Deception and Desire (68 page)

What have you done? she felt like asking. Have you spent your nights in my absence with Melina? But she had said nothing. What right did she have now to question his fidelity? Hadn't she behaved just as badly?

‘Ari, please, couldn't we try to make this work?' she had pleaded.

But his reply had not been encouraging.

‘I have always tried, Maggie. I shall continue to try. What you do is up to you.'

The distance between them had chilled her and she found herself comparing it all too readily with the closeness she had felt with Mike, then blaming herself for this further betrayal.

Life had quickly returned to the old pattern, the days when she wandered aimlessly about the house, the late nights when he did not come home, and always, always the claustrophobic web of his family drawing her in. Sometimes Maggie caught herself waiting, waiting for something, and though she could not consciously put her finger on what it was she wondered if it might be that subconsciously she was hoping for some word from Mike.

He wouldn't get in touch, of course, she knew that. She had made her position clear and he was too proud to try to persuade her to change her mind – even if he wanted to, which was doubtful. She had heard from Ros and it sounded as if she had been seeing Mike. The mention of his name in Ros's letter was painful, yet Maggie read and reread it, savouring it in a way that gave her a strangely masochistic pleasure.

Ros's letter told her other things, too. Steve had been arrested – he had crashed his car after a motorway chase and been found to be in possession of a number of items which he had stolen from Luscombe Manor. There could be other charges, too, if Maggie was to come home and press them. Maggie set her jaw at that. She had no intention of going home to give evidence about what had happened at the cottage on that last day.

The letter contained other pieces of news – Dinah was bearing up well, and there was talk that she was going to marry Don Kennedy. Ros hoped that when Mac came home from South America and came to see her some of the horror of what she had suffered would be erased for ever. Oh yes, and Jayne Peters-Browne had left Vandina very suddenly and gone to work for the rival firm of Reubens.

‘I suspect she might have had something to do with the leaks of security we had here,' Ros had written. ‘But if anything I think she did Vandina a favour. There is enormous enthusiasm for Dinah's new line in luggage and working for it has given Dinah something else to think about in these trying times.'

Maggie had been glad for Dinah but it was only a thin veneer to cover the well of constant sadness she was experiencing herself.

Now, sitting and watching the sun dip into the sea, the confusion within her made tight knots of indecision. If only I could have a cigarette! Maggie thought with longing. But she knew she must not. She had been meaning to give up for ages and now she had to – it was not only her own health that was at stake. For Maggie had found out that she was pregnant.

The discovery had been a complete shock to her. Preoccupied as she had been it had not even occurred to her that her period was late until one morning she had woken up with a little niggle in her stomach that had reminded her. She hadn't had a period since she had been to England! She had got up, then, and fetched her diary so as to make some calculations. Yes – it should definitely nave started ten days earlier. Maggie was alarmed. She was usually extremely regular. Perhaps all the traumas of the last weeks had caused her to be late, she thought – she had heard that flying could cause an upset in the hormones, and goodness knows she had run the gamut of all kinds of emotional storms besides. But somehow, however she tried to rationalise, the suspicion was there lurking just below the surface, and a visit to the doctor confirmed it. The lateness of her period was no hormonal fluke. She was, the doctor told her, pregnant.

At first Maggie could scarcely believe it. For so long she had believed herself unable to conceive that she had almost stopped thinking about it. Now she found herself experiencing a cocktail of confusion, joy and something not unlike panic. For instinctively she knew the child she was carrying was not Ari's, but Mike's.

What the hell was she going to do? she asked herself now, sitting on the wall and looking out to sea. As yet she had not told Ari the news and she did not know how she was going to bring herself to do it. He would be delighted and so would his family. Wasn't this what they had wanted for so long? But the thought of accepting their congratulations was anathema to her; pretending the baby was Ari's was a deceit she could not countenance. Yet to tell the truth would mean the end of her marriage.

