Daybreak (18 page)

“What, skipping school? It’s not like it’s the first time.” Lucas reached out his hand. “Come on, up and on your feet.”

“If my feet weren’t attached to skates right now, that wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Trust me, I won’t let you fall.”

Nate’s eyebrow arched. “I think gravity and the properties of ice will have something to say about that. Besides, you just recovered from an injury. Should you really be doing this?”

“I’ll be fine. You just worry about yourself.”

“I do, Lucas. Believe me.” He took Lucas’s hand anyway and let Lucas guide him onto the ice.

“Okay, so the key is to bend your knees and just relax into it.” Lucas did a few strokes forward. “See? It’s easy.” His knee twinged, but it felt okay.

Nate didn’t move. “Where did you learn to skate anyway?”

“Minnesota. Me and my dad lived there one year, and there wasn’t a hell of a lot else to do, let me tell you.”

“I believe you, don’t worry.” Arms out for balance, Nate tentatively pushed forward on his skates, moving a few inches.

“There you go!”

Giving Lucas a face, Nate put his hands on his hips. “Patronizing me is not going to help.”

“Point taken.” Lucas stroked forward and waited for Nate to follow. He did, and although his form was shaky, they began slowly moving around Wollman Rink. Faster skaters zipped by, but the rink wasn’t too busy in the middle of the week. The sun was bright overhead and the air crisp, and Lucas gazed around at Central Park happily. The rink was nestled in the south end of the park, surrounded by trees and ponds, with skyscrapers standing guard.

It was beautiful. Nate hadn’t brought his camera -- a sure sign that he was depressed -- and Lucas was sorry they wouldn’t be able to capture the splendor of the day for posterity.

Nate chuckled. “You have that look.”

“What look?”

“The look that --” Nate suddenly windmilled his arms before regaining his balance. “The look you get sometimes when we’re out in the city. Like you’re in love.”

“I am.” Lucas grinned. “With you
and
New York.”

“We are awesome, it’s true.”

“Yeah, you are.” Lucas wished they could hold hands as they skated around the rink, but he was leery of public displays of affection in the middle of the city in broad daylight.

Suddenly Nate’s arms flailed again, and Lucas grabbed for him. Gravity did indeed win out, and they both landed in a graceless heap. “I told you so!” Nate laughed.

“You just love being right.” Lucas got to his feet and hauled Nate up.

“It’s true, I do. But not that much, believe me.”

Laughing and smiling, they skated for another half an hour, with Nate managing to stay on his feet. “Okay, Lucas, it’s time for some hot nuts.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

After returning their skates, they sat by the rink and watched the other skaters while nibbling on roasted almonds and cashews. Lucas took a contented breath. “This is
so
much better than school.”

“Without a doubt.”

Afraid to ruin their high spirits, Lucas nonetheless broached the subject of Nate’s family. “Have you thought any more about going home tonight?”

Nate’s smile faded. “I just can’t right now. I keep thinking about --” He stopped talking suddenly.

“About what?”

Nate exhaled slowly. “The way she looked at me. The expression on her face. I never thought my own mother would look at me like that, Lucas.”

“I’m sorry.” Lucas slid his arm around Nate’s shoulders, not caring what anyone thought. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but…you know I’m always here to listen, right?”

“I know.” Nate leaned into him and they sat quietly.

When their nuts were gone, Nate shook off his sadness and stood up. “Come on. I know exactly where to go next.”

Lucas fell into step beside him and they walked away from the rink into another part of the park. In the distance, Lucas thought he heard a faint melody on the air. As they came over the rise of a hill, a small, short, rounded brick building came into view. The sloped roof rose to a spire in the center.

“What’s that?”

Nate grinned. “You’ll see.”

As they got closer, the music became louder, and Lucas caught a glimpse of something moving round inside the building. Coming around to the front side, Lucas saw brightly colored horses spinning by, laughing children and adults on a few of their backs.

