Damaged and the Bulldog (7 page)

Lark’s feet were swollen, so I helped her walk to the
back porch and put them up. The dogs ran around the yard, enjoying the slightly
warmer weather. After bringing Lark a glass of diet soda, I joined her on the
loveseat.

“Did you have problems with your pregnancy?” Lark
asked.

“I don’t remember.”

“Do you plan to have children in the future?”

“I don’t know,” I said then added, “I never thought
I’d like a guy until I got to know Dylan.”

Lark smiled. “He’s a tricky fucker. I used to dread
seeing him since he was his dad’s attack dog. Once he blew off Larry, he’s
really become a sweetie. He’s even nice to Raven and those two are like water
and vinegar.”

Sharing her smile, I decided to pump her for
information. “Did Dylan date a lot?”

“I guess. He went on dates, but I never met anyone. I
never heard him talk about a girl. Since I met him, he’s never had a girlfriend
until you.”

My smile widened. “We’ve gone on a few dates away from
the house and spent a lot of time together on the back porch. Now, I want to
spend the night with him, but I’m really scared. I’ve never, you know, been
with a guy in a real way. I want to with Dylan though.”

“What are you most scared of?”

“Being touched. I’m afraid when he touches me that
it’ll feel like when…”

I didn’t finish, but Lark understood. “You two have
kissed. Did that make you feel bad?”

“At first, yes.”

“Then go slow. Basically, do the opposite of me and
Raven. We slutted out the first chance we got with our guys.”

I smiled. “Well, Aaron and Vaughn are hot.”

“So is Dylan. You know, for a step brother.”

“I have fantasies,” I said, embarrassed to admit as
much, but something about Lark made sharing easy. “I never really see me in the
fantasies though. If I put me in them, I want to puke.”

“You need to take it slow and lead up to the good
stuff. Kissing leads to cuddling leads to under the shirt action leads to…well
you get the picture.”

“Ooh, what am I walking into?” Aaron said, peeking out
from the house.

Lark’s face lit up. “My sexy cobra is home along with
the hot guy attached to him.”

Aaron faked offense at her comment as he settled in
next to her on the couch. While his lips caressed hers, his hands were doing
the same with her baby bump. I looked away, giving them privacy. The way they
were so casually intimate with each other made me hunger to see Dylan. I wanted
his arms around me, his lips on mine, his hot breath on my skin, my name
whispered in his hungry voice.

Desire scared me as much as sex, but I craved
everything about Dylan. I wanted to share with him what Lark had with Aaron.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, but today was slow at the
shop. Everyone wants Jade to do their tats. I know she’s talented, but I sensed
they just want the hot chick,” Aaron said then added quietly, “I’m hot too.”

Lark cuddled next to him. “If I wasn’t on bed rest,
I’d fuck that pout right off your face.”

“Don’t worry, babe. I’m keeping track of every time
you say that, so you can make it up to me after the babies are born.”

Smiling, Lark glanced at me. “We’re planning to ditch
the babies with other people a lot, so we can have alone time. You should
prepare for that.”

I grinned. “I can’t wait to see your babies.”

“Me either. I hope they have curls like Aaron.”

Aaron sighed. “Please, let the boy have straight hair.
Trust me that the Shirley Temple look doesn’t work on boys.”

Lark rubbed his head. “Hey, Winnie and Dylan are
together. Isn’t that great?”

Aaron smiled at me. “Have you seen his bulldog tat?”
When I shook my head, he nodded. “He got it before the shooting. I doubt he’s
been walking around shirtless much since then.”

“It’s a beauty,” Lark said, smiling at her husband.
“Aaron is so talented that the dog looks real. Pouty too. Kinda like Dylan in a
bad mood.”

Even curious about the tattoo, I focused on my job.
“Do you want me to make you lunch?” I asked, standing up. “Lark was planning to
have a sandwich.”

“Oh, and steamed veggies,” Lark added, faking
excitement. “Soft carrots, Aaron. Can you imagine?”

