Delta Force Desire (13 page)

She dug her fingers into his shoulders, holding on, anchoring herself. She was lost to Griffin. Her body, her heart, her everything. She had been on the edge of loving him and now, with the unspeakable perfection of this act, she knew. No going back, not for her heart. She had fallen in love with him.

She held his hips, stilling him inside her. More than she wanted to finish, she wanted to talk.

“What's the matter? Are you hurt?” he asked. A sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead, and she knew he must be exerting control to remain unmoving.

“Not hurt. I want to look at you for a minute. I want you to tell me that this means something to you.” She needed to know. It was important to her, and he had said this night was about her.

“I thought long and hard before I took this step with you. I don't want to hurt you. I want you to remember your first time and feel happiness.”

She smiled. His thoughtfulness had to be enough for now. She released his hips. He pumped into her and she wrapped her legs around him, accepting him as part of her. Griffin, the delicious scent of him, his handsome face, her love for him, were too much. They overwhelmed her, and she shattered in his arms. He rode her as her orgasms played out.

He held her tight in his arms, the weight of him pressing her into the mattress. She kissed his chest. “That was the best I've ever had.”

He laughed at her joke. “Can I leave you here for a minute and get you something to clean up?”

She nodded and stretched in the bed, feeling pleased with herself. When he returned with a warm washcloth, he cleaned the inside of her thighs.

He brought the food to the bed and they ate, talked and laughed. He was a friend to her, her protector and her lover. Being in love with him was a natural progression of their relationship. But he wouldn't be part of her life long. He would be assigned to another mission, another adventure, and leave her behind.

She couldn't talk herself out of loving him even with that realization, even though hurt waited for them at the end of their time together.

* * *

Kit could cause massive trouble by calling her sister, but she needed to talk to Marissa. Griffin would be pissed. Connor would be furious. The security of the Locker was at stake.

But even though her sister didn't understand her, her sister understood men.

Kit didn't have her personal cell phone—that had been taken long before—but she spoofed the call to appear from her regular number. Otherwise, her sister wouldn't answer. Marissa received far too many solicitation calls.

“Hello?” Her sister sounded afraid.

“Don't say my name, but it's Kit.”

“So—” She let out her breath in a rush. “Do you know people are looking for you? Are you safe? Where are you? What's going on?”

Guilt shot through her. “You were supposed to be told I was safe.”

She could hear her sister's heels clicking against the floor as she paced. “Some guy with a government ID came over and told us you were safe. But he explained nothing. We asked questions and he only said it was a matter of national security. I've been worried. Who were those men at the party? What's going on? Did you witness a crime? Was your boss at the florist involved in a financial scam?”

Kit didn't have much time before someone realized she'd hacked into their communication system to call her sister. “I can't explain everything, but I am safe.” For now. “I need your advice. I'm in love.”

Marissa gasped. “You ran away to be with a man?”

“I didn't run away. I've been in protective custody, and the man assigned to protect me is really special.”

“Are you in love with your kidnapper? Do you have Stockholm syndrome?” Marissa asked.

Her sister was being melodramatic. “Again, I wasn't kidnapped.”

“Mom will be relieved you're okay.”

“You can't tell Mom I called.”

Marissa shrieked. “Are you kidding? She's having a fit about you being gone.”

Kit didn't think her mother would have thought much of it. Her mother usually acted like she was an embarrassment to the family. “I'll send a message through my protector to her, but I need your help. Marissa, I don't have a lot of time.”

“Tell me what I can do. Anything.”

“How do I make a man fall in love with me?” The question was ridiculous, and Kit hated asking that way. Time restraints meant she had to be direct.

“Does he reciprocate your feelings at all?” Marissa asked.

Last night had made her wonder. Griffin had said they couldn't sleep together, but then they had. Had he changed his mind because he had fallen for her, too? “I don't know. I think somewhat. We have chemistry.”

“Chemistry is good, but it can change. If you want him to love you, you need to have fun with the chemistry, but also let him get to know you.”

How would that help? “He knows me pretty well. He dressed up in a costume for me.”

“Kinky. Like a sex costume?”

In a sense, yes, but she couldn't admit that to her sister. “As a character from a video game.”

“He didn't run away screaming when you told him about your love of video games?” Marissa asked.

“He was into it.” At least, he hadn't complained.

“Then maybe he's in love, too.”

“He had to dress up.”

“I'm trying to imagine a scenario where a man is forced to dress up and I'm coming up empty, unless this was on a set. He isn't required to do anything. If he dressed up, he wanted to for you.”

“Men don't usually fall for me.” The incident with Swift came rushing back, and anger was the stronger emotion over embarrassment.

“You're selling yourself short. Lots of men are interested in you. You don't want to see it. You avoid eye contact, and you make excuses to leave conversations. I've been trying to tell you for years that you give these signals like you aren't interested, so men don't pursue you.”

She started to deny it, but shut her mouth because it was true. She hated social gatherings, and anyone who met her knew it. “He's leaving soon. Our circumstances aren't permanent.”

“I've had a lot of men love and leave me. Here's what I've learned. If he leaves, then it wasn't meant to be, and you will find someone else. But the man who's meant to stick around and be with you won't leave. He'll find a way to stay regardless of what happens or what commitments he has. Of course, as I say this, I realize that no man has ever decided to stick around for me. I have hope it will happen with the right man at the right time.”

“You have men falling all over you,” Kit said.

“I have men interested in my fame and fortune. Few stick around and actually want to be with me.”

It was the first time her sister had shared an insecurity. “Should I tell him that I love him?”

