Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (18 page)

Basic blackjack

Does the Advisor know any simple blackjack strategies?—R.W., Oakland, California

Here’s a common one: (1) Always split 8s and aces. (2) Double 10 or 11 if your total is greater than what the dealer shows. (3) Hit on a “hard” 11 or less (i.e., no flexible aces), unless doubling. (4) Stand on a hard 12 to 16 when the dealer shows 2 to 6; hit if the dealer shows 7 to ace. (5) Stand on 17 to 21 unless you have a soft 17. (6) Never take insurance. Played perfectly, these six rules will cut the casino’s edge by more than half.

Who’s smarter: bettors or oddsmakers?

The Nevada Gaming Control Board says that in a typical year casinos keep 2.9 percent of the money wagered on professional baseball. That’s lower than any other sport. (The house keeps 5.9 percent of the money bet on basketball and 4.7 percent on football.) What is it about baseball that makes it less profitable for casinos? Are the bettors smarter or the oddsmakers dumber?—A.K., San Francisco, California

The oddsmakers are never dumber. Relatively few people bet on baseball. That creates intense competition among the casinos, especially since baseball is the only major league sport played for most of the summer. So while football has a 20-cent line, baseball has traditionally been a dime. A few casinos have edged that up to 15 cents; some online bookies have dropped it to five.

Recognizing a tell

My buddies and I have started a weekly poker game. I know that pro gamblers have studied the game this way and that, looking for advantages. Has anyone ever taken a closer look at classic tells? I’d like to add more of my friends’ money to my take-home pay.—W.P., Duluth, Minnesota

Inexperienced players have numerous tells. A common tip-off, according to Mike Caro, author of the
Book of Tells
, is an opponent who reflexively holds his breath. “Because bluffers are aware that anything they do may trigger your call, they have learned not to tempt fate by being conspicuous,” he explains. “Often their breathing will become shallow or sometimes stop altogether.” A player with a strong hand may feign indifference. “An opponent who looks away when it’s your turn to act is almost always more dangerous and more likely to raise than a player who looks at you. He is trying to make your bet seem safe. This is especially true if the opponent’s head is turned away but he is looking back at you through
the corners of his eyes.” Caro also watches for shaking hands (“this tell is usually misunderstood—bluffers force themselves to become rigid; a shaking hand often indicates an unbeatable hand”), an opponent who reflexively touches his chips or cards (he’s antsy to bet), a bluffer who stares you down or cavalierly tosses in his chips, or a bluffer who won’t exhale clouds while smoking (again, to avoid being conspicuous). Finally, Caro has observed what he calls pokerclack—a player who makes a subconscious clicking sound with his tongue after viewing a strong hand for the first time. Championship players have been known to fake tells, which can become a tell itself.

When can you leave a game?

What is the best way to quit a poker game early, especially if you’re way ahead in chips?—J.K., Phoenix, Arizona

You should be able to cash out anytime. “The notion that you can’t quit while winning is silly,” says Doyle Brunson, author of
Poker Wisdom of a Champion
. “If you think you’re outclassed, quit. If you’re tired, quit. If you’re feeling unsure about the honesty of another player, quit. But most of all, if you feel like taking your winnings home, quit. It should be understood that every player has the unquestionable right to leave at any time without being ridiculed.” In practice this may not happen in a game with your buddies, but theoretically it’s supposed to.

Poker police

During a poker game, one of my buddies had a few too many and, upon laying down his cards, didn’t realize he had won the pot. Another player scooped in the chips, but I stopped him. I said the cards speak for themselves. The other player insisted the individual is responsible for minding the action. Who’s right?—Y.R., Ypsilanti, Michigan

We think that if you’re so intoxicated as to be oblivious to winning, it’s past the time to bow out. That said, the cards always speak. In fact players are obliged to assist the dealer and call attention to errors of this nature, including the misreading of a hand or an insufficient bet. In this situation, Jake Austen, editor of the anthology
A Friendly Game of Poker
, notes that you should never show your hole cards unless you’re sure you have a shot at the pot, because it reveals too much about how you play certain hands. He also notes that in games such as seven-card stud an oblivious winner may beat an eager pot scooper with
only his up cards, and anyone at the table is more than right to point that out. “A more odious faux pas is the habit of announcing what cards are needed for the nut hand during play,” Austen says. “While there is an obligation to inform the table of errors, terrible players shouldn’t be discouraged from folding winning hands by a Chatty Cathy.”

House rules

My buddies and I get together every few weeks to play poker. We’d like to make the games more interesting by allowing each host to set some of his own rules. I’m going first. Any suggestions?—L.R., Washington, D.C.

Jake Austen suggests a standing ban on TVs, radios, cell phones, spouses and dates, as well as these variations: (1) At the end of the night, whoever brought the six-pack that has the most bottles or cans left has to cover everyone’s last ante. This dissuades people from bringing cheap beer, and it encourages anyone who brought bad beer to drink it himself. (2) Allow for a straight in which the ace is both higher than a king and lower than a 2 (for example, Q-K-A-2-3), with the hand ranking below a real straight but above three of a kind. (3) If one of the up cards is a Black Maria (queen of spades), everyone throws in $5. (4) Fine players an extra ante for misdealing, flashing cards, splashing the pot or saying or doing something stupid. The table determines the fine, and any protest calls for another fine. (5) According to a 1986 study in
American Mathematical Monthly
, before a deck can be dealt it must be riffle-shuffled seven times to achieve an acceptable degree of disorder.

