Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy (21 page)

I
shake my head immediately. “No. This was my choice. There’s enough blame to
bury me. I have to face him, but thank you for offering.”

This
time, I’m the one kissing him. My hands pull him closer, and I can feel his
heart beating faster, matching mine. A slow caress, our mouths drink in the
possibilities. I never want to leave this moment, but Braden pulls back slowly.
“It’s late. You should probably go home. I know you have a lot to deal with
tomorrow,” he says softly.

My
lips touch the curve of his neck. “I don’t want to leave.”

“You
have to go, eventually.”

“No,
I don’t.” I don’t want to be away from him for even a second.

“Yes,”
he says firmly, “you do. You’re not staying here tonight, Libby.”

Surprised,
I sit back and look at him. “What?”

“You
heard me.”

“Two
weeks ago you were the one trying to get me to let you stay, now you’re telling
me I have to go home?” I’m not sure what to make of that.  

“I
knew you would never let me, Libby. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I thought
you would actually say yes. I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m not saying you have to
leave right now, but I’m not going to let you stay over.”

“But,
I’m not ready to be away from you, and you want me to stay, too,” I argue.

A
burst of desire makes me hopeful, but he tamps it down as soon as it surfaces.
“Yes,” he admits, “but it doesn’t matter. You’re not staying. And don’t try to
change my mind, or I’ll go back to avoiding you. I mean it.”

I
know he can’t stay away from me any more than I can, now, but I can see him
making sure we’re never alone. I cross my arms over my chest and put on some
serious pout. Braden just smiles and pulls me up from the couch with him.

“Let’s
go find you something to eat,” he says.

I’m
starving, but eating this late is probably going to make me sick. And even
though Braden does know how to cook pretty well, I don’t have a lot of
confidence in what he’ll come up with. I’ve already looked through his
cupboards. Having to get up off the couch makes my tired body groan. “I’d
rather do something else.”

Braden
glowers at me as he pulls me into the kitchen. “Libby …” he warns.

“That’s
not what I meant.”

“Really
…?” He doesn’t believe me. He seems determined to make me something to eat as
he starts searching through the fridge. I pull him back and wrap his arms
around my waist.

“I
don’t want to eat, Braden. I want to sleep. I’m exhausted. I haven’t gotten
more than a couple of hours rest at night since you were taken.”

“All
the more reason for you to go home, then,” he says, though he doesn’t seem that
interested in letting go of me.

I
rest my head against his chest and close my eyes. “Come with me.” The muscles
of his chest bunch up automatically, and I add, “Like you did before. Everyone
else is at the training house. You can take the extra bedroom. You know I can’t
sleep without you, Braden.”

“That
was just an effect of being Companions.”

“How
do you know that? What does sleep have to with talents?” I ask. Hmm, I guess it
could be the Naturalism, but I don’t bring that up. “I’m willing to test it out
and see.”

“I
bet,” Braden says, “but the answer is still no. And don’t try to use you being
alone as an excuse, either. I was protecting you before. I can’t do that now.”

I
sigh and lift my head to look at him. “Don’t sell yourself short, Braden.”

Actually,
I was thinking the opposite—that he’s the one who needs my protection now—but I
don’t really want to remind him of the whole “no talent” issue.

“I’m
not coming.”

I
smile and ask, “Can I at least borrow your car, then? It’s the next best thing
to having you with me.”

“I’m
surprised I rank above the car,” he says.

“Is
that a yes?”

He
laughs. “Uh, not even close.”

“Then
will you take me for a drive?” That should be safe enough. Milo is most likely
at the training house. But he may leave for some reason and spot Braden’s car.
I start to reconsider my request.

Braden
pulls me into his arms more tightly. “You’re just using me for my car, aren’t
you?”

The
glint in his eyes is encouraging and my doubts melt away. That wasn’t a no. I’m
going to change his mind yet. I don’t want him out of my sight, because I feel
too good when he’s around, and because I have to keep him safe. My hands slide
up his arms to the back of his neck. He leans down automatically and presses
his cheek against mine.

“We
can drive out to the base of the Sandias. Just let me stay with you a little
longer,” I say, “and then you can take me home, okay?”

“Take
you home? Your car’s here.” Again, not an outright no.

“So?
Lance picks me up for school. I don’t need it,” I say. “I can pick it up
tomorrow. Besides, you need to come by eventually. You left some of your stuff
at my house, like your toothbrush.”

“I
bought a new one.”

“Your
laptop and your clothes.” Minus the blue striped shirt. I’m not giving that one
back.

Braden
gently grabs the hair at the nape of my neck and pulls back so I have to face
him. “You’re trying to trick me into going home with you.”

“I
promise I won’t ask you to stay.”

He
watches my expression carefully. “You promise?”

I
nod and feel his resistance melt away. The fingers tangled in my hair ease
their grip and smooth down to my neck. His lips follow, pressing against my
skin and turning my insides to jelly. “Go get in the car,” he whispers.

Spinning
in his grip slowly, I grab his hands and tow him along behind me. He only lets
go to grab his keys and put me in the car. I don’t notice the supple leather
seats nearly as much as the feel of Braden’s hand slipping back into mine.
Warmth spreads from my fingers to the rest of my body. It reminds me of how he
used to make me feel, the fiery heat that blanketed me in an instant. As
intense as that feeling was, though, I actually kind of like this better. It’s
real. I don’t have to question its source.

My
thumb sweeps back and forth across his hand. The city lights fade away as we
leave Albuquerque. Through the window, I can see the stars topping the Sandia
Mountains. Their light becomes the only illumination besides the twin beams of
the headlights carving their way around the base of the mountains. My body
sinks into the seat a little more, the silky leather and peace of being with
Braden lulling me toward sleep. I don’t let myself succumb quite yet.