It was glorious.

“A merry-go-round?
Awesome
.”

“You really sounded like my brother just then.” Nate smiled and ducked as Lucas pretended to wind up to hit him. “Central Park carousel. You can’t be a true New Yorker without taking a ride.”

As the carousel slowed, they bought their tickets and joined another couple waiting to hop on. Since it was a weekday, there weren’t many people around, and they had their pick of the horses. Lucas and Nate both chose ones that moved up and down, and they clambered up on side-by-side horses.

A few seconds later, the carousel grinded into action, and a new song came over the loudspeakers. As they picked up a surprising amount of speed, Petula Clark sang “Downtown,” and Lucas grinned at Nate, who winked in return. “I have to come back and take some pictures.”

In Lucas’s experience, life provided the rare perfect moment, and this was one of them.

* * * * *

After spending the afternoon in Central Park, they walked through the theater district. Nate teased Lucas about his love of musicals, and they were laughing when they suddenly came face to face with Nate’s aunt Linda and cousin Rachel.

Rachel grinned. “Hey!”

Sensing Nate’s unease as his aunt kissed his cheek, Lucas smiled at Rachel and Linda. “Hi! What are you doing in the city?”

Linda returned his smile. “Hello, dear. We’re just rushing to dinner before we see
Billy Elliot
.”

“Oh, I hear it’s great! I’m sure you’ll love it.” Lucas smiled again. He knew Nate was wondering if his mother had told her sister what was going on, and Lucas was guessing the answer was no.

“How are you feeling? You look back to normal. Deanna told us about that dreadful accident.”

“A million times better. Thanks for asking,” Lucas replied.

“Where are you boys off to?” Linda asked.

“Back to the Village. Having a few drinks at the Stonewall.”

It wasn’t true, but Lucas knew why Nate had brought up the famous gay bar.

A puzzled expression crossed Linda’s face. “Stonewall?”

“Yeah, the Stonewall Inn? I’m sure you’ve heard of it.”

Rachel appeared just as confused as her mother, but Lucas suspected it was for a different reason. “Am I supposed to have heard of it?” Rachel asked.

Linda ignored her. “But…you know what kind of place that is, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure, Aunt Linda. What kind of place is it?” His jaw clenched.

Realization dawned on Linda’s face in a way that would have been comical in another situation. “Oh, Nathaniel.” She glanced back and forth between Nate and Lucas. “Tell me it isn’t so.”

“Oh, it’s so.” Nate smiled without humor and slung his arm about Lucas’s shoulders.

“
Gotenu
. No wonder your mother’s been acting so strangely.”

“Yes, my God! I’m gay, Aunt Linda.”

“Wait -- are you two
boyfriends
?” Rachel’s mouth dropped.

“Yep. We are.” Nate squeezed Lucas close, and Lucas smiled hopefully.

“That’s
so
cool!” Rachel bounced on the pavement.

“Rachel!” Her mother stared at her, horrified.

“What?” Rachel rolled her eyes. “Mom, it’s the twenty-first century, just in case you didn’t get the memo.” She grinned widely at Nate and Lucas. “I think it’s awesome.” To Lucas she added, “I should have known you were too cute to be straight.”

As Linda stared on in shock, Nate opened his arms and hugged his cousin tightly. “Thanks, Rach. It means a lot.”

Lucas gave her a quick hug too. “Yeah, thanks for not freaking out.”

Linda gave Nate a speculative look. “This past year you’ve been a new person. You were always so quiet; the little mouse hiding in the back in your brother’s shadow. Not anymore. We thought maybe it was a girl.” Her small smile was full of regret.

“Aunt Linda, I’m really happy. For the first time.”

“What about your parents? All their hopes and dreams for you.”

Lucas spoke up. “He’s gay, not dead.”

Linda clearly didn’t know how to respond to that, so instead she made a show of looking at her watch. “Rachel, we’ll miss our reservation.” She gazed at Nate and Lucas for a long moment. “Be well.”

