Damned (21 page)

He rolls me over so his body is over mine, his eyes met mine as he leans down and kisses me softly. It has to be the softest kiss Jax has ever given me. I open my mouth, and a little cry of pleasure comes out. He slides his hand down my left leg and takes hold of my calf, pulling my leg up over his hip, before slowly pressing towards me. Jax has always been rough, thrusting in without warning but now he slowly inches himself in, never breaking the breathtaking kiss.

When he sinks himself deeply, he begins a slow, amazing pace. Soft moans came from my mouth now instead of frenzied ones. His breath is deep and heavy on my face, but he isn’t groaning and growling like he usually does. Instead, his eyes are closed, and his lips are slightly parted, small moans escape them every now and then. A swell of something unusual rises in my stomach, I feel…love. I feel it radiating off him, the way his body moves, the way his hands stroke my skin, his fingers making small circles onto my arms as he slowly thrusts in and out.

His lips graze over mine every few moments, then slide over my cheek to meet my earlobes. The pace never becomes quicker; he never begs me to hurt him or slams into me so hard I couldn’t think. This, no this is beautiful. He is beautiful. I put my hands in his hair, running my fingers through it as the build up of pleasure gets higher and higher. It is a slow process, but I can already feel it will be mind blowing.

He runs his hands down over any parts of my body he can reach, stroking me so gently I have trouble believing it is real. His hips flex, backwards, forwards, in and out. God he feels so good. I kiss his neck when his head comes down to bury in my shoulder. I wonder, for a small moment if he will find his release, knowing he finds it hard to do so without pain. My question is answered when he speaks in my ear, his hot breath teasing every nerve ending inside of me.

“I am going to come, hard.”

That is enough for me, my body explodes beneath him. I whimper as I feel myself tightening around him. When his release comes, he yells out so loudly it shocks me. I have never, ever heard Jax sound
so vocal, usually a moan or groan is all I get. Now, however, they come out like an eruption and it goes on and on, he groans and groans as though his release is never ending. When he slows down, I speak.

“Oh Jax, I don’t think it gets better than that.”

He looks down at me, and his expression is a little confused. I reach up to touch his face.

“Jax, are you ok?”

“I never came like that in my life Jade, never. That was the most pleasurable feeling; I have ever had.”

He sounds like this has shocked him, truly confused him.

“That’s a good thing.” I say gently.

“I have only ever known pain; it was all I could think about but that…holy shit that…”

“I know.”

“I am scared about what it means.”

I blink and shake my head. “What it means?”

“Jade, when I was inside you then, moving with you, feeling you around me…I…fuck.”

He stands up and pulls on his jeans.

“Jax, what are you doing?”

“No, this isn’t happening to me. It’s not. Fucking hell.”

“Jax…” I cry, sitting up. He yanks on his shirt and grasps his keys. “Where are you going?”

“Why do you have to be so god damned fucking incredible? You make this so hard for me. I don’t want this; I NEVER wanted this but you…you change everything. I am not meant to love you Jade. You’re too good for me, why, God Dammit why?”

I gape at him. “I…you…wanted this.”

“It was a mistake, a gigantic fucking mistake. It’s over, do you hear me? I should never have fucked you.”

“I thought…it wasn’t fucking.” I whisper, my eyes filling with tears.

“I’m going out!”

He storms out the door before I can get another word in. Oh hell no. He does not just get to do that. I slide out of bed and clean myself up before pacing the room and waiting for him to return. He doesn’t. I pull out my phone, furious. How dare he treat me like that? Stupid fucked up man.

If you’re going to enjoy you’re night out, so am I.

Like hell you are.

Try and stop me asshole. I am going out. See you tomorrow.

I change and pick up my purse. Prick can just go and shove it. I open the door to leave, only to find three pirates at my door. You have got to be kidding me. He did not send them over to stop me going out. Oh my god, what an ass. I glare at them. It’s Eddy, Mark and Jacko. I think. It’s so hard to remember all their names. Jacko, I think, gives me a sympathetic smile.

“Sorry poppet, Captains orders.”

I let of a string of curses and their eyes widen. “What the hell does he think he is playing at? Where the hell is he?”

“Not sure.”

“FIND OUT!” I demand.

Jacko nods and pulls out his phone. “Err Cap, where abouts are you? We have a problem.”

I hear Jax’s voice on the other line but don’t know what he is saying. Jacko nod’s a few times then hangs up.

“He is at a pub down town. Said he won’t be home until early morning.”

“Oh fucking hell no,” I snarl. “Which pub?”

They eye each other. “We have strict instructions not to allow you out of the building.”

“Then follow me but so help me god if you do not take me to him, I will scream this god damned building down.”

Jacko actually swallows. “Aye lass, come along then.”

I follow them out of the hotel and about three blocks down the road they stop at a small, cozy pub and nod. Well, here goes. I am raging now and cannot believe Jax actually sent his crew members to babysit me. Ass. I step in the quiet pub and spot Jax instantly. It is hard to miss him, considering he has his tongue down a blonde bimbo’s throat. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I want to drop onto the floor and die, but instead, anger swells higher inside me.

I walk over very slowly, almost too slowly and stop next to him. When he finally stops tongue bashing the whore, he see’s me and jumps. Oh wasn’t expecting me huh? I send my fist flying out, and it hit’s him fair in the mouth. He fall’s back on his chair and roars a curse. When he stands, blood trickles from his split lip. I have nothing to say, all my words were in that punch. I turn on my heel and walk out, not storm, just walk.

