Dear Rose 3: Winter's Risk (2 page)

She didn’t want to give either of them up. Which was hardly fair to them. How could she never see Zach again? Or Quinn? She’d miss them for an eternity.

She massaged her temples.

I can’t believe I’m in this situation. For so long, I couldn’t get a guy. Now I have two, and I like them both.

She could see herself with either of them, making a commitment. Going the long haul. But she kept telling herself, they weren’t like potato chips. She could only have one.

Life wasn’t fair.

Not to mention, she’d run into Rose the other day after a date with Quinn. Quinn had been going to work after their excursion, and they’d wound up at Temples.

* * * *

She had stopped to watch Quinn saunter on back to the dressing rooms. Such a hunk. He had a nice ass. That he knew how to work.

“Hey, Josie.” Rose had air-kissed a breezy hello. “Seeing Quinn off for the night?” Devyn, Rose’s non-drag ego, had come into her restaurant a few times. It was sort of odd thinking of them as two different entities, but she couldn’t help it.

“Yeah.” She had smiled as she did whenever she thought about Quinn. Course, she did the same thing when she thought about Zach. “We just finished dinner. Ate early so he could work.”

“Going to watch his show? He makes it worth it, that’s for sure. The man can move.”

Didn’t she know it? She’d watched him a few times before. “Not tonight. Have to be at work early in the morning. They are doing breakfast now.” Hadn’t been her idea. She’d enjoyed not having to be at work until noon.

“Ah. Well, have a good evening.” Rose had breezily dismissed her with the wave of a hand.

She’d turned to go.

“Josie?”

“Yeah.” She’d turned toward the drag queen, who was still facing the same direction. Rose hadn’t moved, though she’d seemed to be done with the conversation. Interesting.

“Didn’t I see you the other night with Zach? Here. Dancing. Drinks. Going to a movie afterward?” Rose arched a brow at her. “Not that I care but was wondering.”

Josie froze. Zach had told her that he knew Devyn and a couple of other friends of Devyn’s from college. It wasn’t that Zach and Quinn didn’t know she was dating anyone else. But as far as she knew, they didn’t know
who
the other person she was dating was. And she wanted to keep it that way. Only there was this stupid Rose connection, and she should have known it would blow up in her face. Not to mention she’d been stupid to spend so much time at Temples. Rose noticed every detail. Quinn had told her that. Hell, so had Zach. Maybe she’d wanted it to come out? Or maybe she had lost a few IQ points.

“Yeah. Yeah, you did.” She tried not to sound guilty but failed miserably.

Rose stepped closer. “None of my bizness. But dating two hunks? That can get complicated.”

“You have no idea.” Josie forced out a smile. “They know I’m not exclusive with either one. I’ve been up-front I’m dating someone else.”

“Ah.” Only Rose could make one nonsensical word sound like a “yeah right” and at the same time sound innocent.

“They do. I haven’t committed to either of them yet. They know I’m seeing another person.”
Justification, thy name is Josie.

“Ah,” Rose repeated, with an expression like an all-knowing oracle. Josie had been to a psychic once. She hadn’t seemed as sure of herself as Rose did at this moment. “Do they know
who
else you are dating? Besides them?”

“No. They don’t know what other guy I’m dating. And it’s only the two of them. They both asked me out around the same time. I thought I’d be able to pick, you know? Choose one of them before long. But it’s not working out that way.” She let out a brittle laugh. “I know you think I’m awful.”

“Oh, honey, I don’t.” She patted Josie’s arm with fingers ending in extended fake manicured nails long enough to scratch anyone’s eyes out if she wanted. They were painted red. The temptress color. Probably no one challenged Rose Winter about anything, much less her man, though. “Maybe you should talk to them. Tell them each about the other. You never know. I mean sometimes a love life doesn’t have to be an ordered entrée. Sometimes it can be a buffet.” She air-kissed. “Think about what’s fair.”

And with that she’d left Josie standing and trying to figure out what she meant. There seemed to be an undercurrent in what Rose was saying, like she knew something Josie didn’t.

* * * *

Rose said one clear thing that propelled her thoughts.