“Being that direct might freak him out. Let your actions show it. Once you say those words, you can't take them back, and if he doesn't feel the same, it could chase him away. I'm really happy for you, Kit. I've been hoping that someone would get inside your walls. I can't wait to meet this man. He must be something special.”

Griffin most certainly was. But could Kit keep him in her life?

* * *

Kit was alone in the lab. Alone except for Griffin, who was working on something on his computer. The hum of the computer fans and the air-conditioning created a soothing white noise. But Kit still felt agitated. She and the team were not making progress as she had planned, and she sensed information was being held back. The less she knew, the longer they would be at this, trapped on this island, trying to find the security holes in the Locker and close them and to find the locations of Incognito's version of the Locker.

It was past five o'clock, and the other engineers on the team had returned to their apartments for the day. Kit had stayed because she needed the quiet to think. The team lobbed questions at her all day, and the constant interruptions made progress slow. She could share what she knew and being that open was refreshing, but explaining the details of the Locker wasn't simple. The skill sets of the engineers varied, and Kit wasn't masterful at communicating.

The project manager continually pressed her for dates when she would have accomplished significant progress. He also asked if he could get her anything to help.

She tried to be diplomatic and evasive, but she wanted to scream that it would take as long as it took and he could help her by not interrupting her ten times a day with inane questions.

Being near Griffin was distracting. Not that he said much to her in the lab unless she spoke to him. Having him around made her want to shorten her hours and spend more time with him. She didn't voice those thoughts because if he were pulled from the project, she would be destroyed. She didn't want to be on this island, but having Griffin with her made it bearable.

“What are you working on?” she asked, turning in her chair.

Griffin looked up from his computer screen, his green eyes serious. “I have the mission specs for my next assignment.”

His next assignment? Was he bailing on her soon? Her stomach dropped. “When does it start?”

“As soon as possible.”

“Are you leaving?” she asked.

“When you don't need me anymore,” he said.

She needed him, and she couldn't put an end date on that. He was her strength and her friend, and it had taken her whole lifetime to connect with someone the way she'd connected with him. How did he feel about her? Her body was sore from the nights in bed with him and those memories were so fresh, she had trouble believing that he felt nothing for her.

How could he hold her and make love with her and then tell her he was thinking about his next mission, a mission that didn't include her? What would happen when they parted ways? Would she be able to speak to him? Was Griffin Brooks his real name? If he didn't want to be contacted, he could make that happen.

“What's the mission?” she asked. She heard shrillness in her voice and tried to calm herself. She had to play it cool.

“I can't discuss that,” he said.

She'd expected an evasive answer but had hoped it would open the dialogue between them. “Does it involve getting punched?” When they had first met, he had been punched a number of times.

He laughed. “I would say there's a high probability of that happening.”

Her thoughts jumped to other unpleasant scenarios. Would it involve him meeting someone else? Having an affair with another woman? Kit felt sick to her stomach. She turned back to the computer, but she was too distracted by what Griffin had said to continue working. She stared at the screen for a few more minutes and then tried again. “Griffin.” She didn't know what else to say to him. So many words overwhelmed her.

He looked at her with intensity blazing in his eyes. “You can tell me anything. Say what you need to say.”

She wished she had the words to express what she was feeling. Her anxiety and nervousness about the project persisted. Having Griffin nearby made her feel safe and sane.

He came closer. “Are you hurt?”

The room was under surveillance, and she didn't want to have this conversation here. “Can we go home? I'm not making progress, and it's frustrating.”

He nodded. “You might feel better after dinner.”

Unlikely food would change anything, but in their place, they could talk without security watching them. She could be more open and honest, assuming she had the courage to speak her mind.

Kit gathered her belongings, and they followed the security procedures to checkout. Every item they took from the lab had to be screened.

Griffin walked her home, though he didn't hold her hand or touch her. After the nights they'd spent together, that stung. If they had a relationship, why was he hiding it? Was he worried what his boss would think? Was he embarrassed to be seen with her?

Kit felt the urge to throw herself into his arms. Instead, she threw down. “You
want
to leave. You
want
to go on another mission.” One that was likely far away from her. A fresh start for him, a stinging loss for her.

“You don't need me here.”

She arched a brow at him. “How so? Incognito is still looking for me.”

“You're safe here. There's military crawling all over this place.”

Except she didn't feel safe with soldiers. Lawrence had been a soldier and had turned on them, selling her and Zoya out to Incognito. “We haven't destroyed the copy of the Locker, and I haven't secured the new one or launched a counterattack.”

“You will.” He sounded certain.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “While I appreciate the vote of confidence, I think you're looking for a reason to leave.”

“Why would I want to leave?”

She threw her hands in the air. “This was never what you set out to do. You were supposed to bring me in and leave me at a safe house for someone else to handle. That didn't happen because Incognito is good. Too good. They've outsmarted us too many times. I made you stay with me, but I saw in your face that you didn't want to. I needed you to stay.”

“You don't need me,” he repeated.

Kit felt as if she were staring at him from across a huge divide. “That's where you're wrong.” She needed him like she needed the air around her. He was a constant in her life, the person she could look to when life was rough. “I need you.”

He looked at her unblinking, completely emotionless. “There's a reason I work in extraction and retrievals. I'm not a bodyguard. I've been playing one, but our luck will run out.”

She couldn't talk to him when he was like this. Shaking off the hurt, she turned away. “I have work.”

She needed space from him, somewhere to be alone.

“I thought you wanted dinner at home,” he said.