Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (15 page)

The war on pleats

What’s with the war on pleats? I’ve read three different admonitions in
Playboy
against wearing pleated pants. For example, you advise readers, “If you’re size medium to skinny, you’ll look better in flat fronts.” Better in what way? I have two pairs of pleated slacks I wear for dressy occasions, and I frequently receive compliments from women on how dapper and urbane I look. I’m six feet tall with a 32-inch waist.—R.W., Pasadena, California

Did we say better? We meant hipper. Some of our best friends are pleats. But according to STS Market Research, which tracks apparel trends, more than half of all pants sold to men under 40 have flat fronts, up from 35 percent just two years earlier. Sales among older men have been more consistent; about 58 percent of the pants they buy have folds. Pleats definitely look better on guys who are
heavier or have a barrel shape, but a medium or skinny build can go either way. The only real test is to see if women react the same way to a flat front. It may not be your trousers that impress them.

Panty hose for men

My boyfriend wears panty hose in public, even with shorts. He says panty hose on men is a trend. Is he goofy or in style?—J.T., Grand Rapids, Michigan

He may be ahead of his time—except for the shorts. Thousands of men wear panty hose for nonsexual reasons (that is, they aren’t cross-dressers). One major supplier is G. Lieberman & Sons, whose chief executive, Steve Katz, began marketing to men in 1999 after trying on dozens of pairs of women’s nylons and noting what he didn’t like about their fit. The result is a durable hose with a fly, longer legs, a lower waistband and more room for the male package. Katz and his wife launched comfilon.com to sell hose as a fashionable alternative to socks and long underwear for men who have the “nylon gene,” or as a practical one for warmth, circulation or to avoid contact with itchy wool pants. They also market to cops, truckers, construction workers, athletes and soldiers in Iraq (to protect against sand fleas). In fact, a pair kept us ventilated and compressed while answering your letter. That’s startling only in that we usually go commando.

THE FEMALE BODY

Navigating her curves.

Finding the clitoris

Every woman I’ve been with has told me I do an amazing job going down on her. I even got a bloody lip once because a girl bucked so hard during orgasm. But I’ve found that right when a woman seems to reach the peak of her arousal, I always lose track of her clitoris. It just disappears. What’s going on?—R.T., Tallahassee, Florida

In its
Guide to Getting It On
, the staff of Goofy Foot Press notes that
clitoris
is Latin for “darned thing that was here just a second ago.” As a woman becomes aroused, her clitoris swells. As she reaches the plateau phase just before climax, it may disappear beneath its hood of skin. Some researchers now believe this is an optical illusion: The clit stays put but the labia swell, hiding it. Whichever the case, the retreating clit is nature’s way of reminding you to stay focused. If you lose track of her clitoris, you have two options. Dig deeper (get your nose in there), or gently explore her vulva and labia until she becomes just slightly less aroused. This will give the clitoris a false sense of security, and it will peek out to be captured by your tongue or finger. Have you noticed how teasing someone into oblivion is often the same thing as bumbling around? Just keep it moving.

I used to have the same problem. Then one evening I decided to use my tongue to map my wife’s vulva. I began gently spreading her labia with my fingers and thumbs, then licking her upward from the perineum, across the vaginal opening, between the parted labia, over the clitoris, and up the clitoral shaft. She went crazy, so I did it again, bottom to top, one long slow stroke. I found that by using her inner lips to guide the tip of my tongue, I could follow them like the banks of a river until they came together at the top, where her clitoris was quivering expectantly. After a few more strokes, I stayed put, giving her clit a few feathery strokes and then licking it more firmly with my tongue. Needless to say, I’ve had no trouble finding it since.—S.C., Boston, Massachusetts

Thanks for the tip. You’re the Lewis and Clark of cunnilingus.

One breast is larger

My wife’s left breast is larger than her right. This makes her feel self-conscious, so I searched online for photos of women with different-sized breasts to show her she’s not abnormal. I found many, and most are like my wife—the left breast seems larger. Is there a reason for this?—K.H., Melbourne, Florida

Many women have noticeably different breasts, just as many guys have noticeably different testicles. We can’t say why the left breast more often seems larger, but a study of 598 women in Akron, Ohio confirmed your perception and “the generally accepted clinical impression of left-breast dominance.” In 54 percent of the subjects measured by the Akron team, the left breast was larger. In an earlier study of 248 women, however, the split was 50-50, so who knows? The researchers found only one woman among the 846 who had breasts of equal volume.

Vaginal odors

Whenever I finger my girlfriend and sniff my fingers, I smell a foul odor. It isn’t horrible, but it sure isn’t great. Is there a way to decrease the smell?—V.T., Tucson, Arizona

Yes. Don’t sniff your fingers. Every woman smells different, but we’d describe the odor as pleasantly musky. Your girlfriend may have an infection such as bacterial vaginosis, but usually that produces itching, burning, a discharge and an odor that you would recognize as unquestionably bad. If you’re concerned, tell her, “You know I love how you taste, but lately I’ve noticed it’s different. I want to make sure you’re okay.” You may be the best friend her pussy’s ever had.