Jos, you need to come clean with them. You need to tell them about not being able to choose. And maybe just who the other man in your life is.

It had been a month. A month of dates. A month of her agonizing over a choice she couldn’t seem to make.

Things had started to take an intimate turn with both relationships. Once things got sexual, she viewed that as a commitment. She couldn’t see being intimate with both of them, especially if they didn’t know she was with the other one.

That wouldn’t be fair in any way, shape, or form.

If she hadn’t been trying to make a decision, she would have slept with one of them by now.

And now Rose knew, and she had connections to both of them. Would she tell? Josie wanted to tell them before Rose.

That left her little choice.

She needed to talk to them and be up-front about her lack of ability to make a decision between them. She might lose them both in the process.

I don’t know what else to do.

Maybe this would help her make a decision. At least, it would ease her conscience.

She glowered at the phone and finally picked up to dial. She called Quinn first, because his name started with
Q
, and then she called Zach. She made separate coffee dates with each of them.

* * * *

Josie shifted in her seat nervously. She moved back and forth. Checked her watch again. Quinn was late. He’d called her to say he wasn’t going to be on time, but now he was even later than he’d said he’d be.

The small coffee shop had little tables and tiny chairs. The tables were faux wood and the chairs had faux leather, which was tan and brown. It wasn’t one that had armchairs and comfy sofas. It was a hole-in-the-wall mom-and-pop operation. But the coffee was good and not as expensive as some. They knew her order and would have it ready for her almost as soon as they saw her. However, now the chair was getting uncomfortable. As was the passing of time.

You’re an idiot.

The coffee invites had been at different times. At the same coffee shop. Back-to-back. She’d thought she’d left plenty of time in between them, but now her talk with Quinn was going to be butting into Zach’s arrival if he didn’t hurry up and get there. She should have known something like this would happen.

You’re batting a thousand. First with hanging out at Temples and the Rose angle. Now trying to do this back-to-back. God, you’re an idiot.

And you’re repeating yourself to yourself. Great job, genius.

“Hey, Jos.” Quinn walked in. “Sorry to be so late. I was talking to Rose about the dance tonight, and she wouldn’t let me off the phone. I kept telling her I had to go and meet you. Then she’d come up with one more thing.” He sounded exasperated with his boss.

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t okay. She wasn’t sure she had enough time to talk to him and have him leave before Zach arrived. But she needed to get this done and over with. For everyone’s sake, especially hers. She’d have to make this quick and hope for the best.

He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek before he plopped in the seat. The legs scraped the orange tile floor as he slid it across to get near the table. “Really sorry.” He gave her a puppy-dog look only Quinn could manage that was designed to make her laugh.

“No worries.” She pointed at the barista. “You going to get coffee?” She would try to hurry this along as much as she could. Maybe Zach would be late too? No, he was always on time. Usually early. This wasn’t the first time Quinn had been late. She’d been prepared for a few minutes, but not this length of time.
Damn Rose
. Only she couldn’t be blamed. She hadn’t known the truth of the situation. The blame rested firmly with Josie. She should have done this on different days.

Quinn guffawed. “Do you want to see
me
on caffeine?” He opened his eyes wide and grinned at her. “This boy doesn’t do caffeine. Or you’d be picking me off the ceiling. It’s not pretty.”

He had a point. “I bet.” She focused on her coffee cup. No answers there on how to proceed. If only they were there, or she could read tea leaves. She’d never done anything like this before. She had no idea how to talk to him about the other man she’d been seeing. She had no idea how he was going to react, and that was scaring her the most. She had considered the possibility one of them would walk away from her today. Maybe even both of them.

“Are you okay?” His voice lowered from his usual teasing tone to something much throatier. Was that what he’d sound like in bed? “You seem tense.”

In bed
. Those long limbs. That body against hers. Her pulse raced even more than from the nerves.
Down, girl. You have things to do
. She lifted her head and stared into his crystal-blue eyes. She’d never known eyes could be that shade until him. “Yeah. Why do you ask?” She wouldn’t have thought he’d have noticed. Now, Zach noticed everything.

