Dear Coca-Cola (10 page)

My apologies for thinking that you make Walnut Whips. They are certainly good enough to be made by Cadbury's. Who makes them?

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

Cadbury

Our Ref:- O33623lB JAP

29th April

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your letter dated 24th April concerning Cadbury products on Coronation Street.

I was sorry to learn that you feel we have now blotted our copybook because Emily looked longingly at a Mars Bar in one episode last week. Cadbury do not produce Mars Bars these are made by Mars. But now that a Mars Bar has been featured, I do hope you will feel it is only fair if one of our products does appear in the future!

In answer to your question concerning Walnut Whips these are made by Nestle. I note you think they are good enough to be made by Cadbury's, but I don't think their chocolate is as nice as ours - but I would say that wouldn't I!

Thank you for writing to us.

Yours Sincerely

Carol Dunseith

Consumer Services Manager

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

2nd May

Your ref 0336231B JAP

Carol Dunseith

Cadbury Ltd

PO Box 12

Bournville

Thank you for your letter of 29th April.

You are right, it would only be fair if one of your products were to appear in a future episode of Coronation Street. I don't know whether or not you have any influence with the scriptwriters, but a scene with Norris balancing Smarties on Rita’s nipples then flicking them off into a Cadburys Chocolate Easter Egg held by Tyrone Dobbs might go down well. What do you

think?

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

NO REPLY!

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

6
^th
March

Nestle

Customer Services

PO Box 207

York

Dear Nescafe

Whilst I was on holiday in America just recently I came across Power Coffee, a beverage which contains fifty per cent extra caffeine. Naturally I tried it as I’m a man who can’t get enough caffeine and I regularly drinking ten or more cups of coffee a day. I’ve heard it claimed by do-gooders that consuming a lot of caffeine isn’t good for you but it’s never done me any harm. I can report that Power Coffee was quite wonderful; a cup of it not so much lifted me as picked me up, gave me a good shaking and inspired me to get out there and kick ass, as the Americans say.

Unfortunately I have a weak bladder and need the toilet a lot, which isn’t always convenient as I am long distance lorry driver - or perhaps I should say I am a short distance lorry driver who eventually drives a long distance seeing as I have to keep stopping to go to the toilet, ha ha - but drinking Power Coffee when I was in America meant that I could drink only half as many cups of coffee for just as much caffeine, and consequently I didn’t have to go to the toilet as much. In fact I only had to go once the whole five hours we spent in Disney World whereas the previous time I went there I had to go four times, and one of those times was behind the Enchanted Castle as I couldn’t find a toilet, which greatly embarrassed me.

Is it possible that you at Nescafe sell a version of Power Coffee? I am not hopeful as I’ve never seen it on the shelves at Tescos and they sell just about everything, but there’s no harm in asking, is there?

Yours sincerely

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

Nestle

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

001874979 A4 March

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your recent letter.

Unfortunately Power Coffee is not available for sale in the United Kingdom. Whilst sales do well in America, consumer research suggests that demand in the UK would not be sufficient to justify the long production runs necessary to ensure the good value customers require.

Our experience with this and other brands leads us to conclude that consumer tastes can vary considerably between different countries. Nescafe Fine Blend contains 4.6g of caffeine. Per 100g jar, 1 teaspoon is roughly 3g.

We hope this reply is not too disappointing. However, our marketing policy is constantly under review and your comments have been noted.

As I am sure you will appreciate, we receive many requests for information and we are not always able to go into great detail on the specific points raised. However, we enclose a booklet all about coffee which we hope you will find helpful.

Thank you once again for taking the trouble to contact us and for the interest you have shown in our Company.

Yours sincerely

Sue Tomlinson

Customer Service Executive

Consumer Services

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

17
^th
March

Sue Tomlinson

Customer Service Executive

Nestle

PO Box 207

York

Dear Sue Tomlinson

Thank you for your letter. Shame that you don’t do Power Coffee over here but I’ll survive I suppose, it was just that the less I have to go to the toilet for a pee the better I like it, as sometimes toilets aren’t readily available.

However I’ve had an idea. Do you think if I were to make a batch of your coffee, say a gallon, and boil it down to half a gallon that it would double the caffeine content? Have a word with your boffins and let me know, would you?

