Deep Water (11 page)

“Jessie?” Ewan stood in the light. “Are you
okay?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“What’s the matter? Are you sick?” He
took a step toward me, and I latched onto his arm.

“I just need to find somewhere to lie
down. Can you help me?”

He led me upstairs to the bedrooms and
found an unoccupied one. He closed the door gently behind us as I sat on the
bed.

He sat beside me. “Did someone spike
your drink or something?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m just drunk,
and so,
so
angry right now.”

He put his arm around my shoulder,
pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “What can I do for you?”

His touch felt so good, his voice so
soft, and when I lifted my face to look at him, he looked so concerned and his
lips looked so nice…so I kissed him, hard.

When I broke away from the kiss, I told
him, “I just want you to help me forget. Can you do that?”

Our clothes came off with ease, my naked
breasts pressed against his bare chest. He was rubbing along my arms as I took
one of his hands and guided it in between my legs. There was no going back
after that.

Afterward, he had a smile on his face so
big.

And my anger was quelled.

It was replaced with a mortifying shame.

“God, Jessie. That was so beautiful.
I’ve wanted to be with you for such a long time,” Ewan told me like he was a boy
in love. I couldn’t speak and just hugged my knees to my naked body. What had I
done?

He lay beside me, his naked body under
the sheet. He started to kiss up my arm when the door opened.

Joseph stood there, staring at us. His
face changed from a look of disbelief to hurt then finally settled on anger.
No, not just anger, it was an overwhelming fury. And I dug my nails into my
skin, fear shooting through me as I couldn’t tear my eyes from him. It seemed
like an eternity before he spoke, and when he did his voice was quiet and controlled.

“Was it
special
enough for you,
Jessie?” he taunted. “The perfect princess opens her legs for her prince, after
all.” He let out a bitter laugh. “You should have told me that you’d never fuck
a piece of trash like me so I wouldn’t waste my time on you.” I desperately
wanted to say something, but no words would come out. His eyes darted to Ewan
next. “Happy now? You got your pity fuck.” I felt Ewan stiffen beside me,             but
he stayed silent. Joseph switched his gaze back to me and he swallowed before saying,
“Fuck you, Jessica.” His voice was nearly cracking, but he turned away before I
could see if there were any tears.

PART TWO

Nine years later

I
had to beg my mother and Terrence for money to send Ewan to the private
hospital for treatment for his depression. After he’d run his business into the
ground and wasted the money held in trust for him on gambling and alcohol, we
were on the bones of our ass.

My
mother had arched a perfect eyebrow at me and said, “I don’t see why you don’t
just leave him. You’re still young. You could find someone better.”

I
glared at her in irritation, running my hand through my hair which was long
overdue for a cut and wondering if it looked as bad as it felt. To be honest, I
wasn’t sure if my irritation was at her attitude, or the fact that she looked
good and I looked like shit. Either way, I snapped at her.

“Really,
Mom? Did Dad leave you every time you had one of your mental episodes? You
should understand Ewan more than anyone.”

Her
lips thinned and her cup rattled on its saucer as she lifted the tea to her
lips. Finally she said, “I think my situation is a little different than
Ewan’s. He was a spoilt, rich kid who had been given everything on a platter.
Now he’s screwed up his inheritance and he refuses to face reality.”

“His
parents
died
, Mom. That’s where his psychiatrist says it all stems
from.”

My
mother rolled her eyes, infuriating me more.

Terrence
cleared his throat. He often stayed silent when Mom and I had conversations
like these. But he was also the one who made all the absolute decisions. Like
when I’d begged for him to help Ewan’s business with a cash injection. He’d
turned me down flat. He had known at that time that Ewan was not management
material, something that was further exacerbated by Ewan’s decision to fire
some of his top managers. That was the beginning of the end.

“Actually,
Mandy. I believe it may be best for us to help out Jessie and Ewan in this
situation.”

I
let out a sigh of relief and gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

My
mother rolled her eyes again. “Fine. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t get a
divorce. He’s weak and pathetic. God, his parents must be turning in their
graves. Don’t you dare have a baby with him,” she ordered me. It was my turn to
roll my eyes at her. We couldn’t afford a cat, let alone a baby. As it was,
were living in a shitty one bedroom apartment. I struggled to get on top of the
debts incurred on Ewan’s credit cards while he was going through his depressive
episodes. Through gambling and internet porn‒he’d managed to spend
thousands trying to make himself feel better. I’d asked for Mom and Terrence
for a loan to cover the debts, but they’d refused. Terrence was very old school
and didn’t believe in bailing out adult children from messes of their own making.
I didn’t bother asking Dad. He’d had several business ventures go under and was
now onto his third wife. He was probably poorer than I was.

