Dear Coca-Cola (6 page)

I would be grateful for your help, and what I would like to know from you is this:- does the term Kentucky Fried Chicken mean (a) that you obtain your chickens from Kentucky and then fry them, (b) that the chickens can come from anywhere but are fried in Kentucky, or (c) that there is a breed of chicken called Kentucky Chicken. Or is it perhaps a mixture of all three?

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

CC-00772-AS

PEPSICO EUROPE

12
^th
April

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

In reply to your letter dated 10 April. Please find enclosed a pamphlet detailing the history of KFC.

Colonel Sanders who began KFC was from Kentucky and so he called the product Kentucky Fried Chicken. The chicken used is sourced in the country of origin, i.e. if you buy KFC in England the raw product comes from the UK.

Once again, thanks for the interest you have shown in our brand.

Yours sincerely

Kerry Pinker

Customer Services

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

20
^th
April

Your ref CC-00772-AS

Kerry Pinker

Pepsico Europe

32 Goldsworth Road

Woking

Dear Kerry Pinker

Thank you for your letter and the informative pamphlet, which should be most useful.

It was with no little surprise that I learned the chickens used by your company are just ordinary chickens from the country of origin. This is because since writing to you events have conspired which absolutely convinced me that they must be some special breed of chicken. Allow me to explain. As part of the research for my thesis I stood outside a Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet for a complete day, questioning your customers as they came out. (I didn't question why they went in!) One of the things I was trying to establish was what exactly a 'piece' of Kentucky Fried Chicken is. On collating the answers of over two hundred customers it transpired that a 'piece' is a portion of a chicken from the leg, thigh or breast of the bird, but more usually from the leg or thigh - indeed if the proportions of breast to leg and thigh pieces used by the outlet in my research was representative of your other outlets then you must be using chickens which have one breast and thirty six legs – or in other words a special breed of chicken. However you now inform me that this is not the case. It just goes to prove the old saying 'There are lies, damned lies and statistics'.

Thank you for your help. I don't suppose there's any chance of getting hold of a copy of Colonel Sanders' secret recipe, is there?

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

NO REPLY!

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

24th March

Tesco Stores Ltd

Cheshunt

Dear Tesco

I have just finished a carton of your Healthy Eating Crème Fraiche D'isigny, and very nice it was too. In fact it was almost up to the standard of your regular Crème Fraiche D' Isigny, which I normally buy. Which brings me to the question: If your Healthy Eating Crème Fraiche D'Isigny is 'healthy eating' then, by definition, is your regular Crème Fraiche D'Isigny 'unhealthy eating'?

This is of no small concern to me because all things being equal I prefer your regular Crème Fraiche D'isigny - try dipping oven chips in it, absolutely gorgeous - but not at the expense of my health.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

TESCO

Our Ref: 453269

3 April

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your letter dated 24 March.

We are currently investigating this matter and will be contacting you again in the near future.

Thank you for taking the time to contact us.

Yours sincerely

For and on behalf of Tesco Stores Ltd

Glenn Pattison

Customer Services

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

23rd April

Your ref 453269

Glenn Pattison

Tesco

PO Box 73

Dundee

Dear Glenn Pattison

It is now over three weeks since you wrote to me. How are your investigations coming along? I must say that you are dragging your heels somewhat on this one, the Co-op were much quicker off the mark when I wrote to them about their lasagne
. And
they sent me a voucher.

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

TESCO

Our Ref: 453269

29 April

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your letter dated 24 March regarding Healthy Eating Creme Fraiche and please let me apologise for the delay in responding.

With regards your query, I contacted our technologist who explained that the Healthy Eating range is designed around a number of things: For example, most are half the fat, lower in sodium salt or lower in sugar than the normal products. Thus they are aimed at customers who want to reduce their intake of certain substances. This is not to say that the normal products are 'unhealthy' just that Healthy Eating products are a healthier option.

I hope this goes some way to answering your question and allays your fears about our non-Healthy Eating products. I hope you continue to enjoy our Creme Fraiche (with oven chips – may have to try that one!) Should you have any further queries do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to write to us.

