Denial (8 page)

“Do you wish you could?” I wrap my arms around his solid torso and pull myself closer. A low groan reverberates through his chest.

“Yes,” he whispers, sliding the hand he has on the small of my back lower until it’s gripping my ass. He presses his groin against my belly so I can feel how hard he is. My heart races and I lick my lips. “My attraction to you is not the issue, Maya.”

“Isaac…” I’m surprised to hear him inhale sharply as I say his name.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he whispers, his hand tracing patterns in my hair. I think I’ve discovered a new erogenous zone tonight.

“It’s okay.”

“You can feel that right?” He pushes himself harder against me. “Honestly, the only reason I’m even considering this is because I would love to rip your dress off right now.”

I breathe heavier in response. His body feels like it’s carved out of stone and I want to experience more of it so badly. I slide my hand beneath his shirt so that I can savor the flesh on his back. He groans, gently turning my head to the side as his lips slowly travel down my neck, setting my skin on fire.

“Please stop crying,” he whispers. “I can’t stand it.”

I didn’t realize that I was still blubbering. Why does this keep happening to me? Isaac’s hand strokes the back of my neck and the tension slowly starts to roll off my shoulders. It’s been so long since someone touched me like this. “Sorry, but, is this a trick?”

“No. It’s typically not allowed.”

“What?”

“This. Comforting you, while you cry.”

“Do they cry a lot?”

“Yeah, sometimes. But in their rooms, not in front of me. And afterwards, not before.” That piques my interest, pulling me out of my own head. I’m not blathering anymore, but he doesn’t leave, his arms holding me tighter.
Please don’t let go yet.
“We’re really not supposed to do this,” he mumbles.

My hands slide down the bare muscles of his stomach and land on his hipbones. I shudder, my eyelids fluttering as I lean in closer. God, this feels so good. “Why not?”

“I don’t want to get you in trouble.” He kisses my neck as I breathe against his skin, relishing each peck as his lips travel up to my jaw, desperate for them to come closer to mine.

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” After a pause, he nudges my head with his, urging me to keep talking. “I’m already in trouble, right? Does it really matter if I get in a little more?” I can tell it will be worth it.

“Yes,” he murmurs, his lips getting further away as they make their retreat. “Yes, it definitely matters. Nobody’s life needs more fucking trouble.” The words coming out of his mouth don’t match up with whatever his tongue is doing to my neck. My hands can’t help themselves, sinking lower. “Don’t just grab me.”

“I won’t,” I return quickly. Was I going to? “Isaac, I don’t like the idea of you doing things that you don’t want to do,” I tell him, shivering as he pulls my earlobe between his teeth. “But if it isn’t you, it’s just going to be someone else.” He stills. “So if you’re going to get in trouble, please don’t do it on my account.”

Isaac backs away from me a little so that he can look into my eyes, one of his thumbs stroking my cheekbone. “Goddammit,” he exhales. “You’re serious.” It isn’t a question, but I nod. My body aches when he breaks away.
Touch me again
. Standing across the room, he looks up and covers his face with his hands. “Well, that was fucking clever,” he sighs, his words muffled. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

His lecherous grin meets mine and I bite my lip. To think that I was so reluctant. What the hell was wrong with me? Look at this guy. Plus, despite the fact that I’ve basically only known him for five minute, I like him. Nice is usually boring. I don’t know how he’s making it so hot, but he is. Maybe because it’s obvious in every movement he makes that he will be an absolute God in bed.

“You’re sure?”

“There’s no point in denying myself, especially if it means someone else is going to get what I want.”

My cheeks flush, chin dropping as my hesitation returns, mingling uncomfortably with my desire. I forgot where I was for a second. “So… we’re just going to do this? Right now?”

7

“I thought that’s what you wanted,” he says hesitantly.

“I’ve only known you for a few hours.”

“You’re in college. This is what people do, right? Would you like it better if we got drunk and danced first?”

Yes
. “Maybe.”

“Well you came to the wrong place and you are definitely dating the wrong guy.”

Why did he get so defensive all of the sudden? “This isn’t just sex.”

“Yeah, cuz it’s not like you’d ever be subjected to any demented sexual acts by going home with some random frat guy.”

Good point.
He’s standing at the window again with a strained expression that won’t look my way, nervously tapping his fingers against his thigh. Why the hell is he so stressed out? I’m the one that’s about to get tied up and violated.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, moving closer to him.

“Nothing,” he snaps, stepping backwards to maintain the distance between us.

“Bullshit.”

He tries not to smile and fails. “Stop reading me.”

“I can’t help it. It’s just what I do.’

“Me too.”

“Why won’t you just tell me?”

After a moment of hesitation, he says, “Because I don’t want to hurt your feelings again.”

“That’s probably unavoidable and I’d appreciate the honesty.”

“I don’t want to do this right now either,” he whispers, glancing up to check my reaction and giving me a timid smile as I let out a relieved breath. “I mean, I do, but not like that, not right now anyway… I’ve just had a really shitty night. And I…”

He stopped retreating and I’m almost close enough to touch him. “It’s okay, Isaac. Just say it.”

“I haven’t done this for a while, about six months. My head’s not in the game. I’ll be sloppy and I probably won’t be that into it.”

“Well, then, find a loophole. Order me to wait until tomorrow or something.”

“You don’t care?” This self-conscious, little kid face is so ridiculously adorable. Not what I expected from the scary sex master at all.

“No. Do you want to go to bed? Err, sleep?”

“It’s only midnight. I’m a night owl.”

“Me too.”

“So, do you want to… I don’t know, hang out and watch TV or something?”

