Deeper (11 page)

I
thought he was going to lie next to me but instead he crawled onto the bed,
resting between my knees. I had goose bumps all over my skin as he looked at me
with intense passion and want in his jade green eyes. The anticipation in his
eyes was almost orgasmic and I involuntarily shivered when his fingers found
the waist of my shorts.

He
was agonizingly slow as he stripped my clothes off and I almost chuckled in
amusement at how many times my clothes had been taken off of me today. I
would’ve laughed had he not looked so intent on driving my body completely
crazy.

Once
we were both naked, he covered my body with his and I let out a soft whimper
when our skin touched. That was a feeling I’d never, ever get over. His lips
were barely touching mine and he softly whispered, “I love you Jess,” before he
kissed me.

I
moaned into his mouth as his tongue danced with mine. His flavor was so
intoxicating and I was addicted to it, to him. I didn’t know what I would going
to do while he was gone and I couldn’t hold him or touch him whenever I wanted
or needed to. The thought was making my heart ache more than it already was and
I didn’t want to waste our last hours together. Kris was hell bent on making
this a memorable night for both of us and I wasn’t about to ruin it, so I
wrapped my arms a little tighter around him as he made love to me with
everything he had inside him.

The
alarm beside Kris’ bed started beeping right at five-thirty, but we were both
already awake. We’d spent most of the night making love and had barely slept
for an hour because neither one of us could get much rest. As exciting as this
opportunity was, I was incredibly saddened by the fact that I would not only be
without Kris for the whole summer, but that every friend I had in the world
would be gone too. I really didn’t know how I was going to make it without
them; they were my family.

I
was lying across Kris’ bare chest, my arm tracing the design of the red phoenix
on his chest, while he was combing his fingers through my long hair. He leaned
in and kissed the top of my head and sighed.

“Stupid
alarm,” he mumbled before smacking the top of it.

“Well,
just think, you don’t have to hear it for the next three months. You get to
rock all night and party all day.”

He
softly laughed and squeezed me tight before moving the blankets off our naked
bodies.

“You
sound like a KISS song,” he said, kissing my lips quickly before I sat up and
began searching the floor of his room for my shorts.

“Cut
me some slack this morning. I hardly slept because I was busy being turned
inside out by my super hot boyfriend,” I answered, winking at him. I was trying
to make this as light-hearted as possible to hide the intense ache in my chest.
Anything I could do to keep from remembering that my whole world was about to
leave in thirty minutes.

“I
was just making damn sure you don’t forget me while I’m gone,” he answered as
he stood out of bed and pulled some fresh clothes out of his dresser.

“Believe
me, there is no way that’s happening,” I answered, slipping on my panties and
bra before getting my shorts off the floor.

“You’re
getting dressed?” he asked. “I thought we could take a shower together before I
go.”

I
forced a smile and replied, “Oh I’m okay. You go ahead, I don’t want you to be
late when Ryder gets here with the van. I’ll just shower when I go home.” I
quickly slipped my shorts on and turned away to find my shirt, hoping he
wouldn’t see my fast-forming tears. I had to start distancing myself now. Being
naked with him would just make this even harder.

“Okay
then, I’ll just be a second. Wait for me?” he asked, disappointed. All I could
do was smile and nod and he gave me a wink as he walked out of his room toward
the bathroom.

Once
the door shut, I collapsed on his bed and broke down crying. I couldn’t let him
see me fall apart like this; he’d give up his dream in a minute and I couldn’t
let that happen.

I
picked up the shirt he’d been wearing the day before and held it close to my
chest, breathing in the scent of him that still lingered on the fabric. I could
smell everything from yesterday; his cologne, the faint smell of smoke from the
bonfire, the musty air from the shed, and the signature musk that was just his
smell and I knew in that moment I had to take the shirt with me. I had to have
one thing to remind me of the amazing day we’d shared before he left. I needed something
to hold on to until he got back.

I
slid the shirt on over my tank top and wiped my eyes just before he walked back
into his bedroom. He rubbed his hair with a towel before tossing it onto the
bed.

“Well,
that was pleasant,” he grumbled.

“What
happened?” I asked, doing everything I could that would hide the fact that I’d
been crying.

“My
old man’s way of saying good bye was to tell me not to come back with some STD.
Fucking prick,” he said, picking up his bag and shoving a few last minute items
into it. “He’s one person I sure as fuck won’t miss.”

