Defining Moments (A Moments In Time Love Story 2) (3 page)

Heat might have looked confident and in control, but his heart was pounding hard as he got dressed and prepared to drive Melisa to Serendipity Memorial. Could this be the night he met his daughter? As exciting as the prospect was, he was scared that it was too early, and Melisa’s was a risky pregnancy. But he couldn’t let his wife see his fear. He had to be strong, for all three of them.

Everything would turn out perfectly. Either they would return home in no time, laughing about the false alarm, or they would be holding their child before morning.

He had never been an overly religious person, couldn’t even remember the last time he’d prayed. But now, he found himself sending up a silent prayer for the baby to be okay. He had to hold on to that thought. If anything happened to the baby, he couldn’t even start to imagine what it would do to Melisa.

Melisa caressed Heat’s cheek. She could see he was barely awake. “Sorry, baby. I didn’t want to wake you, but I think it’s best to go to the hospital. Just in case.”

He shook his head. “Sleep can wait. You and the baby are my priority.”

Melisa smiled weakly and closed her eyes as an invisible fist punched her hard in the stomach, driving bile up her throat. Her eyes flew open, but she only saw stars. She blinked several times and prayed softly. The baby had to live. Any thoughts to the contrary were unacceptable. Even if their daughter decided to step into their lives tonight, Melisa told herself, she would be only a few weeks early, and the doctors would be able to deliver her without a problem.

“We’ll be there soon, sweetheart. You and our little girl will be just fine, you hear me?” Heat glanced at her but his jaw was set tight, and Melisa didn’t miss the fear that swam in his still-sleepy eyes.

Melisa groaned, then gathered up the strength to say more. “Hurry… faster.” She now felt a growing pressure in her lower body, as if the baby were already trying to force itself out.

“Okay, baby.” Heat edged over the speed limit. “I love you, Melisa. Just hang on a little longer.”

Melisa gazed out the window, watching the multicolored city lights connecting in a blur, making her dizzy. Tears burned her eyes, but she refused to release them. What if crying was a way of accepting whatever bad luck hovered over her life? Even if it took every ounce of strength she had, she would remain positive. Even if she felt as if her insides were being wrung like a wet dish cloth. This baby was meant to live and nothing would stand in the way of that. Not even a lifetime of bad luck.

Melisa extricated her gaze from the window and gripped the hem of her skirt. Gritting her teeth, she steeled herself for the next contraction. In that instant, something rammed into the rear of the car, sending it spinning. Suddenly, she was thrown with great force to one side. A ball of pain erupted inside her, but before she could react to it, she glanced out the window and saw a fire hydrant rushing toward them at great speed. As a scream formed inside her throat, there was a loud crash and crunching sound, and everything around her went black. The last thing she remembered was the screech of tires and smell of burning rubber.

***

When Melisa opened her eyes again, she was in a hospital bed and her head felt heavy and at the same time as if it were floating above her body. A bald doctor and a young nurse stood near the door, gazing at a clipboard and talking in hushed tones.

Melisa almost laughed. What kind of curse followed her? What the hell had happened this time?

“Mrs. Dane, welcome back. Can you hear me?” The doctor, who seemed to have a permanent frown carved between his eyebrows, approached the bed. “Do you know where you are?”

Melisa nodded. She’d been here enough times. She would recognize the place with her eyes closed. The first time had been the day Scott died and she had lost their baby. The second time had been the night she accidentally set the Oasis Shelter on fire and Heat had rescued her, reentering her life after many years, and insisting on teaching her to live again. She was admitted again when she fainted after an argument with her mother. Soon after, the doctor had told her she was pregnant.

“Do you remember what happened?”

She shook her head and then the memory dropped into her mind. Sudden panic arrested her. There had been an accident. Heat had been driving her to the hospital. “Accident… Oh, my God.” She placed a hand on her stomach and attempted to sit up, but soreness in the lower part of her body discouraged her. “My baby?”

“Yes, Mrs. Dane, you were involved in a car accident, but you were very lucky. You’re going to be fine.”

Melisa felt around her stomach, searching. Under her trembling fingers, it felt like a deflated balloon. “My baby? What happened to my… Oh God, no…” They didn’t need to say the words that would crush her world. She already knew. She turned to her side and curled up into a ball with her arms wrapped around her middle. Her stomach cramped up, but she didn’t care about the sting. Her physical torment was nothing. She tipped her head back and glared at them. “What happened to my baby?”

