Daughter of Earth (Tales of the Guardian) (15 page)

     Emily looked up into Xavier’s green eyes, searching for sincerity, for truth, but she was blinded by the wish that those green eyes were Alexander’s. She didn’t want to be apart from him. She wanted to figure things out together. Instead she felt discarded and displaced

     “Did he really say that? That he didn’t even know what was going on within himself?”

     Xavier nodded his head. “Yep, I’m afraid he is just as confused as you and I are.” He stopped to think for a moment and then continued. “But, like I said before, Alexander needs time. This isn’t the first time he’s been confused by his emotions. I think you forget he is the first Guardian to wrestle with these feelings of love and they started for him over a century ago. He spent a lot of time off by himself after his stewardship over Edmund and Catherine. That’s when things started changing in him.”

     Was that the answer? Was Emily just making a bigger deal out of all of this than she should? Was Alexander undergoing his own kind of natural progression? Becoming more human-like and being ruled by his emotions and desires, rather than duty and obligation? The thoughts flooded Emily’s mind and, in an odd way, brought a sense of comfort and reprieve.

     Maybe she really was making a small issue larger than it needed to be. Maybe she’d just grown so accustomed to Alexander’s perfection that even the smallest deviation from his flawlessness seemed huge. And, if she compared his behavior the night before to a typical male, in a typical relationship, it probably would have been considered normal.

     Her father often used the phrase, “and then the honeymoon was over.” As she got older, she understood he meant fresh love was blissful and happy, but after time, trials and difficulties set in and undoubtedly tested the strength of any bonding love. As she had watched her parents handle things, she learned to interpret her father’s phrase. Major problems wouldn’t necessarily tear people apart. It simply meant the real world would always catch up. But, she’d also learned from her parents that two people in love shoulder the burdens together, yoked as one, not separately.

     Alexander had chosen to take his burden upon himself, refusing to share some of the weight. The thought made her uneasy and somewhat resentful. Like what she had to offer wasn’t good enough for Alexander and that was painful.

     Yet at the same time how could she deny him what he felt he needed. He required time to straighten out his thoughts. He should be allowed this request, regardless of how much she wanted to help. Because, in truth, Emily could not help him if he didn’t even know what he needed to resolve. All she could do was support him. She would have to carry on in Eden without him until he was ready to come back.

     She really had no other choice. Moping wasn’t an option, even if every part of her would miss him. She still had a purpose more important than either of them combined and her purpose could not continually be put on hold.

     After all, his absence would only be temporary.

     “How long do you suppose he’ll be gone?” she asked, resurfacing from the depths of her mind.

     “I don’t know. He told me he wouldn’t be long and I was to watch over you. I can’t imagine he’ll be gone more than a few days.”

     “Time, then. Whatever he needs, right?” she was trying to convince herself more than Xavier.

     “You’ll see, Em, he’ll be back soon and he’ll have things straightened out. He still loves you. That’s why he took off. It’s your love that is driving him to want to be better, to get things figured out. The last thing he wants to do is disappoint you. Unfortunately, last night he did. And you have to allow him to right his wrong. To make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

     “Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Emily agreed. But, inside she felt a familiar pessimism creeping in. It was her age-old weakness, a habit she could diminish, but she’d not actually fully broken. Would he come back soon?

     She didn’t know the answers.

     What was worse was Alexander didn’t either.

Chapter 12

     The salty sea breeze rolled in with each wave crashing against the shore. The moon was full and made the water look like a moving lake of glass as it reflected light from above.

     Alexander looked down at the water sloshing against the shore and stone walls surrounding the island. He thought back to centuries ago when the high tide actually completely covered the road to this place, making it impossible at times for people to reach it. That was one reason Le Mont Saint Michel was such an important military foothold for whomever possessed it. It was naturally fortified against attack.

     Modern times had changed things about the place, including a permanent road connecting it to the mainland. Some buildings had been erected for tourism but, for the most part, this place was much as it had been so many years ago.

     Which was why Alexander loved it.

     Visitors found the island’s castle-like structure magical and mesmerizing. The abbey, erected at the top of the land mass, had a large spire pointing heavenward, standing as a symbol of strength. The surrounding stone buildings trickled down the hillside from the abbey, acting as branches or appendages of the magnificent structure centered solidly above them.

     Yes, despite the fact that it was now a tourist attraction, Le Mont Saint Michel stood as a beacon of strength, a place that defied the test of time and laughed at the threat of erosion. Erected in the 8
^th
century, the abbey and surrounding buildings proved strong and resilient, as battle after battle was waged on its shores. Alexander had been here during the Hundred Years War, when the English fought tirelessly against the French.

     The battles were fresh in his mind, as if they had occurred only a few days before, rather than centuries past. At the time, his Travelers were prominent figures for the French and Alexander found himself in human form very often. He was constantly needed as they defended the Abbey walls.