There is no way out, no way at all, Maggie thought, and found herself thinking of Dinah, faced all those years ago with a similar dilemma. Dinah had solved her problem by having her baby adopted and Maggie supposed her own parallel solution would be an abortion. But it was something that she could not consider for even a moment. She wanted her baby, wanted it desperately, not only for herself, but also because it was a part of Mike.

The breeze whispered in from the sea and Maggie shivered. She got up from the low wall and started back towards the house; halfway there she heard the telephone ringing.

The sense of
déjà vu
was immediate, whisking her back to that other evening when Mike had telephoned to say Ros was missing and it had all begun. Could it be … Would she lift the receiver and hear Mike's voice at the other end of the line? The longing was a sharp pain deep inside her. She ran into the house and snatched up the receiver, and when she heard the crackles on the line signifying a long-distance call she began to tremble.

‘Hello?'

‘Maggie! Is that you? Can you hear me?'

Not Mike, but Ros. Maggie felt the disappointment like a physical blow.

‘Ros! Hi! What a surprise!'

‘A surprise to be able to get through!' Ros quipped. ‘How are you anyway?'

‘Fine.' But it was a lie. ‘And you?'

‘Yes. Look, Maggie, I don't think we should waste time on small talk in case we get cut off. The reason I'm ringing is to let you know that Mike and I have broken up – gone our separate ways.'

Maggie felt her stomach fall away.

‘You and Mike? Why?'

‘Lots of reasons. For one, I think I'm in love with someone else.'

‘Who?'

‘Dinah's son – her
real
son, Mac. I can't seem to get him out of my mind, Maggie. I can't stop thinking about him.' In spite of the poor quality of the international line Maggie could hear the glow of pride and pleasure in Ros's voice, a nuance that had been missing through the turbulent years.

‘I see. And what about Mike?'

‘Well to be honest, that's the reason I'm ringing. I think Mike is in love, too. With you.'

Maggie's heart had begun to beat very fast and very irregularly.

‘Why? What has he said?'

‘It's not so much what he's said as the way he looks whenever your name is mentioned. What did you do to him, I'd like to know?'

‘Nothing. I'm sure you're wrong …'

‘I'm sure I'm right! You can't pretend nothing happened while you were here. I just don't believe you. You haven't been happy with Ari for ages – admit it. And if you feel the same way about Mike that I feel about Mac you'll get on and do something about it. He hasn't been in touch, I suppose?'

‘No.'

‘No, he wouldn't. Wife-snatching isn't his style. Well, darling, I guess it's up to you now. Don't let him slip away, Maggie, if it's as special as I think it is. That sort of thing only happens once or twice in a lifetime, believe me.' The line crackled. ‘Look, I'd better go now. Maybe see you soon.'

‘Yes – and thanks for ringing, Ros.'

‘No problems.' And she was gone.

Maggie replaced the receiver and stood with her hands pressed to her mouth. All kinds of emotions were darting inside her – surprise that Ros and Mike had broken up, in spite of what had happened between them, pleasure for Ros that she seemed to have allowed herself to fall in love again at last, and a crazy spiralling excitement that maybe, now that the coast was clear, there could be something between her and Mike. But the sense of euphoria that Ros's call had evoked lasted only briefly – and then reality was rushing in. There was no getting away from the fact that the telephone call had come from Ros – Mike had made no effort to contact her and try to persuade her to return to England, and she didn't think he would. And even if he did, there was still Ari to consider. Maybe theirs was not a happy marriage but to Maggie it was still a binding one.

The hell with it, Maggie thought, I am going to have a cigarette. Just one can't possibly hurt.

She fetched her wrap, lit that one forbidden cigarette, and went back outside to sit on the patio. She was still there, an hour later, when she heard Ari's car on the track.

He came swaggering around the corner of the house and she knew at once that he had been drinking. When he saw her sitting there he checked, adopting a hectoring tone.

‘What are you doing sitting out here for? Why aren't you ready for bed?'

‘Why shouldn't I sit out here as long as I like?' Maggie flashed back. ‘And talking of time, where have you been? If it's too late for me to sit on the patio, surely you should have been home hours ago.'