I’m too good

About a year ago my friends and I started a weekly poker game. For the past few months I’ve won every time we’ve played. I worry that my winning is going to break up the game. Should I lose on purpose to keep things going?—J.H., New Orleans, Louisiana

That’s no fun, and your friends would feel insulted if they found out. A better strategy is to invest your winnings in the game. Rather than having the host rake the pot, offer to pay for the food and booze yourself. Contribute a bottle of premium whiskey (e.g., a $200 bottle of 25-year-old Talisker single malt) as well as cigars (e.g., Zino Platinum Scepter Grand Masters, at $156 a tin). The game may also benefit from a set of all-clay chips. If a good percentage of your winnings never leaves the room, your friends won’t mind losing nearly as much.

The limits of Hold ’em

I’m planning a Texas Hold ’em party, and I’m not sure when and at what rate to raise the blinds. What do you suggest?—P.Z., West Seneca, New York

Hosts typically raise the blinds by some percentage (e.g., 25, 50, 100) every 30 or 60 minutes. Make sure everyone knows the schedule before play begins. How often and how much depends on whether you’ve invited janitors or lawyers; you want everyone to be comfortable with but challenged by the limits. We all love watching the cowboys check their hands on ESPN2, but have you considered hosting a game that involves actual card play, such as Omaha Hi-Lo or Seven-Card Stud? They call it Hold ’em for a reason—you spend a lot of time doing nothing.

GETTING HITCHED

Committed to the idea of committing.

Should I get married?

I am engaged to a woman I have known for 10 months. I love her, but we keep going through a vicious cycle of fighting, talking about a breakup, then deciding to commit. She’s insecure, touchy-feely, fairly immature and has no interest in anything I’m into. She hasn’t gone out with her friends since we started seeing each other, and she throws a fit when I go out with mine. I have never made love to her without fantasizing about someone else. My problem is that I’m conflicted about going through with the wedding. I know I just rattled off an astounding list of negatives, but I have feelings for this woman. She is the first girlfriend I’ve had in four years. I keep thinking I love her, I should be mature, that we ought to work things out and make a life together. I’ll be 28 soon, and I don’t want to break someone’s heart so I can comb the city for the next however many years for someone who might be better for me but may not exist. Can you help?—L.J., Louisville, Kentucky

That is an astounding list of negatives. Lots of guys talk themselves past obstacles and do something they regret. Don’t be one of them. The fear of being alone is not a reason to get married.

If not the fear of being alone, what is a reason to get married? Most married guys I know are miserable. And don’t say love. Anybody who lives or works in Manhattan knows that it’s possible for a man to fall in love every 20 feet while walking down Sixth Avenue in the summer.—A.C., New York, New York

Every 20 feet? You must be farsighted. We’ve never been champions of marriage except to raise children. Typically a man marries because the woman wants it and he isn’t creative enough to imagine life without her. Is that too cynical? A few great minds, such as Socrates, have been more optimistic. “By all means, marry,” he wrote. “If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” If you ever find yourself thinking, Maybe things will get better after we’re married, step away from the edge. Marriage counselor Jeffry Larson reviewed social research from the past 65 years to develop a detailed questionnaire that helps
couples decide if they’ll be happy. You’ll find it in his book
Should We Stay Together?
Larson includes marriage myths (e.g., “you’re my one and only” and “opposites attract”) and ways to tell if getting hitched may not be the best idea, such as (1) Your fiancée asks relentlessly, “Are you sure that you love me?” (2) She says she’s okay with your interests but also says you spend too much time on them. (3) When you consider breaking up, your first thought is that you’ll miss the sex. (4) You are irritated by the idea of spending an entire day alone with her. (5) She’s an addict. (6) She’s a perfectionist. (7) You break up and reconcile repeatedly. (8) You’re depressed (you’ll be a depressed married person). (9) You think marriage will make you a better man.

Can I get the ring back?

About six months ago, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. Now I’ve changed my mind. The ring cost me a small fortune, and I would like to get it back. Where do I stand?—G.F., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

She should return it. The modern woman doesn’t need a consolation prize. Legally, she has to return it: Numerous state courts, including the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, have ruled that an engagement ring is a “conditional” gift—the condition being that the marriage take place. But take a deep breath before you pursue this. If her family has to eat any deposits on canceled wedding arrangements, the ring is your contribution. If that’s not the case, it still might be wise to consider the ring as you would a stock pick that didn’t go your way. Say goodbye, then take a fresh look at the market.

Disinvited to the wedding

Two weeks after attending a bachelor party for a friend, I received this letter: “You attended a party that was meant to be a last night out for my future husband with his friends. Instead you turned it into something horrible. While we have decided to go ahead with the wedding, we request that you no longer be a part of it. I do not want to celebrate my marriage with men who encouraged my fiancé to take off his clothes and touch a whore. I would never make him stop being friends with you, but I will insist that you not attend.” My girlfriend says I should lose this guy as a friend, but I’m not sure what to do. For the record, nothing distasteful happened at the party.—M.S., Montclair, New Jersey