“Looks
like he’s sobered up from last night and that weird look he gave you,” I
answered, running my fingers through my hair to loosen up the tangles.

“Well
fuck him,” he answered, zipping his bag and walking to me. He leaned down and
kissed my lips quickly before saying, “The only one I’ll miss here is you.”

“I’ll
miss you too, so much,” I answered, my throat actually hurting from the rapidly
forming lump.

Kris
tugged gently as the bottom of the shirt and asked, “You stealing my shirt?”

“I
just wanted something that smelled like you. Is that okay?” I asked weakly.

“Of
course it’s okay,” he whispered roughly before enveloping me into his arms.

He
just held me for several minutes, stroking his fingers up and down my back as I
clung to him for as long as I could. He was about to say something else but
before he could, we heard a horn honking outside. I walked to the window and
saw the white van pulling into a spot and parking. Ryder jumped out and leaned
against the side, waiting for everyone to come out.

“Looks
like it’s time,” I said quietly, and without another word I took his hand and
led him out of his room. The longer I stayed in this apartment the more I was
hurting.

Neither
of us said anything as we walked down the stairs and outside the apartment
building. As soon as Ryder saw us approaching he came toward us, smiling.

“You
ready for this, bro?” he asked Kris.

“Ready
as I’ll ever be,” he answered cheerfully, but I knew he was as sad as I was.

Just
then Jude and Beau came storming out of the apartment with their bags in tow.
Jude and Ryder seemed excited, but Beau looked about as happy to be leaving as
Kris did. He was obviously worried about leaving his fourteen year old sister
Sadie behind with their mother. Sharon Cavanaugh was about as good of a mother
as mine was. They were both worthless drunks but while Crystal seemed to lean
more toward drugs, Sharon’s addiction was men. Like the
abusive-in-every-sense-of-the-word kind of men.

With
her huge brown eyes and snowy blonde hair, Sadie Cavanaugh was a very beautiful
girl already and I know Beau was more than a little worried. The losers Sharon
tended to gravitate toward were men that would rough her up once they’d gotten
their fill of her and now that Sadie wouldn’t have Beau here to keep them away
from her, we all knew he was going to have a hard time being away. I made a
mental note to keep my eyes out for her when I could but then internally
chuckled. I couldn’t even protect myself from Crystal and I was officially an
adult. How was I going to help protect a teenager from a bad home life?

I
held onto Kris for as long as I could while everyone tossed their belongings in
the van. Once everyone was packed and everything was loaded up, Ryder, Jude,
and Beau all gathered around us and I readied myself for the hardest thing I
was ever going to do…say goodbye to my boys. I promised myself then and there
that no matter what, I wasn’t going to let them see me cry. I wasn’t going to
turn this huge opportunity for them into a sad thing.

“Well,
Jess, you take care of yourself while we’re gone, okay?” Jude asked, taking my
arm gently and pulling me into a warm, brotherly hug. “I’m going to miss you,
pretty girl.”

“Oh
Jude,” I answered, and my promise to myself was instantly broken as the tears
began to fall at his sweet words. “I’ll miss you too.”

“Me
next,” said Beau, and Jude quickly released me. “It’s going to be so weird not
seeing you every day this summer.”

“It’s
o-only thr-three months,” I stuttered as I hugged him tightly. “I’ll b-be
okay.”

He
squeezed me a little tighter and whispered into my ear, “Can you keep an eye on
Sadie for me? I’m not going to be here every day to-”

I
nodded.

“I
promise,” I answered before he released me. I only had a few seconds to wipe my
eyes before Ryder grabbed my hands.

He
slipped a piece of paper in one hand and said, “This is the number to the
prepaid cell phone. One of us will have it on us at all times so if you need us
for anything or if there’s trouble, you call okay? Anytime, night or day. I
don’t care if we are on stage at the time. The minute you call everything
stops.”

I
wrapped my arms around him and cried into his chest.

“Ryder…thank
you.”

“I’m
going to miss you Jess,” he said, hugging me back. He released me and all of
the guys got into the van so I could be alone to say goodbye to the one person
I didn’t want to say goodbye to.

The
minute they were all in the van, Kris took my face in his hands. His eyes were
full of guilt and sadness.

“Come
with us,” he said desperately.

“W-what?”

“Jude
was right yesterday…you can be our wardrobe girl or our assistant or something.
Bands have those kinds of people to help them all the time.”

I
placed my hands over his and sighed, more tears falling down my cheeks.