‘Maggie, we are not going to go all over this again, I hope. What's the matter with you, always nagging?'

He made to walk past her and as he did so she caught a whiff of that unmistakable, elusive perfume.

‘You've been with
her
, haven't you? Melina! Don't deny it, Ari. I can smell her from here.'

‘What if I have? At least she doesn't nag me all the time.'

‘I don't suppose she does – she's not your wife!'

‘More's the pity.' He muttered it under his breath, but she heard.

‘
What
did you say?'

‘I said ‘‘more's the pity'',' he returned defiantly. ‘The trouble with you, Maggie, is that you are too damned English. Greek girls know how to treat their men. They don't nag all the time and they don't go flying off home at a moment's notice. My family warned me, did you know that? They wanted me to marry someone like Melina. But oh no, I knew best. I thought I was a modern man and we would have a modern marriage.'

‘But we haven't, have we?' Maggie said. Suddenly she was not angry any more, but sad. ‘This isn't a modern marriage. It's a Corfiote one. In the end your traditions were too strong for you to break. And I don't think I can cope with them, Ari.'

He shrugged. ‘Oh come on, this is getting us nowhere. Let's go to bed.'

‘No,' she said. ‘ We can't sweep it under the carpet yet again. Tell me the truth – would you rather be married to Melina than to me?'

‘What sort of a question is that?'

‘An honest one. I am asking you a simple question and I want a straightforward answer. Would you be happier married to Melina?'

‘How should I know?' he blustered. ‘
You
are my wife.'

‘But if I wasn't – would you go to her? Your family would like it, wouldn't they? A nice Corfiote girl who behaved the way they expected. Could she bring you a dowry, Ari? A few olive groves, perhaps? And I'm quite sure she could give you …' She broke off, her hands flying automatically to her stomach. Ari had always insisted that the fact they had not had a baby before now was her fault, but obviously that was untrue. She had made love with Mike on just one occasion and she was pregnant. That meant, surely, that the fault must lie elsewhere. She hesitated, torn yet again with indecision as to what she could do about her situation – and Ari's. But as she hesitated his black eyes flashed angrily. He had seen the small instinctive gesture – and misunderstood it.

‘Yes,' he grated. ‘If you were going to say she could give me a son I am quite sure you are right. I don't know what's the matter with you, Maggie. Haven't I done enough to make you pregnant? Yet nothing happens. You know what I think? That you are a barren woman! You will never give me a child. I am ashamed to face my parents and tell them there is no little one. You have failed me in this, Maggie, and it is worse than the nagging, worse than all your stupid English ways. I am a man – I deserve a son. And yes, I think Melina could give me one, since you ask. And my parents would be pleased to know their grandchild was pure-born Corfiote!'

His outburst had shocked Maggie to the core. She had been on the point of trying to tell him gently that perhaps he really should seek medical advice; now suddenly she saw his blindness for what it was and it made her furiously angry. How dare he blame her for his childlessness? How dare he patronise and chastise her? And how dare he treat her – and their marriage – with such disdain? Perhaps he was Greek, but he had been in England long enough to see things from her point of view if he only had the sensitivity. But he did not.

‘Well, if you want a child with Melina I suggest you do something about it!' she said.

She saw the shock on his face. ‘Maggie …'

‘No, I mean it,' she said. ‘You have obviously regretted your rashness in marrying me for a very long time. And to be honest I have regretted it too. I have tried, I really have tried to make this marriage work because I didn't want to admit defeat, didn't want all the prophets of doom to be proved right. But I'm afraid they were right. It's never going to work, Ari, it's never going to make either of us really happy. And I suggest we end it here and now before either of us gets hurt any more.'

Ari made to speak, then gesticulated impatiently.

‘Maggie, I am going to bed. We will talk about this again in the morning.'

‘Yes,' she said. ‘But I already know what the outcome will be.'

He threw her a black glance and went into the house. By the time she followed he was already in the bedroom, banging about.