Deep Water (12 page)

I
swam every morning before work while Ewan snored away in bed. It was a good way
to escape the mundane life that was mine. In the water, all I had to do was
concentrate on breathing and moving my body. After tiring myself out, I would
climb up on the platform and soak up the early morning sun. I knew it was
Joseph immediately swimming toward me, his motions were just as graceful even
though his arms and back were far more muscular than they had been when he was
a boy.

I
watched him, biting my lips as he hooked his hands onto the ladder and pulled
himself up beside me.

“Morning,’
I said, just because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Morning,”
he murmured, stretching out his long legs.

Then…
nothing. Just silence that stretched on awkwardly. I had to break it.

“You
look good,” I told him, hoping that the wistfulness I felt didn’t appear in my
voice.

His
dark eyes met mine briefly before they trailed down my body.

“You
look…thin.” That wasn’t a compliment, and in automatic reaction I hugged my
knees to my body to cover most of myself.

“I
gotta go to work.” I turned away from him and stood, keeping my eyes firmly
from him as I dived into the water. The cool water felt good on my face which
surely must have been burning.

I
acted like a robot during my work day. Joseph was never far from my thoughts.
Then the unthinkable happened. My car got repossessed right there at work. The
repo guy placed the paperwork down on the desk in front of all our nosy clients
and asked for the keys.

I
opened my mouth to beg, but then caught sight of all the people staring at me
and shut my mouth again. I grabbed the keys out of my bag and simply handed
them over, red-faced and feeling like dying inside, then I continued on with my
work like nothing had happened.

I
left work early and headed over to Terrence’s office. He gave me a smile as his
PA showed my through.

“Jessie,
what a lovely surprise. I have another appointment in a few minutes but what
can I do for you?”

I
took a deep breath. “I hate asking this, but I need to borrow some money.” His
smile instantly dropped as he frowned.

“Jessie,
you know my rules about lending money.”

“I
know, and I wouldn’t ask unless I was desperate. It’s just that my car got
repossessed today and–”

“Stop.”
He raised a hand. “Just stop right there.” He gave a sigh. “I’m sorry that you
have found yourself in this situation, Jessie, I really am. But I can’t bail
you two out. You’re adults. It’s time to face your mistakes and be proactive.”

Asshole!
I
snatched up my bag and stood. “Thanks for nothing!”

I
marched out the door, and saw Joseph sitting in the reception area, but I didn’t
even care.

“Jessie,”
Terrence called after me and I turned to see him standing in the doorway. “You
need to make Ewan get a job. You know it and I know it.”

“Really?
Like it’s that easy? His doctors say he needs to take it easy and–”

“Is
that what you’ve heard from his psychiatrists or from him?”

I
scowled at him. “You know, you don’t have to act so self-righteously. I’m just
asking for a loan so I can get my car back. I’m not asking for the earth!”

Terrence
shook his head, sadly. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I am. But if I lend you money then
Ewan will never get off his ass and help you out of this bind. I know he had
mental issues, but you need to be firm with him. I know it’s hard with the
threat of suicide–”

“Oh,
stop,” I told him in disgust. “Just stop.” I walked out the door and down the
street, finally taking a seat at the bus stop. I buried my face in my hands for
a moment, scared that I might cry.

“Jessica.”

I
raised my head to see Joseph standing over me. I frowned at him. “What do you
want?” I asked, sullenly.

“I’ll
give you a ride home. Come on.”

My
mouth went dry for a moment before I slowly stood and went with him without
argument. Because I needed a ride home, plus I just wanted to be near him.

His
car was a black Lexus and I sunk gratefully into the leather seats. “I live in
the apartments on the corner of–”

“I
know where you live, Jessica. I don’t live in isolation. You and Ewan are quite
the talk of the town, you know?” He gave a small laugh. “Two rich kids now
struggling.” He flicked a quick glance at me from the corner of his eye. “You
know how the rest of us love to rejoice in the destruction of others.”

I
shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “Maybe I’ll just take the bus.”

“No.”
He pulled the car into the parking lot of a diner. “Get out. I’ll buy you
dinner.”

I
followed him warily in. He still seemed so hostile toward me, but he wanted to
buy me dinner? What was with that?

We
took a seat at the booth. I opened my mouth to give the waitress my order, but
Joseph cut in. “I’m paying. I’ll order for us.”

Then
he turned to the waitress and flashed her a grin. “Two burgers and fries, and a
couple of cokes.”

“I
still don’t eat that shit,” I told him after the waitress left.

He
gave me a smile. “I know. But I’m the one paying here so you’ll eat what I want.”

“No
way.” I grabbed my bag to go, but his hand latched on hard to my knee under the
table.

“
Ow.”
But his hand didn’t loosen.

“You’ll
sit there and eat it. If you do, I’ll give you the money to get your car back.”

My
mouth dropped open. “I don’t want to borrow money from you.”

“It’s
not a loan. I’d be giving it to you.”

I
flushed. “I don’t want that either,” I said, lamely.

“You
might not want it, but it sounds like you need it.” He released my knee. “All
you have to do is sit there and eat what I ordered for you.”

I
struggled to get my thoughts straight. Was he serious? If I could clear the
arrears on that loan, then I could start making up the rent I’d missed. “Fine,”
I said, softly.

He
leaned back, smiling. “You know I get the whole food thing. It’s about control
for you, isn’t it? It’s the one thing that you can control when there’s very
little else in your life which goes the way you want it too.”

I
didn’t answer him, and we sat in silence until our food came. I stared at my
greasy burger, the smell alone was enough to make me wretch.

“I
can’t eat all that. I’ll vomit.”

