Darkest Longings (53 page)

getting himself killed in this war.’

Her spoon clanged against the dish as she slammed it on

the table. ‘I’ve had about all I can take of this!’ she cried.

‘Well, that’s the answer for us, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘That

Francois should the?’

‘Stop it!’ she shouted. ‘Just stop this now or I’m leaving.’

He was silent then, and as he poured himself some wine

she picked up her bowl and carried it to the stove.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I’ve lost my appetite,’ she answered, pouring the

cassoulet back into the pot.

‘I’m sorry.’

She turned to face him, ready to forgive - but had to grit

her teeth as she saw his head was again buried in his hands.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t

have said it. God knows, this business is difficult enough for

you without me making it worse.’ He looked up, and his

handsome face was drawn with guilt. ‘You care about what

happens to him, though, don’t you?’

She was suddenly gripped by an overpowering need to

escape. But it wasn’t Armand she wanted to run from, she

realized, it was herself.

‘So do I,’ Armand sighed, as if she had spoken. ‘There

have been times when I’ve come very close to hating him for

what he did to Hortense, for what he’s done and is still

doing to you - but I can’t forget the man he used to be, the

way he was before.’

A bell of recognition clanged in her head, and she

remembered that Lucien had once said something very

similar about Francois. ‘Before what?’ she prompted, going

to sit back at the table.

He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. All I know is that

something happened to change him. About five years ago.

But I suppose there was always something different about

him, even before that, something that seemed to set him

apart from everyone else. People were frightened of him

even then. Except Lucien, of course. And me. They used to

say he was the devil.’ He laughed, without humour.

‘We certainly made some capital out of that,’ he went on.

‘We were very close, the three of us then. There was nothing

we didn’t know about each other; even when Lucien joined

the army and I married Jacqueline, the bond between us

remained. Then, as I say, about five years ago Francois

suddenly changed. He stopped confiding in us, he became

secretive, withdrawn even, and that mean look of his

became a permanent expression. He started to spend more

and more time in Paris; he didn’t even come to Lorvoire

when Lucien was at home, which I know hurt Lucien a great

deal. At first we thought it was his mistress keeping him

away, but there was never a woman born who could make

Francois do something he didn’t want…’

Armand looked at her, then looked away again. ‘We’ve

drifted a long way apart, the three of us, but there’s nothing

we wouldn’t do for each other, even now. At least, that’s the

way I feel, and I’m sure Lucien does too. That seems an odd

thing to say, doesn’t it, when I’m committing adultery with

Francois’ wife, but I mean it. And besides, there’s been

precious little of that of late, hasn’t there?’

She looked back at him, her lovely blue eyes hard and

uncompromising. She wasn’t going to take the blame for

that. He was the one who had lost his appetite for lovemaking,

and even now, irritated with him as she was, if he

were to take her in his arms with something of his old charm,

she knew she would respond.

‘Warsaw has surrendered,’ he sighed. ‘The Soviets and

the Germans are carving the country up between them. It’s

only a matter of time now before they turn to the West.

And what am I doing to stop them?’ His face was suddenly

contorted with self-disgust. ‘Of the three of us, Lucien is

the only one who’ll be able to hold his head up when this

war is over.’

‘I thought you didn’t believe Francois was a traitor,’ she

said.

‘I didn’t. But Louis told me what was in those boxes.’

There was no recrimination in his voice, but it was there in

his eyes when he looked at her.

‘Louis swore me to secrecy,’ she said.

‘And that’s the reason you didn’t tell me?’

‘Of course. Why else would I hide it from you?’

‘Think about it, Claudine, and I’m sure you’ll come up

with the answer.’

She shook her head. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking

about, Armand, but I’m glad Louis told you. I don’t want

there to be any secrets between us.’

‘Then be honest with me now, Claudine.’

She frowned, ‘I am being honest with you,’ she declared,

but she was baffled by the way she was suddenly unable to

meet his eyes.

‘Louis knows, Claudine. I know, and I wouldn’t be

surprised if Francois knows too.’

‘Knows what? What do you know? What are you talking

about, Armand?’

He smiled, but there was a sadness in him that unnerved

her. ‘Armand, you’re talking in riddles,’ she snapped. ‘What

are you trying to tell me?’

‘It’s not for me to tell you, Claudine. It’s for you to tell me.’

Suddenly she didn’t want this conversation to go any

further, and snatching his bowl from the table, she said, ‘I

haven’t the first idea what you’re talking about, and I don’t

think you have either.’

‘All right!’ he roared, and she jumped as he slammed his

fist on the table. ‘We’ll change the subject. We’ll run away

from the truth. We’ll pretend none of this is happening. If

that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do.’

There was the sound of someone clearing his throat

Claudine spun round, and to her amazement saw Louis

standing at the door.

‘I’m sorry if I’m interrupting,’ he said. ‘I knew I’d find you

both here at this time, and as I didn’t want anyone to

overhear our conversation…’ He looked from Claudine to

Armand and back again. ‘May I come in?’

‘Of course.’ Claudine cast a quick glance at Armand.

‘Nothing’s happened, has it?’ she said, a slight catch in her

voice. ‘Everything … ? Everyone … ?’

Louis held up his hand. ‘Everyone is fine,’ he said.

Armand offered Louis his chair and passed him a glass of

wine. ‘I think I have some of Gustave’s cigars somewhere.’

‘No, thank you,’ Louis said, cupping a hand round his

glass but making no attempt to drink.

For a few moments no one said anything. Then Louis

said to Claudine, ‘I think you’d better sit down too, cherie.’

Claudine felt a jolt of alarm, but she said nothing and

pulled up a chair.