Rachel waved as she followed her mother into the crowd. “Don’t worry, I’ll work on them!”

“So.” Nate began walking in the opposite direction.

“I guess your whole family will know by tomorrow, huh?”

Nate nodded. “No doubt.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Nate smiled thinly. “I think maybe I need that drink after all. Let’s find a bar.”

They did, and Lucas gave the bartender his credit card to start a tab. Normally Nate would argue about splitting costs, but as he downed his first beer, he was clearly too preoccupied. When he finished, he clapped his hands together. “Okay, enough self-pity. This is our hooky day, and we’re going to have fun.”

Lucas smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

The rest of the evening passed in a blur of drinks, dinner, and dancing. After they left the second club they’d visited, they tumbled into a cab outside, laughing. The driver got their address before going back to his phone call.

“God, I missed you.” Nate leaned close to Lucas in the backseat, his hand on Lucas’s knee. “So many nights I dreamed about you, wishing you were there.”

Lucas grinned as they weaved through midtown traffic, still heavy even late in the evening. “You’re drunk.”

“It’s true, I am.” Nate’s hand inched down toward Lucas’s crotch. “But that doesn’t make it less true.”

“What? It doesn’t make it less true that you’re drunk?” Lucas laughed.

“It doesn’t make it less true that I missed you.” Nate nuzzled Lucas’s ear. “I jerked off every night thinking about you.”

Lucas’s dick jumped, and Nate stroked him through his pants. “I’d think about your body, and your mouth, and your eyes, and your smile, and what it felt like to be inside you.”

Sucking in a breath, Lucas stole a peek at the driver, who was still immersed in his conversation. “I missed you too.”

With a few quick motions, Nate’s hand was down Lucas’s pants, stroking him roughly. “It’s never been as good as it’s been with you.” Nate kissed him, sucking Lucas’s tongue into his mouth. “No one else makes me come the way you do. No one.”

Lucas bucked into Nate’s hand, biting back a moan. He was rock hard, and sweat beaded on his upper lip as his pulse raced. Nate sucked on Lucas’s neck, his hand working away. Then without even sparing the driver a glance, Nate slid over on the seat and bent down, taking Lucas into his mouth.

Biting his tongue, Lucas nearly came right then. His breath hitched as Nate’s head bobbed up and down, his tongue swirling around Lucas’s cock. He sucked Lucas so hard it almost hurt, but the pain mixed with the sparks of pleasure and Lucas’s fingers tightened in Nate’s short, wavy hair.

At a stoplight, Lucas glanced around guiltily and wondered if anyone could see what Nate was doing. The thought of being watched, of strangers seeing his cock glistening with Nate’s spit as his lips stretched over him, tipped Lucas over the edge, and he jerked as pleasure swept his body.

His fingers relaxed and he smoothed Nate’s hair while Nate milked him dry. As Nate sat up, the taxi pulled onto their street and came to a stop in front of their building. The driver put his phone down for a moment. “Here you go.”

Lucas quickly tucked himself back into his pants, and Nate wiped his mouth and passed the driver two twenties. “Keep the change.”

Giggling, Lucas and Nate clambered out of the cab. In their apartment, they didn’t make it to the bed before Lucas got on his knees and returned the favor.

Chapter Sixteen

School ended in a flurry of exams, and Lucas looked forward to having a couple of weeks off to sleep in and relax. Of course, once he didn’t have school to keep him occupied, the impending holidays that he’d tried to ignore became top of mind. Christmas decorations and carols were everywhere, and Lucas missed his father.

One night, Lucas and Nate were spread out on the futon, watching a movie.

“Do you want a tree?”

“Hmm?” Lucas had started drifting off, and he wiped his eyes.

“A tree.”

“You mean a Christmas tree?”

“No, a bonsai tree. Yes, a Christmas tree.”