How the hell did he get even cuter? He can ask me if me if I like it when my boyfriend lets other guys
screw me without batting an eye, but he looks like a shy teenager at his first dance because he wants to watch TV.

“That sounds fun.”

“Really?” His eyes light up. “You’re not inwardly devastated and questioning your self-worth right now because I’m not in the mood?”

Who the hell do you hang out with?
“Would that be a normal reaction?”

“For a submissive, yeah, sort of.”

“Well, I guess I do have a lot to learn. The only thing I’m feeling is chilly.”

My knees wobble when that tilted, mischievous smile crosses his face as our eyes lock. Now that it’s not going anywhere, I guess it’s safe to get turned on again. Isaac walks over to his own suitcase.

“Here,” he says, his fingers grazing mine as he hands me a pile of fabric. “I brought these for you in case he didn’t let you bring any clothes. Brand new. Freshly washed.”

“Thanks.” That was sweet. A little fucked up, but sweet.

“I’m gonna change too. I guess this is a good time to give you the tour.” My skin warms when his hand lands on my shoulder as he leads me toward the hallway. This place is bigger than it first looked. “This is the gym. I look forward to seeing you there every morning.”

“To watch me toil?” I grumble.

“Oh, I’ll be toiling with you.”

“You will?” He pulls his shirt open farther. I’ve never seen such a beautiful body in my entire life, advertisements included. I clench my fists to restrain myself.

“Do you think I just look like this?” he laughs. That cocky smile is seriously starting to grow on me, but I roll my eyes at him. His become serious. “You do that tomorrow and I’ll spank your ass.”

“Sorry, sir.” I try to sound playful. It doesn’t look like it went over well.

“Don’t call me that yet,” he whispers

“Oh. Sorry. I don’t mind, though.”

“I do. That is a part of your training. I don’t personally enjoy it.”

What the hell? “Now I’m going to feel bad every time I say it to you.”

His expression softens, making him young again. “You don’t get to worry about me. I’m used to it and I’ve been called a lot worse. When we’re in that mode, it doesn’t bother me.”

“Okay. I’ll try to remember to drop it when we’re not.”

“Maya… I don’t know if we’ll be talking like we are tonight very often.”

“Why? Will it be that different?”

“It’s going to be extremely different.
I’m
going to be different.”

I frown. That sucks. “But I like you this way.” The gloom in his eyes makes me flash on the picture of that girl on his dresser.

“I’m a little worried that I’ve fucked this up. There are roles. You slip into them, you stick to them. It makes everything easier. I probably shouldn’t have been so casual tonight. I didn’t want to scare you away.”

“So, for a whole month you’re going to pretend to be a different person?”

“Maya, for a whole month,
you’ll
be pretending to be a different person. I’ll be fine. This is what I do.”

“That sounds awful.” He doesn’t answer. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do it.”

After shaking his head like he’s trying to get water out of his hair, he grins at me but his eyes don’t crinkle like they should. I’m starting to realize that he has more than one mask. He throws his arm over my shoulder. “I’ll help you. Maybe we’ll do timeouts, especially in the beginning, so that I can coach you for real. You’ll get used to it. It becomes almost automatic. And then after a while, a part of you actually becomes a different person.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

He gives me a hug and I swear he just said “me, too” under his breath. I must be imagining things. I’m a job to him. He doesn’t care, he just feels sorry for me because he’s probably never come across someone so pathetic. So what if a little bit of me changes, becomes more what Luke wants. I want that. I’m not giving up on us. On this future that’s so close I can feel it. Just not right now. Because right now the only thing that exists is Isaac’s hand on my neck and his lips pressing into the top of my head.

“Let’s keep going,” he murmurs. We come to another closed door and he hesitates.

“What’s in there?”

“That’s the playroom.”

“You mean the scary sex dungeon.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “I don’t want you to look in there right now.” I nod. We’re at the end of the hallway, turning around to see another door. “This is my room.” He opens it and reveals a large, inviting bed. We hesitate for a moment, eyeing it and each other, before he leads me to the next door.

“This is your room.”

“Wait.” It just registered that he said the other room was his, as in only his. “We have separate bedrooms?”

“Yes. I’m not going to force you sleep next to me.”

“Oh.” I sound disappointed. Way to play it cool.

“You are going to want space from me sometimes.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Especially considering
Luke mentioned that he wants separate bedrooms if we ever move in together.

“But, maybe,” he sounds unsure. It’s so
frigging cute. “I mean… if you want to… some nights we can stay together. I’m not going to kick you out.”

“Okay.” My stomach flutters. That shouldn’t happen.

“Wait,” he says as we turn around. “I have to take that back. Sometimes I will have to insist that you leave.”

“That’s fine.” But my heart sinks. That should not be happening, either.

“I won’t want to.” He spins me to face him. “But I’ll have to. Because I can already tell that once I start touching you I’m going to have a very hard time stopping.”

“Me too,” I blurt out.

Is he going to kiss me right now? I wish he would. Instead he grabs me by the hair and pulls my head to the side to expose my neck, which his lips begin to devour. Leaning against him, I gasp, each kiss and lick leaving a trail of heat and electricity behind it that spreads until my entire body is tingling. Every single part of me wants him to keep going, but I know if he did it would scare me. I just want to fool around, no kneeling, no blindfolds, no titles, none of that crap.

His other hand is under my dress clamped onto my ass, his fingers digging into my flesh as I moan. I can feel his cock pressed against me as I go limp in his arms. Except for my hands, which are roaming his body freely, pulling at his shirt. What would he do if I just kissed him?