“Kris,
I can’t and we both know that. I’m sure I’ll be able to go with you one day but
this is something you need to do on your own this time out. I’ll be okay here,
I promise,” I stated, trying to convince myself of that too. The truth was that
I was terrified of being home with Crystal but I was trying my hardest not to
let it get to me.

A
single tear slid out of his eye and he pressed his forehead to mine.

“I
can’t…I can’t be without you, Jess. I love you so fucking much that it hurts. I
can’t be away from you for three months. It’s impossible.”

“I’ll
be okay,” I repeated, the tears falling down my face uncontrollably. “This is a
good thing, Kris, for everyone. I’ll still be here when you come home, still
loving you like I always have.”

“You
promise?”

“Of
course. Actually, I’m pretty sure I’ll love you more.”

“Jess,”
he whispered roughly before crashing his lips to mine. My knees were beginning
to buckle as he kissed me so passionately, so possessively. When he broke away,
I was breathless.

“Y-you’ve
got to go or you’ll be late getting to Eerie on time,” I choked out.

He
held onto me tightly and said, “I love you Jess. Please…please be careful while
we’re gone.”

“Don’t
worry, I will. Come on, the guys are waiting.” He let me go and swiped away his
tears quickly. As he opened the side door of the van, I declared to him, “I
love you more than my life, Kris. Don’t forget me.”

“Never
ever, baby,” he replied, looking at me one more time before reluctantly
climbing into the van. My heart was aching like it never had before as I waved
one more time and watched the only friends-hell, the only family I had-start to
drive away. Just as they pulled out onto the street, Kris turned to look at me
one more time and mouthed, “Love you Jess,” before they disappeared onto the
streets of Cincinnati.

In
that moment, I’d never felt so alone in all my life. Luckily for me Crystal’s
car wasn’t in her usual parking spot so I ran into the building quickly to my
apartment. As soon as I was inside, I quickly ran to my room, shutting the door
behind me and locking myself inside. I collapsed on my bed and there was
nothing I could do to stop the ache in my chest as I buried my face in my
pillow and cried like I’d never cried before.

This
was going to a brutal three months.

Kris

Three
Months Later

“You
know, I never thought I’d say this, but it’s so good to be back in Cincinnati,”
I said as we got off the highway on our exit into town.

“You
mean, it’ll be so good to be back between Jessie’s legs in about five minutes,”
Jude joked, and I threw an empty fast-food cup at his head.

“Shut
up, dickhead. Drive faster, Ryder,” I complained. “I promised her we’d be back
by four and it’s already thirty minutes past that.”

“Well,
we hit traffic on the way out of Indianapolis, so it’s not my fault. Relax,
we’ll be back in just a few minutes,” he said, as he turned down a side road
that was only a few streets away from his house.

These
last three months had been the best and worst of my whole life. I’d gotten to
live my dream of traveling around with my band and rocking out for new fans all
over the country. While I loved every minute of it, it wasn’t the same without
Jessie by my side. I’d missed her so much and no matter what, even if I had to
tie her up and toss her into the back of the van, she wasn’t staying behind if
we got to tour again. No fucking way.

Another
good thing about being home was the fact that I was never going back to the
shitty apartment complex I’d been raised in. While we were on the road Jude,
Beau, Ryder, and I had decided to get an apartment together, and hopefully Jess
would be coming with us. Alan had found us a five bedroom studio apartment not
far from their house and it was big enough that if she wanted, Jess could have
her own room.

It
was a huge step for us, but it was one that I was sure she wouldn’t mind. All
the guys loved her like a sister and wanted her out of Crystal’s place as much
as I did, so we decided pretty quickly to ask her to come with us. They all
felt the same as I did; while the tour was fun, it wasn’t the same without her
there. I just hoped that when I asked her she said yes.

As
we turned onto Ryder’s street, I started twitching in anticipation. I looked as
far as I could down the road and as soon as my eyes landed on the most
beautiful girl in the world standing on Ryder’s front porch, I smiled so widely
that my face hurt. Jessie was standing next to Rose, beaming at us with pride.
As the van turned into the driveway, Ryder had barely put it in park before I
opened the side door and jumped out.

“Kris!”
she exclaimed, quickly stepping off the porch and running toward me. I held my
arms out for her and in less than a second, she jumped up and wrapped her arms
around my neck.

