Defective (The Institute Series Book 3) (18 page)

I want to scream,
No!
But tears fill my eyes as I say, “Yes.” Everyone will think they’re tears of joy, they aren’t. They’re tears of feeling manipulated and weak.

Applause within the crowd erupts. Flashes from photographers’ cameras attempt to blind me. Paxton places the gigantic ring on my finger, stands, and wraps his arms around me. I feel his breath in my ear, and I involuntarily shiver.

“Are you okay?” he whispers.

“I’m fine. I just don’t like everyone staring, you know that.”

He pulls away, looks me in the eyes, and tucks a loose curl of hair behind me ear. Just like Chad used to do. I sigh as I think of how disappointed Chad would be with me right now.

“You’re going to have to get used to people staring. Want to get out of here? We can play it off like we want some alone time.”

I nod, “Just get me out of here.”

Chapter Fifteen

I wake up with one goal – to get to Jayce’s apartment. Drew ended up driving back to the Institute last night, against a lot of protesting from me. Licia had called and left a message on our voicemail while we were at the benefit saying she needed him back, there was some emergency, or a break-in, or something. I couldn’t quite follow her rambling.

I’m dressed in my scrubs, ready to go to the clinic, but I’m not going into work today. The plan is to call in sick and then sneak away to Jayce’s
.
I put the coffee machine on, waiting impatiently for it to warm up.

“Why are you wearing that?” Paxton asks, walking into the kitchen behind me.

“I have a shift at the clinic today.”

“No you don’t, we have appearances and interviews we need to do.”

“Paxton, it’s one week. I only have a week left at the clinic, and then I’m all yours.”

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but after last night, your number one obligation is to me.”

I raise an eyebrow. “I don’t even get to say goodbye to everyone at the clinic?”

“Who would you say goodbye to? You’re not dying. You’re still going to see Kenna and Ebb.”

“Vic,” I say.

“The other doctor guy? Really?” He sighs and looks at me sternly. “You want to say goodbye to your cop boyfriend, don’t you?”

I shake my head. “He won’t be there. His shift doesn’t start until tonight.”

“You can go tomorrow. We need to be in the public eye as much as possible right now.”

“But—”

“No buts, Allira. Go get dressed, they’ll be here within the hour. And no jeans!”

“They’re coming here?”

“They want to put our own personal touch to the surroundings, and film it in the place we will share as husband and wife.”

I grunt and storm off to my bedroom like a grounded teenager. I don’t know what he’s expecting me to wear, I practically only own jeans – nearly everything else I borrow from Ebb. Scrounging around in my closet, I find a tight red tunic dress near the back that I could wear with leggings and boots.

My hair still has some curls to it from last night, so I quickly pin it back so it’s half-up, half-down, and respray it with extra strong hairspray. I apply my makeup, and walk back out where I find Paxton talking with a woman and others fluttering about setting up lighting and cameras. It must have taken longer than I thought to get ready.

“Here she is,” the woman says. She extends her hand for me to shake. “I’m Corrie. I’ll be interviewing you two today.”

Nerves suddenly kick in. I don’t want to be interviewed. “Paxton, could I talk to you for a moment?” I ask in the nicest tone I can manage.

“Sure,” he says, putting his arm around my waist. “We’ll be right back.”

He walks me to his room, I assume because it’s meant to be ‘our’ room.

“I can’t do this, Paxton. Cameras, people, TV?” The panic threatens to take over me.

“You just have to sit there. I can answer the hard questions, but there shouldn’t be any of those. It’s going to be some fluff piece on how we fell in love.”

“But we’re
not
in love,” I whisper, scared they could hear me.

“Allira, it’s okay. You’re just freaking out. You don’t need to, okay? Everything will be fine.” He hugs me to him, trying to calm me down, not realising that it’s making me feel worse.

