Delphi Complete Works of Jerome K. Jerome (Illustrated) (Series Four) (325 page)

ANNYS And meanwhile? Until you have devised this scheme [there is a note of contempt in her voice] under which escape for the man will be impossible?

GEOFFREY The evil must continue. As other evils have to until the true remedy is found.

PEEKIN [He has hurriedly consulted with the others. All have risen — he turns to GEOFFREY.] You will not support our demand?

GEOFFREY Support it! Do you mean that you cannot yourselves see that you are holding out an indemnity to every profligate, male and female, throughout the land — that you would be handicapping, in the struggle for existence, every honest man and woman desirous of bringing up their children in honour and in love? Your suggestion is monstrous!

PEEKIN [The little man is not without his dignity.] We apologise,
Mr. Chilvers, for having taken up your time.

GEOFFREY I am sorry the matter was one offering so little chance of agreement.

PEEKIN We will make only one slight further trespass on your kindness. Mrs. Chilvers, if one may judge, would seem to be more in sympathy with our views. Might we — it would be a saving of time and shoe leather [he smiles] — might we take this opportunity of laying our case before her?

GEOFFREY It would be useless.

[A short silence. ANNYS, with ELIZABETH and PHOEBE a little behind her, stands right. LAMB, SIGSBY, and ST. HERBERT are behind GEOFFREY centre. The DEPUTATION is left.]

HOPPER Do we gather that in this election you speak for both candidates?

GEOFFREY In matters of common decency, yes. My wife does not associate herself with movements for the encouragement of vice.

[There is another moment’s silence.]

ANNYS But, Geoffrey, dear — we should not be encouraging the evil. We should still seek to find the man, to punish him. The woman would still suffer -

GEOFFREY My dear Annys, this is neither the time nor place for you and me to argue out the matter. I must ask you to trust to my judgment.

ANNYS I can understand your refusing, but why do you object to my -

GEOFFREY Because I do not choose for my wife’s name to be linked with a movement that I regard as criminal. I forbid it.

[It was the moment that was bound to come. The man’s instincts, training, have involuntarily asserted themselves. Shall the woman yield? If so, then down goes the whole movement — her claim to freedom of judgment, of action, in all things. All watch the struggle with breathless interest.]

ANNYS [She speaks very slowly, very quietly, but with a new note in her voice.] I am sorry, but I have given much thought to this matter, and — I do not agree with you.

MRS. PEEKIN You will help us?

ANNYS I will do what I can.

PEEKIN [He takes from his pocket a folded paper.] It is always so much more satisfactory when these things are in writing. Candidates, with the best intentions in the world, are apt to forget. [He has spread the paper on a corner of the table. He has in his hand his fountain-pen.]

ANNYS [With a smile.] I am not likely to forget, but if you wish it — [She approaches the table.]

GEOFFREY [He interposes. His voice is very low, almost a whisper.] My wife will not sign.

ANNYS [She also speaks low, but there is no yielding in her voice.] I am not only your wife. I have a duty also to others.

GEOFFREY It is for you to choose. [He leaves the way open to her.]

[The silence can almost be felt. She moves to the table, takes up the paper. It contains but a few lines of writing. Having read it, she holds out her hand for the pen. PEEKIN puts it in her hand. With a firm hand she signs, folds the paper, and returns it to him. She remains standing by the table. With the removal of the tension there comes a rustle, a breaking of the silence.]

MISS RICKETTS [She seizes ANNYS’s hand, hanging listlessly by her side, and, stooping, kisses it.]

MISS BORLASSE That is all, isn’t it?

PEEKIN We thank you, Mrs. Chilvers. Good afternoon.

ANNYS [The natural reaction is asserting itself. She pulls herself together sufficiently to murmur her answer.] Good afternoon.

MRS. PEEKIN [The DEPUTATION is moving away; she takes from her waist a small bunch of flowers, and, turning, places them in ANNYS’S hand.]

ANNYS [She smiles, remains standing silent, the flowers in her hand.]

[“Good afternoons” are exchanged with some of the others.
Finally:]

PEEKIN Good afternoon, Mr. Chilvers.