“I won’t have to. I’ll have what she’s having,” he
told me then knelt on the ground to kiss the baby bump. “This is Leo. This is
Phoebe. I can tell by how they kick.”

Lark looked at me and rolled her bright green eyes. I
still smiled at how excited Aaron was about his babies.

As I made them lunch, I remembered when Dylan asked
about kids. We were cuddling on the back porch when he brought up the subject.
Dylan hoped for at least two because he didn’t like growing up an only child.

“I don’t know if I’d be a good mother,” I told him.

“Of course you will.”

“I have moods where I’m not good for anything.”

“We all do. That’s why we have each other.” When I
stared at him, Dylan finally understood. “Do you not want children?” he asked.

Staring into his dark hypnotic eyes, I let myself
dream of a future where Dylan and I were together. If I learned to be close to
him, I could learn to be close to a child.

Our child would be so loved too. Mom was already
knitting blankets for grandchildren she might never have. Dad figured Beckett
would get his wife preggers five seconds after walking out of prison, so he’d
bought himself a “Best Grandpa” coffee cup.

“Yes, I want them,” I told Dylan. “With you, I want
everything.”

I was thinking about Dylan’s smile when I brought
lunch out to Lark and Aaron. They’d changed positions, so he was sitting at the
end of the little couch with her head resting on a pillow on his lap.

“I was feeling lightheaded,” she explained, reaching
for the food. “Ooh, broccoli.”

Aaron smiled at his wife’s enthusiasm, but I could see
the worry in his blue eyes. Lark’s blood pressure wasn’t behaving and I sensed
she wouldn’t make it anywhere near her due date. Unlike Farah who was having an
easy pregnancy, Lark seemed miserable most days. Yet she smiled through it all.

Nick annoyed me when we first met. He was too friendly
with Lark and I was too obsessed with my sister. Once I pulled my head out of
my ass, I viewed the world differently. For one thing, I realized Nick wasn’t
so different than me.

We both lacked friends in Ellsberg, both seeming incapable
of bonding with people for very long. We both had daddy issues. I also sensed
anger in Nick that he held at bay. Most days, I struggled to do the same with
my rage.

Having a late lunch at a small Italian place, Nick
checked out the menu.

“I used to eat whatever I wanted when I was fighting
and training all the time. Can’t do that anymore. I still work out in Kirk’s
home gym and I stop by the Reapers’ gym a few times a week. Otherwise, I’m a
lazy fuck. Bailey keeps reminding me how fucking burns a lot of calories too.”

Grinning, I asked, “Do you miss fighting?”

“No. Not even a little bit. Once I was done getting
punched in the face a few nights a week, I was just done.”

“You were really good. What did you do with all
the…inspiration you used to kick asses?”

Nick shrugged. “Bailey keeps me centered. I was mostly
fighting for the money. Now I work for you.”

As I thought about the Thunderdome, Nick glanced up
from the menu.

“You ever consider fighting? You handled yourself well
when my dad and his shithead friends showed up.”

“Yeah, I thought about it. Not for the money though.”

“To see if you’d win? A lot of guys want to know if
they could handle themselves, but I guess you already know.”

“I worry if I fight I might like it too much.”

Nick wanted me to explain, but the waitress arrived
and took our order. Once we were alone, he focused on me.

“There is something liberating about beating the shit
out of an asshole,” Nick said.

“No doubt. I did like fighting your dad and his
friends.”

Nick studied me and I shrugged. “Sometimes, I have a
ball of rage in me. I worry if I really let it loose I wouldn’t be able to reel
it back in.”

Nick ran his hand through his dark hair and considered
his words. “Look, I’m not trying to sell fighting to you. It’s an ugly and
dirty business. You don’t need the money and have nothing to prove. I will say
the rage you feel is something you control every day. If you couldn’t control
that anger, you’d have lost it by now. I should know. I spent most of my life
hating everyone around me. Hell, I even hated myself. I used the hate to win a
fight then I’d pulled it back inside. With Bailey, the hate doesn’t bother me.”

