Davenport Harbor (Six Degrees Book 3) (33 page)

John

I opened my eyes, and Anne
’
s warm stare gave me a strength I didn
’
t know was humanly possible to just hand over to another being.

Yet that was what her gaze did for me.

“
Alice turned one, and I was about to go back to school when Grace came back from her last trip to visit her parents. This time, she was wearing a rock of an engagement ring and had my older brother, Albert, on her arm. She told me what I had suspected from the moment she told me she was pregnant, and took Alice back East. Alice was Albert
’
s kid.
”
The room stopped spinning for a moment as I remembered those first days after Grace had left with Alice. The silence. The deafening silence.

“
When they left, I felt lost, but I knew they were okay. Then they moved to Florida, Albert got transferred there for work. I
’
d get calls at home from Grace, sounding off. Drunk as a skunk all while Alice was screaming in the background, crying. I went out there and told Albert, warned him that something wasn
’
t right with Grace. He shrugged it off, saying I was fucking jealous and pissed I wasn
’
t Alice
’
s real dad.
”
That conversation was still ringing in my head, as if it had just happened yesterday.

“
I told him I was the one on the birth certificate, and if Grace didn
’
t clean up her act, I was going to file for sole custody and that I would win.
”

“
What happened?
”
Anne asked, her hand on my face, and I leaned into her touch.

“
Grace got pregnant again, and for the next year, everything seemed okay. I went to visit Alice for birthday parties, holidays. I was always there. She was like this burst of energy.
”
I smiled, feeling my nose tickle with unshed tears at the thought of my girl.

“
They moved out here when she turned three, and Grace fell into the women-who-lunched group. Alice and her brother had a nanny, who took them everywhere, but that one day…
”
my voice cracked.
“
It was raining hard. Grace had gone to have a lunch of cocaine and martinis and went to pick up Alice from her ballet lesson.
”

“
Oh God,
”
Anne gasped, and her huge eyes stared at me.

“
She didn
’
t make Alice get in her car seat. When the cops showed up, they didn
’
t even know there had been a child in the car until an hour later when Grace came to.
”
The familiar anger was seeping through me.
“
She was so drunk and high, she fell asleep at the wheel and hit a car head-on. Alice
’
s body was found a short distance away from where the car ended up, all while Grace didn
’
t have one fucking scratch on her.
”

“
John,
”
Anne whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me close to her while I let her. She felt so damn good. Like home!
“
I
’
m so sorry, John,
”
she whispered, snapping me out of my thoughts, and I held her close and finished the story.

“
A month later to the date, I got a call from Grace. She was again high as a fucking kite, telling me it had been my fault. If I had married her, Alice would still be alive,
”
the shrill tone of Grace
’
s voice still rung in my ears.
“
I hung up on her and called Albert. I told him she was high. I told him he needed to keep an eye on her. He didn
’
t listen. His fucking pride. She drank three bottles of pills and did a couple lines of coke, then slit her wrists.
”
I heard Anne
’
s intake of air and kept talking, I didn’t know why, I just did.

“
She was dead by the time I showed up. Albert told me to mind my own business. That she wasn
’
t mine to worry about, and he was right. But something about the way she had talked made me go over to their place.
”
I shook my head, remembering how Albert had showed up twenty minutes later.
“
If I had
—
"

“
It
’
s not your fault. None of that was your fault. You did more than you needed to.
”

“
She was in love with me,
”
I admitted out loud, and the heaviness of that guilt sat at the pit of my soul.
“
She thought if she got knocked up, I
’
d marry her, but instead, somehow my brother, who had been in love with her, talked her into marrying him. She thought I would marry her when she came back with Albert in tow. She didn
’
t think I knew the truth. I was so oblivious to how she felt.
”

“
Did you love her?
”
Anne asked and I shook my head.

“
I cared about her. I loved her because she was the mother of my child, because even though I knew she wasn
’
t biologically mine, in my eyes and in my heart, Alice
was
mine.
”

“
Mike
’
s right, you know?
”
Her voice was confident and I looked at her.
“
It wasn
’
t your fault.
”

She looked so damn good cuddled into me. Her hand was stroking my chest in random circles, making my eyelids too fucking heavy. I felt her body move slightly. A soft giggle followed, and I wondered if I had said that out loud. I felt her soft body laugh again, her hands playing with my hair. Unable to resist, I nuzzled my head into her chest, my mind still swimming in bourbon, cognac, and the past.

“
It
’
s okay, John, sleep. I got you.
”
I closed my eyes and prayed that I remembered this in the morning while I prayed at the same time that I didn’t.

Anne

I stroked his dark hair until his breathing slowed and his body relaxed completely under mine. I stood, carefully wiping the tears from my face I
’
d shed while John had explained his past. Walking out of the study to the linen closet, I grabbed a blanket and went back to carefully cover him with it. I walked downstairs to Zoey, who was still asleep in the living room. Fixing her blanket gently, I leaned in and kissed her forehead. The huge house felt slightly creepy in the drowning silence as I walked to the kitchen.

Entering my favorite part of the old house, I walked in the darkness towards the light switch, my hand on the switch.