‘I made you a promise,’ Louis began, gazing solemnly

down at his wine, ‘that as soon as I learned anything

concerning Francois, I would tell you. I have just this

morning received a letter from him.’

Armand started to rise. ‘Perhaps it would be better if I

left,’ he said.

‘No,’ Louis answered. ‘Francois mentions you in the

letter, so I think you should read it too.’ He reached into the

pocket of his jacket, pulled out a folded envelope and passed

it to Claudine.

Her hands were unsteady as she opened it, and fear was

turning her blood to ice. She cast another look at Louis,

then started to read,

Mm cher Papa,

I can offer no apology for what I am about to do,

for I believe it to be right. The only regret I have is

for the pain I know it will cause you. I am leaving

France tonight, and have no idea if, or when, I shall

return. I imagine it will come as no surprise to you

to learn that I have allied myself to the Nazi cause.

As you know, I have on many occasions attempted

to persuade key figures in the French High

Command to adopt Hitler’s policies, since I believe

them to be the only way forward for our country. That

I have not been successful in this is a source of deep

regret to me, and will continue to be until France falls

to the Germans, as she eventually must.

You will, I am sure, take the action you must now

feel to be appropriate. I ask only that in disinheriting

me you arrange for Claudine to obtain her freedom.

Together we have given you an heir; she has done

what was required of her and should now be free to go

to the man she loves. Armand, I know, loves her and

Louis, and will undoubtedly prove a better husband

and father than I could ever be.

It grieves me that I am not the son you wanted,

Papa, but I must be true to myself. Francois.

As the letter fell from her fingers, Claudine turned to look

at Louis, and saw her own horror and despair mirrored in

his eyes. They had had their suspicions, both of them, but

she realized now that neither of them had allowed them,

selves to believe they might really be true. And if they had

been able to they would have carried on like that, nurturing the doubt like a withering flower. But now they had read the confession in Francois’ own hand and were forced to face the facts. And Francois himself had told them what they must do. His father was to disown him, and she was to gain

her freedom. While he, her husband, the father of her son, the man…

As she leapt up from her chair Louis caught her, hugged

her to him, and whispered to her to remain calm. But the

panic in her would not be stilled. This couldn’t be

happening! It couldn’t be true! Francois’ name screamed

across the front of her mind: he was gone, he had left them,

he was never coming back! His ideals and beliefs meant

more to him than his own son …

But that wasn’t true. She didn’t believe it. Francois loved

his son, she knew he did. And then she felt a sudden

intensifying of her pain as she wondered if he had taken his

mistress with him. That beautiful, golden woman she had

seen at the opera. The woman he loved. The woman for

whom he was forsaking his family …

She closed her eyes, trying to get a grip on herself. He had

made no mention of Elise so she must stop torturing herself

this way. She must remember that he was giving her her

freedom. He was telling her to go to Armand, to allow

Armand to take his place. It was what she had always wanted

But it wasn’t what she wanted!

She looked at Louis again, and seeing the terrible grief in

her eyes he buried her face in his shoulder.

‘Why did he do it, Louis?’ she breathed. ‘Why?’

‘He gave us his reasons, cherie.’

‘But I don’t believe them. I won’t believe them!’

She felt Armand’s arms going round her, taking her from

Louis. ‘It’s all right, Claudine,’ he whispered. ‘You don’t

have to hide it any longer.’

‘Hide what?’ she cried.

‘Ssh!’ he soothed, stroking her face. But as he looked

down at her, his eyes speaking the words more clearly than

his voice, she started to shrink away. ‘No!’ she cried. ‘It’s not

true! It’s not! Do you hear me?’ But her heart told her that it

was.

‘You’ve always loved him,’ Armand whispered, ‘and now

is me time for you to face the truth. I know it’ll be hard, but

I’ll be here for you. So will Louis, so will Solange. We all

know, Claudine, we’ve always known. And in your heart, so

have you.’

‘No, Armand, no. I love you.’

He shook his head. ‘I’ve tried to make you love me,

Claudine, and for a while I dunk that maybe you did, but I

knew when you returned from Paris that it was only a matter

of time …’

He looked away, and Claudine felt the first stirring of an

unbearable pity. Now she knew the reason for his apathy and

despair. And now, with the shadow of dread removed and his

worst fears realized, at last he had regained his strength. All he

needed now was to hear her admit it - that she loved Francois.

But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. If she did she would fall

apart.

Taking a deep breath, she said, ‘You’re wrong, both of

you. He’s a traitor. He’s a murderer. And as far as I’m

concerned, he’s dead.’

Armand’s eyes met Louis’, but before either of them

could speak she pulled back a chair and sat down. ‘We have

now to decide what we are going to do about this,’ she said

firmly. ‘Please sit down.’

When they were seated, she continued. ‘We must decide

what we’re going to tell Solange. And Monique. And

Lucien.’ She saw Louis flinch as she mentioned Lucien,

and suddenly realized what all this might do to his career.

‘We can’t afford to wait,’ she went on. ‘Louis, I think you

should leave for Paris in the morning. Francois’ contacts in

the Government must be told at once, in case he tries to

return to France. And if we don’t pass this information on, it

makes us traitors ourselves.’

She knew her words must be like acid on Louis’ wounds,

but she was carried along on the tide of her resolve,

determined to make them all face up to the horror of it. ‘I

imagine,’ she continued, ‘that whoever has been watching

us will be removed by the Abwehr, now that Francois’

loyalty to them is no longer in question.’

To her surprise, her speech was greeted with silence.

Then Louis said slowly, ‘What you’re saying makes sense,