Nick drank half of his glass of water then continued,
“Mostly because she’s helped me stop seeing me the way my asshole dad did. I
see me the way she does and I’m calmer. I sense your problem isn’t about
self-worth though.”

I shook my head. “Living a soft life left me feeling
edgy. I can’t really explain it, but I crave the hard edges,” I said then
sighed. “I’m sure I sound like a pampered ass to you.”

“Yeah, but I deal with that shit with Cooper and
Tucker all the time.”

Smirking, I leaned back. “Do you plan to join the
club?”

“No,” he said immediately. “They’re my family, but I’m
not stepping into their life. Not like that. If I have to die or kill to
protect my family, I will, but I can’t agree to join a life in the one percent.
I like riding a Harley, but that doesn’t make me biker material.”

“True. So things are good with Bailey?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t they be?”

Smiling, I didn’t answer.

When I said nothing, Nick grunted. “Yeah, Bailey has a
mouth. I happen to find her bitching and moaning entertaining.”

“Well you’d have to, wouldn’t you?”

Nick grinned. “She’s sweet too. People don’t see that
because of how obnoxious she can be, but the showing off crap is her defense
mechanism. When we’re alone, she’s rarely obnoxious. Mostly, she wants to know
I’m happy. How the hell can a guy not love that?”

Messing with my straw, I nodded. “I should know people
aren’t usually what they show to the world. My father seems like a nice guy,
but he’s a real fuckwit.”

“Glad you stopped following his lead. The world has
too many fuckwits.”

“Lark gets full credit for that. I’d still be trying
to make him value me if it wasn’t for her. I probably wouldn’t have met Winnie
either.”

“Better watch yourself with Winnie. Well, not her, but
Cooper. He’s looking to recruit guys he can trust into the club. Hooking up
with Tad’s daughter puts you on Cooper’s radar. Hell, taking on the Devils when
you were essentially unarmed put you on his radar. Now, the pinging must be
deafening for him.”

“I doubt it. He’s never mentioned anything and I see
him nearly every day.”

“Cooper paces himself. The club is transitioning over
into his hands. He’s in no hurry to show his cards, but he’ll probably make a
move with you before next year. Bailey talks a lot about family stuff and she
says the guys from Memphis are pushing for Cooper to be fully in charge by
sometime next year.”

Our food arrived and Nick smiled at his big bowl of
spaghetti.

“I’m not telling you what your answer should be, but
you said you crave the rough edges. Cooper and those guys live a life that
doesn’t interest me. I don’t mind knowing what’s happening, but I can’t do what
they need done. Whether you can or not is up to you, but I thought I’d give you
a heads up.”

As Nick ate his lunch, I picked at mine. I felt uneasy
about Cooper approaching me. Not so much about joining his lifestyle, but that
I wouldn’t live up the standards they required. A privileged upbringing left me
wanting more. Yet like Nick said, riding a Harley didn’t make me club material.

Harlow wanted to buy a Harley with the money she won
from fighting. Mom said no way and wished she would save the money for school
or the future. Dad said spending so much money on a Harley when he had two in
the garage made no sense. His solution was to have her drive the red one,
hoping this satisfied her urge.

Harlow always drove nice and careful when we were on
residential roads. Yet get her on a main strip and she drove as wildly as
Bailey. All I could do was hold on and pray we didn’t die.

Fortunately, we arrived at the bowling alley without
injury. I climbed off then steadied myself while Harlow fixed her hair.

“Speeding is fun,” she said, giving me a wink. “Learn
to live a little, Winnie.”

Irritated at her for treating me like a dork when she
was scared of a lot of stuff too, I said, “I might let Dylan see my boobs this
weekend. I think that means I’m a bigger badass than you.”

Harlow frowned. “You should make him wait until you’re
married to see your boobs. Why give it away for free?”

Sharing her frown, I glanced down at my chest then
back at her. “What if I never get over my weird sex thing? He shouldn’t marry
someone defective.”

“There’s more to marriage than sex. Besides, you’re
not defective for thinking sex is gross.”