“You seem to be contemplating something. In fact, you have seemed like that the last two dates. Like you’re thinking about something you don’t want to tell me.” He suddenly paused and became still. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you? That’s got to be it. Wow. I never expected this.”

She quickly shook her head even as he continued to babble, and put her hand over his. “No.” She let out a small laugh. “That’s the last thing I’m doing.”

He relaxed as though he was out of the woods. The truth was things were just getting started. “Good. Then what is it? What’s on your mind?”

She licked her lips.
Here we go
. “You know I haven’t committed to you. I’ve been up-front about seeing other people.”

He nodded. Kicked back in the small seat, which was hard because of his large torso. He looked sort of stuffed into the chair. Like he could pop up like a jack-in-the-box at any moment. And she honestly wouldn’t put that past him. He liked to stay in motion. “Yep, and I like how honest you’ve been about the whole thing.”

“Actually, I’m seeing one other person,” she hedged, trying to explain this to him so that he’d understand. Sadly, she didn’t expect him to understand. She wasn’t sure she did. Not fully.

He kept those eyes shining on her. “Okay.” He nodded and, for once, didn’t start babbling.

“And…I thought I’d be able to decide who I want to keep dating by now. I thought I’d make a decision between the two of you. Some sort of conclusion about who I wanted to be with.” She’d expected it long before now. Instead she kept anticipating everything with both of them.

He tilted his head as though he was thinking this through. And again, he didn’t jump in with words. “And…”

“I can’t. I started seeing you both around the same time, and I’ve tried hard to figure things out. I like both of you. For different reasons. For reasons I can’t even explain. I’ve tried to work out in my mind who to have a relationship with, and I can’t.” Now she was babbling, not him. How odd. She clamped her mouth closed.

“So you’re dating two men?” He peered at her for confirmation. And so far, he wasn’t as upset as she’d thought he’d be. Another fascinating development.

“Yeah.” That sounded so trampy. Like something she’d see on a reality show or a talk show.

“And one of them is me. One of them is some guy I don’t know. And you like us both and can’t decide which of us to keep dating. That sum it up?” He sat forward as if anticipating her answer.

She nodded. Took a deep breath. Maybe this would get easier telling Zach now that she’d done it with Quinn. “That’s the whole of it. Yeah. I don’t feel I can keep stringing you along. I’ve been honest with you both. I never said anything was exclusive. But the fact is, I can’t make a choice. I don’t want to make a choice.”

“So what does that mean? Exactly?” He leaned forward on his arms. He seemed to be at rest, but she could see the energy bubbling up in him. “What do you want to do? With both relationships?”

“I don’t know. I don’t what it means. I’d like to keep seeing you both. But I don’t know if either of you is cool with that, so I needed to talk to you.” She shook her head. “I never expected to be in this situation with two guys.”

“So you want to find out, are we okay with you dating both of us at the same time? And how we think that affects us?” He moved again almost nervously. “That’s it, right? You need us to give you license to date us both; otherwise, you feel guilty. And I’m betting you haven’t gone any further with making out with him than you have with me. And you don’t feel right doing more with either of us unless we are fine with you dating both of us.”

Quinn might have the focus of a Lab puppy, but he summed up what she was doing beautifully. His insights were bang on, even if she hadn’t been able to express them to him or to herself. “Exactly.”

“I knew you were holding back. I didn’t know why.” He gave the impression he was proud of himself. “What happens if you do make a decision? If you start preferring one of us over the other one?” He tapped his foot on the leg of the table, making an echoing sound. “Sorry.” He shifted his foot farther away. She’d think he was nervous, except this was Quinn, and he did keep in constant motion.

“Then I guess I have my answer.” She glanced around them. No one was watching her or listening. There were a few people in the shop, but all were milling around, not paying attention to anyone else. The male owner was wiping down the counters. “Right now, I dream about you both. About being with you. About doing things. Not just sex. But having adventures. And I can’t separate the two of you out and say I want to be with this one more. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. Which troubles me. On many levels.”

“Because?” He seemed puzzled at that statement.

“Because I’m not supposed to want to be with two guys.” She was supposed to find one guy, settle down, and have the romantic-comedy experience of a happy ending.