Damned (11 page)

“Jax, I want to come with you.”

“Fuck,” He hisses, “Fuck.”

“You can’t?”

“I…can’t…I can’t…”

It’s bothering him; I can see it, his body is tense, and he is panting. He is trying too hard; he wants to let it go, but he can’t. God, what happened to him to make him so afraid of letting himself go to someone? I let him move inside me until I feel my release nearing a dangerous edge, then, I bite him hard. He roars and shoots into me, at the same time I clamp around him and our sounds of pleasure mould together. When our breathing slows, he lets me down, and I slip out of the shower.

“Are you ok?” He asks.

“Sure.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“I don’t understand Jax, why can’t you find release when it is close like that?”

“It’s too close Jade; I was far too close to you then and it can’t happen again.”

“What are you so damned afraid of?”

His eyes narrow and he looks hurt. “I am afraid of the horrid pain that comes with heart break. I am afraid of losing somebody I love, to a rogue pirate. I am afraid of being left fucking behind…”

I stroke his face. “Why would anybody leave you behind? Can’t you see you are worth loving?”

“I am nothing. Get that through your head.”

I stare at him, my face showing my hurt. He turns away and walks out. Why in the world did he think he was not worthy of love? Everybody was worthy of love. Jax could be a beautiful, sweet man. I loved him. I knew though, that right now was not the time to push this issue. When I walk out, Jax is in his bed flipping through his phone. I take the hint.

“I should go.”

He looks up and meets my eyes. “Yeah, no worries.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you are an incredible man and well worth somebody’s heart.”

He swallows, and I can see such a range of emotions across his face. He stands. “I’ll walk you out.”

I nod, and he walks me out past the crew who wish me goodnight with confused looks. When we get to the front door he leans forward and kisses my head, lingering for a long, painful moment.

“Night kid.”

“Night Jax.”

I turn and disappear into the darkness before he can see the tears pouring down my cheeks.

CHAPTER 5

My parents return early the next day, neither bother to even check if I am home. They really do believe I would never run off. Maybe one day I will be sure to get caught and show them I am not the perfect angel. Well, I think they already know that, something about my so called rotten attitude. I don’t believe I have an attitude problem, I am simply sick of living this life. Maybe they needed to learn the difference.

I make my way down to the ground floor; I notice my parents and James all sitting and chatting quietly. What in the hell is he doing here? I walk in, meeting each of their eyes. James stares at me but something in his gaze tells me that he has not said anything about Jax and I. That means something else is going on; I knew it. I sigh and then dare to ask.

“What is going on? Tell me now, before I attempt to enjoy my day.”

“Sit down.” My father demands.

I sit, with a loud and exaggerated humph. My father glares at me, but I throw him a sweet, innocent smile.

“After your little tantrum last week, we have decided to take matters into our own hands. As of next week, you will be a married woman.”

“What?” I gasp. I did not see that coming.

“The wedding has been arranged for next Tuesday. You and James will be married, then begin trying for children. There is no argument Jade; it is quite straightforward. Without us, you have nothing. What are you going to do out in the big world without money and experience? You don’t want to lose your trust fund. You know it, I know it, and your mother knows it.

“And I.” James chips in.

“Shut it!”

My father slams his hand on the table, hard. I jump and know, if I do not shut up; I really would lose everything. I hate the life I have, but I am also smart enough to know he is right. Without their wealth, I have nothing. I would have to work and make a living, and I would not be able to do it in this country. I knew to do that; I would need support and a damn brilliant plan. I didn’t have any of that.

“I am sick and tired of your poor attitude, you are pushing my limit’s Jade. If you do not do this, I will cast you out of this kingdom and this country.”

I swallow. “Yes father.”

“The wedding details will be given to you in due time. Until then, I advise you stay out of trouble and out of my way!” He roars, standing and leaving the table. My mother shakes her head at me and leaves after my father.

“Well done Jade!” James snaps with a disgusted tone as he stands and leaves too.

Well, didn’t I just stir the pot?

I hide for the next two days, ignoring all calls and text messages from Jax. I can’t face him and explain what is happening. I don’t want this, and yet, I am trapped. I have no way out, no way to free myself. After the third day, I finally answer Jax’s text messages. He had text me earlier and threatened me; I had not been keeping up with my end of the deal. Every second day, I had promised to make love to him, provided he slept with no other. My phone buzzes once more, his message boils my blood.

Last chance, come now, or I find another.

God, what if I can’t Jax? I said I wouldn’t always be able to cater to you?

Then, I will find another. Rules are rules Jade, we made the deal together.

Didn’t think you were so low, I thought you actually liked me but you don’t do you? You just want sex.

Bullshit, I miss it all, and you haven’t come back. Make the choice or I will fuck somebody else tonight.

I snap my phone closed, angrily. I dress, then storm out of the house and out the gate. When I enter the pub, Jax is in his unit. I find him glancing at his phone. Did he think I would not come? I think he is actually worried he would have to go through with his threat. He spins when I enter, and I glare at him.

“Well, here I am.”

He steps forward, god damn those beautiful eyes.

“Why did you come?”

“You threatened me, you know I don’t want to share pirate.”

“So you’re here, but you don’t want to be?”

“No, I really don’t.”

“So, what’s the point? Do you really think I will fuck you when you are like this?”

“Well why in the hell call me over?” I snap.