I
pulled her up and held on tight as she wrapped her mile-long legs around my
waist. Burying my face in her hair, I took a long, deep breath and inhaled her
delicious floral scent.

“Fuck
I’ve missed you,” I murmured against her neck and she giggled.

“I’ve
missed you too, Kris. So much,” she answered, and when I moved my head back up
to kiss her, she had tears in her eyes.

“Aw,
baby,” I said, kissing her cheeks, “don’t cry. I’m home.”

“Finally,”
she answered, smiling at me through her tears.

“There’s
something I’ve been dying to do for a long time and we can’t go any further
until it’s done.”

“What
is it?” she asked, her brows drawing together.

“Come
here,” I whispered, and pulled her lips to mine.

She
moaned and opened her mouth to me, inviting me inside. I backed us up until we
were resting against the side of the van and I held her as tight as I could as
I gave her three months worth of kisses.

I
didn’t know how I was ever going to leave her again because she tasted like the
sweetest honey and smelled even better than I remembered. She was like my own
personal drug of choice and I could get high on her every fucking day.

Jessie
and I were so lost in each other that it took me a minute to stop kissing her
when she suddenly pulled her lips from mine.

“What’s
wrong?” I asked, breathless and panting. I heard laughing behind me and I
turned my head to see Alan, Rose, and the guys all chuckling and smiling at us.
I looked back at Jessie and her cheeks were a beautiful scarlet red.

“Listen
son, I know it’s been a while since you two have seen each other, but maybe we
can get inside before you two start losing your clothes,” Alan said, and I
grinned.

“Sorry,”
I apologized unconvincingly, and moved away from the van. She unwound her legs
from my waist and I gently set her down, but I still kept my arms around her. I
wasn’t letting her go any time soon.

I
held her close to me while we walked inside the house and she immediately began
asking me all about my summer away. She asked me all kinds of questions about
the tour, the cities we visited, and all the new fans we had made. She was
talking so much that I hadn’t had a chance to ask her how she had been doing
while I was gone. Every time I would try to ask her any questions, she would
shrug me off and quickly change the subject, and it was making me worry. I was
more determined now to get her alone to ask her about moving in with us.

Rose
had made us all a huge dinner and we ate like we were starving. The guys and I
had been living off of all kinds of take out for the past three months and had
really missed eating food that wasn’t served through a drive through window.
After we were all full and dinner was put away, I took Jessie’s hand and led
her out to the back yard. Once we were outside, I led her to the bench swing
and we both sat down.

“Alone
at last,” I said softly into her ear and she shivered as I pulled her into my
arms. The late night summer air was thick and humid, but there was a light
breeze it felt perfect to me.

“Finally,”
she answered, wrapping her arm around my waist and sliding her fingers under my
shirt. Her fingers explored my abs, tracing the ridges and making me tense with
need. I was about to explode; I hadn’t gotten laid in three months and I think
the last few hours being near Jessie and not being able to give her a proper
hello was killing me.

“So,
how bad did you really miss me?” I asked, kissing her hair.

Jessie
looked up at me and her startling blue eyes were alive with need. Her fingers
moved lower and barely dipped inside the waist of my jeans.

“I’ve
missed you so much that if we weren’t in a place where people could see us, I’d
already be naked and would’ve straddled your lap five minutes ago,” she
answered softly.

I
groaned and grabbed my quickly swelling erection out of instinct. “Fuck Jess,
you’re killing me here, baby. Can we get out of here? I need to get you alone.”

“Where
can we go? I’m sure you don’t want to go back to your old place, and Crystal
has another prick over tonight. Besides, she’s been bitching at me even more
lately so I definitely don’t want to go there.”

“I
actually had a place in mind,” I answered, feeling the key Alan gave to each of
us burning a hole in my pocket.

“You
did?” she asked, anticipation in her voice. “Why the hell are we still here
then? Let’s go!”

She
stood up and took my hand and pulled me up off the swing. I smiled at her rush
to get me alone and we quickly called out our goodbyes as we ran to my old
truck and climbed inside.

I
drove the short distance to the new apartment building and when I parked and
shut off the engine, she looked at me with a puzzled expression.

“Where
are we?” she asked. “When you said you had a place for us to go, I thought you
meant another hotel room again. What is this place?”

Smiling,
I turned to her and answered, “This is home.”

“I
don’t understand. Home?”

I
leaned in and kissed her lips quickly before I jumped out of the truck. She
followed me out and once she shut the passenger door, I took her hand and led
her inside. She was silent as we climbed the stairs and reached the front door
of the new apartment.

