Dear Rose 3: Winter's Risk (3 page)

He rolled his eyes, and his gaze rose to the ceiling. “Ah baby. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing scandalous in you liking two different men at the same time. If you lied to us about it, that would be bad. But you’ve been nothing but truthful.”

“It’s not society’s norm.” She rubbed her aching temples. And she’d never expected him to take this so well. She’d expected both of them to walk away from her. Although Quinn still could, and the jury was out on Zach.

“Do you believe in gay marriage?”

The subject change was so abrupt she was left staring at him for a minute. “Huh? Uh, yeah. I don’t have a problem with it.” There went his attention span again. He had trouble focusing. She didn’t see what that had to do with anything they’d been talking about. What was he taking, a poll?

“Because they are consenting adults? Who love each other? Right?” He seemed to want an answer.

“Yeah.” That was a giveaway response. She still wasn’t sure this had anything to do with their conversation. The one that was relevant to her and how she felt. The one they should be having.

“But it’s against society’s norms. Norms say it should only be a male and female who get married. Not men and men. Or women and women.” He seemed pleased his analogy had come full circle. In fact, he had a smug look on his face.

“Yeah, but even that’s
two
people.
Two
. Not a girl who can’t decide which guy she likes, so she’s dating more than one.” Somehow saying it aloud sounded that much worse. She didn’t need it to sound any more perverted. She needed it to sound better. Otherwise these feelings inside were going to rip her apart.

“Bah. Who wants to conform to society anyway?” He grasped her hand in his warm one. “It’s overrated.”

She let herself accept his comfort. Revel in the heat from his hand. It pooled deep and low in her body as his touch always did. “You’re okay with me dating another guy?” She didn’t want the answer. But she needed it.

He shrugged. “The alternative isn’t pleasant, so I can deal with it. It’s one of those things.”

She must have appeared confused.

“The alternative is you stop dating me. I don’t want that. I want to keep seeing you. I like you, Jos. A lot. You get me, and a lot of women don’t. So that’s a good thing. I already can’t imagine you not being in my life.” He squeezed her hand, and she did it back. His hand was smooth. Long. Tapered fingers. They’d look so good on her skin. Feel so good. As would his full lips…

She nodded. “I like you a lot too.” She took a deep breath. “I haven’t been intimate with either of you up until now.” She licked her lips. “But I can’t promise I won’t be. That’s the sticky part I had to talk to you about. I want you. And I want him. And I don’t know if you both can handle that thought. Of me being with both of you.” She wasn’t sure she could handle it. Only she had dreams about being with both of them. Both of them touching her. Kissing her. And one lone fantasy of them being with her at the same time. Which she’d quickly squelched because that was so far outside her comfort zone.

Quinn was quiet and seemed lost in the moment. He also let go of her hand, which made her feel bereft.

“I’m clean. I tested about six months ago, and I haven’t been with anyone since then. And I’m a safety girl. Condom always.” Was she babbling again? Trying to justify her actions?

More silence. Why wasn’t he saying anything?

“Quinn, are you okay with that?” Was he going to walk away now that the facts had been presented? He’d been okay when it was intangible stuff. This was something real and needed to be discussed.

“Huh?” He seemed to come away from his thoughts. “Yep. Yep, I’m okay with that.” He let out a small laugh that sounded embarrassed.

She gawked at him, trying to figure out his mind. She’d thought Quinn would be the one most okay with this arrangement. But where had he been just now?

He glanced down as though the table was the most interesting thing he had seen all day. “Since we’re making confessions…”

She waited, her breath suspended. What did he have to confess? This was unexpected.

“I’m…well, not technically strictly hetero.”

She blinked at him, trying to catch his eye, but he wouldn’t let that happen. He was still staring down at the table. “You’re not?”

He lifted his head slowly, and he tapped his fingers madly on the corner of the table. “I’m not. I’m considered bisexual, I guess.”

“So you like men and women.” She clarified the point Quinn was making to be sure she got it. She hadn’t known that about him.

“Yep. Yep, I do. A lot.” He shrugged. “I had a brief relationship back about five years ago where we shared. It was with a guy and a girl. But she moved away, and then the guy and I broke up. Since then, it’s been either-or. Either I’m with a guy. Or I’m with a girl. But I do…like both sexes.”

