?” she screeches, getting giddy as I shake my head no and sit up cross legged on the bed, staring at her. “That guy I went out with tonight, he lives upstairs. Jace. The majorly hot tattooed one that showed up out of nowhere when Luke came over. He teaches it at this martial arts studio his friend runs.”

“O
h really?” Just like Isaac’s friend. That’s more than a little suspicious. Sort of like the text message he got right before someone knocked on the door. Twice.

“
Yeah. So he said since you have a crazy ex-boyfriend and we’re neighbors, he’d do it for free.”

“D
o you like this guy?”
That Isaac is probably paying to spy on us.
I am going to fucking kill him if he’s using her.

“Y
eah, I guess. He stayed and ate dinner while you were freaking your shit in there. I’ve never seen you cry like that.”

“H
e stayed and ate dinner, huh?”

“Yes, he was afraid L
uke would come back and since I acted like I knew him and it was dinner time and dinner was there, it just made sense. I must admit, it’s kind of convenient that your new boyfriend keeps the fridge stocked with awesome food.”

“S
o what did you guys talk about?”

“Strength t
raining. And food, school. Oh, and this club he works at.” Holy shit. “I’ve met him at his gym a few times, even though it’s downtown. He was pretty nice. And
reeeeallly
hot. And since the hot part is obviously true, the nice part is probably a lie. He doesn’t seem to be into me, but he keeps calling me up and wants to hang out. I can’t figure him out.”

“
Have you slept with him yet?”

“Nope,
but I really want to. I bet he’d be pretty good. He got called into work at the last minute tonight, but I’m not sure he wanted to anyway. It’s weird, ‘cuz he’s
such
a flirt. He’s got the most gorgeous blue eyes.”

“I don’t really remember him that well.”

“So go with me. Maybe you can read him, you’re so good at that. And it’s an extremely practical idea, considering the circumstances.”

“Y
eah, I guess it is. Set it up.”

“
Really
?” She throws her arms around my waist. “That was easy.”

“Get some sleep,” I murmur, closing her door. When I get back to my
room, Isaac can’t even look at me. “I don’t even want to know.”

“M
aya—”

“
I said I don’t want to know. Plausible deniability.
Do not
confirm anything I’m suspecting right now or I will get…” The little kid face. I can’t get mad at him, not tonight. “Frustrated with you even though whatever you’re doing is probably entirely justified and necessary. You’re getting a pass on this one so I suggest you take it.”

“T
hen why do you sound so mad?”