I
slid the key into the lock and once I opened the door, I quickly pulled her
inside and locked it behind us. I flicked on the light switch and smiled as I
laid eyes on my new place for the first time.

“Like
I said, Jess, this is home. I know that none of us wanted to go back to that
old shitty complex once we got back here and Ryder’s been talking about getting
a place on his own, so Alan found an apartment big enough for all of us while
we were on the road. Isn’t it great?” I asked, grinning.

“It’s
perfect,” Jessie replied, looking around and taking it all in. Rose and Alan
must have took it upon themselves to get the majority of our things and brought
them over, including a couch, love seat, recliner, refrigerator, stove,
microwave, and table with chairs. It wasn’t new furniture at all, but it was
new to us and it looked perfect to me.

As
we walked around the open and spacious studio apartment, I noticed that all of
our things had been placed into the individual rooms. I wasn’t sure who wanted
what room but I didn’t care. As long as I was far away from my dad and that
hell hole I was raised in I could live in a box in a field and be happy.

“Geez,
this place is huge. How many rooms are there?” Jessie asked me, peeking in each
room as we looked around.

I
stopped and turned to her. Taking her hands in mine, I answered, “Five.”

“Five?
Why five? There are only four of you guys living here.”

I
sighed and let go of one of her hands. I reached down into my pocket and pulled
out another key. “The fifth room is yours, Jess.”

“What?”
she asked, her eyes wide and full of surprise. “It…it’s mine?”

“You
really didn’t think that I was going to leave you behind with Crystal, did you?
I love you and want you with me, baby. The last three months without you have
fucking killed me and I’m never doing it again.”

“Kris,
this is incredible. I love you too.”

“So
I take that response as a yes?”

She
smiled so widely that I was sure it had to have hurt. She jumped into my arms
and quickly wrapped her legs around my waist. “Yes! I say yes! When can I move
in?”

“Fuck,
you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. I will get your things tomorrow.”

“Really?”

“Fuck
yes,” I answered before I pressed my lips roughly to hers. She opened her mouth
and moaned as I thrust my tongue inside.

“Which
one is your room?” she breathed, tossing her head back as I trailed kisses down
her neck.

“I
have no fucking idea,” I answered and she laughed as I led us into the nearest
room. As I gently tossed her on the bed, I noticed one of Jude’s extra bass guitars
resting against the wall. I smiled as I gently tossed her on the bed.

“I
think this is Jude’s room,” she answered.

“Well
it’s about to get broken in,” I answered, taking off my shirt and unbuckling my
belt.

Jessie
giggled and said, “He’d be so proud.”

I
leaned over her and she lightly gasped before I kissed her lips softly.

“You
look so fucking sexy lying here right now. I can’t wait to taste every inch of
you.”

“Kris,”
she whispered breathlessly, combing her fingers through my hair. I groaned and
sighed…I loved when she’d do this. She pulled my lips back to hers and I kissed
her passionately as my hands found the bottom of her shirt. I quickly stripped
it off of her and she slid her shorts down and tossed them to the floor. She
was lying on the bed in nothing but her lacy bra and tiny panties and I almost
started to drool.

“Lose
the pants, drummer boy,” she demanded, and I smiled at her as I stood up and
slid out of my pants and boxers. She started breathing even harder when her
eyes roamed down my body and rested on my rock hard cock.

“You
missed this too, didn’t you?” I asked her, taking my erection into my hand and
stroking it slowly.

She
nodded her head and moaned. “Oh yeah,” she answered, her voice husky and thick
with desire as she quickly took off her bra and tossed it to the floor. I
leaned back down and lightly rubbed her between her legs, making her inhale
sharply.

“Well
I bet I’ve missed this even more,” I said and slid my fingers inside her
panties and quickly found her entrance, which was soaking wet. I groaned as I
slid one long finger into her sweet pussy.

“Oh
my God,” she cried out and rocked her hips into my hand. I kept up my rhythm
while I used the other hand to strip her panties off. Her legs fell open wide
and I leaned my face down and inhaled her scent. I’d missed her unique smell
and I’d especially missed the taste of her on my tongue. I removed my finger
and licked her right where my hand had just been.

She
screamed out in pleasure as I feasted on her sweet juices. I felt like I’d been
starving forever and her body was giving me all the nourishment I’d ever need.