Lucas and his father had rarely decorated when he was a kid, instead making their own Christmas traditions of junk food and TV. Yet all the decorations in the city made him think of his dad nonetheless. “No, it’s okay.”

“You sure? We can.”

“I’m sure. Thanks, though.” Lucas smiled and hooked his leg over Nate’s. Hanukkah began soon and Nate hadn’t mentioned it. “We could get a menorah.”

“Nah.” Nate looked as if he wanted to say something else, but finally just shrugged. “I guess neither of us is feeling too festive this year.”

Since they’d run into Linda and Rachel, Nate hadn’t heard a word from his mother. He and his father had had several tense phone conversations, after which Nate had always been very quiet. The days passed and Lucas felt as if he was holding his breath, waiting.

In the early morning of the day Hanukkah would begin, Lucas stirred. It was still dark, but he knew by the way Nate was breathing that he was awake. Reaching out, Lucas stroked his back. Nate rolled into him, pressing up close, skin against skin. His voice was low with need. “Can you fuck me?”

Lucas was instantly awake. He kissed Nate, his hands roaming over his lean body. Getting down between Nate’s legs, Lucas sucked on his balls as Nate moaned loudly and lifted his legs, putting his feet flat on the mattress on either side of Lucas.

Spreading Nate’s ass, Lucas flicked his tongue against Nate’s hole, breathing in the musky scent of him. He worked his spit inside, moistening and stretching his tight ass.

“Please. Fuck me.” Nate lifted his legs onto Lucas’s shoulders, and pulled his head up, kissing him deeply. Lucas fumbled for the condom and lube, getting lube all over the sheets as he slicked himself, but not caring.

He surged inside Nate, and they groaned in unison. Nate was almost bent in half, his knees pressed to his shoulders, but Lucas knew how Nate liked it when he was being fucked. Without being asked, Lucas pounded into him, going deep as his hips slapped up against Nate’s ass.

“So hot. So tight,” Lucas gritted out.

Nate grabbed Lucas’s head, pulling his face down for a kiss as their bodies strained together. They both breathed heavily, foreheads together as Lucas rammed himself into Nate harder. “Love. You.” Nate panted.

After they were finished, lying on sticky sheets, bodies entwined, Lucas smiled as he drifted back to sleep.

* * * * *

They woke a few hours later to find the day had dawned overcast and damp. Hanukkah would begin at sundown, and it would be the first time Nate was apart from his family on the holiday. Nate acted as if there was nothing wrong, but Lucas knew better.

In the afternoon, Lucas suggested a walk to Union Square. The square was ablaze with Christmas lights and chock full of covered wooden artisan booths, and they wandered the rows of stalls as the light drizzle turned to flurries. Perhaps it was the snow, but Lucas was struck with the holiday spirit. “I have an idea.”

Nate raised his eyebrows. “Does it have something to do with sex?”

“Is that
all
you think about?” Lucas huffed in mock exasperation.

Nate leaned in, his breath warm on Lucas’s neck. “When you’re around? Pretty much, yeah.”

Despite himself, Lucas blushed and a shiver of desire coiled around his spine. “Believe me, we’ll get to that later. For now, my idea involves twenty dollars and this marketplace.”

“I’m listening.”

“I propose we split up for half an hour and buy each other a Hanukkah present. Twenty-dollar limit.”

“Shouldn’t you get a Christmas present?”

“Call it a ‘Chrismukkah’ present, then.”

Laughing, Nate agreed. “Okay. Twenty dollars. Half an hour.” He glanced at his watch. “Meet back here.” Then he was gone, disappearing into the throng of last-minute shoppers. Nate always enjoyed a challenge.

Lucas hurried off in the other direction, examining each stall’s wares. He considered a pair of supple leather gloves and wondered if he could talk the seller down. In the end he didn’t even try; the thought of haggling made him faintly nauseated.