Why is it that on the mornings after my husband and I have sex, I have a terrible odor coming from my vagina? I asked my sister if she had experienced anything like this and she said no.—A.K., Cherry Hill, New Jersey

There is a chance this is caused by your husband’s semen. In 1995 a female patient of a family physician in Oakland, California complained that her genitals smelled fishy, but only after sex. She showed no other symptoms of bacterial vaginosis. Curious, the doctor asked the woman to return to his office every morning for a month so he could take cultures. He confirmed that she didn’t have an infection and noted that the smell occurred only on mornings after she’d had unprotected intercourse.

I had this problem and found that it helps to sit on the toilet after sex and push the semen out. I also wear odor-absorbing panty liners. I’ve talked about this with my girlfriends, and we all agree that semen causes the odor.—L.K., Pittsboro, North Carolina

So while the guys talk about sports…

Finding her G-spot

My husband has searched for my G-spot without luck. How can we find it?—T.W., Cleveland, Ohio

You may already have. Not every woman finds stimulation of the Grafenberg spot all that memorable. In fact, an Italian scientist conducted anatomical studies that suggest some women either don’t have a G-spot or have one so small that it can’t easily be located. Others have wondered if it exists at all: A psychologist who reviewed the medical literature concluded that, without more definitive studies, the G-spot will remain a “gynecologic UFO.” The idea of a pleasure spot, he says, puts undue stress on women who can’t find theirs. The spot is easier to find if you’re turned on, because it swells. In
The Good Vibrations Guide: The G-Spot
, Cathy Winks suggests that you lie on your stomach, position yourself on your hands and knees or squat. “Reach your fingers an inch or two in from the vaginal opening and crook them toward the front wall of the vagina in a ‘come hither’ motion. The G-spot is responsive to pressure but not to light touch. If you brush lightly around the inside of the vagina, you probably won’t feel anything. Instead, press firmly into the vaginal wall. Remember, the G-spot isn’t on the vaginal wall; it’s felt through the vaginal wall. As you explore from the pubic bone up toward the cervix, you should feel a slightly ridged area that begins to swell. You may find it helpful to take your other hand and press down on the outside of your belly just above the pubic hair line—sometimes you can feel the G-spot area swelling between your hands.” Women have described the spot to Winks as “a spongy circle about the size of an almond,” “a small cushion nestled against my pubic bone” and “sort of like a ripe strawberry.” Happy hunting.

Feeling her tail

While making out with a girl, I felt a nub at the top of her butt crack. I’ve heard that every human has a gene for a tail. Do some people actually have one?—E.W., Washington, D.C.

You’re complaining about getting a little tail? Your date has an extended coccyx. No big deal.

How do your labia hang?

Our neighbor owns a porn store, so he knows a lot about sex. The other day he asked me which way my labia hang. He said that whichever way my lips hang is the way my husband’s cock hangs. I ran home, dragged my husband into the bedroom and put a little throat on him. Sure enough, his erection bends slightly to the right, and my right lip is larger than my left. By the way, my neighbor is gay. Is this for real, or is he just trying to get a visual on my husband’s cock?—M.M., Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

There’s absolutely nothing to what your neighbor told you, although we’re sure he’d love to hear the details. And your husband would love if you checked again.

I am dating a new guy and I’m afraid he may not like my pussy. My labia are prominent, and I’m worried that when he touches me or goes down on me, he will be turned off. I don’t know why I’m hung up on this; none of my other boyfriends have said a word about it. I guess I need reassurance. What do guys think of women with large labia?—L.K., San Antonio, Texas

The right guy will think they’re hot. We were sharing a limo with Juli Ashton and Tiffany Granath, the hosts of Playboy TV’s
Night Calls
, when, believe it or not, this topic came up. (It was 6
AM
, so you can imagine how the rest of the day went.) Tiffany expressed concern that her “meaty fins” might turn off a new beau. Juli chimed in that her left fin hung lower than her right and pointed out that women with long fins often can more easily reach orgasm. That’s because typically a woman’s clit is not stimulated enough during intercourse to bring her to climax without outside intervention (such as a finger or vibrator). But long fins wrap around the guy’s erection, and his movement causes them to tug on her clit. The Advisor reassured our favorite redhead that any man who finds his face in her pussy is not thinking, This babe’s too meaty. He’s thinking, I can’t believe that I’m going down on Tiffany Granath.

During interviews for our book,
Threesome: How to Fulfill Your Favorite Fantasy
, women with smaller “fins” said they stopped three-ways because of abrasion much more often than the well-endowed women. Larger, protruding lips retain vaginal lubrication, extend the vagina through the pubic hair and provide a longer, wetter tube. Men should be thankful for their partner’s large labia, because they’re better suited for extended intercourse.—Lori Gammon and Bill Strong, West Palm Beach, Florida

We’ve adjusted our fantasy accordingly.

My girlfriend’s labia hang down almost an inch. When I discussed it with the guys at work, they all said it’s because she’s a slut. “Look at the porn stars,” they said. I don’t want to ask my girlfriend about this, but the guys have put this idea in my head, and I need reassurance.—J.A., Pullman, Washington

Sexual activity has nothing to do with the size of a woman’s labia, nor does it affect her breasts, lips, eyes, nose, teeth, feet, buttocks, legs, fingers or toes. When you have a good thing going, it’s always wise to share the particulars of your girlfriend’s genitals on a need-to-know basis, which is to say—never. You’re putting a lot of trust in these guys to keep their mouths shut.