“I thought you wanted this, I didn’t know why you hadn’t called.” He yells.

“You know what, screw you. Didn’t stop and think that maybe I had shit going on? That maybe, just maybe it wasn’t all about sex for me? You’re so selfish. You know what, go and fuck somebody else. You’re going to have to anyway; I am getting married next week, which you would know if you cared about anyone else but yourself.” I am screaming now; tears finally fall. I have been holding them in.

He steps forward and actually takes me into his arms, which shocks me. I am not stupid enough to push him away. I need him. Want him. Love him. He is warm, solid and the comfort I need.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I haven’t exactly been in the mood to tell anyone, anything. I got threatened with in an inch of my life, and I have no choice, I have to marry somebody I despise.”

“Oh mate.”

“You know that means? I can’t come back here.”

He pulls me back. “What?”

“I can’t Jax, I will be living with James which means he will have a lot more control. I can’t sneak out like I do now.”

“CHANGE IT THEN! SAY NO!”

“I CAN’T.” I snap at his outburst. He lets me go and steps back, then as if realizing how he is reacting he cools down and his face hardens.

“Whatever, it is your life.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“We are only fuck buddies Jade, I don’t actually care if you are not here.”

Ouch. I stare at him, devastated. I turn on my heel and storm from the room. I bump into Jack on my way out; he smiles, then see’s my face and frowns.

“Oh sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

I tell him everything, ignoring Jax when he comes out after me.

“Oh love, why don’t you stay a while, talk with us.”

I stare over at the pirates and force a weak smile. It has to be better than going back home. “Ok.”

I join them, still totally ignoring Jax who thankfully is busy with the bar, Jack and Rusty feed me drink after drink until I am very, very merry.

“Oh, do you sing the pirate song?” I laugh, thinking of the song I used to sing from one of the Disney movies as a child.

“The pirate song?” Rusty asks.

“You know, the yo ho one?”

“No, teach us lass.”

And so, I teach them. After an hour, they have it down pat and together we all sing, laughing and drinking.

“Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me. We pillage plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me earties, yo ho. We kidnap we ravage and don’t give a hoot. Drink up me earties yo ho!”

Even Jax; in all his moodiness is laughing at us. The night goes on, until I am rather under the weather. When the bar dies down, Jax joins us and
sit
s
beside me.

“I see you have been teaching my men that nasty song.”

“It’s not naaaasty.”

“It’s very nasty.”

“They love it, don’t ya boys. YO HO!”

They all laugh and start singing again, Jax groans. “You need to lie down darlin, your head is going to explode.”

I slide down until I am lying on his lap; he seems shocked for a moment but finally puts his hands on my head and begins stroking my hair. I grin up at him, and he smiles back, there we go, even the old pirate could be tamed.

“You’re not so bad Watt
s.” I mumble, closing my eyes. After a few moments, I am drifting into oblivion.

“Looks like your little mates out Cap.” Rusty says, obviously assuming I am asleep. I decide not to correct him; I want to hear what he has to say.

“She’s asleep?”

“Yep.”

“I should wake her, send her home.”

“Leave her a while.”

“You lot like her, don’t you?” Jax asks, his voice sounds strained.

“Mate, she’s a beauty that girl. Not often we men enjoy a woman’s company the way we enjoy hers. She’s a treasure.”

Jax sighs, his warm breath trails down over my ear. “She is a good one.”

“What is going on with you and her Cap, you are treading on dangerous grounds.”

“It’s just a fling.”

Ouch.

“You have had many flings, none of them could ever lie on your lap and cuddle up to you the way she does. You’re falling for her, aren’t you?”

“No,” Jax snaps. “I just enjoy her company she is different. We have an agreement; she knows I don’t do love.”

“And you believe she doesn’t love you, even though she knows you will refuse her?”

“She doesn’t love me, we just hang out and…whatever else.”

“Good god Cap are you blind? She is head over heels for you.”

“No Rust, she is not.”

“Yeah mate, she is.”

“Why would you think that?”

“It radiates off her, she adores you Cap. Be very god damn careful, she is not a normal girl. If you go there, you go there good because if she involves herself with you, you would wanna run fast and quick because if her family find out…”

“It’s a fling Rust. Nothing more.”

“Does she know that?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re just going to end and it leave, with nothing?”

“Yep.”

“God Cap, wake up to yourself and admit you care about her.”

“I do as a friend.”

“Bullshit!” Rusty snaps. “I have seen you with many girls, including your wife, and none you treated how you treat her.”

“I don’t love her Rusty.”

Rusty sighs and I think I hear him stand. “I hope you know what you are doing because I can tell you now Cap, you let a girl like that go, and you will NEVER find another one again. Be sure you know what you want, you only get one chance.”

It is silent then; I lay for ten minutes or so, then stir and blink up at Jax. He is staring into the darkness.

“I should go.” I mumble, sitting.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for err, tonight.”

“Yep, have a good one.”

I stare at him, but he won’t even meet my eyes. I trudge off and out the door, devastated and sick of games. I am nearly to the fence when my body is slammed to the ground. I can’t see a damn but I can feel the hand that covers my mouth. I know by the size alone, that it is a man.

“Let me go.” I scream, biting down on his finger. He rears his hand back and slaps me so hard my lip split’s.

“Shut it or I will stab you.” He hisses, pressing a knife to my throat. I freeze.