She rubbed her neck, the pain from her temples coming down into her muscles. “So would you ever be happy with one sex?” Maybe Quinn would be walking away for other reasons.

Again, he avoided her eyes. “I don’t know.”

She had to applaud his honesty. But what did that mean for her? She’d come here expecting to tell him about her worst secret. And instead he’d dropped a bombshell on her. She’d never be able to grow a penis. That wasn’t doable. She couldn’t be both sexes at one time.

“I’m happy with you. Don’t doubt that.” He reached out and took her hand again. “Very happy. I like you a lot, and I think it can be more than we have right now. I think we can do wonderful things together.”

“But you don’t know if you can commit to me. To just me. Or if you’ll always be happy with just a woman in your life.” She could have an issue if she let herself fall in love with him and then he met a man he liked. Would he say good-bye? Ask her to be okay with him being with that guy?

She sat up straighter. That wasn’t a lot different from what she was asking of him. She had no right to deny him that, not when she was asking for her cake and eating it too. Her hackles had come up, and she had no real reason for them to.

“Fair enough. No, I don’t. But you’re having trouble choosing between two guys, and nothing says you won’t wake up tomorrow and decide the other guy is better than me. So who knows what will happen?” He had another good point.

No one knew what the future held for them. Maybe this could work. If she had Zach and Quinn, and then Quinn… She shook her head. How would that work? He’d be off with someone she didn’t know or trust. Would she be okay with that? After all, if she slept with Quinn and he slept with the unknown lover, then in one sense she’d be sleeping with the unknown lover too. Of course, Quinn didn’t know Zach and didn’t trust Zach, but somehow that seemed different. Oh, this was getting way too complex. She rubbed her head and jammed her nails into her temples. “We don’t know what will happen.” It was all she could think of to say.

“All we can do is try it and see. It may work, and it may not.” He peered at her with his eyes bright and blue. “I rarely tell others I’m bisexual. They tend to run away when I do.”

Of course they did. The idea you couldn’t be satisfied by one partner was a huge deal to work through, though not all bisexual people had to work through that. “Well, if I wasn’t seeing another guy, I might have more issues, but as I am…” She shrugged.

He leaned over and dropped a kiss on her lips. It was a brotherly kiss. Not a passionate one. But it still made her weak at the knees. She loved the way his lips molded to hers. The way he tasted.

She closed her eyes for a second and enjoyed remembering his lips on hers. Even a brief kiss was a good one with Quinn.

A throat cleared.

She opened her eyes, and Zach stood at the table. He arched a brow. “Am I interrupting?”

Chapter Two

Zach watched as Josie straightened up, with a guilty expression, which told him as much as anything else.

Quinn, on the other hand, didn’t appear guilty at all. He could only be described as smug.

“Maybe
I
should leave?” Zach didn’t turn around, though. Didn’t move. He needed the explanation for what they’d been doing. Not to mention, he was now curious about a lot of things. He hadn’t even known they were acquainted.

Kissing. That’s what they were doing.

And it’s not as if she was exclusive to you.

True points. But he still hadn’t expected the object of his affections to be kissing another man as he’d walked into their coffee date. A man he was also attracted to. Part of him didn’t exactly mind, because it turned him on to see it. He had the rock-hard cock to prove it. But another part of him was baffled.

“No!” Josie put a hand to her head as though it hurt. “Don’t leave. I need to talk to you. God, I’m so, so sorry you… I was supposed to be done talking to Quinn before I talked to you.”

“Obviously.” Zach still stood glaring down at them. A table for two. How cozy. Would never work as a table for three, and Quinn didn’t seem like he was leaving anytime soon. Which left Zach out in the cold. Probably because Quinn… No, he knew Quinn liked men and women. But he seemingly managed it better than Zach did.

Quinn shook his head, still looking smug and amused. “So that’s the other guy.” He leaned over and pulled a chair over to the table. “Join us.” He leered rather than smiled and put as much innuendo into that comment as he could.