GEOFFREY [Who has moved away.] Good afternoon.

[The DEPUTATION joins SIGSBY by the door. He leads them out.]

ELIZABETH [To PHOEBE.] Are you going my way?

PHOEBE [She glances round at ANNYS.] Yes, I’ll come with you.

ST. HERBERT I will put you into a bus, if you will let me. We don’t sport many cabs in East Poplar. [He is helping ELIZABETH with her cloak.]

ELIZABETH Thank you.

LAMB I’ve got to go up West. [To GEOFFREY.] Will you be at the
House this evening?

GEOFFREY [He is standing by the desk pretending to look at some papers]. I shall look in about ten o’clock.

LAMB One or two things I want to say to you. Goodbye for the present.

GEOFFREY Goodbye!

PHOEBE Goodbye, old man. [She stretches out her hand.]

GEOFFREY Goodbye. [She shakes hands with a smile, exchanges a casual “goodbye” with ELIZABETH.]

[They go towards the door.]

[SIGSBY re-enters.]

SIGSBY [To LAMB.] Are you going?

LAMB Yes. I’ll see you to-morrow morning. About ten o’clock.

SIGSBY I shall be here. [He exchanges a “good afternoon” with the others.]

[They go out. SIGSBY crosses and goes into the other room.]

ANNYS [She has let fall the flowers on the table. She crosses to where GEOFFREY still stands by the desk, his back towards her. She stretches out her hand, touches him. He does not move.] Geoffrey!

[But still he takes no notice.]

I am so sorry. We must talk it over quietly — at home.

GEOFFREY [He turns.] Home! I have no home. I have neither children nor wife. I KEEP a political opponent.

[ANNYS starts back with a cry. He crosses in front of her and seats himself at the table. The flowers are lying there; he throws them into the waste-paper basket.]

ANNYS [She puts on her cloak, moves towards the door. Half-way she pauses, makes a movement towards him. But he will not see. Then a hard look comes into her eyes, and without another word she goes out, leaving the door open.]

[SIGSBY is heard moving in the other room.]

GEOFFREY [He is writing.] Sigsby.

SIGSBY Hallo!

GEOFFREY That poster I told young Gordon I wouldn’t sanction, “The
Woman spouting politics, the Man returning to a slattern’s home.”

[SIGSBY enters.]

SIGSBY I have countermanded them.

GEOFFREY Countermand them again. We shall want a thousand.

SIGSBY [Can hardly believe his ears.]

GEOFFREY [With a gesture round the room.] All of them. “A Man for Men!” “Save the Children!” “Guard your Homes!” All the damned collection. Order as many as you want.

SIGSBY [His excitement rising.] I can go ahead. You mean it?

GEOFFREY [He looks at him.] It’s got to be a fight! [A moment. He returns to his writing.] Telephone Hake that I shall be dining at the Reform Club.

CURTAIN.

THE THIRD ACT

SCENE:- A room in the Town Hall, Poplar. A high, bare, cold room, unfurnished except for cane-bottomed chairs ranged against the walls. French windows right give on to a balcony overlooking the street. Door in back opens upon a stone passage. A larger door opens into another room, through which one passes to reach the room in which the counting of the votes is taking place. A fire burns — or rather tries to burn. The room is lighted from the centre of the ceiling by an electric sun. A row of hat-pegs is on the wall between the two doors. The time is about 9 p.m.

[People entering from the street wear coats or cloaks, &c., the season being early spring. If passing through or staying in the room, they take off their outdoor things and hang them up, putting them on again before going out.]

[JAWBONES is coaxing the reluctant fire by using a newspaper as a blower. He curses steadily under his breath. The door opens. GINGER enters; she is dressed in cheap furs.]

JAWBONES Shut the door, can’t yer!

GINGER Don’t yer want a draught?

JAWBONES No, I don’t. Not any more than I’ve got.

GINGER [She shuts the door.] ‘Ave they begun counting the votes?

JAWBONES Been at it for the last three-quarters of an hour.

GINGER Who’s going to win?

JAWBONES One of ‘em.