Row after row, Lucas struggled against the crowd, considering and then discarding gift ideas. Everything was either too expensive or just not right. Perhaps this game hadn’t been a good suggestion after all.

A large Star of David hanging from the top of one stall caught his eye, and Lucas angled through the crowd. Just as he reached the stall, he heard Nate’s chuckle from his left. Nate joined him, smiling. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Lucas laughed. “Well, I asked myself, what do you get the Jew who has everything?”

“Tell me the answer isn’t a Star of David wall hanging.”

“No, don’t worry.” Lucas glanced at the woman operating the stall. “Um, no offense.”

The young woman waved her hand. “None taken. But I’ll have you know those are very popular with Staten Island ladies of a certain age.” She indicated the rest of her wares. “Maybe there’s something else more to your liking.”

Lucas and Nate looked over the collection of novelty yarmulkes and kosher dog treats. There was also a velvet case of jewelry containing silver necklaces and bracelets with dangling stars. Another case held rings, and Nate picked up a silver ring inscribed with Hebrew, spinning it around between his fingers.

“Ah, that’s a beauty,” the woman said. “It says ‘
ani ledodi vedodi li
.’ It means ‘I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.’”

Nate held it in his palm. “How much?”

“Wait, what?” Lucas blinked in surprise.

The woman sized them up. “I’ll give you two for sixty dollars. Normally eighty.” She took a quick look at Lucas’s hand and pulled out another ring. “Try this one.”

Lucas took it from her. The silver was quality and the ring felt good in his hand. He smiled uncertainly at Nate. “I guess the twenty-dollar limit is out.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not proposing.” Nate took the ring from Lucas’s hand. He slid it onto Lucas’s left ring finger, where it fit perfectly.

“Could have fooled me.” Lucas felt slightly lightheaded.

Nate grinned. “Just want to make sure it fits.” He tried on his own ring, sliding it on his ring finger. It was a bit too big, so the woman gave him another size.

She smiled. “They look good on you, boys.”

Lucas didn’t know what to say. “Thanks.” His head swam as he looked down at the ring. He knew he loved Nate with all his heart, but they’d only been together a year. “I guess we’re going over the twenty-dollar limit.”

“Will you throw in two chains?” Nate asked.

The woman pondered it for a moment. “You drive a hard bargain. What the heck? It’s Hanukkah. Almost.”

Nate took Lucas’s hand and slipped the ring from his finger. “We can wear them around our necks until we’re ready.”

Lucas swallowed hard over the sudden lump in his throat.

Nate’s smile vanished. “Shit, I totally freaked you out, didn’t I? I know it’s spur of the moment, I just thought… Look, we don’t have to --”

“Would you shut up?” Lucas pressed their lips together. Remembering where they were, he pulled back reluctantly. Turning to the woman, who beamed, he smiled in return. “We’ll take them.”

* * * * *

Waiting for the creaky elevator in their building, Lucas couldn’t stop smiling. He loved the feel of the ring against his chest and knowing that Nate felt the same brush of silver. In the elevator, Lucas leaned in close to him. “Think I’ll get lucky tonight?”

Nate caught his mouth in a kiss. “I have a feeling you just might.”

Lost in each other, they didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary as they walked down the hall to their apartment. Lucas fished his keys out of his pocket, but when he twisted the knob, the door opened.

Lucas knew his mouth was gaping open, but he didn’t know how else to react to the sight of what had to be Nate’s entire family crammed into their tiny studio apartment. Fifteen or so people stared back at him, some standing in the kitchen shoulder to shoulder, kids on Nate and Lucas’s bed poking their heads out through the open space above the half wall separating the bed nook from the living room.

Among the crowd, Lucas spotted Linda and Rachel -- who smiled encouragingly -- and Sam and Amanda. Nate’s grandfather and parents were in the center of the room. Mrs. Kramer stepped forward and Lucas glanced at Nate beside him, appearing equally stunned. Lucas wondered how Nate’s family had gotten into the apartment before remembering the strange smile the superintendent had given them downstairs.