The doctor glanced at the nurse, and her expression said it all.

“And my husband?” Tears laced Melisa’s voice. “Is he all right? Tell me he’s okay.”

“Don’t worry. He’s fine. He made it through with only minor scratches.”

Melisa nodded. Relief poured into her, causing her body to sag deeper into the bed. Maybe there was hope for the baby, too. Maybe her fingers were lying, or she was dreaming. “Tell me my baby is fine too…please.” She forced the words out of her raw throat, felt them scrape her tongue.

“I’m very sorry, Mrs. Dane,” the doctor said, while the nurse averted her gaze. “You and your husband made it through the accident, but the baby didn’t survive. We had to perform immediate surgery.”

“You removed her? You killed my baby?” Melisa covered her mouth with her hand. This couldn’t be happening. She had to be dreaming. As a last attempt, she pinched her arm hard and it hurt.

This was no dream.

“The baby didn’t survive. I’m very sorry. The procedure we performed could only save either you or the baby. We had to make an urgent choice or we would have lost both of you.”

Melisa narrowed her eyes to mere slits. “Who gave you the right to choose me?”

“Your husband gave us the permission. He chose you. If he had chosen the baby, she might not have made it. Your chances of survival were higher.”

Melisa’s whole body clenched and a gut-wrenching scream deafened her. It took her a moment to realize it was coming from her own mouth, and only because she saw a panicked expression on the nurse’s face.

She stopped screaming and closed her eyes as her reality handcuffed her to the bars of sorrow. She could almost feel her hopes and dreams for the future turning to dust. For the baby, she’d eaten right and exercised just the right amount and tried not to work more than she had to. And it was all for nothing. The baby she had wanted so much and tried so hard to conceive, the little girl she already loved with every breath, was gone, because someone decided she wasn’t important enough to live.

The doctor injected her with something. A few moments later she had calmed down and fallen asleep. When she woke up again, her hand was in someone else’s.

Heat’s head lay nuzzled next to her stomach. Her empty stomach. When she moved, he looked up. His eyes were bloodshot and clouded. He looked like he’d been crying for hours.

“Hey, baby. I’m so glad you’re okay. It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry.” He ran a calloused thumb along the top of her hand. “I should have called nine-one-one instead of driving. I was so worried about the baby that I wasn’t paying enough attention. It was a hit and run. But I should have seen it coming.”

Melisa removed her hand from his and pulled it under the bed sheet, forming a fist at her side. “How dare you,” she glared at him. “You had no right to tell them to kill our baby. You had no right.” She closed her sore eyes and turned her face away from him. She couldn’t bear the sight of him, not now. She didn’t hold him responsible for the accident. An accident was an accident. Another driver hit them, and Heat had no control over that. But their baby had made it out alive. She could have been saved if he’d only said the word. But he chose to let her die. His explanations and apologies wouldn’t diffuse the anger and hurt that coursed like poison through her veins. Maybe after some days, weeks, or months, she might forgive him. But at this moment, she couldn’t see beyond the fact that he had made the decision to kill what might have been her only hope of being a mother again.

A week passed, and apart from Melisa’s accusatory words the night of the accident, she had hardly said anything else to Heat. She couldn’t and didn’t want to understand why he’d made the choice he did. A choice that had instantly changed their lives forever. She would have given anything to allow her daughter to live. Even her own life. But he’d made that choice for her. If she condoned what he did, she’d be just as guilty.

“Honey,” Carlene said during her third visit. “Heat chose you because he loves you. One of you wasn’t going to survive the procedure. I know this is hard. I know you’re hurting. I’m hurting for you too.”

Melisa knew that was true. When she’d told Carlene about the baby, they’d cried together for a long time. Carlene knew how much Melisa had wanted that child.

“He had no right to make that choice alone.”

“Sweetie, you were unconscious. Decisions had to be made immediately or he would have lost both of you.” Carlene stroked Melisa’s hair. “It couldn’t have been an easy decision for him. He told me that choosing between two people he loved almost killed him.”

Melisa didn’t respond, just stared into space as she did a lot lately, wondering how her baby would have looked, worrying that she could have been their last chance at a family.

“Do you know when you can go home?”

“Maybe next week…or the week after.” Melisa didn’t recognize the sound of her own voice. She felt like she was outside her body.

“That’s great,” Carlene attempted to be cheerful in case it rubbed off on Melisa.