[LADY MOGTON has entered. She has come from the room where they are counting the votes.]

Shut that door! [He glances over his shoulder, sees his mistake.]
Beg pardon! [To himself.] Thought ’twas the other fool!

LADY MOGTON [She shuts the door. To GINGER.] Have you seen Mrs.
Chilvers?

GINGER Not since the afternoon, your ladyship.

LADY MOGTON She is coming, I suppose?

GINGER I think so, your ladyship.

LADY MOGTON It’s very cold in here, Gordon.

JAWBONES Yes, my lady. Not what I call a cosy room.

LADY MOGTON [To GINGER.] Jump into a cab. See if you can find her. Perhaps she has been detained at one of the committee-rooms. Tell her she ought to be here.

GINGER Yes, your ladyship. [She crosses, opens door.]

JAWBONES Shut the door.

GINGER Oh, shut -

[She finds herself face to face with a MESSENGER carrying a ballot- box.]

I beg yer pardon! [She goes out, closes door.]

LADY MOGTON [To the MESSENGER.] Is that the last?

MESSENGER Generally is. Isle of Dogs!

[He goes into the other room.]

LADY MOGTON [To JAWBONES.] Do you know where Mr. Chilvers is?

[There comes a bloodthirsty yell from the crowd outside.]

JAWBONES Not unless that’s ‘im. [He finishes for the time being with the fire. Rises.]

[JANET enters.]

LADY MOGTON Was that you they were yelling at?

JANET No, it’s Mr. Sigsby.

[Another yell is heard. Out of it a shrill female voice—”Mind ‘is fice; yer spoiling it!”]

The Woman’s Laundry Union have taken such a strong dislike to him.

[A final yell. Then a voice: “That’s taken some of the starch out of him!” followed by a shriek of laughter.]

JAWBONES ‘E only suggested as ‘ow there was enough old washerwomen in Parliament as it was.

LADY MOGTON A most unnecessary remark. It will teach him -

[SIGSBY enters, damaged. His appearance is comic. LADY MOGTON makes no effort to repress a grim smile.]

SIGSBY Funny, ain’t it?

LADY MOGTON I am sorry.

SIGSBY [He snarls.] “The Mother’s Hand shall Help Us!” One of your posters, I think.

LADY MOGTON You shouldn’t have insulted them — calling them old washerwomen!

SIGSBY Insult! Can’t one indulge in a harmless jeu d’esprit — [he pronounces it according to his own ideas] — without having one’s clothes torn off one’s back? [Fiercely.] What do you mean by it — disgracing your sex?

LADY MOGTON Are you addressing me?

SIGSBY All of you. Upsetting the foundations upon which society has been reared — the natural and lawful subjection of the woman to the man. Why don’t you read St. Paul?

LADY MOGTON St. Paul was addressing Christians. When men behave like Christians there will be no need of Votes for Women. You read St. Paul on men. [To JANET.] I shall want you!

[She goes out, followed by JANET.]

[SIGSBY gives vent to a gesture.]

JAWBONES Getting saucy, ain’t they?

SIGSBY Over-indulgence. That’s what the modern woman is suffering from. Gets an idea on Monday that she’d like the whole world altered; if it isn’t done by Saturday, raises hell! Where’s the guv’nor?

JAWBONES Hasn’t been here.

SIGSBY [Hands JAWBONES his damaged hat.] See if they can do anything to that. If not, get me a new one. [He forks out a sovereign.] Sure to be some shops open in the High Street. [LAMB and ST. HERBERT enter.]

LAMB Hallo! have they been mauling you?

SIGSBY [He snatches the damaged hat from JAWBONES, to hand it back the next moment; holds it out.] Woman’s contribution to politics. Get me a collar at the same time — sixteen and a half.

[JAWBONES takes his cap and goes out. The men hang up their overcoats.]

SIGSBY Where’s it all going to end? That’s what I want to know!

ST. HERBERT Where most things end. In the millennium, according to its advocates. In the ruin of the country, according to its opponents. In mild surprise on the part of the next generation that ever there was any fuss about it.