Thank you also for the four wonderful booklets all about coffee that you sent, especially the one entitled The Power of Love, all about the Gold Blend couple Sharon and Tony. What a love story! I was an avid follower at the time, although I must say that my wife thought it was a bit soppy, but then that’s about all you can expect from an ex-lady wrestler.

I think you were wise not to mention that since drinking all that coffee Sharon died rather prematurely in Holby City. If you had done some people might have thought it had something to do with your coffee, which I’m sure it wasn’t, but you can’t stop people from talking, can you.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

Nestle

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

001874978 21March

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your recent letter concerning coffee.

With reference to your question, caffeine melts at 238 degrees centigrade. It doesn’t boil, but sublimes at 178 degs. So if you wanted to concentrate some solubilised coffee to half its volume, the caffeine concentration would approximately double as the temperature required to boil coffee mixture is only just over 100 degs.

Thank you once again for taking the trouble to contact us and for the interest you have shown in our Company.

Yours sincerely

Melanie Durkin

Customer Relations Officer

Consumer Services

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

29
^th
March

Melanie Durkin

Customer Relations Officer

Nestle

PO Box 207

York

Dear Mel

Thanks for the very useful information. I wasted no time in making a batch of Power Coffee. At first I was going to boil two gallons of coffee down to one gallon to give me a beverage with 100% added caffeine, but, never a man to go about things half-heartedly, I decided to distil the two gallons down to a bit under two pints, giving me a concoction which had a caffeine content of an extra 1000%.

What a brew! To try it out I mixed a generous helping into our dog Rantzen’s Pedigree Chum – I have nothing against experimenting on animals - and it didn’t stop barking for two days. Then I tried it myself and realised what all the fuss was about.

I realise of course that caffeine stimulates the central nervous system, which is why I can’t get enough of it, as I like to be stimulated, but I can honestly say that my central nervous system was stimulated beyond my wildest dreams. I drank just one mug full of it on Monday morning and I haven’t been to bed since and today is Thursday. During that time I have worked three shifts, driving over eight hundred miles (with no pit stops to go to the toilet, thanks to you), decorated our living room, dug the foundations for an extension, tarred the garage roof, twice run ten miles in training for the next London Marathon, made love four times and dug a dog’s grave.

This stuff should be on prescription and I urge you to consider adding it to your range. It would be criminal not to.

Finally, I am looking for sponsors for when I take part in the London Marathon. All monies donated will go to good causes. Possibly towards a stone for Sharon of the Gold Blend ads if she hasn’t already got one. Can I put you down for say, a hundred pounds?

Yours sincerely

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

Nestle

Mr T Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

001874797C 12 April

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your recent enquiry.

As I am sure you will appreciate, we receive many requests every year for financial or product donations. We were able to support over 20% of the fifteen thousand requests last year and the total donated was £1,000,000. Although we would like to help everyone it is obviously not possible to do so.

We have considered your request for sponsorship very carefully but we are advised by our colleagues in Marketing that we are currently not able to support this idea.

The aim of the Nestle Trust is to invest in partnerships and programmes which support the Nutrition, Health and Wellness of young people and which really make a positive difference to their lives. We tend to focus on local good causes which are well managed and relevant to the company and where support will create goodwill with the community generally.

The key area for support is young people (specifically teenagers 11-18 year olds) in the following areas: Out of school childcare generally and specifically 4Children and Make Space, Nutrition, Health and Wellness, Sport, Education (but not areas which are Local Education Authority responsibility), Community Development.

Because of the number of requests we receive, we focus our support on charities or good causes which are local to our factories and depots, and, where appropriate, make a donation direct.

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to contact us and for giving us the opportunity to explain our position. I wish you every success in your fund-raising efforts.

Yours sincerely

Melanie Durkin

Consumer Relations Officer

Consumer Services.

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

24
^th
April

Melanie Durkin

Customer Relations Officer

Nestle

York

Dear Mel

Last Sunday, fuelled by Nescafe 1000% extra caffeine as recommended by your good self, I ran in the London Marathon. Sadly you didn’t feel able to sponsor me for this event, but I don’t hold this against you, in fact quite the opposite, otherwise I wouldn’t have had the words ‘Nescafe Made This Possible’ emblazoned on my running singlet. Did you perhaps get a glimpse of me? I was running just behind Rod Hull and Emu for a couple of miles (I wasn’t chancing running in front of him after what he did to Michael Parkinson!). I am told by friends that I was briefly on television three times, which is excellent publicity for Nescafe I am sure.