The three of them at the same table would be tight and intimate. But Quinn had solved the dilemma in Zach’s head. His heart pounded, and he started to sweat. Surely Quinn wasn’t implying all of them together would work? But maybe he was.

Zach only knew Quinn peripherally. Quinn danced in Rose’s male revue. Zach had known Devyn, Rose’s alter ego, since college. He and Devyn’s friend Tucker had played football a time or two. But Zach didn’t know Quinn well enough to know the complete backstory to the comment. However, he’d been talking to Rose one night after a show…

* * * *

“I figured most of the guys in your show were gay.” He’d sipped his drink and sighed noncommittally as they’d discussed her all male revue.

Rose waved a hand. “Oh, hon, most of them are as straight as that pole. Much to my disappointment. Neo’s the only homo among the group. You know he’s the one who started dating Phil, our bartender.” She exuded smugness, but Zach wasn’t sure why. Then her demeanor turned particularly conniving. “And then there’s Quinn. He’s the tall golden boy. His door apparently swings both ways.” She swung her hand back and forth.

Zach arched a brow at her as he squinted over his glass at Rose. She was up to something. He could tell. Not that she’d ever tell him, and he wasn’t sure if he cared. He hadn’t felt like much these last few months.

“I’m just saying it. That’s all.” She turned away from him, still talking but saying more than the words meant. “You’re not the only one, you know, who likes to have cake and ice cream. Though I’ve never been interested in pussy.” She wrinkled her nose. “Nevah.”

“Then you’re lucky.” Did he sound as bitter as he thought he did? He’d have to watch that. Even though he had every reason to be. How many lovers had dropped him when they’d learned he’d been with the other sex? The latest was a woman who would have run screaming if she hadn’t cared so much about what other people thought. Maybe he should start hiding it, but fuck it, all he wanted to do was share his entire self with someone. He also continued to think if he talked to the person about his other thoughts, maybe they could accept that in him and allow him what he needed. Was that too much to ask?

So far, the answer was yeah.

She shot him a look.

“It’s a helluva a lot easier to be interested in one sex.” He laughed, a hollow sound. “Then, when you’re with pussy, you don’t want cock, and when you’re with cock, you don’t want pussy.” He’d been in relationships and always seemed to want what he couldn’t have. He’d never been happy. Maybe
that
was why the other person eventually walked out on him. It sucked balls.

Rose tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe you could have both at the
same time?
I mean, no one says it’s either-or.”

“What, an intersex person?” He snorted. “That’d be the only way I’d get both.” Humans didn’t share well. He could see evidence of that walking into any daycare in America and observing children’s behavior.

She smacked his hand playfully. “No, silly boy. You could find a girl and a guy to be with.”

“At the same time?” He gulped down his liquor. “Like that would ever happen. It would take one patient girl and a guy who didn’t mind cock.” He threw money down on the bar. “I gotta go.”

* * * *

He’d left to meet Josie. How telling that he’d been meeting the girl who was now kissing Quinn, the man Rose had been talking about.

So Quinn
did
like men and women, if Rose had been right. And Rose was usually right. Sometimes it was hard to believe Rose was Devyn. It was quite a transformation he undertook to become his diva drag-queen ego.

Quinn
could
mean what Zach thought he meant. It was highly unlikely, though. Regardless, Zach sat down by them. Tight fit, but they would work around it. The chair creaked under him. He hunched over before straightening. Quinn was practically like a giant in these chairs. The smell of coffee drifted over as a machine made a
whir
sound.

Josie embodied mortification. “I’m so sorry about this. I was supposed to be done. I can’t imagine what you’re thinking.” She took a breath as her words were running together before she stared at Quinn pointedly.

He gazed back, seemingly nonplussed. Not saying a word, he simply sat there, returning her gaze.

She cleared her throat before she peeked at the door and back to Quinn. She was being subtle, but even Zach got she was asking Quinn to leave. Quinn, however, was either ignoring it or wasn’t processing what she was asking.

Zach couldn’t help but be amused. This could go on for a while if she didn’t put it more directly.

As if she’d read his mind, she said, “I think I need to talk to Zach alone.” She shot a withering glance at Quinn, presumably because he hadn’t gotten her inferred meanings.