“True, but I want to look at Dylan’s boobs, so showing
him mine is probably the fairest way to make that happen.”

Blank-faced, Harlow stared at me. Turning away, she
shook her head. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Bailey Johansson
had been a bad influence on you.”

Grinning, I followed her into the bowling alley where
the bad influence sat on Nick’s lap.

“Hey, bitches, check my hickeys. My man marked me
good.”

Harlow said nothing and kept on walking. I stopped
though and checked out the hickeys on her neck. Nick just smirked while Bailey
smiled like she’s won a prize.

“I have one too,” I said, showing off a new one near
my ear.

“Slut,” Bailey cried. “I love it.”

“Who’s a slut?” Tawny asked, entering with a bored
Judd.

“Winnie’s joined our slut club. Raven is still the
ambassador though.”

Hearing her name as she entered, Raven played it safe
and flipped us off. Tawny grinned while sizing up Raven and Vaughn’s matching
bowling shirts.

Raven and Vaughn turned around to show off the back of
the shirts which read “Big V” and “Better V.”

“You two are such dorks that I am embarrassed to be
friends with you,” Bailey said, settling back on Nick’s lap. “Hey, should we
get dork shirts too, now that we’re in love and everything?”

Nick gave her a great smile. “Our love transcends
stupid shirts.”

“Watch it, Dragon,” Vaughn said, walking towards the
lanes. “I’ve kicked asses for dumber reasons than mocking my shirts.”

Bailey flipped off Vaughn, but he was already focused
on his designer bowling ball.

“I’m psyched to learn Dylan is a sexed crazed maniac,”
Bailey announced. “Months ago, I stated Dylan was a horny toad. Nailed it
again.”

I gave her a weird look and she laughed then pointed
behind me where Dylan stood. He wore loose jeans hanging a little low on his
hips and a blue tee clinging a little too tight along his chest. Even with
Dylan feeling on the spot, his dark eyes shined when he saw me.

“Having Raven as a sister taught me to ignore annoying
women,” he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “How are you, Winnie?
Glad to see you survived the ride over.”

Lifting my lips to his, I kissed him quickly. I really
didn’t like having an audience. Especially if it included Bailey who was always
keeping score.

“Are you going to bowl tonight?” Dylan asked me as a
way to change the subject from him being a horny toad.

“I’ll try. I used to bowl with Mom and Dad, but I
haven’t done so in months.”

Dylan gave me his look that said he understood why
everything stopped last summer.

“Let’s see your moves,” Dylan said, taking my hand and
walking towards the lanes.

As we approached, Farah smiled at us from where she
had her feet up on a chair. Nearby, Cooper and Tucker bowled with Sawyer. The
men dwarfed their little sister as they taught her to roll with one hand rather
than both. She did it their way for a few minutes, but the ball kept rolling
into the gutter. Finally, she took the ball by both hands and walked to a lane
with the bumpers up.

After her ball bounced off each side a few times, it
knocked down six pins. Sawyer screamed in triumphant. Shrugging, Cooper walked
towards Farah.

“I taught her that.”

“Of course, you did,” Farah said, grinning. “Your
wisdom rubs off on everyone.”

“I agree,” Tucker said, strutting towards Maddy. “As
long as wisdom is code for bullshit.”

Farah laughed behind her hand while Cooper chased
after his brother who ran out one of the side doors. Dylan watched the brothers
then looked down at me.

“I used to be bummed that I never had a brother. Now I
think I dodged a bullet.”

Even smiling, I thought about the bullet tearing into
his chest as he tried to save me and Harlow. I placed my hand where I knew the
scar hid under his tee. Dylan’s gaze found mine and we shared a moment separate
from the noise around us.

“Sweet Winona,” he whispered, kissing my cheek.

“Sexy Dylan,” I whispered back and wrapped my arms
around his waist.

Vaughn appeared next to us. “Less snuggles, more
bowling.”

Frowning at his interruption, I sensed his behavior
was related to the frown Harlow wore. I followed Vaughn to where Raven rolled a
strike. She high fived him then handed me a ball.