I
had absolutely gone off at Ewan last week. The stress was getting to me. I’d
stormed off to work, and when I got home, he’d taken an overdose. I felt like
crap. As I walked out of the lakeside house, I pulled out my phone and made the
necessary phone calls to get everything in order for his transfer.

It
was a good hospital. Terrence had had my Mom committed a few times during their
marriage. She always seemed to make good progress when she came out. I wouldn’t
visit Ewan today, though. I’d had a long day at work where I was a medical
receptionist. Every hypochondriac in town seemed to visit the practice and want
to tell me about their ailments. It was enough to make me stay in bed and never
leave again.

Instead,
I headed toward
our depressing home. As always, I had to drive past Joseph’s old house to get
there. I’d done a lot of driving past his house after I cheated on him. I even
stopped once and knocked on the door. I was so nervous, my heart was beating
wildly, unsure of his reaction. He didn’t answer my phone calls or texts. It
was like he just cut me off altogether. His Mom had opened the door; she was
sporting a black eye. She’d told me Joseph had left and that she hadn’t heard
from him.

From
someone else, later, I’d heard that Katrin had gone with him. It was after that
that I accepted Ewan’s advances. I loved him. I did. But it wasn’t the same
kind of love that I’d felt with Joseph.

When
I entered the apartment, I threw the new overdue notices on the table with the
others and ran a bath. Sitting in the grotty tub, I tried to think of anything
but how shitty my life was.

I
picked up Ewan from the hospital a few weeks later. He looked healthier than
I’d seen him in a long time. I’d forced a smile and hugged and kissed him. I
didn’t have much to say to him as I drove him home. Finally, he cleared his
throat. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I won’t do it again.”

I’d
smiled. “I know you won’t.” And that was the end of the conversation.

He
wouldn’t look for a job, though. I’d circle things in the newspaper and leave
them on the table for him, but he didn’t apply for any of them. “My doctor
thinks that I should just take it easy and not put too much pressure on
myself,” he explained as he sat in front of the TV eating popcorn.  I had
grinned and beared it, but by the fourth week I felt like I was going crazy.

“We
need money. You have to work!” I yelled.

“Stop
putting so much pressure on me!” he screamed back. “You have no idea how hard
things are for me right now. You need to start being more supportive, Jessie.”

I’d
grabbed my keys and got out of there as fast as I could, scared that I might
say something so nasty that I couldn’t take it back. I headed out to the lake,
to the beach where we used to party all the time. No one was about, and I
stripped off down to my bra and panties before diving into the water.

I
felt strong and alive as my arms worked to propel me further out. I swam until
I was tired and then headed back to shore. I sat on a rock and let the sun
begin to dry me. For the first time, I noticed the billboard that had been
erected.

They
were building a boutique hotel where some old holiday homes had once stood, further
around the lake. But what caught my eye the most was that name of the
developer.

Fray
Enterprises

I’d
heard bits and pieces about what he was up to. He had made good on his flipping
houses and had expanded into different areas of property development.

Joseph
was back.

The
thought of him alone made me feel things that I hadn’t felt for a long time.
But I pushed them down. He wasn’t part of my life anymore. I dried off and went
home.  Ewan and I made up and had a clumsy attempt at sex.  Ewan had far
kinkier tastes than I. I’d seen his porn history, but I’d only allowed him to
spank me so far. Not that I was a fan of that by any means.

I
pumped his soft cock in my hand dutifully, but he wouldn’t get hard. “Maybe
it’s the medication you’re on,” I offered as an excuse.

“You
know what I need to get hard, Jessie. Please?”

I
frowned. “I don’t think that’s normal. Maybe you should talk to your
psychiatrist about it.”

“Jessie…”
He started to pull down my pants and I just let him. He put me over his knee
and started to deliver hard slaps to my bare ass. I winced in pain but stayed
silent. I knew he liked it more when I cried out in pain, but I hated giving
him that satisfaction. He kept hitting the same spot over and over again, and I
couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ow,
Ewan. Stop! That really hurts.” I struggled, but he held me tight.

“It’s
supposed to.” Another hard slap and I let out a whimper. “It’s because you’ve
been naughty and need to be punished.” He slapped me again.

“Ewan!”
I struggled harder.

“Just
say it, Jessie, and I might stop.” I gritted my teeth, hating every minute of
this as tears pricked at my eyes. I knew what he wanted me to say because he’d
made me sit down and watch the porn movie with him a dozen times.

Slap!
“Say it, Jessie.”

“I’m
a dirty, naughty girl. I need to be punished!” The words rushed out of me, but
he still kept spanking me. “Ewan,
please
.” I sobbed. At this part in the
movie, the girl begs to suck his cock and then invites numerous men and women
to have sex with her. At least he’d never tried that before but I wouldn’t put
it past him. I’d seen some of the conversations he had with other porn addicts online.
He’d brought up having threesomes before, but I had stood fast in my refusal.

