Denial (28 page)

“Now—” He pauses. I keep my head down and wait. “Fuck!”

“Just tell me.”

“The floor. Scrub the stupid floor again,” he says flatly.

“Hands and knees?” I spit back, even though I already know the answer. “Sir?”

He winces. “Of course.”

Of course. Get down naked on your hands and knees and scrub the already immaculate floor so your boyfriend, who isn’t even here because he’s probably lounging on the beach using a pile of beautiful women as a chair right now, feels powerful. Fuck this. I can’t take it.

I lift my chin find myself staring into the most beautiful pair of eyes. If I walk out the door right now I’ll never see them again. And lunch is in forty five minutes. We’re making something long and elaborate. It will take hours. We’ll laugh a lot, we always do.
So I break the rules and move closer to him, watching his eyes drift down to my breasts. He’s just as horny as I am. I stand on my tip toes and plant a kiss on his cheek.

“Okay, Coach,” I whisper.

“Maya…” He grabs me by the shoulders when I step towards the kitchen and stares at me. We spend so much time trying not to look at each other when we do this, and I’m reminded why. His jaw is clenched, eyes full of anger as his fingers slide toward my neck and wrap around my collar until it feels tight.

I tremble, panting in synch with him. Something is on the tip of his tongue and wants to jump off, but I know from experience that he won’t let it. A low growl rumbles in his chest as he drops me, shoving me slightly in the direction I was headed. He turns away and start to miss him as soon as he silently walks down the hallway, a loud thud announcing his arrival to his room.

The tiles are refreshingly cool under my knees. It’s not that bad, really. I start rattling off prime numbers so I don’t think about how demented this is. But controlling my thoughts doesn’t help me ignore this hole in my stomach that’s leaking shame into my gut.

At least Isaac didn’t make himself watch this time. This isn’t that big of a deal. A little corny. Just a game. But, then again, I’m alone now. Would
Luke want me to clean like this in front of other guys? Is everything okay now, just because it turns him on? This awful sinking feeling pulls down at my navel as the air hits my spread legs.  Am I supposed to feel desired like this? I just feel cheap. Does it not matter how I feel anymore? Is that what I’m signing up for?

Stop thinking! Please! It’s only a half an hour until lunch.

*******

His fingers slide down my elbow, tickling the inside of my wrist before his hand envelops mine and he rests his chin on the top of my head. I can feel his hard cock nestled in the small of my back, but we’ll both ignore it. He guides the spoon we’re holding around and around silently. I don’t need help stirring. He just wants to touch me. We do this every time we cook now.

Energy sparks and dances in my stomach under the arm wrapped around it. My nipples are so hard they hurt. It’s so hard not to squirm, but then he’ll let me go, so I don’t. If I stand still long enough, he might start kissing my neck.

No luck. My heart falls into my sto
mach as he peels himself off me. I want to feel his arms around me again. Tears prick my eyes and I stifle a groan. We’re almost done cooking. This pot of soup is an hourglass and every bubble is one more grain of sand slipping away.

Which distraction is he going to pick this time? Please be knife sharpening. I can’t help but grin when I see him reach for the drawer with the sharpening stone. He knows how much I like this. I can feel the sound in my teeth as he rakes the blade over the stone, the muscles in his forearm twisting beneath his skin. Back and forth, expertly angling the blade on every pass.

“You do that a lot, don’t you?” I ask quietly. He doesn’t answer for a while.

“I’m particular about my knives. I have to sharpen them myself or they don’t feel right.”

“Are these yours?”

“No.” I guess that’s why he’s been sharpening so much lately.

“Will you show me how? I’m sure it’s harder than you’re making it look.” The corner of his mouth lifts as he breaths out a laugh, shaking his head.
Come on, take the bait. You know you want to
. Our eyes meet in the mischievous glance we share every time I tempt him to color outside the lines. “Please,” I coo, slowly moving toward him.

“It is an important part of kitchen safety,” he reasons.

And a good excuse to stay on this timeout for at least another hour. But neither of us will say that out loud. Our stomachs grumble, but we sharpen until we can’t stand it anymore. It’s not as if eating will sate this hunger.

“I can tell you want to say something,” he says, nervously fidgeting at the other end of the kitchen while I finish rinsing the dishes. “Just ask. Maybe I’ll say yes.”

“You can’t.”

“Well, just tell me anyway.”

“I want my phone.”

“I wish I could tell you that will go away.”

“No, I want my phone so I can call my little brother for his sixteenth birthday.”

“Maya, I can’t
… Luke didn’t mention any exceptions. Sorry.”

“I know. It’s not your fault. I sent him something, I just want to hear his voice. I’m curious if he sounds older. He’s not going home this summer, so he’s alone.”

“I—” he stammers. “Fuck!”

“Isaac don’t get upset, he knows I’m not going to call. It’s not a big deal.”

“Then why do you look like you’re about to cry?”

Crap. “I’m fine. What should I do now, Sir?”

“No, this timeout isn’t fucking over yet.”

A rogue teardrop escapes and starts running down my cheek. I wipe it away myself before he can get any closer. If he touches me right now, I’ll lose it. Why won’t he stop staring at me? Argh.
Fine.
“I always go see him on his birthday. He tried so hard not to sound as disappointed as he was when I told him we’d make plans after I was done with this, not that he has any idea what I’m doing. I hope. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it this long and I figured I’d be able to surprise him. I feel like a really shitty big sister right now because this is one of those big, milestone birthdays and I’m not there. Nobody is.”

“Is this a pattern with
Luke? Isolating you from your family.”

“Not really. I was already pretty isolated and I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Just give me a chore or something. Please.”

“Does your brother like Luke?”