I focused on the way Mom taught me to bowl. Taking a
deep breath, I rolled the ball and waited for it to land in the gutter.
Instead, I took out nine pins.

“Nice,” Vaughn said. “Think you can take out the last
one?”

Glancing back at Dylan, I found him grinning like I
was amazing. I focused on the remaining pin then took the ball Raven handed me.
After a false start, I regained my composure and rolled.

“Hot damn,” Vaughn said when the ball clipped the
final pin and knocked it down.

Smiling, I high-fived Dylan. He pulled me into a hug
and kissed my neck, setting my skin on fire. For just a moment, I felt like a
normal person out with her friends and boyfriend. None of the baggage from my
past weighed me down. While the feeling didn’t last long, I still enjoyed a
real taste of freedom.

Once Dylan rolled a strike, Vaughn was officially in
love with us.

“Finally someone who can bowl,” he said, downing a
beer. “Unlike Judd and Tawny who suck so very much.”

As Judd strolled over to roll a ball into the gutter,
I excused myself to use the restroom. I hoped Harlow would come along and tell
me why she was so grumpy. She didn’t though and I walked out to find Farah
waiting for me.

We walked to the small pizza shop and sat at a table
overseeing the lanes.

Farah gave me a little smile. “I was talking to Lark
about your problem.”

“What problem?”

“You’re uncomfortable with sex. I had the same problem
with Cooper when we started dating.”

Glancing around, I leaned closer. “How did you fix
it?”

“Honestly, I didn’t. At first, I got the hang of
feeling bad and good at the same time. Eventually, I only felt good. The more I
was with Cooper, the less I thought about the past. I only saw him and he makes
me happy, but it didn’t happen right away. I would cry and get tense. I would
pull away even when I wanted to be close.”

“And having sex enough fixed that?”

Farah leaned back into the chair and rubbed her belly.
“Not really the sex as much as being close to Cooper. I kept expecting him to
hurt me or use me and walk away. I wanted to believe in him, but I also wanted
to protect myself.”

Leaning forward again, she lowered her voice. “One
time, before we were together, we just made out with our shirts off. It was
scary to be so exposed, but I also felt good. I liked Cooper and wanted to be
close to someone. When he held me and didn’t make fun of me for being scared, I
started trusting him. It didn’t magically fix things, but it was a start. Over
time, I would have fun during sex even if it took me longer to actually
orgasm.”

I glanced at Dylan and bit my lip. “I really want to
be close to him. I’m just worried I’ll freak out and he’ll ditch me.”

“I don’t think Dylan’s that kind of guy. He cares
about you and has for a while. I saw him stealing glances at you months ago.
His feelings are real. If you do freak out, he’ll understand. He wants all of
you and he wants to keep you. You need to trust in that.”

I looked at where Dylan was getting bowling pointers
from Vaughn. He wore a serious expression, clearly hoping to improve enough to
give the V-team a run for their money.

“I’m going to practice.”

“Just remember what you’re feeling isn’t wrong. With
time, you’ll get control of the bad feelings, but don’t blame yourself for
having issues.”

“Have you tried therapy?” I asked.

Farah shook her head. “I’m going to try though. I’m
really nervous about having the baby and Tawny says therapy helps her.”

“It takes some getting used to,” I admitted. “I guess
we’re both going to practice until we get the hang of new things.”

Smiling, Farah scooted off the chair. “I better get
back before Cooper thinks someone’s messed with his woman. He goes pretty
caveman lately,” she said then added, “I love when he does. I know I shouldn’t,
but I need him to make me feel pretty.”

“You are pretty.”

“This,” she said, rubbing her belly, “doesn’t always
make me feel so sexy. Cooper loved the baby bump though.”

I instinctively placed my hand on my stomach and
wondered about the future. Was it possible that with enough practice I could
enjoy sex? Could I be a wife and mother one day with as much ease as I was a
sister and daughter now? If practice was the secret, touching Dylan was going
to be the most pleasurable experiment ever.