“Say
it!”

“Please,
may I suck your cock?” My face was wet with tears now, and he stopped. He took
my chin in his hand, twisting my head to look at him.  He saw my wet face and
gave a nod of approval.

“All
right, darling. Down you go.” He let me slip to my knees and take his cock,
which was now hard and throbbing, in my mouth. It didn’t take much for him to
cum, and I obediently swallowed it down. Afterward, he looked at me with love
in his eyes. “I love you so much, Jessie. I really do.”

“Me
too.”

I
went to bed and left him up looking at porn on the computer, dick in his hand.

Work
sucked, but it was better than being at home with Ewan who would be either
depressed or horny. I stayed late, and only when I had nothing else to do, did
I get my bag and walk slowly to my car. My Mom rang, and I considered not
answering it, but I knew how relentless she could be.

I
put my phone to my ear and I opened the car door. “Hi, Mom.”

“Jessie.
How are you? Listen, we’re having a party to celebrate the start of summer, and
I wanted to invite you.” Then her tone changed. “Do you think that husband of
yours can manage to control himself enough not to embarrass us in front of all
our friends?”

“Yes,
mother. I’m sure he won’t try to kill himself in front of company.”

“Don’t
get smart with me,” she snapped at me.

I
huffed. “Fine. We will be there and on our best behavior.”

“Good.
Make sure you do something with your hair. It looked dreadful last time I saw
you.”

I
gave the finger to my phone as she ended the call. I sighed. Maybe this was
what Ewan needed, to start making contacts again that hopefully may lead to him
getting a job.

When
the Saturday of the party came around, I’d wasted money on getting my hair
done, but I hadn’t splurged on a new dress. I had a sensible, black cocktail
dress that would do the job.

“I
hate these fucking things,” Ewan said to the mirror as he tied his tie. “I’ve
always
hated these things.” He gave a smile. “Hey, remember when we used to sneak away
and get drunk?”

I
matched his grin. It felt weird to be laughing with him about something. “Yup.
Hey, there’ll be lots of influential people there tonight. Maybe you’ll meet
someone who could help you get work.”

His
grin turned into a scowl. “Would you just shut up? I’ll be waiting in the car.
I don’t want to keep your pretentious mother waiting.”

I
sat down on the bed for a few seconds before I followed him. It was going to be
a long night.

We
didn’t speak in the car, and once we were inside, he went straight for the
champagne after briefly greeting Terrence and Mom. Terrence raised an eyebrow
at me and gave a sigh, but thankfully he didn’t say anything about Ewan’s rude
behavior. I got myself a glass of champagne fairly quickly as well. I felt like
I was going to need it.

I
went from guest to guest, being asked questions about where I was working now
and when I was going to have a baby. The more people who asked these things,
the more I felt like a total loser. I started on the third glass of champagne
and wondered if I stepped outside and walked down to the lake if anyone would
notice. I also wondered if I actually walked
into
the lake and didn’t
stop, if anyone would care.

I
saw Ewan looking down a woman’s top. The lake idea was tempting; really, really
tempting.

And
then I saw Joseph.

It
shouldn’t have surprised me that he was there. After all, Terrence liked to
surround himself with influential people, and a developer who would be
providing many jobs for the town as well as potentially boosting the tourism industry
could be a good person to know.

He
looked good.
Soo
good. He was dressed in a suit, was clean shaven and
had his hair cut short. For a moment, it was hard to believe that he had been
that skinny fifteen-year-old that I had first noticed. He was being greeted by
my mother. I wondered if she had realized that he was my ex-boyfriend? She was
giving him a broad smile and touching her hair. She obviously thought he was
handsome as well.

I
felt butterflies in my stomach and had to turn away. Did he still hate me? I
took a long drink of my champagne. I felt like I was going to need a lot more
of these before the night was through. I couldn’t avoid him forever, though.

Terrence
called me over. “Joseph Fray, I’d like you to meet my stepdaughter, Jessie
Walsh, and her husband, Ewan.”

We
stared at each other, and I felt like I was under a microscope. Then his face
relaxed into a small smile. “I know Jessica already, and Ewan, from high
school.”

“Hey,
man. How’s it going,” Ewan greeted him, shaking his hand. Ewan was suddenly far
more jovial than he’d been all evening and I knew why. He was remembering that
I was Joseph’s girlfriend when I had sex with him for the first time. He felt
superior.

“Good,”
Joseph said shortly. I waited anxiously for him to say something to me, but he
didn’t. He just excused himself and went to speak to some other people. I felt
my heart plummet. It hurt to be ignored by him. I drained my glass of champagne
and told Ewan that we needed to go.