***

After filming for over two hours, I find out through Paxton’s answers that we’re very overwhelmed by all the excitement of our engagement, and are eager to get to the altar. Apparently our wedding will take place before the election – if Paxton is elected he’ll be too busy being President to work out wedding plans. I added some crap line about not being rushed, and if we had to wait years, I’d be okay with that; Paxton’s commitment to the people comes before his commitment to me. “In our eyes, we’re already committed,” I said. I can’t believe I managed to get that out with a straight face. Paxton seemed surprised by my words. I think he was pleased with my answer because it was good for his campaign, but I purely said it to buy
me
more time. There’s no way I’m going to marry Paxton. I need time to formulate an escape plan.

Only now do I realise that I’ve been trying to escape something nearly my whole life. Shilah’s ability, the Institute, the Resistance, and now Paxton. Will I ever feel truly free?

We’re finally finished with the interview, and everyone is packing up. I go into the kitchen to get myself a glass of water.

“You did great.” Paxton stands in the entryway to the kitchen.

“Thanks. I’m going to go to the clinic now.”

“No, we have a photo shoot and a magazine interview next. I told you we will be doing interviews all day.”

“No. You said interview.
An
interview, one.”

“I’m pretty sure I said interviews, plural. And then we’re having dinner tonight in town as a publicity op. It will be our celebratory engagement dinner. Just you and me.”

“Great. Can’t wait.” I can’t hide the sarcasm in my tone.

“You can see your boyfriend tomorrow. Today you’re mine,” he growls, and walks out.

I drink the water, and try to swallow my anger with it.

***

After what feels like an eternity of answering the same questions, pretending to gush over my engagement ring, posing for photos and looking lovingly into Paxton’s eyes over dinner, we arrive back home, and I’m absolutely ready for bed.

But when the elevator doors open to our apartment, we find Tate sitting on our couch. He stands as we enter.

“What are you doing here?” Paxton asks, not even trying to pretend to be polite.

“I came to see if anything has changed with the campaign now you two are ‘hooked up’.”  I smile at his air quotes. “I didn’t see you guys after your engagement announcement last night – I couldn’t even get close.”

“Sorry about that. I didn’t think it would get that crazy with the photographers and all that. We left pretty much straight away.”

Bullshit. He loved every minute of it, and was expecting it to get crazy because our car was already ready when we made our way out of the building.

‘I actually came tonight to see if you’re okay. Shilah’s worried about you.’

Then why didn’t he come?

‘Because he can’t talk to you in private like this.’

“So is there anything I should know? Schedule change, different campaigning tactics, anything?” Tate asks Paxton.

“Not that I can think of right now, other than Allira will be coming with us from now on and will probably be taking your spot by my side at speeches and photo ops.”

“Oh, okay.”

I need your help.

‘Anything.’

“Would you like to stay for coffee, Tate? Maybe you and Paxton can work out the finer details,” I offer.
I need your car.

“That won’t be necessary, Allira. We’ll sort it on the road. I’m going to head to bed. I suggest you do the same. We have a big day tomorrow,” Paxton says.

“You said I can go to the clinic tomorrow.”

“Yeah, to say goodbye. I’m sure that won’t take long – we can squeeze five minutes in somewhere.”

Okay, now I really need your car.

“I might stay for a coffee if that’s okay? I wouldn’t mind catching up with Allira. You know, seeing as we barely get to talk anymore. We’ll try not to be too loud, Paxton, if you’re still wanting to go to bed.”

“Why don’t we go down to the café?” I suggest, my voice and words sounding uptight and fake. “We can get that nice coffee, not the crappy stuff Paxton buys.” I look at Paxton, “No offense.”

“Don’t be out too late. Like I said – big day tomorrow.”

I’m surprised he’s actually letting me go, but I don’t question it and head for the elevator.

“So where are we really going?” Tate asks when the elevator doors close.

“Jayce’s.” Tate raises his eyebrows at me. “I’ll explain on the way.”

We make our way down to his car, and I begin to explain everything. It seems that all I’m doing these days is explaining myself.
I want a normal life.

“Who are you kidding? You love this kind of drama,” Tate says, invading my thoughts once more.