“
How is he?
”
A deep voice asked. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Turning quickly, just as the light flickered on, I pressed my back to the wall, my heart racing in my ears.

“
Shit,
”
I squeaked as I stared at an obviously embarrassed Mike.
“
Asleep,
”
I answered, regretting the bitchy tone that came out in.

“
I didn't mean to
…”
He tried to explain, but my nerves were so frayed I couldn’t seem to shut up.

“
You do that a lot,
”
I blurted, instantly regretting it.

“
I'm sorry. I don't mean to.
”
Mike
’
s face was pink, and I took a deep breath.

“
It's not your fault.
”
And it wasn
’
t. It was my own ghosts that made me jumpy.
“
Would you like coffee?
”

“
No, I'm okay.
”
I nodded as I walked to serve myself a mug and he followed me. Everything John had shared continued processing in my mind.

One ankle crossed over the other, he leaned against the quartz countertop, his arms crossed over his chest.

“
He told you?
”

“
Yes,
”
I answered him and he nodded. His icy, blue eyes should have been frightening, but somehow they weren’t.

“
I wasn't sure what to think of you that night he found you.
”
Mike
’
s deep voice almost echoed in the silent kitchen, and I looked at him, surprised and caught off-guard, not sure where he was going with this.

“
Oh?
”

“
I was worried about him. The way Zoey was around him even just a few hours after meeting him. You're a good woman, Anne. You're a good mom. Thank you for what you did up there.
”

“
I was snooping,
”
I admitted, standing straight and not breaking eye contact with him.

“
You were making sure two grown men didn't kill one another. You wanted to make sure I didn't bully John when he was obviously upset. You were being protective.
”
Had I been?

“
I was stupid.
”

“
What?
”
His handsome face scowled and I sighed.

“
You two are huge. If you fought, what the heck would I have been able to do?
”

“
You were protecting John.
”
He tilted his head and put his hand out towards the table. "Do you mind sitting with me?"

I nodded and walked with my mug of coffee to the table.

“
Secrets are never good,
”
Mike said out of nowhere and I looked at him.
“
I'm glad you know his.
”
His eyes were piercing me, holding me in place. Now it was Mike who was being protective of John.

“
He knows some of mine.
”

“
But not everything?
”
He asked and I shook my head. With a sad smile, he continued,
“
I was nothing but secrets and lies when I met Sabrina. To this day, I have no idea why the hell she forgave me.
”

He surprised me once again, sharing personal things, and I had no words to give him. I wasn’t sure what he wanted from me.

“
Forgiveness is such a difficult thing, to give and to receive. Forgiving ourselves for whatever we think we did wrong in the past is close to impossible.
”
My back straightened and a knot formed in the middle of my throat thinking about how true his words were, how close to home they hit. As if sensing it, he kept talking.

“
I have a feeling that in a way, even as different as our circumstances might have been, you and I actually have that in common.
”
His words made me bite my lower lip, trying to ignore my stinging nose, and I broke his stare and looked down at the mug in front of me.

“
I don
’
t think I could have ever really forgiven myself for
…”
he stopped talking and looked away, not to anything in particular, and something urged me to ask something that was probably highly inappropriate.

“
Did you? Forgive yourself?
”
I blurted out. His icy gaze met mine, warming instantly as a smile that made him seem younger spread over his face.

“
Eventually. I
’
m naturally stubborn, and it took realizing how close I really was to losing everything for me to get my head out of my ass, excuse my language.
”
He shrugged and I smiled.

“
I
’
ve heard worse.
”
He nodded.

“
I knew the three of them. We were nothing more than overgrown kids pretending to be adults. Alice though, she had this light about her. I think when it came to her, John just wanted to give her something he didn
’
t have. Sure, he came from a family with more money than God, but he didn
’
t have a great childhood. He wanted to give that to Alice.
”
I nodded, understanding what he was saying.

“
I should get going, are you going to be okay with him like this? I could stay
…”

“
I think we should be okay. Zoey
’
s in her playpen and I
’
ll sleep on the couch,
”
I told him, and he looked at me for a long time. The silence in the house was eerie as something worked in his mind until he nodded and stood up.

“
Okay then. Thank you for staying with him.
”

“
No problem
”
, I smiled and for some weird reason added,
“
It
’
s my job.”

I wasn
’
t sure why I said that, but he stood still, tilted his head, something working in his eyes again, and then smiled at me as he nodded.

“
Good night, Anne. I
’
ll lock up before I go.
”
He patted my shoulder as he passed me, and I took my coffee mug to the sink, automatically washing it and setting it to dry.

My mind raced in a million different directions, all of which were connected to John. Grabbing some Tylenol and a bottle of water, I quietly went back upstairs. Entering his room, I left the pills and water on his nightstand and walked to the study.

He was still drunkenly slumped over. I walked towards him, and he scared me when he lifted his head, his dark eyes slightly open, his gaze confused.

“
Kitten?
”

“
Yeah.
”

“
The room is spinning.
”

“
Cognac and bourbon will do that on their own, I can imagine together, they would make your head swim.
”
He smiled freely, and my heart flip flopped at how handsome he looked. I loved it when he smiled like that.