“No. No, it’s not. I need to be alone…for a while. Maybe I can ask the doctor to extend my stay.” She couldn’t go home, where she’d be forced to speak to her husband about what had happened. Or stumble upon the baby’s belongings. The pink and cream nursery was so beautiful. She had spent months perfecting every detail. Now the baby would never get to see it.

Melisa would never listen in the doorway as their baby girl cooed inside her crib, would never lie with her on the sheepskin rug, tickling giggles out of her. She would never get to comfort her daughter, show her the world. How would she face the constant reminders of how they’d failed to save her?

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you and Heat to live apart. You’ve both suffered a major loss.”

“Deep down I understand why he did it, but there’s a part of me that’s furious with him. I can’t switch it off. I want to, but I don’t know how. When I look at him, I ache inside.”

“Why don’t you come and stay with us for a while? You’ll have all the space you need.”

“No, I can’t intrude.” The truth was, she would have to be around sweet Daria and she didn’t know if she was ready to be near any babies yet. Not even her godchild.

Carlene read between the lines and nodded. “How about staying in a hotel? We could reserve a room for you at the Lux.” The Lux was one of a large chain of worldwide luxury hotels owned by Carlene’s husband.

Melisa laughed for the first time in days. “We’d be broke by the time I left.”

“You’re my best friend. We won’t take money from you. I don’t think Nick would have a problem with it at all.”

“Okay, I’d like that.” Melisa sat up in bed and hugged Carlene. “Thank you so much, for everything you’ve ever done for me.”

“Anything for you. Just promise you’ll try hard to make things right with Heat. He loves you so much and he’s suffering just as much as you are.”

“I promise to try.” She did love her husband—that wasn’t the issue. She just needed time to come to terms with everything on her own first.

***

After two weeks in the hospital, Heat drove Melisa to the Lux in a rented car while theirs was being repaired. Earlier, he had shown up with a bag filled with some of her clothes and other things she might need. She had wanted to take a taxi, but he had insisted on making sure she arrived safely at the hotel.

When she’d told him she needed time to herself, he had been quiet for a long time, then swiped the back of his hand across his eyes. He nodded. His eyes were damp and she could see her grief mirrored in them. He, too, had lost a child. She wanted to reach out and merge her sorrow with his, to make it something they had to get through together, but she couldn’t. She felt emotionally paralyzed. She only saw the man who had chosen her over the baby they had been so desperate to have, her second chance at being a mother. She had never gotten a chance with Ben, and this would have been a new beginning for all of them.

Heat parked in front of the honey-colored hotel, and a valet hurried toward them. He lifted Melisa’s luggage from the car while she stood outside, facing Heat, wondering what this separation meant for them, hoping with all her heart that the distance would somehow bring them closer. The heart that ached inside her also loved him more than anything. But she didn’t know where the hurt stopped and the love for him started. At this point, everything felt the same.

He drew her to him and held her as people drifted past, living their normal lives while theirs was on pause.

“I love you so much,” he whispered into her neck. “Take all the time you need.” He pressed his body closer to her, one hand cupping the back of her head and the other around her back. “I know you’re hurting. I am too. I wish you would let us heal together, heal each other. I wish you would let me breathe for both of us. But I understand. I am so sorry, darling.”

Melisa’s tears spilled hot and unhindered, soaking his T-shirt and drowning her sorrows. If only her tears could form an ocean around her, a sea with waves that could wash reality away. She drew back from Heat and studied his face: his tired, swollen eyes, his ruffled hair, his beard that hadn’t been trimmed in days. Even in pieces, he was handsome.

She needed to know one thing, even though she was afraid of his answer and what it would do to her. “Knowing what you know now, how much agony losing our daughter is causing us, if you had to make a choice between saving me or her again, would you still pick me?”

His eyes didn’t leave hers as the words spilled out of his lips and stabbed her like a dagger through the heart. “I know you might not like to hear this, but I would do it all over again.”

“Okay,” she said, and kissed him on the lips, tasting bitterness and regret there. “I’ll call you.”

She contemplated asking him to come inside, to see where she would be staying, but she resisted the urge. She needed to breathe and she found she couldn’t in his presence. Not while the wounds were still so fresh. He reminded her too much of the future they had been robbed of. Funny how life could change in the blink of an eye. A few days ago they had been complete and happy, but now there was a gaping hole in the life they’d built together, and a rift between them.