I try not to smile.
Maybe I do thrive on this kind of thing.

“You really do. I’ve seen more light in you in the last twenty-four hours than I have all year. Sneaking around, performing espionage on your roommate… sorry, fiancé, it’s like you’re you again.”

“Let’s just go, already,” I say, getting in his car.

“Where to?”

“Midtown.”

He drives and I continue to explain. I mainly focus on the notes and the theory that Paxton’s behind them. I ask Tate about the photo of him, and why it says that he’s lying to me. He swears he knows nothing about it, and while I believe him, he seems to be working really hard at keeping me blocked from his mind. I’m sure I’m reading into it, but I counter by keeping him out of my thoughts and my suspicions about him. He asks me questions about Jayce and how we met. I think he’s more interested in that side of things than the meaning behind the notes.

“You do realise if it’s Paxton, it means he’s somehow keeping me from hearing it in his head? He’s never been good at that sort of thing before,” Tate says.

“I know you don’t want it to be him. I don’t want it to be either. But… what if… I mean, what if he just wanted to make us
think
he’s not good at blocking us out?”

“Do you think he’s really that manipulative?”

“If you asked me a month ago, I would’ve said no. Now? I just don’t know what to believe anymore.”

“Should we be worried that the same car has been following us since we left your apartment?” Tate suddenly asks.

“Really?”

He nods, looking in the rear view mirror. “Pretty sure.”

“How do you know?”

“You do remember I was in the recruiting game for the Resistance a lot longer than you were an agent for the Institute, right?”

“So what are we going to do?” I ask, looking in the side mirror at the silver SUV that’s following us.

“I’ll take a few random turns, see if he really is following.”

Keeping an eye on the car behind us as we start making turns, my heart skips a beat every time it turns with us.

“Okay, we need to lose him.” Tate puts his foot down, heading in the direction of the closest motorway.

“Who do you think it is?” I ask.

“If I had to guess, I’d say it’s one of Paxton’s guys.”

“Paxton has guys?”

“We need them out on the road, but usually not while we’re home.”

I think back to all of those times I felt like I was being watched. Has Paxton had someone following me this whole time?

“Maybe we should stop and ask him some questions. Maybe he’s the guy Paxton hired to send me those photos,” I suggest, half-jokingly.

Tate glances at me, then back at the road, then quickly pulls on the handbrake and spins the car so we’re facing the opposite direction on the wrong side of the road. I narrowly avoid hitting my head on the window as we turn.

“A heads-up would’ve been nice,” I mutter.

The silver SUV honks. A hand sticks out the driver’s window, giving us the finger before the car speeds off into the distance.

“Do you think he knew his cover was blown?”

Tate shrugs. “Or we’re just being paranoid. What did you want to do? Keep going towards Jayce’s?”

I let out a defeated sigh. “We better not. No one can know I went there, and if someone’s following us…”

“So back to the apartment?”

“I guess so.”

“You okay?” Tate asks me by the time we’re nearly home.

“Just exhausted. I want this to be over with already.” I stare out the window, tears finding my eyes. “But I won’t have anywhere to go when it’s done.” My voice trembles in a whisper.

“That’s not true. You have Shilah and me, Ebb and her mum, your aunt Kenna, even your parents. I’m sure they’d take you back.”

No they wouldn’t.

“Yes, they would. If you just explained—”

“Please don’t. You don’t know the full story.”

‘Yes, I do.’

“You do? How?”

“It doesn’t matter how I know, I just know. Okay?”

“They’re still angry with me, just like you are.”

“I was never angry at you, Allira. I just couldn’t watch you suffer like that. I understand you were grieving, you still are, but it was like you didn’t want to help yourself. You didn’t even try to move on. I know I haven’t been the best friend I should’ve been, but do you know how hard it was to sit back and watch that? Not to mention how hostile you were to everyone. We all understood you were upset and irrational over losing Chad, but that didn’t give you the right to treat people like shit without so much as an apology for it later.”