Joseph
shrugged. “So you’ll vomit, then. Get started.”

I
swallowed and took the messy burger in my hands. I took the first hesitant
bite, it was small and I made a face at the fat in my mouth. I chewed it thirty
times before I could swallow it down. It swirled around my stomach dangerously
and I dropped the burger.

“I
can’t.”

“You
will, Jessica.” His hand latched on painfully to my knee again. “If you want
the money, you will.”

I
had eaten exactly half of the burger before it sent me running to the bathroom
to vomit.  When everything had violently exited my stomach, I wiped my mouth
and unsteadily got to my feet. Joseph was standing outside, keys in hand.

“Ready
to go?” he said, casually. I followed him back to his car, closing my eyes and
still feeling sick as he drove me home. He said not a word, and I only opened
my eyes once I felt the car come to a stop outside my shitty apartment complex.

He
was staring straight ahead, not looking at me. “So, do I get the money now?” I
asked, feeling pathetic and desperate, which I was.

He
turned his head slowly to face me. “I’m afraid not, Jessica. You didn’t eat the
whole thing.”

I
slapped him. It stung my hand and left a red mark on his face, but he didn’t
seem upset. “You’d better get going. I’m sure your husband is waiting for you.”

I
glared at him before getting out of the car. I was shaking with fury.

Ewan
was having a party when I got home. Although perhaps party was the wrong word. It
was a bunch of guys sitting around in my tiny living room and getting drunk.
They’d been drinking for a while going by the amount of beer bottles that
littered the carpet.

I
stood in the doorway looking every bit the angry wife.

“Hey,
darling!” Ewan called to me, a huge drunken smile on his face. He looked
happier than he had been for a long time, and my heart softened slightly.

“I’m
taking a shower,” I said, walking past them.

“Wait!
I haven’t introduced you. There are some of the guys that I met in the
hospital.”

I
gave them all a tight smile as I walked past. Great, more people with mental
issues in my life. I stood under the shower and let the water rain down on me,
maybe they’d all be gone by the time I came out. But they weren’t. I still
heard their drunken laughter as I walked to the bedroom. I shut the door behind
me and sat on the bed. A few minutes later the door opened.

Ewan
poked his head in, he was carrying a couple of shot glasses and a bottle of
tequila. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey.”

He
sat down beside me after placing the liquor on the night stand. “You’re mad.”

“The
car got repossessed today, and I can’t afford to get it back.” My voice started
to break.

He
stayed still for a moment before pulling me into his arms. I buried my head in
his chest, welcoming his warmth and comfort. It was nice to be held like this
after Joseph’s actions. He rubbed his hands on my back. “It’ll be okay, Jessie.
I promise.” He lifted my head up and planted a kiss on my lips.

“Come
on, do some shots with me. You need to cheer up,” he coaxed. I readily accepted
the shot he poured and tipped it down my throat like it was water. I promptly
offered my glass up for a refill. We did shot after shot, alone in our bedroom
while strangers drank in the living room. The shots hit me hard and I had to
lie down.

Ewan
kissed me. “Happy now?”

“Happy
now,” I said in a drunk murmur.

“I
love you.” His lips were on my neck. “I’d do anything to make you happy.”

“Really?
I would do anything to make you happy, too.” I felt my lips turn up into a
smile.

“You
know what I want, Jessie.” My top was being tugged up, revealing my bra. He
straddled me, kissing my cleavage as he worked my breasts free from the bra.
“You’re so beautiful. Do you know how hard it makes me when I think of you
fucking another guy in front of me?” His lips went to my nipple and I moaned,
despite the alarm bells that were ringing in my head. His attentions were so
sensual in a way that they hadn’t been in a long time. I had missed this…

“Please,
Jessie? Just say yes. This’ll be exciting for both of us.” My skirt was being
pulled off and his fingers danced lightly over my panties. I arched my body up,
desperate for more of his touch. “Please, Jessie?” He was rubbing harder now,
and all I wanted was for him to rip off my panties and fuck me. But he
wouldn’t. He would just keep going like this until I agreed. He seemed so
happy, and my head was so fuzzy from the tequila. Suddenly, I just felt so
tired. It was just easier to say yes.

The
word came from me, and in an instant he was at the door, yelling for someone
called Antonio. I heard footsteps and then Ewan was on the bed with me again.
He was pulling me up so I kneeled with my legs straddled, still protected by my
panties. Then he sat behind me so I could lean against him.

“Antonio,
this is my naughty little wife. She’s hot isn’t she?” Ewan was saying.

Antonio
laughed. “She’s hot, alright.” His fingers were dipping into my panties and I
flinched away, but Ewan held me tight. “She’s wet too.” Was I? Everything felt
muffled and surreal like I wasn’t really there.

“I
want you to wrap your lips around Antonio’s cock. Okay, naughty girl?” Ewan
whispered in my ear. I could hear the delight and excitement in his voice. He
was more alive than he’d been in a long time.

“Okay,”
I mumbled. I was tired. So tired. It was just easier this way. I let him guide
my head down to take Antonio’s thick cock in my mouth. It had an odor to it,
and for a moment I envisaged it as the burger Joseph had forced me to choke
down that evening. I imagined biting into it, and then I started to gag as he
thrust down my throat. Ewan pulled my head back.

“Choking
on his big cock? Naughty girl.” He sounded like something out of a bad porn movie
and for a second I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Both of
them fucked me. I couldn’t remember who was first, but I ended up with cum on
my chest at some stage before I fell asleep.

At
least Antonio didn’t stay the night. I woke up just like any other morning with
Ewan beside me. Except I felt more disgusting than I ever had before.  But
maybe not as much as when I had cheated on Joseph…