“No. Not at all. He wants me to break up with him. I’m sure that choosing a ‘vacation’ with
Luke over driving up there to see him for his birthday just made it that much more hurtful. But we’re going to spend the weekend together the week after I get back, so I’ll make it up to him then.” Right? He’s always going to remember this. My face contorts and I choke out a sob. If Isaac isn’t going to give me an order, I’ll come up with something myself. Grabbing the glass cleaner, I make a beeline for the window when he grabs me by the wrist. “You’re making this really hard for me right now. Red.”

Isaac tries to pull me into his arms but I squirm away. “So he wouldn’t tell him you called then, right?”

“No,” I sob. “He wouldn’t. He sort of hates him, they never talk.”

“You’re sure? 100% positive?”

“Yes.”

“Alright,” he breathes. “I’ll let you call on mine.”

Did he just say that? “What?”

“I’ll give you my phone. But try to make it quick, okay?”

“Really?” I peep.

“I’m trusting you here. Don’t call anyone else, Maya.”

I scamper behind him down the hallway. When he reappears from his room, I can’t stop myself from throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him as hard as I can. Isaac is still for a moment, inhaling raggedly before he hugs me back, stroking the length of my hair.

“Thank you so much,” I whimper.

“It’s impossible to say no to that face. I don’t understand how he does it.” With a peck on my forehead, he leaves me alone.

It rings for a long time before my heart sinks. That could be a good sign though, maybe his friends took him out or something. I bet if I called again, he might pick up. If not, I’ll text him, but then I’ll have to resist the temptation to look through Isaac’s phone.

“Hello?”

“
Garrett?”

“Yeah… who is this?”

“Maya.”

“Seriously?” His voice got brighter. I really miss him.

“Happy birthday!” It is so obvious that I am crying right now. Shit.

“Thanks. I thought you weren’t going to have any cell reception on that private island.”

“Turns out the caretaker has a phone.”

“You are such a horrible liar, you’re never going to cut it as a lawyer.”

He’s such a smart ass. Like me. “So did you do anything fun today?”

“Yeah, actually. Wayne caught me moping around the other week and told his Mom. She took us sailing! It was awesome! A total surprise. I’m at their place now. They got a cake an
d everything.”

“Really? That is so much cooler than what I would have come up with.”

“Well, I guess it worked out, but you’re still coming to see me, right?”

“Ye
ah,” I croak. “Yes, I am.”

“You aren’t going to bring him, right?”

“No, just me.”

“Promise?”

“Garrett… of course.”

“Yeah, it’s not like he’d want to come anyway.”

Why bother defending him. “It’ll be fun, I’ll make sure of it. Look, I don’t want to keep you from your friends. I’m glad you’re doing something for your birthday. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Don’t feel bad about not being here, you sound like you’re crying.”

“I’m fine. Have a good night, okay? Eat some cake for me.”

“Okay, I will.” It’s going to be so hard to hang up this phone. “Maya, wait.”

“What’s up?”

“You tell me. What the hell is going on?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.”

“Garrett!”

“What, I’m sixteen. I can say that now. And you can tell me what’s really going on. Why did you call me from an unlisted number? Where the hell are you? And why aren’t you talking to Mom, Laurel said y’all are fighting.”

“It’s really complicated.”

“Is he listening to you right now? Is that why you can’t talk?”

“No, he’s not here, I swear.”

“Did he, like, kidnap you or something? Are you coming back? Am I ever going to see you again?”

“Garrett, slow down. No. I’m
fine.
I shouldn’t have called, I’m sorry I ruined your party.”

“No! Sorry, no, I’m so glad you called. I’m just worried about you. I get this really bad feeling whenever I think about this ‘vacation’ you’re on.”

“It’s okay.”

“You sounded really scared when you called to say you were leaving, and now you’re obviously crying. Does he have you in some fucked up third world country where women aren’t allowed to go outside or something?”

“No. I’m… look, don’t tell anyone but, I’m still in the country. It’s extremely complicated, but I’m safe and you have nothing to worry about.”

“
Where
are you? Tell me you didn’t marry him. Please.”

“I didn’t, it’s not like that.”

“But you’re going to, aren’t you? He’s going to be my fucking brother-in-law soon, isn’t he?”

“No,” I say without thinking. “No, I don’t think so. Not soon anyway. Maybe never, I don’t know.”

“Does that mean you’re still thinking of breaking up with him?”

“Maybe I am. We’re trying to work it out.
Garrett, stop worrying about me, this is supposed to be a fun day.”

“I had a fucking awesome day. You stop worrying about me.”

“You’d better stop swearing tomorrow.”

“I’ll cut back, I promise,” he laughs. He does sound older. He’s not a little kid anymore at all.

“Well, have a fucking awesome night, understand? No more moping and worrying. I am 100% safe with all the constitutional rights of an American citizen.”

“Okay.” Someone calls his name in the background. “You better come see me.”

“I will. Happy birthday. I can’t believe you’re going to be driving soon.”

“I can’t believe it either!”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” A chorus of mocking laughter erupts from his friends.

“Bye.”

“See ya later.” Instead of hanging up, I decide to listen until he does. “Screw you guys, that’s my sister!” he shouts playfully, mingling with kissing noises and scuffling.

As soon as the phone goes silent, I start sobbing. Loudly. Isaac rushes to my room, but I plead with him to leave me alone, shoving his phone through a crack in the door and locking it. He doesn’t argue with me, but when I open it a couple of hours later, he falls into my room because he must have been sitting against with his back against the door the whole time. The playroom tonight is cancelled, he just can’t do it. We watch funny movies until I fall asleep on the couch, but I wake up alone.