Yours sincerely

For and on behalf of Tesco Stores Ltd

Marc Turnbull

Customer Services Manager

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

1st May

Your ref 453269

Marc Turnbull

Tesco

PO Box 73

Dundee

Dear Marc Turnbull

Thank you for your letter of 29th April.

I would suggest to you that your technologist is wasting his time at Tesco, for a successful career in politics as a spin doctor surely awaits him. If you are taking out quantities of fat, salt and sugar in order to make a product healthy then it follows that fat, salt and sugar are bad for our health; therefore his sentence 'This is not to say that the normal products are unhealthy, just that Healthy Eating products are a healthier option' is not only double-speak, but one of the finest examples of double-speak I have seen for ages, and worthy of Tony Blair himself. In truth it would make more sense to call your two varieties of crème fraiche 'Unhealthy Eating' and' Very Unhealthy Eating', but when was the last time a supermarket chain let the truth get in the way of a sale?

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

TESCO

Our Ref: 453269

7 May

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your letter dated 1 May.

As far as our technologist is concerned I'm sure he did in fact used to write in fact rite Tony Blair's speeches!!

I think that the wording 'Healthy Eating' is a little misleading as all food is healthy as it provides essential fuel for our bodies, to keep us going throughout the day. We all need certain amounts of fat, sugar, salt etc. to keep us fit and healthy. Obviously different foods contain differing amounts of each. So, this dispels the fact theory that non-healthy eating products are by definition unhealthy.

The healthy eating label helps to provide people with a choice and serves to make their shopping trips easier. For example, people who suffer from high cholesterol, heart disease, or diabetes, may wish to reduce their intake of fat, sugar or salt. By highlighting our products which have reduced levels of these this makes their shopping and perhaps their lives easier.

Conversely, what may be a healthy diet for a person suffering one of the above mentioned problems may not be suitable for someone else. This has been highlighted in the news recently, where some parents have been feeding their children low fat diets which are unsuitable for a child's health and growth. Hence it has resulted in children who are malnourished or who have stunted growth. So, in this case the so-called normal products would have been the healthy option.

With regard to your closing comment we are not totally sale oriented and, has been illustrated, more customer focused by endeavouring to meet our customers’ needs, we are not lying to make a quick sale!

I hope this clears this up a little better. Thank you for taking the time and trouble to write to us.

Yours sincerely

For and on behalf of Tesco Stores Ltd

Marc Turnbull

Customer Services Manager

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

12th May

Marc Turnbull

Tesco

PO Box 73

Dundee

Dear Marc Turnbull

Well you've certainly put me in my place, and no mistake! Not to say enlightened me. Particularly so with regard to children's' low fat diets that are unsuitable for children's growth. This probably explains why my wife and myself, each brought up on roast and three veg, are both six footers, whilst our three children are of below average height. In fact our eldest, fifteen -year- old Marcus, is only four feet three. I can see now that I shall have to get them all off Heinz Weight Watcher Soups and Ambrosia Low Fat Rice Pudding and get them on to Big Macs and Syrup Pudding, before I do any permanent damage to them!

Thank you for your valuable advice. When I return from holiday next week I shall be writing a strong letter to Heinz and Ambrosia telling me that you have informed me that their Weight Watcher Soup and Low Fat Rice Pudding products are unhealthy for children, and that they should point this out on their Labels.

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

27th March

McCain Foods (GB) Ltd

Scarborough

North Yorkshire

Dear McCain Foods

I feel that the time is long overdue when I should write to you in praise of your McCain's Oven Chips. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. Well I do, but as it involves the mind-numbing task of peeling potatoes I would rather not think about it. The fact is that your oven chips are quite the best chips it has ever been my pleasure to eat, and as a Northerner know my chips. However I can't say that I think much of your cooking instructions, so rather than cook them in the oven or under the grill as you suggest, which tends to make them rather dry, I cook them in the good old fashioned way in a chip pan. This has the effect of making them much more succulent, believe me, especially when using good beef dripping as the frying medium. The only thing that worries me about doing this is that there may be a possibility that the chip pan method of cooking oven chips uses more fat. Have my worries any foundation in fact or am I being over-cautious?