I turn a corner two blocks down when a hand grasps me and yanks me around. I face my bloody pirate. He is glaring at me, oh no, he does not get to be angry. Hell no he does not. I am forcing my tears down into a dark place inside me. I refuse to let him see anymore hurt from me. He has done enough damage. I want no more to do with him, and his screwed up mind. Yeah right, as if I really believe that.

“What the fucking hell was that?”

“You tell me.” I say coolly.

“I told you not to come out.”

My anger hit’s boiling point and I shove him. “AND I TOLD YOU THAT YOU DON’T FUCKING OWN ME. WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT, UPSET THAT I SCREWED UP TONIGHTS FUCK? HOW DARE YOU! IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, FINE, BUT DON’T YOU DARE STOP ME FROM HAVING A DAMNED LIFE. I AM NOT GOING BACK ON THAT SHIP WITH YOU, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A PIG. LEAVE.ME.ALONE.”

I have screamed it so loudly onlookers stop and gape. Yeah well, they don’t know how long it’s taken me to get to this point. Jax stares wide eye’d at me. He blinks a few times, then leans down and scoops me over his shoulder. What the hell. I pound my fists into his back over and over, screaming and cursing at him.

“PUT ME DOWN.”

“No.”

He carry’s me the last two blocks to the hotel and all the way up to the room. When we are inside, he throws me onto the bed. I leap up and pound my fists into his chest. How dare he. Who does he think he is? He grips my arms and stops my flailing. I crumble then; all the anger is gone. My legs give out beneath me, and he slides down to the floor with me as I go, until we are both on the ground. He holds me in his arms tightly.

“Why do you do this to me Jax? Why.” I sob.

He doesn’t say anything.

“I came back, I accepted your terms. I never asked you for anything, but you keep acting like a jealous lover. You refuse to be with me, yet you refuse to let anybody else touch me. Please, just let me go. End this for the last time.”

“No.” He says simply.

“Let me go.”

“I said no.”

“I want to go home.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“NO, you don’t.”

“Then let me go to America.”

“Over my dead fucking body.”

I shove him away and shuffle to my feet. “You don’t get
to make choices for me Jax Watt
s. I am not yours. Do you hear me? I don’t want to go back on the ship with you and you can’t make me.”

I storm into the bathroom and slam the door very loudly. Ok, that was extremely childish, but I am angry and irrational. I lock the door, so there. I wait a few minutes, listening against the door. He doesn’t try and get me to come out. Well that plan went down well. I have a brief shower and then come out of the bathroom. Jax is sitting on his bed, shirtless and in only a pair of boxer shorts. God damn, what sight.

I ignore him as I walk past and yank my sheets back. He watches me the entire time, so I make a point of dropping my robe right before I get in. I hear the hiss of his breath. In your face pirate. I roll so my back is facing his bed and stare out at the kitchen. I am not going over this with him. Not again. It is clearly a waste of time. I hear him shuffle about; then I feel my bed shift.

“Get out of my bed.” I snap.

“No.”

I feel him lay down beside me. I grab my pillow and go to get out, but he grips my hand and yanks me back down. He rolls and throws his arm over me, oh no way. I try and shove him, but he refuses to budge. Then, with all the strength in my small body, I shove him so hard he slides off the bed and lands with a thump. I can’t help the string of giggles that slide from my throat. I peer over the side, and he is laying on his back glaring up at me.

“That was just mean.” He grumbles.

“I told you to get out of my bed.”

I roll back and lay down. I am tryin
g so hard not to giggle. He sit
s up and looks over at me, those green eyes bore into me with such intensity I turn away.

“Here’s the thing…” He says quietly. “I don’t like anybody else touching you.”

“Well funny that, because I don’t like it either but it didn’t bloody stop you from doing it tonight.”

He clenches his jaw. “Yeah I know. I was mad. I didn’t want to believe…that…”

“That what Jax? That you might actually care?”

“Yes.”

I blink. “You care?”

He sighs heavily. “Yeah, I fucking care. It doesn’t change how things are Jade. I am no bloody good for you.”

I frown. “That’s your opinion.”

“I am right.”

“So what then? You refuse to let me go and make another life, you refuse to have any sort of relationship with me, you refuse to let anybody else touch me, and you expect me to stay? Jesus Jax, make up your god damned mind. I am not going to play games. If you don’t want this, FINE, but I am going to move on, I am going to be with others, and I WILL not be your fuck buddy.”

He clenches his eyes shut. “I don’t want that.”

“Don’t want what?”

He glares at me. “You know what.”

“No I don’t, you’re going to have to say it.”

His eyes are wild. “I don’t want anybody else touching you, I don’t want you to leave, and I don’t want to be your fuck buddy again. I want…”

“WHAT?”

“I want you.”

“Now was that so hard.” I say, a little softer now.

“I need time to get my head around all this. I don’t do relationships. I don’t do love. How do you suppose we work this out, when I can’t give you what you want.”

“You are all I want.” I whisper.

He closes his eyes. “And it doesn’t matter that I don’t love you?”

“Do you really not love me?”

He gives me a deadly look. “I don’t love anybody. I never have, I never will.”

“But you care about me?”

“A lot.”

“Enough to…try?”

“Enough to try.” He says, not taking his eyes from mine.

“Then that’s enough.”

“I don’t believe it is enough for you.”

I sigh. “What is it you want Jax? Tell me and I will tell you if I can handle it.”

“I don’t want to share. I don’t want you to leave. I want to kiss you, fuck you and be around you.”

“So you want me to be your girlfriend?”

He stiffens. “I don’t do girlfriends.”

“Then what exactly will I be?” I growl.

“Just mine.”

“And if I am not to sleep around…then neither are you?”

“I won’t touch another woman, no.”

“And we won’t sleep in the same room?”

“No. I don’t do that.”

“And you will keep me on the ship?”