     There were even two wrought iron bombards left on the island from the failed English siege in 1423, tangible testaments proving this fortress had seen it all. Hard times had knocked on its doors more often than not in those early days.

     Alexander tried to draw from the power of the structure as he stood on the Abbey’s outer wall, lost in memory. He chose a spot on the island’s backside where giant floodlights illuminating the stone walls didn’t penetrate. Most everyone was gone by now. With only roughly 40 permanent inhabitants on the island Alexander was left alone with his thoughts, which was exactly why he traveled to the spot.

     He wanted to remember what it felt like to be in complete control; to know without question, or any room for doubt, what was expected of him. Though war was not simple or easy by any means, in a way it had been to him. He’d  never questioned his duty, or how to go about executing his tasks. He was a Guardian, his purpose was to protect and guard at all costs.

     He had always clearly been given revelation, with absolute precision. He was Damarus’ star pupil, never failing to recognize what he needed to do, carrying out what was required with exactness and honor.

     Things did not seem so simple anymore. He now dealt with a foreign emotion, one that tossed him to and fro like the waves beating upon the fortress below. He knew the tension welling deep within him stemmed from his love for Emily. He had welcomed the new feeling when he first met her, and as their love blossomed. But, there was something else growing within.

     Its strength over him, physically and emotionally, was staggering. He didn’t recognize what it was, couldn’t grasp the reason why his human body was affecting his demeanor.

     What happened with Emily the night before was a mistake. The moment when he had failed to exercise restraint was a fairly typical problem he’d witnessed with humans many times. But, he wasn’t just a human man controlled by urges. His very existence was complex, let alone the emotions that went along with taking human form.

     His uncharacteristic proposition to Emily wasn’t the issue that troubled him the most. It all ran deeper than his disrespectful moment with her. It was in his nature to want to obey not only his own moral compass, but to follow the guideline he’d believed in for his entire existence.

     Was rebelliousness growing within him? It would explain things, and the emotion was one he could most closely compare to right now.

     But why would he so suddenly feel rebellious? What was the trigger making him dismiss all he’d been taught?

     Last night he treated Emily like an object he wanted to possess, and while the moment was brief, it was powerful. Alexander always regarded humans as divine beings. There was something about them that filled him with envy. There was an element to every human which commanded respect, a god-like quality each possessed, whether they recognized it or not. Emily stood out to Alexander as the very embodiment of what he treasured most. It was her humility that proved she was unique, virtuous and full of such love.

     She and other humans were, in fact, amazing. They had the ability to feel compassion, to hunger after a greater good, to continually trump obstacles with courage. They had the power of choice and could ultimately choose to either embrace the consequences or fight against an undesirable result. Most of them took for granted what each choice offered.

     The stars above blinked as the clouds swiftly glided past, beckoning Alexander’s attention. He glanced up, hunting the night sky for some miraculous revelation. Where were the answers when he needed them? So much was riding on his actions, on his and Emily’s decisions.

     He couldn’t help but for a moment let the vision given to him by Dante take over his mind. He fought against the images, refusing to believe them. But, the radiating pit of doubt within him pushed back, telling him his Elders had given him no reason to believe the vision was in fact false. If anything, the Governing Five only confirmed his vision with their silent, yet persistent, treatment of Emily. She was merely a pawn to them; they only needed her to satisfy what they perceived as a necessity.

     Could the Ancient Ones really be right? Were the Governing Five the same as The Opposition, and only viewed Emily as something to be used and then discarded when her purpose was fulfilled? He had no answers. In one meeting with his Elders, everything he thought he knew was shaken. They’d kept secrets from him.

     No, they could no longer be trusted. So what could he trust? Were the facts alone enough to warrant his conclusions?

     If Emily were truly just a specimen meant to carry out their plans for creating more Guardians, then what was the point in him choosing her? Was all the talk about fate false?

     He did not doubt he loved Emily. But he was not sure whether he was a puppet, himself. He wondered if it were possible he’d been preordained to be the scapegoat.

     The questions rocked Alexander’s very core, gripping his mind like icy tentacles forcing themselves deeper, penetrating the warmth he’d always felt glowing within. It wasn’t just his mind that felt the coldness; his entire body felt a lack of warmth, a lack of hope.

     The sound of distant thunder caused him to snap his attention to the giant clouds rolling over each other. A stampede of moisture was headed his way and it looked grim.

     Alexander was not worried about the storm brewing across the sea. He was more concerned with the storm gaining momentum in his heart.

Chapter 13

     It had been an entire week since Alexander left and each day that passed weighed heavily on Emily. She worried about him and wondered what kind of torment kept him away. She wanted him back, she wanted to hold him, tell him she forgave him and she herself, was sorry.