I
curl toward Braden and lean my head against his shoulder. The smile on my lips
grows when Braden turns and drops a kiss on the top of my head. Neither of us
speaks as we drive. After the emotional chaos the last two weeks has been for
both of us, this quiet drive doesn’t need any words. It has been torture not
being able to feel Braden’s presence. That is the one part of being Companions
that I miss more than anything. The added power is wonderful, something I think
I’m going to need very desperately, but having a constant knowledge that Braden
is safe and alive is such a precious gift. Being able to sense his emotions and
feel his life force with my talents isn’t quite the same, but it’s better than
nothing.

The
road curves, and the car is once again facing the city lights. I can sense the
slight sadness in Braden as our little trip starts winding toward its end. I
would feel the same if Braden hadn’t been right earlier tonight. Instead, I
hide my thoughts in the darkness of the car and watch the city grow before us.
It’s well after one in the morning when Braden merges back onto the interstate.
Not right away, but soon after, I let my eyes close, slow my breathing, and let
Braden think I’ve fallen asleep.

He
has to shift slightly to put the car into park when he reaches my house. I actually
did fall asleep on the way home, but his movement isn’t enough to truly wake me.
The peace he brings me has nothing to do with being Companions, and I can’t
bring myself to let go of him yet. Braden’s whisper, calling my name softly,
goes unanswered. In my sleepy state, all I can do is snuggle up against him
more tightly. Through my haze, I can feel his momentary indecision, and then he
gets out of the car and walks around to my side. He carries me to the front
door and unlocks it with the key he never gave back after helping me move in,
walking through the dark house to my bedroom.

I
promised I wouldn’t ask him to stay, and I won’t. Inside my house, with me in
his arms, I already know he’ll stay. Whether he thinks he can protect me or
not, he wants to. He has to. And I have to do the same for him. The chance that
I’ll give myself away is pretty strong, so the second my body touches the bed,
I tap my Naturalism and drop myself into a deep, peaceful sleep. The last
thought I have is of how wonderful it feels to have Braden touch me again.

Chapter
17

On the Brink

Alarm clocks have to be
the worst sounding things on the planet. My usual rush to smack it into silence
is stalled by the lingering sleep. A whole night of completely undisturbed
sleep, I’ve never had that before in my life. An odd thought strikes me that I
shouldn’t be feeling so good right now. Braden has stayed in the house with me
before, and even though having him being close by makes me feel infinitely
safer, he has to be touching me for the sleep thing to work. I suddenly become
aware of the extra warmth pressing up against my back and open my eyes.

His
fingers are twisted around mine, his face nestling against my hair. I turn over
in shock and stare at him. Jostling him with my movement wakes him, though I
don’t know how he wasn’t already awake with the blaring alarm right next to his
head. He’s lying on top of the blankets and still wearing his running clothes
from last night. Braden blinks a few times and lets go of me to turn off the
alarm.

“Good
grief, Libby, where did you get that thing? I don’t think I’ve ever hear a more
awful alarm in my life.”

“I’m
not much of a morning person. I need something extra loud and obnoxious to wake
me up,” I say offhandedly. I have more important things on my mind. I pull his
face next to mine and kiss him lightly. “You stayed.” I can’t believe he
stayed.

For
a moment, Braden looks slightly embarrassed, and then as if remembering
something, his expression turns scolding. “You broke your promise.”

“I
what?”

“You
asked me to stay last night,” Braden says.

“I
did not. I was asleep.” I made sure I was asleep before I could let myself ask
him to stay.

Braden
leans in and kisses my forehead. “You talk in your sleep.”

I
shake my head in disbelief. Lance kept watch over me after I got over my
spiritual block and couldn’t stop shaking from the bad reaction. Milo has even stayed
with me at night at few times after I broke my ankle—the memory of those nights
sending a shock of pain through me. I try not to focus on Milo right now,
knowing seeing him later today will be difficult enough.

Neither
of them has ever told me I talk in my sleep before. Although, they are both
incredibly deep sleepers. I’m unsure of how to react to that news. If it were
Milo telling me this, with everything I’ve kept from him at different times,
I’d be panicking. With Braden, though, I can’t think of anything I could say
that would get me in trouble. He knows my secrets. He knows I’m in love with
him. Worry falls away, for the most part.

“What
did I say?” I ask.

“Well,
after I took your shoes off and put your blankets on you I sat down by you for
a few minutes to make sure you weren’t going to wake back up. I wanted to see
if you really would sleep better with me around,” he says.

I
have to interrupt. “Which I did.”

He
ignores my
I told you so
and continues. “After I was sure you were going
to sleep all right, I got up to …” He pauses, and the guilty edge I saw earlier
slips back onto his face. “You looked so peaceful and happy for once, I
couldn’t leave, just like you knew I wouldn’t be able to.”

He
was going to stay in the guest bedroom. I smile when he tries to scowl at me.

“Anyway,
I was about to leave when you called for me. I thought you were awake at first,
but when you kept saying you were sorry again and again I realized you were
still asleep. You wouldn’t stop until I laid down next to you. When you begged
me not to leave, I couldn’t say no.” His expression is serious after talking
about what I said, but his eyes fill with even deeper regret when he pauses.
“Libby, you know I don’t blame you for taking my talents, right?”

I
shrink against him a little as my doubt surfaces. “You were pretty angry last
night,” I say quietly.

“I
was angry, yes, but not at you, just at how things worked out. We were
Companions, I loved you, I wanted to be your Guardian, and I thought all of
that had been taken away. I was angry that my only choices had been killing you
or living without you,” he says softly. “I couldn’t live with either option.”