Mrs. Kramer cleared her throat. “Nathaniel.” Her eyes glistened, and she wiped them. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I treated you.” She looked at Lucas. “Both of you. I was wrong.”

Silence hung over the room as everyone held their breath. Nate’s voice shook slightly. “So what are you saying? Do you accept the fact that I’m gay? Do you accept that Lucas and I are together?”

She nodded. “Yes. I admit, it wasn’t easy. This is all new. I hope you can be patient with me.”

Nate took Lucas’s hand, his nails digging into the skin. “Are you sure, Mom?” He looked at his grandfather. “Papa? All of you? Because we’re done pretending. We’re not going to hide who we are.”

“You don’t have to.” Sam’s voice was strong and clear. “It’s like I said to Mom. You’re the same person you’ve always been. It shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Can you forgive me,
bubbala
?” Tears spilled down Mrs. Kramer’s cheeks.

Nodding, Nate stepped into her arms.

Mr. Kramer spoke up. “This came as a shock to most of the family. But, as you can see, they’re all here tonight. Because we all love you. You’re part of this family.” He nodded to Lucas. “Both of you.”

Lucas blinked rapidly, fighting back tears. After his father died, he didn’t think he’d ever have a family again. He ducked his head, trying to hide his emotions. A strong hand grasped his shoulder, and Lucas looked up at Mr. Kramer, who smiled. “Thank you.”

Lucas wasn’t sure what Nate’s father was thanking him for, but in the next moment he was enveloped by Mrs. Kramer, her Jasmine perfume filling his senses. She kissed his cheeks, and wiped away his tears. Then Lucas was caught up in a flurry of hugs, from Rachel, who squeezed him exuberantly, to Sam, who slapped his back just as hard as ever. Amanda rolled her eyes before hugging Lucas lightly. “Straight guys always have to put that back slap in.”

Through the maze of people jammed into the apartment, Lucas saw the gleam of something new in the window. Craning his head, he realized a menorah stood on the windowsill. Following his gaze, Linda called everyone to attention.

“Look at the time! The sun is down, and we have to light the menorah.”

Nate noticed it for the first time. “You brought yours?” he asked his mother.

She smiled. “No. This is for
your
home.” Her words held the acceptance of Nate as an adult.

Nate’s grandfather inched his way to the menorah as people shuffled out of the way. The old man, who always wore his yarmulke whenever Lucas saw him, smoothed it with a gnarled finger before reciting the blessings from memory. Some of Nate’s family spoke along with him.

When he was finished, he pointed toward Lucas. Lucas glanced over his shoulders. “Me?”

“Yes, you. Come here and light the candles.” Nate’s grandfather beckoned him.

Lucas caught Nate’s eye, and Nate nodded, smiling. Lucas shimmied past the coffee table and a few of Nate’s cousins, and took the long match from the old man.

“Do you know which candles to light?” Nate’s grandfather peered at him with watery eyes.

Lucas felt as if he was answering the most important pop quiz of his life. “The middle one and the candle on the far right. Right?”

The old man nodded, and Lucas exhaled and struck the match. When the candles were lit, everyone burst into applause, and after another blessing, they sang a joyous song. Nate stood close to Lucas, singing along, surrounded by his family.

* * * * *

Hours later, Lucas and Nate walked down the block to their apartment once more. The family had descended upon a local pizza place and ate and talked for hours until closing.

Snow drifted down as they walked hand in hand, and Lucas found himself humming “Winter Wonderland,” as Nate hummed along. In the elevator, Lucas repeated his question of hours ago. “Think I’ll get lucky tonight?”

Nate answered with a kiss.

In the peace of their home, they made plans for the next day, and many days after that. Before bed, Nate took out his camera for the first time in weeks, capturing Lucas in profile in the window, he and the menorah silhouetted by the falling snow.